'01White3.2CL

just got a phone call from my very, very good friend [female]. im worried sick, so this is going to be a choppy post, sorry.

she was just out with her BF to dinner at his family's house. im not sure, but fact is guy gets drunk. her BF is a body builder, and a trainer for a living. She is petite: 5'4", probably 100 lbs.

guy [russian] gets drunk at his fam's house, mom ends up kicking him out of house b/c he becomes uncontrollable. they leave. he drives drunk, but makes it back to his place.

they get in fight: he beats the living shit out of her!!...she said she was unconscious for a couple seconds?, has bruises, etc! he takes all her stuff, goes to local ATM and takes all of her money out of the account she has and keeps it in an envelope w/ him, still drunk. He fucks up her car window w/ punches, and drives her car into a stop sign in his continuing rage, bringing it back with dents...

she just called and told me all of this. im speechless. she managed to get her phone from him to call me, and took her spare car key w/o him knowing. she said shes walking to store for cigs and he better calm down, she'll come back. she gets in her car and leaves, physically bruised, crying, etc...

HE has all her IDs, her debits, her purse, etc...she has only phone and car.

he knows everything about her b/c they have been going out for so long, and she is afraid he will go and fuck up her house b/c he told her she better come right back...shes scared for her life...

idk if this makes any sense right now!

IM JUST ASKING FOR THE MOST SENSIBLE WAY FOR HER TO DEAL WITH THIS INSANE MANIAC!! I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO TELL HER AND SHE DIDNT WANT TO CALL THE COPS TONIGHT W/ THIS GUY STILL CRAZY, HOPING HE'LL CALM DOWN...COPS HAVE TO GET INVOLVED, RIGHT? THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.

should she report cards stolen, call cops tomorrow?! i dont have a clue how to help her deal with this. and he won't let her break up either, he's been forcing her [very good looking] to stay w/ him I just found out...this is a fucking mess!

as of now, she's sleeping over at someones house where the BF doesn't know where it is... she won't go to a hospital either...

princelybug

iTrader: (16)

Call the cops. ASAP.

subinf

Police. And go to hospital so they can keep record of her injuries. Will help with the police investigation

Street Spirit

911.

While he is in jail, gather all of her most prized possesions and get out of there. Never return. Get protective order. Tell everyone she knows to call the police if they spot him anywhere near where she is. Change the locks at her home (although it sounds like she lives with him?).

Is he on steroids?

'01White3.2CL

idk if he is on steroids, but he's big...

i told her what you guys are saying, but shes scared shitless, obviously confused and doesn't want to call the cops...won't even tell her dad about it, thats how scared she is of him, she doesnt want anyone to get involved w/ him...

idk the guys address to call the cops...

what if she calls tomorrow, documents injuries, etc...shes safe now, i know that...

AznX TL

call the police for her, don't put up with that crap.

combat mediC

iTrader: (1)

cops.

Street Spirit

Stogie here was a cop. You can ask him if you want any detailed advice, as I'm sure he's been involved with cases like this hundreds of times.

Sounds like she needs a plan to keep herself say from tonight forward (one being not going anywhere near him anymore), but there are hotlines, women's phone lines, THE COPS, and a lot of other organizations that can help her get through this.

For what it's worth, I only asked if he was on steroids because I wondered if this rage was caused by more than just a few drinks.

'01White3.2CL

shes safe now, or else i wouldn't be talking to you guys, but would have driven to the police station and went to the guys house.

shes safe, but where does she go from here? i dont know the guys address to call cops, only know the street he's on[not name of it, but how to get to it kinda]...but im gonna make sure tomorrow cops get involved when shes more in her senses!

AznX TL

don't wait until tomorrow, he might be planning some worse things to do tonight.
just call the cops now, theres no reason to wait until tomorrow. its not really something you should brush off so easily.

'01White3.2CL

am i just making a report? i dont have an address to give to the cops, thats my thing.

should i call and say my friend...[tell story], but then what?

AznX TL

so.....you don't know where she is?
but yeah atleast make a report so they can take pictures of all the damages and get her treated.

'01White3.2CL

she is at her friends house...her BF doesn't know where this friend lives. i dont know where this friend lives either, but i talked to her, and shes safe as of now.

subinf

Call and report the beating and say the girl is too scared to do anything. Then have the police talk to her.

'01White3.2CL

if she gets pictures of damages of car, her injuries...reports her stuff and all her money stolen, and directs cops to him, gets a restraining order, etc...

thats all she can do then. i was freaking out after the phone call, but im starting to put things into perspective. thanks guys. cops definitely need a report.

stogie1020

She needs to call the police. You can be there too, or you can call for her and both of you talk to the police. She needs to get to the hospital tonight to get checked out. Tonight, not tomorrow. She blacked out. Remember Natasha Richardson? Minor bump no loss of consciousness... Dead.

A list:

1. Call police, have them meet her and take a report from her. Have them take photographs. Let them know he has taken all her personal effects and will not return them.
1.5 Hospital. Police may take her.
2. Tomorrow AM, go to court house and get an order of protection against him. It doesn't prevent him from coming near her, it just makes it illegal for him to. THIS MUST BE SERVED UPON HIM TO BE VALID. Hire a process server for $75. He will still be in jail in the AM, so it should be easy to have him served. Document all violations of the order.
3. Find a woman's shelter and take her there. If she has family she is comfortable living with for the time being, go there. Let everyone know about the order so they can keep an eye out for him.

'01White3.2CL

thank you stogie! i obviously never dealt with anything like this before...

stogie1020

Stop thanking me and call the police.

Not joking. No red text.

stogie1020

In less than 12 hours, he is going to call her apologizing, and she is going to drive over there, because that's what they all do.

Anhedonia

so fucking true. see this shit in college all the time.. especially my freshman year. drunken freshman girls and guy abuse there partners, then when they sober up they apologize and alls good. ill never understand it for the life of me.

sasha

'01White3.2CL, I hope you paid heed to stogie1020's advice. She is scared and too emotionally tied to her bf to think objectively for herself. Yes, it's their relationship but when one starts abusing the other, you have to step in and act your part as a friend. I hope you were able to get the bf's address and reported him to the cops. If not, do it now!

You have to convince her to file a restraining order against him, or else, he'll continue to physically intimidate her into staying with him and one day she might actually end up beaten to death. :shakehead

By the way, how long have they been together? Do you know if this is the first time that he did this to her?

invisiblewar

yeah dude stogies post is exactly what needs to be done.

BubbaMarkTL

and why the hell are you so hung up on this scum bags address??? the cops have access to the most complete and thourough databases of identity and known addresses....give them the name, they can do the rest of the homework to find the guy.

invisiblewar

umm maybe because if his name is John Smith itll be years before the cops can find th dude due to the mass amount of same names

'01White3.2CL

ok let me update everyone.

so her phone was off after i stopped posting here because her BF kept calling, and i couldn't contact her anymore...

I called 911. I live in Glenview, but this was happening in Skokie. I explain to the operator what happened, she says wheres the girl, i say i don't know exactly...operator says she can't help me b/c its not Skokie cops. I say i know the side street where the guy lives and one of 2 buildings it could be...bitch says shes sorry, cant help...she takes my friends cell # and says she'll call...but phone is off...

I then realize i have the friends #, where she is staying, from the couple times i met this friend. i call right after, and tell her to call the cops from Skokie and get my friend checked out. she agrees and calls the cops immediately.

i freaked out during the initial phone call along with her, but this i now know is true: there were exaggerations. 1). "unconscious for a little"? no, but she was definitely beaten up! 2). guy only took debit card and threatened to go and take out all her money, and she was convinced he was going to do it, but he didn't do it just yet. 3). car only had minor dents on hood when he drove up and down his block, but was otherwise fine.

so cops come and by this time almost 2 hours after the incident, my friend covers her bruises and what not, and actually sticks up for the guy!! [i guess the BF was smart enough not to hit her in the face, etc?]...cop made report and left. he wanted to go to the guys house at first, but when my friend swore she was fine and we, her friends, overreacted, the cop left. WTF

shes been going out with him since June 2008. I never knew this was going on, all i knew was she was beginning to like him too much. It came out yesterday that it has happened before and that they get into alot of fights since this guy is fucked up! but "we work it out" is what she said.

the main thing is she is afraid of him!! I think she stuck up for him since he knows where she lives etc, she thinks he's gonna come back and do something extremely bad if she gets him arrested or anything.

ill be trying to talk some sense into her, but its really bad. when she was crying on the phone, she kept saying she has no idea how shes gonna break it off with him, and that she needs to do something, but then when she calms down, she doesn't do shit.


and this particular fight started b/c the guy is jealous me and her are always talking. I've known her for 3 years, never saw her as anything lover-wise, but this guy doesn't get it...plus him being drunk didn;t help anything. i guess it was just another night for her, so she wont do anything...shes fucking stupid and confused and im really pissed shes getting treated like that, but im gonna try to talk sense into her i guess...idk what else i can do from here.


but thanks for talking sense into me on what to do last night when i was just as confused about everything.

JS + XES

iTrader: (1)

ridiculous.

the operator can't help her because she's in a different town?? were you calm when you were talking to the 911 lady?? you should always talk in like oh-fuck-come-now-im-dying-right-now-he's armed-oh-god tone of voice. you know?

call again.

Will Y.

Chris Brown - Rihanna ring a bell?
Standard behavior for an abused person, unfortunately, and the cop has no crime that he can investigate if the victim denies a crime and there is no external evidence of a crime.

G/L with getting your friend help that she needs.

Trackruner228

iTrader: (1)

Honestly she needs professional help if she defended him after that.


That was the first thing I thought of as well.

(Cj)

Aman

get her some professional help, and try and block her from seeing him as much as you can. Nothing else you can really do sadly.

rtlltj

:shakehead

Dicorp

if she denied everything to the police, it's her loss. while unfortunate, not much you can do here.

and don't fuck with Russians.

greco9885

iTrader: (1)

shes a fucking idiot. plain and simple.

Razzi

^

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

I'm sure this wasn't the first time this has happened with a guy like that. Judging from the fact that his family kicked him out and let her get in the car with him, drunk as he was, should say something about where this guy comes from.

It doesn't sound like she was all there when she first called you either. Now she denies anything happened and says you overreacted. Is this person just a friend to you? Why did she call you?

In the end, people can only help themselves. It sucks, and the Russian is an asshole, but look what you get put through and he'll be back in bed with her tomorrow night.

Sad.

J.

'01White3.2CL

im really good friends with her, but shes been emotionally abused almost all her life...i didnt realize by this point in her life tho [shes 18] that it had gotten this bad! thats why that phone call was such a shock to me...

when talking TO ME today after she calmed down, she didnt deny anything happened and didn't say i overreacted, but ONLY SAID THIS TO THE COP for him to leave...she wont tell me much. she did say she exaggerrated b/c she got it pretty bad "this time", but she claims "everything is okay now, blah blah BS"

shes keeping everything in *but i can tell shes glad she finally told someone about it*, so i have to keep getting more out of her until she sees she really doesn't have to deal with it! for alot of complex reasons, thats what she doesnt get...she feels like she has to stay, but i know what to let her know.

shes fine mentally and physically if that makes sense, and so i just never noticed how messed up she is Emotionally since she hides it well...im gonna concentrate on helping her now that it basically all came out yesterday out of nowhere. i know how to deal with her by now on hard subjects...but i just feel like an idiot for not seeing this earlier...

v6cord2k5

iTrader: (1)

Would you hit it?

AznX TL

http://www.dosomething.org/actnow/ac...physical-abuse

Gfaze

You need to talk some sense into her. She needs to realize that her boyfriend is going to KILL her one of these days. Just because he comes back with some bullshit apology does NOT, I repeat, NOT make it better!! When she starts saying "It's not that bad...." you need to respond harshly, "He beats the shit out of you, IT IS THAT BAD!!" She needs to understand that this type of abuse is NOT normal and she CANNOT allow it to continue. It's perfectly fine to be scared but she can't let her fear get herself beaten to death. She needs to talk to the police PERIOD!! Obviously she can stay with the same friend from before if she's afraid he's gonna look for her. He doesn't know where that is so she'll be safe.

(Cj)