This question is posed for you ladies out there...

A little background first. I am the youngest of three, and I am 53, dealing so far sucessfully with squamous cell cancer. My one and only older sister is 58, and she has a daughter, my niece, who is 32 years old. She is very attractive, slim, and good looking. I'd characterize her personality as average. Nothing that bowls you over, yet nothing that offends you.

The problem: I have been engaged once, and unfortunately, that didn't work out, but I am over it and have been for a long time. Julie, my niece, has been engaged probably 10 times in the last ten years, and the last time, it got down to damn near when the wedding invitations were printed, less than a month ago. The wedding was to be in November.

Julie is very dependent, and I hate to say, very stupid. I though i was nuts when I traded the non navi 2003 CLS6 for another in 2003 for a navi model with a spoiler. Cost me an additional $11,000, but due to some savvy moves in the stock market, it was paid off in less than three months.

What does Julie do? She trades in her not paid off Saturn for the most expensive Jeep Grand Cherokee possible, even though she makes the least amount of money in the family. Six years of over $700 a month car payments.

Now, she has moved in with, remember, it has only been a month, with a guy who lives in her town, and the guy is EVEN OLDER THAN ME!

She refuses to talk to her Mom, who has not been hostile to her in any way. Her Mom has wisely tried to guide her, but she refuses to listen.

Needles to say, my sister and Brother-in-law is heartbroken. What is a person, be it Mother or Uncle to do?

If I could add any clarification to this post (there are just too many variables), my Sister thinks that here daughter may be unstable), I think my niece is just plain, flatly, in love with the idea of being "in love".

My one and only time where I was engaged, and violently jilted at the last moment wasn't pretty, but I got over it. At 53, I no longer seek female compansionship (what would be the point?), and I am comfortable with that. I have other goals.

But just what exactly is it, where a young female gets jilted in a relationship, usually with no remores and no tears, yet ends up engaged again less than, usually, 30 days later. Something is not right here.

I am looking for feminine responses here, but I will listen to anyone.

 

easy Dave... she is unstable, your sister is right.... she feels the need to bounce from relationship to relationship as quickly as possible because she fears being lonely... (I forget the technical word for it)

the imfamous Rebound... and if the gentlemen she got involved with would learn something about her backround before settling down with her, they too would see that they are just a rebound for the time being.

OFF To Dating and Relationship sub-forum..

 

But I didn't post this in D&R because I was neither dating or in a relationship. No big deal though. It was just a question.

Still, looking for a feminine viewpoint, just to see the other side of the coin.

 

Bumbs that have no jobs.

Southerners (no offense intended) that insist coming over for dinner in Diego-T's and wearing cowboy hats through dinner, wiping their mouths on what would be their sleeves.

Her last fiancee, a Chicago cop, who beat up a homeless person.

I mean, WTF?

 

No offense, but who do you expect to take-in someone with her history? I seriously doubt some successful professional would be getting engaged with someone who just broke off and engagement (or had it broken off, whatever the case may be) so recently.

 

She sounds hot.

 

Your niece finds happiness and fulfillment in men, perhaps because she has low self-esteem. Her identity seems to hinge solely on her romantic relationships as someone's girlfriend. But when the relationship leads to marriage, she realizes that the fiancee is not her ideal man so she calls off the wedding. Since she can't stand being alone, she seeks the company of another man... and the cycle continues.

 

Unfortunately she'll follow this path to her own destruction.

People make very bad choices in life. Sounds like she has built her life around poor decisions.

 

yep.

and over and over and over

 

I'd have to agree here, she is one of those girls who is highly dependent on having a man, and is willing to have one regardless of the costs. She probaby does have a low self esteem and probably believes she can't make it on her own without having that "man" in her life. Some people are just needy like that and are willing to snatch up the next man that comes along even if he doesn't necessarily treat her right.

I'm assuming now the older man is probably happy to have such a young girl in his life, you never know, her and the old guy might workout... Just trying to think positive here...

 

sounds like a hot dumb slut. no offense of course. I know they type. I think she should just get married to a rich guy let him die and call it a day. Happens here all the time.

 

I bet her car gets repoed.

 

She definitely sounds like she has low self esteem. Always needing someone to take care of her and now the car. She seems to feel the need to prove something to someone. Who and what? She probably doesn't even know. I know sometimes we get things to make ourselves feel better, I do it all the time but within my financial means. I have even gone out with the wrong type of girl, just because of the attraction or because she's showing interest in me. As humans I think we all live off the feeling of being loved and not alone and also being better then the next. It's a vicous cycle that we all take, some just have more control then others.

 

Definitely values her self-worth in relation to her possessions. Male and material. Poor thing. She'll never be happy until she finds value in herself.

 

Totally agree. The scary thing is that she's 32 and still doing that.

 

You'd be surprised just how many woman are like this. I blame society for women's low self esteem. Its the age old "you can't love another if you can't love yourself"

So the poor lost souls just keep bouncing from relationship to relationship, marriage to marriage thinking "oh, I'll be happy with x or y in my life"

No dear, you'll never be happy until you fix yourself.

 

wow, that must be my problem. I always find faults with all the girls I'm with...maybe it really isn't them, it's me all along.

 

Seems like trouble. Men, stay away from this girl.

 

yes stay away!

 

The root of self-esteem is not in the influences of society. It comes from within, hence the term self-esteem.

 

not true

The media has put an image out there of what women are expected to look like, act like, etc. This image is what causes most women low self-esteem. Hence, it's not entirely their fault

 

The "media" did not say "this is what we want women to look like" - the media decided to put images, ideas, etc. up to appeal to people who watch TV...

Hence, I think it is still their fault. Especially with so many tubby, bull-dyke feminists out there who are VERY happy with themselves.