sunshineburn

So, I've been on a dry spell lately... ok, a little more than lately, lets say a few months... meaning the only guys who have been hitting on me are married.

So I asked the last one, why am i so damn popular with the married guys? He said that men have some deep fear of rejection and the married guys are so used to it, they're immune so they aren't intimidated.

I'm not sure what I think of that.

So do you guys have a big fear of rejection that we just don't know about? Or am I just a loser and have no idea.

(Before I get the pic thing.. I don't know how to post pics so I can't. Even if I could I'm not sure I'd do it here... then it would just look like some desperate match.com ripoff and that's not how I roll.)

TLover

Most people fear rejection. In terms of dating, I'd say, yes, rejection is the biggest obstacle men face when trying to meet woman. As a guy, once you get over that, it becomes much easier to meet and date women.

jzbabimama

hmmm interesting. where do you meet these guys. is it mostly at the same place or is it just random places????

iTimmy

Rejection can be intimidating to an inexperienced dater, but to most who have dated a fair amount, you just get used to it. I have met a lot of girls over the years, some of which are cool and it just didn't work out other's are down right INSANE- even with that huge spread of personalities, I average about 20% success rate with landing dates. From other's I've talked to that is fairly high, which means I will only land a date with one out of five girls that I talk to and get to know- I no longer am affraid of rejection- its a form of selection.

I think most of us are looking for that someone special, so if you realize that you two have no chemistry and it has little to no potential or if you just plain don't like the person save both of you a lot of time and trouble. Its not really rejection, it is selection- I really don't understand how or why woman choose the men they do to date, they must hear a lot of lines and one must sound good for them to be interested. Or there must be some chemistry to attract them. But I digress....

Depending on your age, yes fear of rejection can be a HUGE factor to younger guys(under 20). But by 20+ they should be with "it" and able to talk to any woman any time about just about anything.

As another who is in a major dry spell I do understand and even sympathize with you. When your in a rut it just seems you keep digging yourself deeper, nothing works out and you continuely meet the wrong type of person and chances are it has nothing to do with you- its just bad luck. So I'll tell you what I've been telling myself for a few months now, just keep your head up and keep doing what your doing, its bound to happen eventually and when it does this dry spell that we are experiencing will mean very little. Good luck!

sunshineburn

Married guys? I work with about 80% men. That's unfortunately how I meet them.

I don't date them, obviously, they just hit on me all the damn time.

I hardly ever meet guys out... I'm usually with my girlfriends and that creates a pack mentality that I guess is intimidating. Or again, I might just be a loser.

matelot

PsychoInDenial

I would suggest find some hobbies outside of work and stuff. Maybe volunteer part time? Take a class? You always tend to meet people when you aren't looking.

sunshineburn

Yeah, I hear that.

youngTL

That pack mentality is VERY intimidating. If you're out with your girlfriends, break off for a few minutes and go take a walk around whatever venue you're in, by yourself. If you like a guy, give him a damn hint that he has a chance. Maybe make the effort and go talk to him (especially if he's on the younger side). If he rejects you then at least you have some practice. But if you find out he's a creep or he's married, just tell him that you already have a date "later on tonight" and that's where you're going after. Ask for his number and say "I'll call you by noon tomorrow if my date doesn't work out. If I don't call, then that means I'm going out with the guy again."

I've used that trick a few times. It's a very gentle let down. If a guy starts harassing you, especially those married guys, you have to tell them, "I'm sorry, I already like someone else." And maybe tell them directly that you're feeling uncomfortable.

The whole point of this is Don't wait for life to throw you a bone! Try and get one yourself sometimes.

youngTL

I average an 80% success rate because I talk first, and THEN decide if the person really wants a date with me. If I can tell they're not feeling the vibe, then I just change the subject to cars and trail off in about 2 minutes.

eve

I think both men and women fear rejection.

I've been in a long term relationship but unfortunately it had to end, therefore, I can say I'm new to going out and meeting people. And no matter whom I meet, there is always that fear that I will get rejected...

I actually met someone 3.5 months ago and we've been seeing each other since. I do like him and from what I see he likes me too; however, about 1.5 months ago he told me that "there is no spark between us". That's rejection. We're still together but I'm afraid, that in the end, I will get hurt...

I've heard many times that I look very "sophisticated" and some men fear that kind of women. It doesn't mean that I'm unapproachable... Whenever I go out with my best friend (who's blond, I'm a brunette), she gets all the attention (and she's married). I really don't mind because I'm not sure yet if I want to be in a long term relationship again but I guess blonds have more fun...

youngTL

Advice from someone who's been there: Start preparing yourself for the end of the relationship, because it WILL happen. For me, it happened over a YEAR later...do you really want that kind of pain after you've gotten that attached to him?

Teh Jatt

you know, most of the time i'm just shy going up to the girl and talk to her. I have fear that she might not be interested and stuff.

Mike 350Z

Just like youngTL said, the pack mentality is rough. I still have trouble approaching girls, even if they appear to be by themselves, but when they're with friends, I usually don't even consider approaching one.

teg_to_bike

I never go into enemy territory when I'm outnumbered.

jzbabimama

okay well that makes it easier then. forget those losers. try to take some time out for yourself to just go out and do you and see what happens then. if its mostly people at work then i wouldn't worry about it, you can't help that.

JJ4Short

Meh I usually just do/say something funny...if she chuckles I pounce! If your an ice cold bitch or just ugly (cause married guys fuck ugly chicks because fuck who cares its new pussy) then you gets no love.

vp911

I have this problem.

TLD

Rejection sucks, but you can't succeed unless you try. I've always been a firm believer in that while you should take some risks, you shouldn't take unnecessary risks. I've heard plenty of guys give advice to their buddies on how they should just go for it and the worst that can happen is she says no, but just "going for it" is stupid too. You have to say and do the right things, otherwise, you'll get an automatic rejection. Sure, you can get lucky sometimes, but it's too rare to take a chance. Look at it this way, if you were playing basketball, would you try a layup right in front of David Robinson? You'd get blocked even though you went for it, but if you somehow got past him and went around his awaiting arm, you'd score. Same thing with the ladies, go for it, but do it the right way because going for it like an idiot is the same thing as going for a layup right at David Robinson, a sure rejection.

Mizouse

yeap.. probably the reason why ive never been on a date before

CL Hype

Fuck what others think about you, especially girls...live your life and be yourself! Dont let girls dictate who you really are. I know its easier said than done but you really got to just block out the negativity and just be cool with it all.

astro

if you're going out with an attitude that you're a loser, or that people aren't interested in you, that is going to come off of you like a signal. Try changing your mindset before you go out the next time. Go knowing that someone there is good enough to date...carry that thought with you all evening. I think you'll be surprised at the different reactions that you will see from people.

Rumble

If you are afraid of anything, just do it a whole bunch of times and you will no longer be scared of it. Back in my high school days I went out and got rejected a whole bunch of times and then I was no longer afraid of it. In fact, I think it's funny now to use shitty pick up lines and get rejected from time to time.

amisconception

I don't think the pack thing is intimidating as much so as you have to CATER to everyone's attention... how do you really approach a group of girls? You have to play Mr. Entertainer and that takes a lot of creativity and spontaneity to pull off well... and THEN to isolate a SPECIFIC girl? Ya. That's tough.

But then again, any guy who can pull that off will look very pimp in front of ALL of those girls... that type of thing exudes massive amounts of confidence. It'd be worth practicing...

amisconception

Oh, and btw Rejection > Regret.

I hate being rejected. So does everyone else. But I hate regret even more.

youngTL

How you carry yourself is how people will perceive you.