Here is my story:

I opened my own architectural cabinet about five years ago. Everything has been stellar so far and I'm loving it. I'm fully aware that I shouldn't be talking about this here but I will . I hired this guy last year,back in January of 06 ,and he's very talented at what he does and has been one of the greatest employee that I currently have. Things only started changing in July. His productivity suddenly dropped, he's been showing up late almost everyday. My nosy ass called him in my office one morning, and asked him if there was anything that I could do to help him. If I knew what he was about to tell me, I could've prepared myself better for the shock! He has a 9 year-old son that has been giving him s-e-r-i-o-u-s trouble!What kind of trouble may you ask?: This child can literally make his parents do whatever he feels like. And don't think that this man and his wife are bad parents. Not at all. It's just that his kid has been a nightmare(and trust me I love children). The family would go to the mall and he would scream,cuss and say every single bad thing(I fucking hate you, son of a bitch,etc) until he would get whatever he wanted.The family would receive guests and the child would say: my mom is a bitch, my dad is an idiot etc.Not to mention how many times he would fake to be beaten while they had people in. At school he's been telling the teacher: I wish you were dead,go fuck yourself..you get the picture.And from what he tells me, they have tried everything! Parenting classes, psychologists...everything! I know that this is probably one case in a million but God, I cannot imagine what is is like to live.My employee went from young full of life stud to tired depressed parent. I have given him off-work payed fridays until things get a little better.I've allowed him to come in a little later and eased his work schedule as I hope it'll help or do something. I have myself a two year old son that is the cutest child in the world and I cannot imagine what I would do if something like this happened to me. I just felt like venting and maybe some words of wisdom that I could pass on to him would be appreciated.

P.S Sorry for the long post!

 

Hes an idiot for not beating his kids ass from a very young age when these problems started appearing. Thats the problem with America now. Beating your own kid when/if they are outta line should never be questioned unless it lives them serious injured or scarred.

 

I agree with you that a little tap sometimes should be applied but I cannot tell him how to raise his own kids

 

Doesn't sound like there is a lot that you can do. You should probably tell him to shape up.

 

I'm not a fan of hitting a kid. My parents didn't really ever strike me or my siser and we respect them.

It's really hard to bring it up now.

 

As an employer first, how long will you put up with his sub par performance?

 

Situations like these are very hard I can only look at it with sympathy and hope that it will improve for him...

 

Suggest Military school...for a long, long time...

 

I really don't know and it's started to affect me in a negative way

 

Give the kid ritalin. A zombie is better than an asshole. I'm not joking.

 

+1 on the ritalin. maybe have some tests run on the kid and seek psychological help. kids these days are fearless, and I'm glad my parents beat me because it instilled fear in me. with fear comes a degree of respect and now that I'm older I can understand their actions. On a small margin you'll encounter a set of cool parents that provided a great household and the kids are very respectful.

as far as your employee. you can't ever mix your emotions with business. either you give him an ultimatum and say this is how it is and you must reach this level or you're gone, you keep him and lower his pay given his shorter hours, or you just let him go immediately and say he's welcome to come back once his priorities are straight.

business is business, don't let a 9 yr old kid ruin what you've built up.

 

a spanking sets them straight... i am not talking anything abusive, just a spanking... the kid will cry for a couple minutes but they will learn...

personally it kept my brother and I in line...

i am not a huge fan of things like Ritalin because i feel it is over-prescribed especially in situations where you just have poor parenting. If a kid really needs it that is fine, but narrow out the parenting first...

 

Some kids are born with cancer and they die at a real young age and nothing can really be done. It sucks, but it's just how it goes sometime.

Same thing with some kids just being born emotionally/mentally fucked up. They should send him to a full time facility where they can give him constant professional care and see if they can fix him or if he improves.

Sometimes a spade is just a spade and you can't blame bad parenting or anything like that.

 

Get Super Nanny to tame him. As funny and off the wall that may seem, it can work. I've watched a few episodes in the past and I'm not quite sure if it's 100% effective, but seeing the dramatic changes from the child shows how good she is with children.

You should ask him if there's a lack of authority on his part in raising his kid? Sometimes parents who are pushovers will eventually have their kids running their lives. I think if he was the type who wasn't really into disciplining his kid, then maybe he should start putting his foot down and do it. Kids need discipline. And it definitely works when you are able to maintain that.

I'm for one am not into spanking kids (I never had to, kids love me =)), but if it takes one act in doing so, why not. If he allows his kid to run wild, he's going to have even bigger problems when he gets older. Better to get them while they're young.


Good luck and good luck to your friend.

 

So the kid has behavioral issues, and somehow, the logical assumption is to assume that the kid is screwed up? Spank him, hit him and he'll suddenly become a model child? I doubt it.

Something is going on with this kid to cause it. It may be biochemical, or it may be enviornmental.

It could be that he has ADD or ADHD, or that his diet has unusual quantities of stimulants in it. These are all biochemical, and can be teased out with a skilled professional or five.... not an easy process, one that involves second opinions, but a road worth going down. Some kids, I note, are prorfoundly susceptable to sugars in their diet. Could be as simple as that. I understand the parents have tried the therapy route, but they need to move beyound the nice clincal social worker and contact some known specialized silled child behavioral experts.

Or, it may be environmental. Is the the subject of bullying at shcool, is someone molesting him? Happens, even in happy middle america..... is he the subject, in some way, of ridicule at school or some other organized setting? More difficult to sort out, but again, a road worth going down. The "sudden onset" of his anger fits suggests something environmental for this kid. Kids don't change overnight just for the heckof it.

By now, the communications lines between this angry young boy and his parents is probably shot, and they need some help in even talking to this kid.

I would suggest that hitting a kid teaches them how to hit, and frequently, they will, when their physicality allows, return the favor.

 

^^^Good points. I remember growing up, my mom was a bit of a pushover and I could get away with things under her watch that I would NEVER dream of trying to get away with with my dad. I never acted nearly as bad as the kid in this situation, but it just seems these parents are pushovers.

Another thing, where does a 9 yr old learn every single cuss word in the book? This seems like a case of poor/absentee parenting in my opinion.

 

This is the key. The instant either parent gives in to a temper tantrum, there will be no end to it. The kid has now learned that he can get what he wants with that behavior. Kids are constantly pushing their limits. This one pushed and won. He's now in charge. The parents have to take back the upper hand.

They have to start letting him scream and/or cry himself out. He has to learn that that behavior will NOT get him what he wants. It's going to take more time to unlearn than it did to learn, but with lots of persistence on the part of the parents, the kid will eventually get it. They have to stop thinking that they're somehow depriving their child of something. If he throws a fit, he can't have what he wants. Period.

There is a saying: You can be a child's parent, or you can be their friend...but you can't always be both.

 

I'm young, married and have a four year old daughter who is the love of my life. If she were to act out like this I think she would need goof swift kick in the ass lol. My daughter has been known to have her moments (obviously not this severe) like all children do at one point or another. My wife and I have handled it on our own, however I do have one modest suggestion. I would have this father take the child to their pediatrician for an extensive evaluation and ask them for a referral to a behavior specialist. This is not a psychiatrist so theres nothing to worry about there and they can offer great helpful insight on how to address this. It's best they get this taken care of ASAP because it's only going to get worse and more out of control as the years go on. I'm not saying they are bad parents, but seriously who is older and who has the control? I used to be the same way, my daughter would through a tantrum in a store and it would get to a point where I would just give in so she would stop. Now yes, she is only four and that's just sometimes how children act at that age but If I kept that up as she got older she would know how to play the game. I know you have your business to watch out for but it's great your taking the initiative in trying to help this family out on a personal level. I would suggest you talking to his parents and having them look into an Adolescent Behavior specialist (again, not a therapist or a psychiatrist). I hope this is helpful and keep us posted on how this turns out!

 

Thanks for the ideas guys...I wrote most of them down and I'll try to tell him tomorrow.The situation seems to be improving a bit from what he tells me.

 

I witnessed the definition of ironic in a store one day. A mom had her kid by the arm and was swatting him on the ass. She emphasized every whack with a word. " We . Don't . Hit . People . " All she taught him that day was that it's OK for big people to hit little people.

We don't teach animals with pain. Why is it acceptable for parents to teach children with it?

All too often we want to blame the parents when we witness behavioural or emotional problems in children. Well, guess what. The parents ARE to blame. Who else is responsible for teaching the children? The school?? Please.
The child who is just wired wrong is the exception. Then yes, by all means, teaching a child like that is going to require some additional resources. But those resources aren't there to just teach the child, they teach the parents as well. The psychologist or psychiatrist isn't going to fix the kid on their own.

Do you think these skills, how to be an effective parent, just come naturally as soon as we pop out a kid? Another new flash . . you have to learn them. Which a lot of times means un-learning the things that your parents did to you.
Like thinking that using pain and fear are effective tools. Rant over.

 

^+1 Very Well Said. Although we're very parents, I'm only 24 and my wife 22. We know who is responsible for raising our four year old daughter. It's up to use, sure she will learn a lot through school but in the end it's up to us to set the rules and will make her into the woman she becomes. I can't stand when I see older parents or even more so younger parents who totally don't have control of their children and if my daughter acts up in public many people are quick to turn their heads to see how we handle the situation. It's ridiculous when you hear a parent say there child is "out of control" My first thought is always that it's the parents that let them get that way, so instead of complaining they should be doing something to get control of the situation.

 

I disagree.

This guy has been one of your better employees for quite some time, he has earned some consideration. Also do you really want to add to his stress level?

Cut him some slack and I'd bet you wind up with a better, more loyal employee in the long run.

As for the kid, I think professional help is needed.

 

TAZER HIM BRO!

 

Ritalin or Military School get my vote.

 

That's some major case of a lack of respect.

Today's society never stops to amaze me. Kids these days have no respect whatsoever. Our world is full of spoiled little brats who want everything and will never give back, like their parents owe them everything.

I find it especially upsetting, and the fact that a lot of parents don't do anything to fix the situation is even worse.

Now I'm not saying that it's the parents' fault in this particular situation, as I don't know them and can't judge them. Some kids just seem to be evil for no apparent reason...

They should try sending the kid somewhere he'll have the chance to realize what he's got.

It's about time the kid appreciates what he has and respects those who bring him everything he truly needs in life.

 

if the child says you beat him... then beat him!!!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI

russel peters knows wussup.

 

Beating > Drugs

For some reason I feel they are the type of parents that give their kids the famous but ineffective "Time Out"...

It works maybe 2 or 3 times but later the kids get smart and start being logical...

Example: "I'll break this vase, my mom is just going to give me 5 minutes time out anyways"
I'll do this and that... my dad is going to give me 10 minutes time out and later i'll keep doing it... what are they going to do, give me another time out? Send me to my room where i can watch the porn Billy gave me yesterday after school."

I would beat my kid on the spot... I rather fix the problem right then and there then let it escalate to that extreme... If someone complains to the police about him beating his kid... Primary excuse I would use is, When he turns 18 and is in your home jacking your stuff pointing a knife or gun at you screaming these things at you, i bet then you would have wished you minded your own business... either way to prove in court, i'm sure he has records that he's tried every other thing with his kid and it won't work...

About your employee... you can give him some advice and tell him that his personal life should not be effecting his work... and he shouldn't be bringing his work home either...

Maybe you can invite him out to lunch and you two can speak about it on a personal friend level and you can give him the the hint that His belt wasn't just meant to hold up his pants around his waist... just be careful and choose your words though...

 

+1 on the military school...

 

i was about to look for that clip... white ppl please beat ur children!!!

 

Kids are not born spoiled, disrespectful or bratty. Their parents make them that way. For the first four or so years of their lives, they have no role models except their parents. No one else to imitate. Until/unless the parents realize that what THEY do is the problem, this situation will not improve.

 

my dad spanked me a few times when i was like 2 or 3... swear to god, i never acted up in front of him again... then my p's got divorced and I split into 2 different people... a nice young boy for my dad and a little shit for my mom.... because she let me get away with it. If the parents have let the kid get away with everything up till then, theres probably not much you can do to change this behavior short of something drastic like millitary school or something like that... however he sounds a little old for someone to be able to reshape his behavior that easily. I think what you'be done for the guy so far is really generous and fair but don't forget to protect your ass as well... you still have to run a business and if he can't perform the tasks hes supposed to you need to do something about that.

 

No, you can't generalize like that. Most of the time, sure, parents are enabling a bratty kid. However, it's not always the case....some kids are just born bad...prone to violent outbursts and anti-social behavior.

 

There's the voice of reason. I love how people just say hit him or medicate him.

 

^------- This is what my parents called "specialized silled child behavioral expert...



hmmm... but ric does have some very great points... changed my view on the situation...

 

Man that kid is Satan. Your employee should lock the kid in a cage in his basement and use soundproof walls. Since he's an architect, this should be an easy task for him.

 

Complete isolation. Tell him to lock the kid in a room where there is absolutely nothing for him to do.

bad behavior = punished.

good behavior = rewarded.


its really that simple and yet we make it so complex.

 

Geez, with a kid like that you would think the guy would want to stay at work as much as possible.

Sorry he has problems, but from your perspective, he really should be concentrating on work when he's at work on your dime. And there is no excuse for consistently showing up late.