FuriousGeorge83

do I go? I got invited but can't decide if I want to go or not. We are still friends and go out drinking every once in awhile but I don't really know her other friends that well. Looks like I might be the only guy there too which is weird. Also her parents are going to be there so I will probably feel even more awkward as her mom wanted us to stay together. Anyways, I kind of feel like I should but at the same time would rather avoid any weirdness that may occur if I go. What would you do? Oh and if I do, do I need to bring a gift? Was thinking I might bring a bottle of veuve cliquot or something.

GIBSON6594

go and hook up with one of her friends, or her mother

FuriousGeorge83

Haha im sure that would go over real well.

Python2121

And if it doesn't does it matter? shes your ex....

nbennettksu

iTrader: (2)

give her the "dick in a box"

Mike 350Z

She either wants some ex sex or wants you to hook up with one of her friends. Sounds like a win-win to me.

But if you go, you should bring a gift.

darksom1

+1 for the dick in the box! Don't sing though, or her mom will notice, unless you want her to. On second thought, if her mom is hot, give HER the dick in the box! Milwaukee chicks dig the dick in the box!

FYI - The dick in the box will not work if the new guy is there with a bigger, longer box! Which will explain why you are the "ex" in the first place! (hell hath no fury...)

nbennettksu

iTrader: (2)

yea I can see how that would go bad real quick.

Whiskers

Free party...

GIBSON6594

Gifts are free?

agean

Only guy? And the ex? Sounds odd. Bring condoms.

Whiskers

Gifts?

savage

yeah no sword fighting...

cM3go

For you guys adding little to no value to this thread, I reference you to the D&R Rules:
https://acurazine.com/forums/dating-relationships-14/d-r-posting-rules-379741/

Post a useful response to the OP's question, or don't post at all.

savage

some real advice...

Blowing off the party completely might be rude since you are still friends, but that doesn't mean you have to stay long. Pop in for a little bit, but mention you have some family thing or some other excuse so you can take off early. That way any awkward moments are kept at a minimum...

Also pop in a little late so that there are more people to blend in with...

JediMindTricks

serious answer:
i'd go since you were invited and seem to still be friends and/or in good terms with her. unless you have a really good excuse for not going, i'd accept the invitation and go.

and yes, you should take a card and a gift. the gift doesn't have to be extravagant, though.

but like savage said, just go and say hello and congratulations. hand her the card and gift and then leave.

FuriousGeorge83

Hmm sounds like a plan. good call on the card as I would have totally forgotten to get that. A card and a bottle of veuve should be good enough as to not show up empty handed. I drop by a little later and hope that everybody is drunk and see how it is, if its cool, I'll stick around if not I'll jet early and maybe meet them out at the bars later.

Yeah this is what kind of threw me off. As far as I know through facebook which is how the invite went out, Im the only guy on the list. maybe its a trick to throw me off and some other dude shes blowing will be there. haha.

Rock2534

I can't see why you would want to go, I wouldn't want to. I would just send a card and say you had prior engagements.

Cocoa

iTrader: (2)

I understand how it could feel strange to go. But if you guys truely ended it on good terms, I wouldn't see the harm in going. You can possibly find your next girlfriend there...

GSI

Go and bring your new hot girlfriend.

Palayah8ta

even if ur the only guy that was invited on facebook, ur not going to be the only guy. All the other girls are bringing there boyfriends... which equals akward times ahead

leedogg

Sigh. Quit being a pansy and just go. whats the worst that can happen? they give you roofies and take advantage of you?

ILLustriousUA6

iTrader: (2)

if you're the ONLY guy there. hmm weird. lol

I think she wants u back, too?,maybe?

Scottman111

Did you go? Were you raped?

darksom1

I find it hard to understand how one guy at a party full of horny, potential prospects is a bad thing. Maybe it's because I like to fuck?

FuriousGeorge83

Its in early jan, im going to go a little late so I wont be like the first one there and can leave without being noticed if its weird. Hopefully they will all be drunk and I can hook up with someone atleast if not her.

Q1911

Just remember, ex girlfriends are like slinkys, there useless but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

leedogg

I would actually get there on time, tell her you may need to leave early. As they arrive its easier to deal with them one by one. Otherwise if you're late, they're already in full girl mode and you're the outside intruder.

Dr. Colorado

yeah but what if he goes early and it's only his ex and her parents or just a few people? then homey would be forced to chit-chat and that potentially could be awkward. to the op, it's cool you're gonna man up and show face. i'd say show up 45 minutes or so after the scheduled time on the evite. give her a nice graduation kiss on the cheek, hug, and present (btw props on the bottle of wine idea) and then dig out to the bar. hopefully, you will run into one of her girlfriends at the bar, offer to do some chilled patron silver shots together, and be pleasantly surprised to find out that your ex used to describe you as the "best lover ever!" lol. keep us posted.

darksom1

Yup! MD representing!

FuriousGeorge83

ha ha this idea sounds great actually. but Veuve is a champagne. but good call on everything else. that would be perfect.

Evader

I say man up and go. I'm not sure I would bring a bottle of champange though that might bring across the wrong impression with her friends and you don't want to to shoot down your chances. Maybe just get her bottle of perfume and a card or something, and play the romantic type... you might end up leaving with more than one of her friends! Keep us posted bro

Dr. Colorado

oh my b! only champagne i know is dom and cristal (which cost me 500 dollars for 1 f-in bottle last time i was at lotus in nyc for a bachelorette party but that's for another thread)

FuriousGeorge83

So a little update. I went out with her and a couple buds on friday night and things seemed pretty cool. I dont know if its just me or what but there are still some things that I find weird about some of the things she does. It feels like shes sending mixed signals or whatever but she says shes not so eh.
Earlier in the day she was taking a final exam and then driving into town later that night and we had been texting back and forth about going out that night which she seemed up for. I was heading out with a couple friends already so I was going out either way. Later that night when we started texting again (we rarely talk on the phone) she said non of her friends are going out or what not and was thinking about staying in. I call her and she says she'll be out in 15 mins. So anyways, we meet up at the bar and head downtown. We are always friendly and what not, but that night she seemed almost flirty. Anyways so while out we see a couple of her friends out and whatever and shes standing close to me and what not and I put my arm around her and shes totally receptive. She then she jokingly brings up something about how one of my other friends were grabbin her boobs and what not last time we were out together and that I should wathc out for her like its my job. Well her and my best friend start arguing about something retarded (unrelated to the boob grabbing, it wasnt him) and Im drunk by this point so I try to calm them down an they kind of make up but there is still tension. So then later we're talking and out of the blue she tells me she cried for an hour after her graduation because of problems with her divorced parents or what not and how shes never going to get married because of them. I have no idea what to say to this. whatever, anyways she says shes going to the bathroom, and I slap her ass and she smiles. The rest of the night is fun for me as Im drunk and out with friends and she seems like shes having a good time too. Anyway, at the end of the night, she tells me to call her the next night if Im going out. I call her the next day during the day she doesnt answer and I dont leave a message and I never got a call back.

So here are my questions: Why does she go out to the bars with me and my friends when she doesnt really know any of my friends too well. I figure it can't be that much fun for her as we are a bunch of animals.
Why does she always text instead of calling?
Is she sending mixed signals or am i just reading the situation wrong?
Is she just stringing me along? She's always bringing things up random things that i get the feeling im supposed to be all excited for but am not.
I do buy her drinks when we are out and she will usually buy me one but is she just coming out for the free ride and drinks?
Why does she always want to make plans during the day then never follow through?

*Cliffs: Whenever we are both in town we go out together with my friends.
It feels to me like shes sending mixed signals.
When I ask whats up or try to amp things up she denies it.
She never follows up with plans for daytime stuff.

saiko_cl_duck

It's called comfort. She already knows you, how you act, and how she's going to act around you. She doesn't have to impress you, you don't have to impress her, and both of you know it. You're a fall back plan probably, so she can flirt and have fun, but she's drawing the line at just that.

shnee

amen

leedogg

No expectations. Dont stress it. If it happens it happens.

darksom1

I understand your confusion, about her mixed signals, but there is some clarity in it - at least from my viewpoint.

She is just playing it safe, but not because that is all that she wants. She wants more. However, she doesn't feel she can handle more in her life right now. She is confused about a lot of things that are going on in her life. Being with you, in a way other than how she is right now with you, gives her yet one more thing to concern herself with and have to deal with or figure out. She probably feels she is at a bad point right now, and to piggyback on the aforementioned thought, is comfortable around you. You are like that thing to turn to when she can't make heads or tails of things and needs an out. You and your animal friends give her a reprieve, so no prob. But then she has the days when even though she makes plans with you, she gets that "shitty feeling" about things, and just wants to be left alone or not have to look at you because of you and what you represent to her: Relationship gone bad or that didn't work. Like her parents.

Maybe she thinks it was a mistake how she dealt with you and your relationship. By keeping you around she gets a chance at redemption and to make things ok with a guy who she thought was great. Just maybe not right for her, or she doesn't think she is right for you. But she obviously harbors no ill-will toward you. She is quite herself around you and in a peaceful state. So she welcomes your company on the days she can handle it.

Right now the thing about relationships is not a good thing for her because between your relationship with her and her folks, she doesn't have a lot of faith in relationships. She sees them as painful endings that she can't stomach right now. She may want to be in a relationship with you, but she can't handle that right now in her life. So, she will accept a close second, which is being with you, maybe even sleeping with you, but not being committed to you. That is too much pressure for her. You have to understand that.

You do bring her a great deal of comfort though, so you should stick around, if you can handle being this close to her and keep your own emotions/feelings in check. She will not be able to come to your emotional rescue, and with her in her current state, nor should you want her to. Hurt would be right around the corner when that "state" is over if you went there. You should also not put pressure on her for clarity of "your relationship". You know, those "I need to know how you really feel or what's it going to be" type scenes. Let her come to you if you still desire that. But if you do desire that, and you can't stick around because of it, or would need an answer she can't give you now, then make yourself scarce. She should understand that.

Oh yeah, the reason why she probably texts so much is so that she can minimize the awkward moments that might occur from talking and rehashing old stuff. Like nostalgia or the need to answer questions about "what are we doing". She can just go out with you and pretend everything is cool without having to think about it. Thus, you can pat her on the butt or put your arm around her. The days when she is not so good at that, are probably the days she doesn't follow thru with plans. Give her those days.

You sound like, judging from your update, that you still have feelings for her. I advise you to stay away from her until you can handle that your advances will go unanswered. You need to settle what you feel about her in your own way. Sex will just be familiarity, comfort or a weak moment, as far as her. It won't mean "yesterday". So don't get confused by that. BEWARE!

If you want a relationship, then you should seek that elsewhere. She is soul-searching right now, and you don't want to get hurt by the ensuing clarity at the end of that. Just hang out and enjoy whatever comes with that if you can handle it. Sometimes though, we want to be friends, but our hearts know we are more than that. So be a friend, but protect your heart...

Street Spirit

Who was it that created that thread in Ramblings about the continual usage of "...and what not..."

FuriousGeorge83

haha sorry bout that! but to darksom1, I think you've hit the nail on the head with my views anyways. I guess I'll just have to keep on trucking and continue being a friend to her until we both move on. Eh. Part of it was cause I needed some lovin' and part of me still really likes her but Im just beginning to see your point and hopefully it will give me clarity.

So would it be fucked up to talk to other girls when we are out together or is that uncouth.