First, the beginning. I basically came home one Friday night after visting the parents and I find her packing her clothes. The first thing out of my mouth is "what's going on?" She says we need to break up. I say this is not happening nor is it right. We were basically all hunky dorry with no problems (lol...so I thought). She says that she's not herself with me and doesn't see herself with me. She basically said that somehow I'm holding her back from doing things. I didn't get a chance for a rebuttal or anything. She said this was pretty much set in stone. I should also say that this came about a week after I was told I was getting laid off June 30th. She feels that I've been depressed, this I know, and that I haven't had much motivation to do much. I contribute this all to my job. The news of a lay off was actually good because I hate my job and this forces me to hit the bricks. I was just in a bad mental rut.

Second, we own this condo together. She just goes to live with mommy and daddy. The condo is now on the market as she wants it sold asap so she doesn't have to pay for something where she's not living.

Third, besides me being completely devastated. She's starting to be a bitch to me. Not sure how that works though. She keeps getting little digs in with snide remarks. Such as I was sweeping the patio one day when she came over to meet with the realtor. She said, that's the most cleaning you've done since we lived here, which isn't true. Another night, I said something about the condo and she said, "well, you shouldn't have ruined the relationship." Another time she called (she only calls when it's about the condo), says that I need to clean the condo because I'm not doing anything, wtf? This is after she knew that I played almost 2 hours of soccer. Oh yeah, we also play coed soccer on Sundays. She made a comment thanking me about a nice goal I made, I wasn't paying attention so she continues to say thanks to herself. I say I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention. Then, she says, "as usual." She always gives me the awkward, "hey."

Who the hell does she think she is? She breaks up with me and she's the bitch like I killed her cat or something? Where does all this resentment come from? I could see if I cheated on her or something.

Cliffs:
Just read the fucking thing. If you were too busy, you wouldn't be here in the first place.

or

GF breaks up with me
We need to sell condo in which we both own.
She, somehow, is bitchy towards me.

 

ah a fellow STL member...rareo

You should first off ask her why she is being such a bitch lately and you don't appreciate it. Tell her you were only depressed b/c of your job. I would also tell her that she has no right to tell you to clean if she left you hangin by movin out. If shes not happy with the cleaning you already do, she can drive her happy ass over and help you clean

You can never blame the relationship being ruined by one person(like she is on you) unless there is cheating involved...makes me think there might be on her part if she was so fast to move out.

Sucks dude. Wish you the best. My parents are getting a divorce b/c my dad has been cheating on my mom ....not fun for me either

 

What is difficult about this? Just by her bitching that you describe, I see why. I'm not siding with her, just pointing out what you don't appear to understand. Basically, she feels that you are not holding up your end of the bargain or relationship.
1) She complains or makes remarks about your lack of help around the house
2) You are unemployed
3) You mope around, and are depressed about being unemployed

She probably felt she put up with you and your bs at least because you helped paid the mortgage, and now you can't even do that. So there is no reason to keep you around, or for her to stick around. She feels you have hit rock bottom and doesn't want to be dragged down with you. She wants more for herself and it may seem fucked up, but she feels she has lived for the both of you enough and now just wants to live for herself. She's just tired of this shit and wants out. Plain and simple. You typed all of that and don't get that?

Well, all of that was so you could understand.

Dude, I bet if you printed this, and showed it to her and asked her is this right she would say BINGO!

One other thing that you are missing...when women are fed up, they almost ALWAYS are going to be a bitch about it. So expect no remorse. You do however, have one bit of good news. When the condo sells, if you make a reasonable profit, you will have dough (half yours). Best you could do until then, is get in on the "movement", get your stuff together, and head to a more friendly environment. You obviously lack the "charm" needed to cool her jets, so this could get rougher, and you are unemployed. This was not an amicable split. Hmm...no job...which makes you pretty vulnerable right about now...and she knows it...so protect yourself at all times.

 

Um, well you're already out of the relationship buddy.

By you not saying anything, allows her to talk to you like this.

Do something about it. Since you're not together, tell her to shove it.

 

Good lord what a wake up call that is. Not that I didn't already know this, but it's laid out a little better than my previous thoughts.

 

You know what though? I know why she left. I was just hoping she would ride through the rough times for just a brief time. Oh well. I understand that. However, why is she turning into a bitch as if I did something to her?

 

ex is being a bitch ... WELCOME TO THE CLUB. good luck with the sale

 

Because even though she has had enough and wants to move on, she is probably sad/anxious about your last relationship ending. Being angry about it is probably easier than being sad.

 

Making a statement like you, you dont get it...


man up, son!

 

How long have you known the lay off was coming? How long have you been depressed?

I was going to say that darksom's comments were a little harsh, but it sounds like it was the slap in the face you needed. Still, you have no reason to take the abuse from the ex. If she throws a jab, counter with a combination.

Good luck getting through this. And unfortunately, I think one of you is going to need to quit the soccer team.

 

No advice, but sorry,,

 

May 1st is when we got notice. She dropped the bomb about one week later. What's weird is that she was happy because I would get a new job. Money wasn't a big deal because I was getting severance and I also have a nice nest egg. We would also talk about rings and houses for the future. Oh well, somewhere she flipped a different switch.

What sucks is that she can't be dead to me until this damn condo sells. Except that she's also my best friend's wife's friend. Also, I'm trying to keep civil and be the bigger person.

 

IMO, it has nothing to do with you losing your job --- the timing was just convenient for her (being able to say you were moping around). After all, someone who truly cares about you wouldn't give up on you and walk out just because you've lost your job --- forget about doing it ONLY A WEEK after you getting the news. That's complete BS. People stick by those they care about for months and even years through hard times (illness, unemployment, tough times, etc). In other words, she's likely been wanting out for much, much longer than the one week between you losing your job and her walking out...she just didn't say anything about it and let it build up.

 

+1 It really sounds like she was looking for an excuse. One week of being grumpy/depressed is nothing. You probably won't get much useful info from her, but you might want to talk to your friend who will get her side of the story from his wife and see what really went wrong. You won't be able to salvage this relationship, but you could learn from this one and apply some changes next time around.

 

Life lesson: Don't buy a house/condo jointly with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

Glad you weren't offended, because that was definitely not my intent. Wake-up call was though. You have to get stuff in gear so that you are ok when this is finally over.

As for the Ms's thoughts, it will always be a guessing game for those of us on the outside looking in. We don't know the intangibles. But basically what I said earlier has been echoed in the subsequent posts: she just wanted out and this was the straw that was "needed" to break the camel's back to facillitate it.

I agree with Street Spirit on the opinion of why she shouldn't have done it, but you didn't ask that, so I kept it to myself. I just had that conversation about "substance and fortitude" with someone else recently. Find the silver lining. Maybe this is a blessing "Blue"! Good luck!

 

not all women cry their eyes out... she's pulling the "manly" approach to breaking up and just being an asshole instead of showing any vulnerable emotions that would make you think she cares (whether she does or does not i dont know) but she definitely wants to seem as cold and unapproachable as possible because she is probably afraid shes going to take you back and all of your flaws that she sees if she gives you an opportunity to be civil with her (not saying you are a bad person, im just saying it from her perspective)

 

She was probably planning this for a while and just not letting you know she was done with you until the end. I wouldn't even be answering her calls just to hear about what she wants you to do to the condo. Make her leave a message and then get back to her when you want to.

 

Dude, I think youre spot on.

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

Shocker eh?

 

from what you've said, thats nowhere near an actual bitch attitude.

bring home another chick, and let her catch you guys doing it. if she complains and bitches, so what? you guys are broken up anyway. be a man and tell her you have needs, and she being a bitch isnt one of them.

 

have her take this then report back

 

Wow.. I wish I had patience like you.. If my ex came and low balled me all those times. I woulda blown up on her.

BUt honestly.. I agree with others here.. She wanted out even before laid off.. At first when you said you were depressed I thought it was like 3 - 5 months being depressed and Im like dam that must be tough for her...

Then you said 1 week and I was like wtf? One week? That is nothing and I thought she just found a perfect reason to break up..

But now she is feeling how it is to be single.. BTW HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER... I think she just realized it sucks being single and misses you but doesn't want to let you off the hook in a sense (i dont know for what just guessing..

 

She was prolly tired of being a fake bitch (bitches do a lot of fake stuff to get u to like them). Now that she tired of acting she's just upset that she had to act fake for so long. Not all women are bitches.. but all women have a little bitch in them!!

 

either one of two things. she has a light-switch personality --just like my ex, (she can just shut off her feelings by making you out to be a bad person in her mind)

or two, maybe she was messing around on you

 

So, as you guys know, I'm searching for a job.

What's the unwritten rule to apply at her company? It's the headquarters here so a good chance to not work in the same building. However, there is a position open in her department. That last one was a joke.

 

Maybe she could write you a recommendation...

 

Okay, little update.

So, I know she was going to Malibu this past weekend with one of her newly founded friends, who also happens to be my buddy's ex-gf. Apparently, she's a little psycho and her psychiatrist dad had to put her on some happy pills. Oh, I should also mention that the gf broke up with me the day after she had a night out with her. Coincidence? Who knows.

Anyway, I go to myspace to delete the ex as a friend so that I don't keep getting those damn update things. Well, she had a new pic up and I was thinking, hmmmm...I wonder what Cali looks like. My curiosity got the best of me. She put a picture up with her and some random dude in a hot tub. Who the fuck does that? Could that have been done on purpose?

 

Pictures don't end up on myspace accidentally.

Move on........

 

I meant purposely for me.

 

Nah, I don't think so... although she knows you might see the picture.

 

+1 She probably didn't do it for your "benefit" but she didn't care how it would affect you if you did see it.

BTW, I was hoping the pic would be of her and the other chick in the hot tub

 

get a better job and a hotter chick and rub it in her face

 

damn skippy! You should no longer feel down about being laid off and aforementioned ex, but rather motivated more than ever to achieve. ...as messed up as that is.....

Best of luck to ya!

 

Dude...I don't get it...I told you this chick doesn't care or think about you in that way now. You and your baggage, to her, are history. One of the BIGGEST telltale signs a woman is past a dude is to make it public that she is back on dick! She either did it for that reason or to make you jealous. What door are you going to pick? And whatever reason she did that should not be registering on your radar anywayyyyyy, because you are past her and back on pussy right? I said rightttt?????

 

so, this is coming from someone that was married 16+ years. 1st thing that I have learned since the divorce is that I am glad she left. I did try to change her mind and was pretty blown away when she finally did leave. But in looking back, I am SOOO glad to not be with someone that does not want to be with me. Looks like you got lucky and did not wind up married with the psycho... As for the holding her back, I got feedback indirectly that she claimed I held her back in life. What a crock! She worked part time and I made 3-4 times her salary and never complained...

In any breakup or divorce like yours, it is going to cost. So even if you have to let go of the condo slightly cheaper, just do it and move on in life.

Good luck and I truly believe that this is a good thing for you. In life, when one door closes, another one opens..

 

, if shes able to do that man, then you should be thanking her for leaving you! there are tons of girls out there, you will find one who LOVES YOU AND APPRECIATES EVERYTHING you do and will support you NO MATTER WHAT.

What she does should have no bearing on your life anymore. It's over, as soon as you accept this, you will be able to move on.

Be strong, focus on yourself now, and enjoy your new freedom. The roads we walk are winding, and life throws alot of curve balls, but in the long run you'll look back on this and be happy.

I'm going through some hard times, but as hard as it is...i know that this is the way it has to be, and that in the end i will be happy it happened.

 

Sorry about your bad luck man.

 

Or share a bank account.


Not until you're married.



Oh, and sorry man. It's rough I'm sure but like everyone else said it's for the best...it was never going to work out.