MySoCalLife

[I'm going to edit this post, I got you confused for the other thread. LOL]
You just contradicted yourself. So your playing the ignoring game. That's a bad move, I will tell you why later. You must really love her, I think shes just going through a phase.
But on the other hand like you said, she might be testing you out. If you really want a high chance of getting her back, you must act and show to her that you have moved on. Show her strength and that you are mature capable of standing tall alone. Now go date some chicks and have a blast. Show her your having fun. But you cant completely ignore her since you got common friends. If you completely ignore her, that will show her that you are stil hurt and obviously ain't over her.
You can still hang out with your circle of friends BUT, only hang out on a few occasions. When they call you to hang out, tell them you are out doing something, out having fun and dating other girls.
Bring your date to the party sometimes, and be friendly and happy infront of everyone. Never ever stare at her when you guys hang out. Laugh , tell jokes, and show everyone you are happy.
When she see's a strong confidant man in you, she will have little doubts in her mind.
And just take your time. Once she date other dudes and find out that they are not even as good as a guy as you, most likely she will come back.

Majofo

Nobody wants sloppy seconds.. move on.

MySoCalLife

I'm really off tonight, so you don't have common circle of friends ? (Its the other thread)
Listen to Majofo, move on.
I'm going to bed. lol

NBP_BALLER

No we don't have common friends. I don't play games, but I've been told it's best to leave her alone. So that's what I mean about ignoring her. Not calling or texting at all unless she contacts me, or its been a while. U know, to not seem needy.

Flipster23

iTrader: (15)

I already told you what to do.


Move on and say "I don't fuck with you!"

1killercls

TheBlueBomber

This whole playing games thing is worthless. You're just killing yourself wanting to know why and planning your life around how to make it look like you're over her when in actuality you want to text her soo bad every second of the day. Or whenever you see a damn pom pom or some shit you associated with her. Not like I've had experience with this or anything.

Just be straight up with her. Be a man about it. Tell her how you feel and see if you get a direct answer. If you don't, then honestly she's not worth your time. You may not exactly have closure, but you'll know for sure that it's not going to work.

Then you can go on a scooch hunt

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

She's done with you, the best thing is to not respond, period, whether she texts you or not. Just move on and don't look back. She's already thrown you to the curb, you have no reason to keep in contact

XLR8R

You've been much too clinical about this.

You really need to get in touch with your feelings.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

sixsixfour

if I had a daughter I would tell her to never ever call you tbh.

you got dumped. every guy has gotten dumped at least once in their life. it sucks, but you get over it.

reading through your OP, this one part to me makes you come off as a very needy, insecure person who's bent on putting the proverbial pu$$y on a pedestal in hopes of her realizing what a catch you are and that she is lucky to have you.

hate to break it to you man, but that's not how it goes. Im not saying treat a woman like shit. im saying be a man, not her bitch.

she did you a favor by breaking up with you. don't waste this chance to learn and move on.

YeuEmMaiMai

Or he could choke out a chicken.... and call it a day...

NBP_BALLER

She contacted me today. There's a lot of reasons... Her ex was controlling. Told her what to wear, who she could hang out with, how she should act, etc. She said she is scared about jealousy, but even though she knows that not me, its a problem for her. She also said she isn't as close to God as she wants, and needs to find him again. Then she said she had daddy issues, and she cannot trust a man(I don't know what he did, but it didn't sound good). So yeah, a least I know. More of her own problems that she cannot be with someone. She's to young and naïve. I guess I got what I wanted out of it, to know why. Shouldn't have dated me in the first place haha Its all good. Im not good at dating, so all your guys comments are about right. I don't try and put the pussy on a pedestal, but maybe that's what I do unintentionally. Dating is one thing I never really understood. Too many games, and rules to play by. Guess I put a little too much effort into something so small.

MySoCalLife

She's one of those girls. She is damaged good. Ignore her completely, Completely, it is healthy for you and her. I don't think you wanna go through a huge headache by trying to comfort her mental state and helping her healing her wound.

You are definately not ready for that , hell I ain't ready for that, thats why I tap that ass any chance I could get before it gets complicated and move on.
She need to see a psychiatrist.


Like they said, if you love something, set it free. If its meant to be, it will come back.

Costco

You're young. Make mistakes... with other girls. But don't stick your dick in crazy. Advice given so far has been spot on - stay away. You will regret it later if you take her back.

TheChamp531

iTrader: (3)

This could go either way to be honest. To say staying with her is stupid isn't entirely stupid, but isn't entirely correct either. Ask yourself if she is worth the issues that could or can happen. If she's worth it, stay in her life. If deep down she isn't, help, but keep your distance. I feel like most of everyone's opinion is sound, but safe. You just have to make the decision, because, as cliche as it may sound, you need to be happy with whatever decision you make.

My close friend has had similar issues with 'damaged' goods. To him, the amount of time he had to endure to help her was worth it to him. She was bipolar, sexually abused at a young age, and had financial problems. Now they are happily married for 5 years with two kids and make well over 150k together. Now, I'm not saying your situation is the same, and, in my opinion it doesn't seem you like her that much to stay, but, ultimately, you're going to have decide for yourself. Good luck.

midnightcivic

iTrader: (1)

I would say to keep in contact, good friends, and let her decide what she wants to do from there. If you avoid here for a while, she'll eventually come around or go your own ways.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

Damaged goods and a holy roller... Been there

NBP_BALLER

^ lol Yeah I wasn't expecting that. I knew she didn't talk to her dad much, but I always talked to him when I was at their house. She doesn't get out enough and have fun for my lifestyle. I don't go out every weekend, but if I wanna throw on some dirty rap and get wasted that's what Im gonna do haha. I would never be able to do that with her lol

MySoCalLife

You are totally right. A lot of us here forget that BALLER is not as experience as us, and every situation is not the same for everyone. Some of us look for different things, some want to find love, and others just want to hit it and forget it () , etc etc.
Its all about what you want BALLER, The best lesson anyone can get is from experiencing . Sometimes you need to grow through all of it to learn for yourself, whether its good or bad.
All we can do if give advice.
But you never told us what you really want BALLER, don't be afraid to tell us. No one should shun you for it.
But if you do want her, really care for her. Prepare to battle with the douche that is controller her, there might be a chance you will have to deal with him. Whoop his ass if you need to, that is if you want her that bad. Or that punk will pussy out cause now he has to deal with a dude.

So is she worth it to you?
Sorry for the bad sentence, I just had my glass of wine. lol

NBP_BALLER

haha That makes perfect sense. Everyone is looking for different things. Im more of a relationship kinda guy, not one night stands hit it and quit it. Im a bit more old fashined, but not afraid to have some fun. IM kind of at a point in my life where I think I need to find someone, because I know it takes years to figure out if someone is who you wanna marry etc. Every girl I date isnt gonna be it, but I dont wanna wait forever. Im so inecperienced I know I need to work on it now vs. later. Experience is something I lack in dating. Im not afraid to deal with a piece of shit controlling douche. Im more of a man than he will ever be. Id say she is worth it, but I don't think she has the right mindset right now. We do have different lifestyles, but I think she just hasn't gone out to expose herself to the things we all know. I'm only 24, been in 3 long relationships 3.5 years, 1 year, and 8 months. There were a few I dated and nothing came of it but maybe ten or less Its been 2-3 years since I've been in a relationship tho so lack of experience and being rusty arn't on my side.

MySoCalLife

So you do got experience. You've dated 10 girls in your life, not bad ,that's decent.
Your longest relationship is 3.5 years. Thats much longer then me, haha. My longest relation is about a year. lol But then again I'm not looking for a wifey, also I haven't found the " one" in my mind.
I've got my heart broken so many times, that when a girl wants to break it off, I let her go like nothing. Its not that I am cold blooded, Its just thats how I become through all of the things I went through from dating.
When I was with a girl I will give her all of me and always loyal. I still do, its just that now I know not to give everything too easily away. I make her work for it, just like she makes me work for it. It takes 2 to tangle. I know some people hate calling it a game, but in a way, it is a game. You got to know when to make the right move, when to say yes and when to say no.

Once I was dating a girl for about 2 month, I was loyal to her and try my best to make her happy. One day she broke off, and I told her " I care about you, still want to be with you , but if you want to leave then I will let you go". She was shocked at how easy I let her go.
A few days later while working at the drive-thru, a girl drove up that I found to be cute. I got her number and made plan for the following friday.
A day later my ex-called me while I was working. I told her I cant talk I'm working, she thought I was mad. After work she called me again to get back with me, and I'm like "WTF, what kind of game are you fucken playing". I told her I found someone.
My new date didn't last that long, only a week, after that I call my ex to see if she wanted to get back and she said yes. We ended up breaking up again anyways a few weeks later.
I don't even know if thats a lesson I've learn, or it had screwed with my head alittle bit. haha.
Follow your heart, I think you already know what you need to do, you just wanted to see how everyone else here would handle it. I like said, people are different, not all strategies will work for everyone. Do what you got to do.

Atlas_Gen

You'll be best to just leave her be and move on. I went through a similiar situation as you years ago. I was the "nice" guy and she took advantage of that and her ex was a douchebag cheater that she always went back too. It was like a cat and mouse game, I chased her for years and wasted my time until one day I got fed up with it and let her go and that was the best decision I ever made. She got jealous when she found out that I was going out with my friends and talking to other girls and she wanted me to come back to her but I told her no thanks, I've moved on! I changed my number so she couldn't contact me but she kept stalking me on Facebook so I blocked her on there too.

For some people it'll take awhile to get over it but it was only 6 weeks so that's no biggy bro, you'll be able to do it and you'll see that it was a good decision that you made.

Now I'm married to the best wife ever and have 2 kids and I'm the happiest that I've ever been. You'll eventually find the "one" even if it takes time, she'll eventually be there next to you. It took me a few years but like they say "there are plenty of fish out in the sea." My friends always told me that and I was like yeah yeah whatever man but here I am finally happy again. Good luck to you!

aomechmarine

So basically OP, i want to point out that you are a nice guy. Unfortunately a lot (id say most) younger girls nowadays take that as weakness or even being a pussy. They would rather date the stupid dickhead that is exciting and interesting because he's always in a situation, then the nice predictable boring good guy.
Like you respected her boundaries.... I know it sounds wrong, but girls actually like it when you PUSH. For example, at the risk of sounding like a creeper, A lot of girls fuck after they drink a little. WHY? Not because they are drunk, not even buzzed. They just have an "excuse" to do what they REALLY wanted to do. I've lost count how many girls called me after with - "NORMALLY - i dont hook up with guys right away, BUT i REALLY like you, and I was drinking..." EVERY dude I know has gotten that phone call. You gotta try to push a little more, No means NO tho. but you gotta have the balls to get a NO.
Sorry if Im reading into it too much, dont think I am tho. Speaking from experience. I was that super nice guy, all the girls I dated in high school were super nice, once i started dating in my 20's.... that was WAY different - thats when I saw girls go for assholes, guys with money, and that they treat nice guys BADLY. True, not all girls. But it just changed my mindset. You're gonna get burned a few times before you learn bro. Ive also seen that women tend to change their behavior a lot after around late 20's or early 30's. so if youe dati g girls in their 20's just realize a lot of females are fucked up nowadays. Its mostly better to just date and have fun, girls like guys who dont give a fuck about them. Oxymoron-ic, i know. They like the dude who is dating other girls too. The nice guy is a safe bet, a backup plan if the asshole guy decides NOT to date her...AFTER he gets to fuck her, i mean she's gotta compete with the other girls right? Dude dont let yourself be second choice. Dont end up with sloppy seconds.

1Louder

Unfortunately when it comes to learning things about yourself and who you want to be with, some of those lessons can only be learned through trial, error and failure. But I think you have the right mindset to keep working at it - getting back out there. Also you mentioned earlier about, "Too many games, and rules to play by". I would offer that you know you're with the right girl when there aren't any games or rules. It should be easy to be with her, not a game of chess. IMHO, games and rules are an indication you are trying to force a relationship that isn't a natural fit. I think you're on the right track looking at what's next for you, and going about it the way you are comfortable with.

NBP_BALLER

I really appreciate all you guys' comments. I don't think she knows what she wants. She is still trying to text me every day and talk all the time like nothing happened, but I think more as "friends." I'm just going to play it safe and lay low for a while with her. I don't think anything will happen, but time will tell. I'm not pushing the subject, just talking. It is what it is. You guys have a lot of insight. Glad to have some feedback on it all from outsiders.

Majofo

1)
2) If you weren't yourself with her, then you weren't being honest. Changing your habits for someone usually means the relationship is headed down the toilet.
3) Being a goodie two-shoe that she is, your propensity to listen to dirty rap and get wasted would have probably gotten you a bj by now. Because getting your dick sucked isn't sex.. or piitb.

asianspec

iTrader: (1)

Page 2 and still not on the block list on your phone? If i were in your position I'd forward all her calls to e-harmony customer service

Majofo

Fixed.. Hello this is Warren, how may I service you?

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

better yet, send the call to Mizouse.

Whiskers

dwest1023

Bro, don't worry as to why, Just MOVE on and time will heal you. You can never understand women. I was married 25 years and came home one day and wife said," dont want to be married anymore. Ten years later my ex still can't tell me why. Thats real pain bro. Be happy you will only suffer a few weeks at most. I will suffer to the day I die, not knowing. However I have been remarried almost a year. Get in your acura, mash the peddle and dont look back.

oo7spy

Can't tell what I'm more shocked by, 25 years down the drain or calling someone "bro".

Mugen.Justice

This.


This. Regardless of whether you may feel it was time well-spent or not, the fact remains that the time cannot be taken back.



And that. Although I would say that there is a difference between "nice guy" and "gentleman". Obviously, one of them you should strive to be, and not the other.


Like some members here, I've been burned too. I know it's infuriating when the girl is unable to provide a legit reason for the break-up, especially when all is going well. It's almost as if she was looking for a problem that doesn't/never existed.


Honestly, the best thing to do is to focus on you. Let me adjust that: focus on you (without her). Focus on bettering yourself, whether it's professionally, physically, mentally or socially - all of that will take care of you emotionally.

Atlas_Gen

Now this is the best thing for you to do. It may suck at times because you'll be thinking of her but later on you'll look back and say "that was the best decision I made" and you'll be able to work on yourself and do what you want to do without any worries.

XLR8R

Doesn't like door-to-door Acura salesmen?

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

You mad bro?

Majofo

TacoBello

Cut your losses man, and move on.

This seems like such a shitty time, but I bet you a year from now you'll be like "what old ho?" While listening to gangster rap, sipping on a 40, getting brains in the backseat of your car. That is, assuming you do yourself a favor and try to move on instead of sitting in a pile of your own misery, asking what you could have done different, or better, to keep her.

Break ups suck. Doesn't matter what side if the break up your on. There's a whole world of women out there and I assure you, she was NOT the one. Because there's no such thing as "the one".

Never change for anyone. Only change for yourself. Ever here the saying "a leopard never changes it's spots"? You'll revert back to your old ways sooner than later because you're forcing yourself to be someone who you're not. And then you'll fight with her. And then shit gets messy. Find a girl who likes you for you. That's the key to happiness.

:twocents:

Rapture

IMO you should pursue her, date her until it becomes unbearable, then post a good story in the crazy ex thread.