How do you get a shy girl to talk?
08-22-2007, 01:47 PM
#82
Originally Posted by danny25
I'm very picky as well, probably disproportionately so, but that's why I'm willing to work a little harder when I find someone I like.
Exactly. What you are doing seems perfectly normal to me. So you're going out this weekend, right? Planning anything after that in the near future?
08-22-2007, 02:07 PM
#83
Earth-bound misfit
Originally Posted by Scottman111
Yeah, I think we were meaning the same things, just saying it differently 
And I hear a lot of stuff about how it's bad to be picky (usually from girls that I won't date that aren't used to be rejected), but the way I see it, I just know exactly what I want.
I think that's a good thing, for me at least. I've thought about making a thread in D&R on that topic to see what everybody else thinks about it, but I never got around to it.
But yeah, it does suck that she lives so far away. I'm trying to get her to move here in the near future, and I know she really wants to, but it's just so hard because of how far away it is from home and her family.
And I hear a lot of stuff about how it's bad to be picky (usually from girls that I won't date that aren't used to be rejected), but the way I see it, I just know exactly what I want.
I think that's a good thing, for me at least. I've thought about making a thread in D&R on that topic to see what everybody else thinks about it, but I never got around to it.But yeah, it does suck that she lives so far away. I'm trying to get her to move here in the near future, and I know she really wants to, but it's just so hard because of how far away it is from home and her family.
Good luck with the lady.
08-22-2007, 02:08 PM
#84
Earth-bound misfit
Originally Posted by danny25
I'm very picky as well, probably disproportionately so, but that's why I'm willing to work a little harder when I find someone I like.
And sorry for the semi-derailment of the topic.
08-22-2007, 02:10 PM
#85
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Scottman111
Exactly. What you are doing seems perfectly normal to me. So you're going out this weekend, right? Planning anything after that in the near future?
08-22-2007, 02:11 PM
#86
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by wndrlst
Exxxactly!!
And sorry for the semi-derailment of the topic.
And sorry for the semi-derailment of the topic.
08-22-2007, 02:53 PM
#87
Originally Posted by wndrlst
I really can't see how knowing what you want could be a bad thing.
Good luck with the lady.
Good luck with the lady.
Thank ya ma'am. She's a great girl...far different from any girl I've ever met
08-22-2007, 02:53 PM
#88
Originally Posted by danny25
no big deal. I got the advice I needed and got past it. Now on to the next topic... How to keep someone's interest?
Just tell her you have a huge co.........nevermind.
08-22-2007, 06:16 PM
#91
Originally Posted by wndrlst
You're young...you've got time. 
Unlike our 80 year old amisconception.
Unlike our 80 year old amisconception. When I think about being blind sided I think about the times that I've fallen for a girl only to have my heart ripped apart by my own misunderstandings of the nature of women and my role in this world.
Really, when you describe women and their nature, you tend to also describe men and theirs.
When I think about what women want, I think about men and their historical roles. I think about feminism and the cancer that that has been. I think about traditional gender roles and how that's evolved dramatically. I think about my own feelings when I feel as if my soul or essence isn't good enough in relation to a woman's out-right requests. I think about how most every guy that I know feels as if he's forced into pandering to an artificial level of supplication.
I'm guarded. Every one should be. I know how I've felt when I thought the girl I met was "the one" - which is also an artificial construct - only to have my heart walked on. Women, just like men, are human beings. With faults, problems, desires, etc. It just so happens that I'm a guy and women are fundamentally different.
We (men) have been socialized BY women to be servants to women. Buy them this, do that for them, etc. That's a new phenomenon! Extortion is the norm.
Maybe I sound bitter, but I think it's reality. The sad part is, I think most women agree with me. But, as a social bloc, tend to act like sheep.
The barn door's already open. So, now, we have men and women utterly confused as to what their roles are in the dating game.
Becoming blind-sided is simply a matter of not recognizing that women can destroy a man if he becomes vulnerable to her... If he becomes emotionally attached. Hence why marriage is frowned upon by most men today.
The social ramifications are huge in our Western world. We're seeing birth-rates decline - whole demographic shifts - particularly due to our demasculinization.
I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that the answer does not lie in a woman. Men weren't put on this planet to be "completed" by women. Women are enhancers to our lives. Hinging our emotional strings on a woman's complacency or rage is not something I recommend unless fully aware that you will potentially be destroyed. Newsflash: men have feelings.
I don't want to come across as a woman-hater. I'm not. But I don't pretend to believe that women are incapable of being vengeful, mean, rude, fickle, shallow, disloyal, etc. I don't believe women are born with halos.
A book, written by Esther Vilar called The Manipulated Man, goes into detail about these feelings of betrayel and manipulation.
It is simple to analyse this vicious circle: women invent rules, manipulate men to obey them and so dominate the male sex. Of course, these rules in no way apply to women themselves. The male sense of honour, for example, is a system invented by women who loudly exempt themselves from it. They renounce the concept of honour and, as a result, manipulate men.
In a recent television series, "The Avengers", there was a scene in which two antagonists were facing each other across a billiard table, a pistol in front of each of them. It was agreed that to give them each an equal chance, they should count aloud up to three and then shoot. The hero, however, grabbed his pistol and fired at the count of two, thus saving his own life. He chose to remain outside the system and was therefore in a position to manipulate the other who, although in mortal danger, preferred to stick to a system approved by society rather than to use his own judgement.
This strikes to the core of my beliefs and the reasoning for feeling a bit uneasy about the way I feel, when I feel, the way I do about any particular woman.
Other than good looks, and the associations men place on women when they put them on pedestals, finding a woman that sees a man's soul and finds that connection a powerful attractor - because he's not just flesh, an entertainer, and an ATM account - is the challenge.
If a girl blind sided me, I would be more skeptical about myself than her. I would question why I feel the way I do and determine whether or not I'm feeling that particular way because she is a genuine person or because I'm fooling myself.
08-22-2007, 07:57 PM
#92
Earth-bound misfit
I don't disagree with anything you say as it may pertain to any particular woman, but I do believe you're painting with a very broad brush. I'm sad that you have cause to be so cynical. It is not news to me that men have feelings or that they can be crushed. We're all just humans trying to figure out this life and find our way. Some of us are lucky enough to have a steadfast companion as we go along. Some of us are not. I wish I could say I don't know any women who meet your descriptions, but I absolutely do.
There are 2 sides to every coin, however, if I may be cliche. Do you truly think there are no men who seek to suppress and control women? Do you think no woman has had her heart broken? How many women go to bed with a man they're really into and never hear from him again? That doesn't mean there aren't some genuine articles out there.
I think, largely, women are better manipulators than men. Perhaps we've developed it as a defense against having less physical strength. That doesn't mean there aren't men out there who are champion manipulators. It also doesn't mean that every woman is going to use that "strength," just like every man isn't going to use his fists to control a woman.
We're all individuals with individual strengths and weakness, and individual goals. I can tell you personally that I'd rather have a strong sense of connection and understanding, plentiful good times & laughs, and a passionate sex life than carte blanche with anyone's ATM card.
I also would hate to be placed on any kind of pedestal. I don't even believe in perfection, why would I expect anyone to believe I encompass it. If a man tries to do so, don't blame the woman.
That doesn't mean 2 people can't respect each other and enjoy the hell out of each other.
As to your statement about seeing a man as flesh, an entertainer, and an ATM account, I'll refer you to my discussion w/ Scottman111 about being blindsided...
Doesn't sound like looking for a ringside seat at a circus and a stack of gold coins, does it?
There are 2 sides to every coin, however, if I may be cliche. Do you truly think there are no men who seek to suppress and control women? Do you think no woman has had her heart broken? How many women go to bed with a man they're really into and never hear from him again? That doesn't mean there aren't some genuine articles out there.
I think, largely, women are better manipulators than men. Perhaps we've developed it as a defense against having less physical strength. That doesn't mean there aren't men out there who are champion manipulators. It also doesn't mean that every woman is going to use that "strength," just like every man isn't going to use his fists to control a woman.
We're all individuals with individual strengths and weakness, and individual goals. I can tell you personally that I'd rather have a strong sense of connection and understanding, plentiful good times & laughs, and a passionate sex life than carte blanche with anyone's ATM card.
I also would hate to be placed on any kind of pedestal. I don't even believe in perfection, why would I expect anyone to believe I encompass it. If a man tries to do so, don't blame the woman.
That doesn't mean 2 people can't respect each other and enjoy the hell out of each other.
As to your statement about seeing a man as flesh, an entertainer, and an ATM account, I'll refer you to my discussion w/ Scottman111 about being blindsided...
I mean more really being taken by surprise by a person's entire self...
08-23-2007, 09:33 AM
#93
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
you guys are deep.
It's all a gamble. Starting a new relationship is risky... for both involved. You can never know if you found "the one" until you open yourself up to that possibility. And as soon as you do, you can get your heart ripped out. But if you're lucky enough to make a sustainable connection with someone all the past heartache will disappear and you won't regret a thing.
You also have to decide if you want to play the game society has set up. Will you really be happy if you're being manipulated in the relationship? Is that worth it? To some it is. To others it might be worth it down the road. As wndrlst said, however, not all women are like that, but how long do you search? Everyone is going to have to compromise somewhere, it's just finding that level of compromise that you're comfortable with.
It's all a gamble. Starting a new relationship is risky... for both involved. You can never know if you found "the one" until you open yourself up to that possibility. And as soon as you do, you can get your heart ripped out. But if you're lucky enough to make a sustainable connection with someone all the past heartache will disappear and you won't regret a thing.
You also have to decide if you want to play the game society has set up. Will you really be happy if you're being manipulated in the relationship? Is that worth it? To some it is. To others it might be worth it down the road. As wndrlst said, however, not all women are like that, but how long do you search? Everyone is going to have to compromise somewhere, it's just finding that level of compromise that you're comfortable with.
moving, very moving
08-23-2007, 02:41 PM
#95
Money is funny.
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lol...to the op...tease and make fun of them, but nothing TOO offensive. I usually start oby complimenting something on them ie "I like your purse" and then when I know they heard me, I'll say something like "how many squirrels did it take to make it?" if they smile, then you're good. if not then they're moody bitches and you move on (may just be a bad day for them).
When you compliment and then tease them though, be sure it's not someting they cannot change (ie, they can always get a new purse or earrings or shirt, but don't tease their teeth, thighs, hair, etc...anything to do with their body....) Always works for me!!! Just don't forget to balance that line of cocky/funny...
When you compliment and then tease them though, be sure it's not someting they cannot change (ie, they can always get a new purse or earrings or shirt, but don't tease their teeth, thighs, hair, etc...anything to do with their body....) Always works for me!!! Just don't forget to balance that line of cocky/funny...
08-23-2007, 04:43 PM
#96
Earth-bound misfit
Originally Posted by danny25
you guys are deep.
It's all a gamble. Starting a new relationship is risky... for both involved. You can never know if you found "the one" until you open yourself up to that possibility. And as soon as you do, you can get your heart ripped out. But if you're lucky enough to make a sustainable connection with someone all the past heartache will disappear and you won't regret a thing.
You also have to decide if you want to play the game society has set up. Will you really be happy if you're being manipulated in the relationship? Is that worth it? To some it is. To others it might be worth it down the road. As wndrlst said, however, not all women are like that, but how long do you search? Everyone is going to have to compromise somewhere, it's just finding that level of compromise that you're comfortable with.
It's all a gamble. Starting a new relationship is risky... for both involved. You can never know if you found "the one" until you open yourself up to that possibility. And as soon as you do, you can get your heart ripped out. But if you're lucky enough to make a sustainable connection with someone all the past heartache will disappear and you won't regret a thing.
You also have to decide if you want to play the game society has set up. Will you really be happy if you're being manipulated in the relationship? Is that worth it? To some it is. To others it might be worth it down the road. As wndrlst said, however, not all women are like that, but how long do you search? Everyone is going to have to compromise somewhere, it's just finding that level of compromise that you're comfortable with.
08-28-2007, 09:16 AM
#97
Earth-bound misfit
Soooo? Updates from the weekend?
08-28-2007, 01:28 PM
#98
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
saw her Thurs, Fri and Sat. Each time better than the last.
We both got a good buzz on Sat. and got pretty comfortable together.
Wasting more time at work texting than on AZ now.
We both got a good buzz on Sat. and got pretty comfortable together.
Wasting more time at work texting than on AZ now.
08-28-2007, 01:28 PM
#99
Make a hole, coming thru!
My tip to the OP ... don't appear too interested ... girls can smell interest, and agenda, and goals ... and potential for obsessive/possessiveness, on a guy like a shark smells a drop of blood in the water a mile away. I've found it's far less intimidating to the shy and the meek to simply be your charming self, gracious and disinterested (not uninterested, but disinterested), open to hearing her speak when she's so inclined.
In the Intel realm, we had a joke: "Admiral, I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you." Likewise, you can show her interest, and be receptive to her mutual interest, but you can't make her interested in you. (The "bring a horse to water" analogylacks in sensitivity what it makes up for in relevance.) If she's not interested, and doesn't make a move when you create opportunities, move on. Sometimes ... you don't get mutual interest until you turn your back and start walking away. Has happened that way to me many times.
P.S. There's a holiday coming up ... ask her what she has planned ... invite her to some group plans you have made (and if you haven't made the, hurry the #*@( up and make some). Group events are less intimidating ... particularly if people she knows will be there.
______________________________
Oh, good show. Now go slow and easy. Too much of a good thing is neither.
In the Intel realm, we had a joke: "Admiral, I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you." Likewise, you can show her interest, and be receptive to her mutual interest, but you can't make her interested in you. (The "bring a horse to water" analogylacks in sensitivity what it makes up for in relevance.) If she's not interested, and doesn't make a move when you create opportunities, move on. Sometimes ... you don't get mutual interest until you turn your back and start walking away. Has happened that way to me many times.
P.S. There's a holiday coming up ... ask her what she has planned ... invite her to some group plans you have made (and if you haven't made the, hurry the #*@( up and make some). Group events are less intimidating ... particularly if people she knows will be there.
______________________________
Oh, good show. Now go slow and easy. Too much of a good thing is neither.
Last edited by davidspalding; 08-28-2007 at 01:30 PM. Reason: edited as OP posted as I posted
08-28-2007, 01:35 PM
#100
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by davidspalding
Group events are less intimidating ... particularly if people she knows will be there.
08-28-2007, 02:47 PM
#101
Earth-bound misfit
Originally Posted by danny25
saw her Thurs, Fri and Sat. Each time better than the last.
We both got a good buzz on Sat. and got pretty comfortable together.
Wasting more time at work texting than on AZ now.
We both got a good buzz on Sat. and got pretty comfortable together.
Wasting more time at work texting than on AZ now.
Way to go, champ! 
08-28-2007, 03:51 PM
#102
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by davidspalding
Oh, good show. Now go slow and easy. Too much of a good thing is neither.
thanks. I probably won't see her again for a week.
08-29-2007, 12:15 PM
#104
Pimpin' Ain't Easy!
when you see her next time. wave, say hello, then take your pants off. not boxers... just your pants... she'll be forced to talk to you and then you can break the ice that way.... lol
or else use this line:
You: "Hey Baby, how much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl: "No idea..."
You: "Enough to break the ice. What's REALLY goin on?...."
.... on second thought ..... no, don't do that.
or else use this line:
You: "Hey Baby, how much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl: "No idea..."
You: "Enough to break the ice. What's REALLY goin on?...."
.... on second thought ..... no, don't do that.
08-29-2007, 02:01 PM
#106
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by fant0m_TL
You: "Hey Baby, how much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl: "No idea..."
You: "Enough to break the ice. What's REALLY goin on?...."
.... on second thought ..... no, don't do that.
I like that one.
08-29-2007, 06:50 PM
#107
I love Chanel
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If a girl isn't interested in you, you can kinda get the hint by the way they react to you. Some girls are way too nice to be blunt, but sometimes if their blunt side comes out, even the nice girl will tell you to lay off a bit! You can't force chemistry, so if it's not there then I think you should move on instead of wasting your time. Believe me, if you sense that you guys are hitting it off, then it's obvious that both people are mutually attracted to eachother. If it's one-sided then you need to step back and feel her out and see if she is viewing you as a potential bf or just a friend. If that's the case, then it's really hard to get out of that "friend zone".
Assuming she is a shy person......just hand your penis on a platter! That'll open her up! No pun intended! hahaha jk If she's a shy person then just try to tell jokes, it can easily break the ice. I know it works for me and I can be shy at times.
But overall, love isn't a game....so there shouldn't be any reason to do certain things. Just be yourself and just let things flow naturally.
Assuming she is a shy person......just hand your penis on a platter! That'll open her up! No pun intended! hahaha jk If she's a shy person then just try to tell jokes, it can easily break the ice. I know it works for me and I can be shy at times.
But overall, love isn't a game....so there shouldn't be any reason to do certain things. Just be yourself and just let things flow naturally.
09-12-2007, 09:39 AM
#108
Originally Posted by danny25
saw her Thurs, Fri and Sat. Each time better than the last.
We both got a good buzz on Sat. and got pretty comfortable together.
Wasting more time at work texting than on AZ now.
We both got a good buzz on Sat. and got pretty comfortable together.
Wasting more time at work texting than on AZ now.
Just looking through some threads I haven't been able to check up on.
Sounds like things were going on the right track...Any updates?
09-27-2007, 05:24 PM
#110
Team Owner
Originally Posted by danny25
things are going quite nicely... she's not shy anymore
09-28-2007, 07:52 AM
#114
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Pull_T
Why would you want to get a broad to talk *more*?
09-28-2007, 07:53 AM
#115
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by jlukja
You can't pop in here with just a little statement like that. Give us more. .....
09-28-2007, 04:01 PM
#117
Earth-bound misfit
Originally Posted by danny25
what do you want to hear? she's officially my girlfriend, so everything worked out pretty well so far.
!
