About a month and a half ago, I asked my now ex-girlfriend why she loved me and yeah .. she was absolutely speechless. It's partly my fault she couldn't find a reason, main reason for that is because I've been under a LOT of stress and couldn't really give her the attention she wanted these last few months. I was always angry and volatile, to the point where I bottled up and just became closed out and boring. Plus I've made a lot of stupid mistakes lately that just basically made her fade away.

For instance, a month ago, it was a VERY nice sunny day, one of the rarest during this time of the year. We were ready to climb one of the local mountain hiking trails, when all of a sudden, my boss calls. By this time I've already worked 6 hours a day for 5-6 days a week, and on my day off, they call me in. I dunno what the fuck I was thinking, but I went ahead and just dropped her off and went to work instead of enjoying a relaxing hike. I will forever kick my own ass for that one.

Our relationship lasted 16 months. She's my first love, it's hard to let go. POINT IS .. do you really need a reason to love someone? Or is there a point in time in the relationship, where you just really don't need a reason, you just know that you love them?

 

what do you mean?

people don't need to make it this complicated..if you love them, you love them.......

you just know..

sometimes CIRCUMSTANCES get in the way...(i've known couples that romeo and juliet had nothing on, just wasn't the right time)

only you can make the compromise.......b/w work and her...i'm sure you'll figure it out..

 

I don't think you need a reason.

I'm in love with my bf. We've been together for about 3 months now. We both kinda knew from the first few days of meeting each other that something would happen between us. It was like one of those instances where you just know. We didn't know much about each other personally then or had reasons but it was just there.

Of course you find reasons over time. Like now if my bf asks me what are the reasons i love him i would tell him that it's all the little things that he does that make him who he is (i.e. how he's so funny that i never go a day without laughing).

And it's also how caring he is and all the stuff that he does for me. Like how he calms me down before my midterms or drive to Canada just so i could see him.

hmm this actually became pretty long eh. lol. But yeah all in all i don't think you need a reason, but after time they just form on their own.

 

At one time, Spunky, my ex was just like you .. only from the conversations between me and her these days, it seemed like she really NEEDED a reason to love me to even continue the relationship. Also, it seems we've fought enough to the point where she didn't want to do this anymore. Now before our last fight [ I know this sounds really cliche ] I had a sort of epiphany and promised myself "no more of this shit. I'm done being angry. I'm getting her and my life back together." But she wouldn't come back. Now I'm trying all I can to give her a reason for her to come back. I quit my job [ which was the worst thing to ever happen to me anyway ] and started focusing on college more. All I really need now, is her.

All in all though .. all I can really say to myself is that we're both still so young .. we both need to grow up a little, and if it's really meant to be, our paths can cross again down the road. We'll just have fun together for now.

.. No real point to this post, lol, I guess I'm just venting.
Damn, it sucks not having a kiss and a hug EVERY single day though.

 

have you told her all that? that made my heart melt!!

also, what were the reasons that you guys were fighting?

i mean my bf and i. we fought ALL THE TIME too. like literally all the time. as in there wouldn't be a day that we wouldn't argue. and sometimes during the make up we'd get into another argument. but in the end i just realised that i honestly need him in my life to make me laugh everyday and tell me it's ok and i love him so i will try to work harder at it (i always started it anyway, poor guy).

so maybe she just needs a little time or you guys need to go out together and talk and get rid of some old issue (if there are any).

i really hope that everything works out between you two.

 

You can't force her to come back....i tried and it made things worse. Let her be and she'll come back if she really loves you

 

She definitely needs a little more time .. I'll give her all the time she needs.

We fought over stupid shit, really .. I can't even remember any of our fights and our topics, that's how minor they were. I was the main fight-starter for these past few months. My stress point got to where anything would set me off. I remember we went to the mall to go see a movie .. Saw that the movie we planned to see wasn't there, and I just fuckin' STORMED out of there, making her fall behind with a pissed off "wtf" look on her face. To this day, I honestly don't know what the hell came over me.

She definitely still has some past issues with me. Some of her issues with me actually stem from what I've said on this board too. But she needs to realize that what I feel now is more important than what I felt a long time ago.

 

Well okay, I DID pressure her for a minute or two sometimes, but that was because I wanted her back so bad. Now I'm just riding the flow. She said no more chances for me repeatedly, but hey .. In the end, you never know, not even her. Feelings can change. She says she still loves me so much, says she still worries and still wants to call me everyday to make sure I'm driving safe. So yeah .. I gotta keep on with that.

 

So are you playing the friend game? At some point wont it hurt too much if shes your "friend" and never wants to turn it into more again.

 

Nah .. she fell in love when we were still friends, I'm just hopin our bad past will be out of her head so she may do the same thing again someday. Either way, she's the most important person in my life right now. I'll have her in my life, one way or the other.

 

This isn't all weirdo stalkerish, is it? You know, like we'll see you on the evening news and shit?

 

Who knows .. ?




LOL nahh man, I'm sane. I want her by my side as a friend or a girlfriend.

 

Can you drop down from the girlfriend level? With my ex-g/f when we hung out after we broke up it still felt like we were going out, and even she couldnt act just like a "friend" towards me even though she broke up with me. I dont think at this time we could just be "friends".

 

She couldn't drop down I guess .. She couldn't treat me as a friend either .. Actually she's been treating me like complete SHiT ever since we broke up. But there were conversations where she showed some real compassion for me. Even she doesn't know the reason why she treats me so coldly.

As for hanging out though .. She was uncomfortable sometimes, but I was just bein' myself. Goofin' off a bit and whatnot. She thought it came across as an act because these past few months she was used to me being closed off and angry? I don't know, really. I wasn't faking anything, that's for sure.

Oh wait, I'm sorry, "fo sho."

But maybe you're right, it's too early to be comfortable with each other as friends. Oh well .. As long as I'm being a gentleman.

 

Well this is quite a shock .. She just admitted to hating me. A few nights ago she said she'll always love me.

Women ..

 

Don't see how you cannot know the reasons/things you love about someone. You probably aren't thinking about it then, as I'm sure you wouldn't just be spending time with someone for no reason. Think about it. If you can't list things you love about someone, you're prob just with them for convenience or because it's what you're used to. What's the point of saying "I love you" if there's no meaning behind it?! Saying it without knowing why you're saying it, is saying it without reason -- to me.

I can list many things I love about the people I spend time with. I can also list things I don't like about people, and the reasons why I don't want them as friends, bf/gf, etc.

 

I see what you're saying .. I was thinking maybe she was with me for so long that she just didn't wanna think about WHY she loved me, she just wanted to love me. Even me .. it took me quite a while to find a reason to love her, but I eventually said that love shouldn't be complicated .. if we're together, if we love each other, then I really didn't need anything else. I think what I feel is more important than anything else. Dunno if that makes much sense. I know eventually she found a few reasons .. maybe she thought it wasn't enough reason to stay with me? Ah well .. I made mistakes, I worked too much. I should just leave it as the past and sweep it all under the rug. She, however, can't do that.

 

I don't see how time can fade the reasons why you love someone to the point where you can't name them or know them (unless feelings have changed), just as I can't see how time can push you to love someone or 'create' it. People can date for a year and never truly love each other, so time doesn't mean much in that sense.....And it shouldn't be such hard work to 'search' or 'find' reasons to love someone -- if you truly do: they're there naturally.

Again, only my

 

It wasn't all that hard, really .. the reason why I loved her was because she was my prime motivation to get through everything. Every night, I would work hard at what I was doing just so I can find what scarce time I could to come see her EVERY single night. I worked hard in school because I didn't want her to think I was a bum. I worked on my physical image, we even had a no-soda pact going for a long while. She was my motivation to be an overall better person. Now that she's gone, what's going on now? Sure I'll sound like a punk right now, but I'm jobless, and doing poorly in school. Can't focus. And I've gained 15 pounds. Blah..love just sucks ass.

 

awww.. so sweet and how cute only 3months eh... all the little things you listed any good buddy/friends can provide so why exactly do you luv him?

 

donkey