Just got out of a 4+ year relationship and I am kind of having a hard time dealing with it. Anyone have any good suggestions on dealing with this? I seem alright when I am around my friends and family during the weekend but when the weekdays roll around and I am by my self it sucks. Have been hitting the bottle a lot more than usual as of late too. Any suggestions that you guys may have is much appreciated.

Thanks

 

i'm in the same boat as you. my 4 year relationship is on its last foot.

i don't think there's much you can do since so much of your life revolved around this person for the last 4 years. Its just going to take time for you to move on...its just something i think you have to learn to accept. other than that, it might help to hang out with other girls you know and even try to meet some new girls, but don't worry about dating them or rushing into anything. goodl uck.

 

Meh... I say you can do 1 of a couple of things. Go clubbin, bar hoppin, etc. and jus go through a bunch of hood rats (be careful not to catch anything) and before you know it you wont be able to remember any of your ex's OR the person you hit up the night before. LoL. Or... keep yourself busy (less time your mind would have to think about that shyt). Get a bunch of hobbies, friends, etc. Just dont stop doing shyt.

And if it ended on a bad note and you think she's a bitch, theres no better way to let it off then to fuck the shyt out of the next female you get with, and/or lift weights like crazy. Hope some of this helps.. OR.. YOU can ALWAYS play like your getting back with her so you can still hit it but not be commited, its a lot easier for the transition plus who turns good sex down? LOL

 

When I went down that road, it was really rough. After that long in a relationship, you identify yourself with that person, so you end up having to find yourself again. And it's also natural to really glamorize the good parts of the relationship and ignore the bad. Just remember -- 'relationship nostalgia' is poison. Avoid it at all costs.

Only a few things helped to "get over her":

1. Time
2. Surrounding yourself with other people
3. Meeting someone new

And constantly remembering a line from a comedian (can't remember who):
'You know, I never understood why people would want to get back together with an ex. It's like taking a drink of milk from a spoiled carton. PLEAHHH! Nasty! Eh, maybe it'll be better tomorrow.'

 

^

My main advice is to give yourself time. There's no magic bullet to get over her overnight - but you knew that. I've only been through one bad breakup - it really sucked in every possible way. Be good to yourself in whatever ways you can. Exercise, eat right, socialize with your friends. Nothing wrong with dating around if you're inclined, but I wouldn't jump into another relationship for a while, even if you meet a really cool girl next week. Take a little time to re-connect with yourself first, and think about what you want.

Oh yeah. Distraction, distraction, distraction. Find it wherever you can.



Edit: The eye rolling was NOT directed at Number Five!

 

Good advice, and on the relationship nostalgia.

 

I agree w/wndrlst. One thing I will add is that when you are w/another s.o., make sure and refrain from even mentioning your ex. I have a buddy that is obviously not over his long-term ex & he'll say things like "you're a lot better about ______ than my last gf", etc. That's a




edit: Oh yeah, and I agree with MS - I've heard many many times that lifting weights / exercising is a great way to get over a big break-up. After mine many years ago, I started running & got into really good shape.

 

Never really been in a long relationship, but even with the ones that lasted 9-12 months, this is true.

What are your passions in life? I suggest you make the time for these, many of which you probably didn't have time for in the past. I found myself traveling more, buying stuff that I wanted to, because you're going to naturally have more spending income etc...

 

I got over a 9 year one although you could consider the last 2 years as a really long break up period and we slowly but surely drifted apart both physically and emotionally.

Your brain tends to remember the good and forget the bad so with that in mind constantly remind yourself of why you are not back with your ex. You broke up for a reason, keep it that way.

Don't over-think your next relationship and leave yourself open to whatever comes up. Don't not date someone due to the closeness of your breakup you never know when Ms. Right is going to come along.

 

It's a tough scenario and there's really no textbook answer. It'll be quite a roller-coaster ride (anger, frustration, self-pity, sadness) so I'd recommend keeping BUSY. As other people have said, a long term relationship really shapes who you are ... you almost identify yourself as a "couple."

If you have a good core of friends (support group), I'm sure they'll do their part to keep your spirits up. There's a general acceptance toward initial mope-ing, whining, and self-loathing but try to keep that to a minimum (since your buddies will grow sick and tired of it). Other than that, it's just time, time, time. You can rebuild your ego by rebounding but I've seen that kind of approach working differently for different people. Some people find "playing the field" as liberating/exciting while others react with feelings of guilt, vulnerability, and regret. So it kinda depends on your personality.

Get thee to a gym (from personal and anecdotal experiences), have some sleep aids available (nothing is worse than staring up at your ceiling at 2am wondering "what if") to get you through the nights, and try to get out of the house during the weekends. On the bright-side, you won't be engaging in couple-type-activities so this would be a good chance to save some $$$. You'll be better shape in the long run.

So the person you broke up with isn't the "one." Take solace in the fact that this kind of thing happens to just about everyone at one point in his or her life. There's someone out there who may be the "one" so keep your blinders open and don't let opportunities pass you by.

 

Oh yeah, DO NOT listen to Coldplay or James Blunt ... I had a buddy who would just sit in his room and have "Goodbye My Lover" cycling over and over again. And really, there's NOTHING worse than hearing him at 11pm choking up and singing along to the lyrics. NOTHING worse.

Not good. Instead, invest a lot of listening time in rap-hip/hop and you'll be fine.

 

My best advice is to keep busy. Get some new hobbies, workout, volunteer work, etc.

 

Time will heal your wounds. Staying busy helps past the time. Spend more time with your friends and lay off the alcohol. It's a depressant and you don't need that right now. Save it for partying.

 

lol, I used to listen to Coldplay and James Blunt when Im blazed.

 

Funny because after a long term relationship I was in ended, I pretty much switched from listening to rock to rap.

 

Thanks everyone I appreciate all of the advice. I do go to the gym but havent had the strength to go in the past few days, got too damn wasted at a family members wedding. I am going to try to stay as busy as possible. Sitting in front of the TV all day right when I get off of work is fucken depressing. I have been listening to this one song that is kind of helping me cope with this. If any of you are familiar with underground hip hop there is an artist by the name of One be lo and he has this song called "used to be fly". Basically this girl dumps him then trys to get back but he isnt having any of it. One of the last verses that he spits is "you used to be fly but you crashed your plane" then in the backround someone says "shes not even worth it". Just thought I would share, thanks everyone and keep the advice comming

 

keep busy, hang out with your friends, play your xbox 360, ps2, or if you have wii sometimes you don't pay attention to anything else, but the wii.

 

I was in a couple 3-4 year relationships before I met my wife. The breakups were horrible for me.. I lost my best friend. It was something that none of my friends knew how to console or help me with because they had never been through it themselves. One of the things that helped me out was talking with someone who was older than me at the time and who had been through that situation before. It just made everything so clear to me. After that, I didnt feel so lost and I was able to enjoy the time with my family and friends and start finding myself again.

 

Go work out, get buff, meet new people, and get the girl

 

Time.

Other than that, go running, write, read, start cooking.

 

^

I had to cope with a very ugly breakup from a relationship that lasted 6.5 years back in 2001.

How I coped...? Time. Close friends. Working out in the gym. Piano. Dabbled more into my hobbies (yes, my robot collection literally went berserk during that time).

 

i was in a relationship for 5 years engaged to the girl and it ended on a very bad note... i guess the best advice that i could give you will echo the others on here... u need to find things to do with your time... ur life has basically become one with your SO over that time... so with all this newfound free tim on your hands, you will be bored and can't help but sit there and think... but that is prob the worst thing that you can do... get out and do stuff that interests you... i really like to travel and see new places so after it happened i took a few weekend trips (Philly, Boston, VA Beach, etc) and went skydiving... something that i prob would have never done while i was in a relationship... not exactly sure what will be in line this summer but hopefully something good!!!

enjoy your time single... 4 years is a long time and many times ppl forget what it feels like... now u will actually have time to work on your car too.. lolz... best of luck buddy, hang in there...

 

Thanks every one. I have an idea what i would like to do. I am probably going to Cali for a weekend to visit my family and then hopefully take some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes. My breakup didnt end on a sour note though, it was pretty much mutual. We were probably together for so long that we just eventually split our seperate directions. I was already pretty much into my career and she just started going to college not knowing what the hell she wanted to do.

 

sorry to hear bro...

the bottle doesn't alleviate nothing...

sometimes, the best cure for a hangover is to grab a beer and drink it....up to you...

it aint easy to go through this but focus on the reasons for the break-up...theres some truth in there...and take time to digest it all...

btw, i hear they have some good beer at the clubs....go out, and have some fun!!!

 

you gotta wonder what she has been doing since the split to get her mind off of things, maybe she's doing all the same things as you

 

Time is the biggest thing. And yes it does suck waiting for the time when you don't think of her all the time. It will happen though. I'm going through the same thing and it certainly blows, but it gets easier. Meeting a new girl will get your mind off of it. Might not be the best way, because she may end up just being a rebound and that usually doesn't end up good, but being around somebody else helps me out a little.

Good luck.

 

TIME!
It took me a summer of banging a bunch of different girls (mostly around 20-23 ) and hanging out with my friends to get over my last GF. Then I saw she has a myspace...and then I think...man...I'm glad I'm done with that crazy bitch!

 

I think I posted this here before, but I would like to share it with you:

 

I guess I should go write, read, start cooking? I don't do running so I will pass that.

 

I always had rebounds to get over an ex. Sometimes you end up getting hurt too because you get attached to that rebound. So I'd suggest spending time with your buddies and family. It sounds cliche but find yourself.

There's a reason it ended, perhaps your off to bigger and better things!

 

porn

 

http://moderndrunkardmagazine.com/md_concerned_cad.htm


i.e. take time to find yourself again, don't just go right out there trying to pick up your next chick.

 

find a new hole

 

Yeah the whole lifting weights things helped me get through mine.... I just pumped iron all day. I think it helped me cope alot better because I was transferring all the energy into the weights than her. And let me tell ya, all the negative energy just helped so much. Shit that summer i got so big when football season came around i got a d-1 scholarship. Personally thats what i did, but if thats not your thing. Shit man get into something that you are way good at. best of luck.

 

listen to frankie j-how to deal..omfg it hits the SPOT!

 

Keep occupied....
Like everyone said...work out, go out, hang out with friends! I also thought about all of the things she did to make me miserable, which would make me happy she was gone!

 

frankie-j?

 

Keep busy, drink, party and hang out with friends, travel to the beach...OH....and hookup and hangout with chicks