just curious, but how many of you married folks out there married your "soulmate" or got married b/c of other reasons (age , influence of friends, family pressure, financial reasons, length of time together, children, etc). I'm not married but would lke to -someday! but not willing to settle either.

 

yup

 

how many people will admit the opposite

 

Depends on your definition of soul mate. I tend to think of that as someone who share so much in common with you that you connect at almost a primal level when you first meet. My wife and I are very different, and we like it that way. Are we soul mates? I have no idea, but probably not by some people's definition.

 

I think I got a winner...

 

Yes

 

 

Don't settle, but don't miss out on a good woman because of the nebulous concept of a soulmate. With 6 billion + people on the earth, there are likely a FEW perfectly compatible girls for you.

My wife completes me; she's the definition of marrying UP. She's a Mensa member, has more earning power than me, she made 3 (objectively!) gorgeous boys, and she complements my strengths and weaknesses. Is she everything I want physically? No. But in life there is sacrifice. I am very lucky to have the wife I have.

 

To be honest, I really only love him for the camera knowledge and availability of a MT car so I can learn how to drive one. My family thinks it'd be of great benefit to know how to drive Standard, so hey---why not---I'm going to marry the sucka! Plus, he can reach everything on the top shelf.

 

every soul mate I've ever known has been a bitch.

 

Well said. It's absurd to think you could only love one person.


I didn't think people actually said that.

 

Blame it on Tom Cruise! Now, if you'll excuse me...:headsforsofa:
Seriously what I mean by that is that we are a good team. We have things in common but it's what we DON'T have in common that gives us something to talk about. I've herad that if two people just alike get married then ONE of you is unnecessary. No one should want their clone.
My wife picks up the slack in areas I lack...is that better than a movie quote?

 

Don't think I will

 

I'm not married, in fact pretty far from it. But I would not settle, no matter what your definition of soul mate is. I have recently started seeing a new girl, and right off the bat things were different, she is not my "type" and she smokes(which I can't fucking stand) but we just click... I am also not her "type" but I pick up the same feeling from her that something just feels right - kind of unexplainable, not sure what to think at this point, but its very different from any relationship I've ever had and its very early in the relationship. I dunno , and I am not going to try to figure it out just roll with the punches and see what tomorrow brings.

 

If you spend your time chasing perfection, you could be looking forever cuz it doesn't exist. It's a rare woman that possesses sexy, smart, kind, funny, reasonable, yada yada all in one package.

I like the line from As Good as it Gets, when Jack Nicholson says something to the effect of, You make me want to be a better man.

I was 28 and definitely not looking hard for wifey material, was one of those guys who thought I'd get married later in life. It sounds cliche, but you know, when you know.

Maybe I'm just lucky in love.

Here's to hoping you guys get lucky too!

 

maybe you cant define a soulmate until you actually have one? i have no clue where to ever begin.

 

I'm in a very similar situation (including the smoking) although I'm nearly 12 months in to the relationship...

 

What are the chances that you actually meet your soulmate (if you believe in that)?

 

Yup. She's my soulmate. Is she the only potential soulmate out there in 6+ billion? Probably not, but she's the one that was accessible, marryiable (after her divorce from the idiot first husband) , and wanted me. We connected viscerally pretty quickly, then spent four years in a LDR, then lived in the same apartment building and then married. Neither of us were spring chickens, and we both had gone through other more or less intense relationships, she a marriage, me a LTR with a woman that I lived with for several years.

Is she perfect? na.... does it work more days than not? absolutely!

 

I think the notion of 'soul mate' is a terrible thing that Hollywood has brought to the world. Not to say romance isn't in the equation but finding the 'perfect person for you' ? It might be appropriate to say 'best fit for you at the moment' / 'compatible' would be more suitable a term.

Perhaps I am a pessimist about this?

Well ... I think I've found the right person for me. Our values on life, the world, the future are all in sync. Now I just gotta get off my ass, get a ring and propose. Weird thing is that I'm not scared at all by the idea. Maybe it's because I'm over 30 and need to settle down! ...

 

ME! I got married out of convenience. Yeah, we really wanted to get married, but I don't think we would have if we didn't "need" to. He's my best friend, just TOTALLY not my "soulmate." We are so opposite, it's not even funny... will be a miracle if it lasts...

 

nope. Never been close to a soul mate. It is hard enough to find someone great (or even a soulmate) but what are the odds that you are soulmates for each other.

I do know about 3-4 married people that seem like they have a very very strong relationship but you never truly knows what goes on behind closed doors.

 

I talked to my wife about the soulmate thingy. I explained that the odds are slim that these two particular people would hook up, but she remained convinced that we were. I guess as long as one side believes it, that's what counts.

 

i think i broke up with my soulmate and now im never gettin married... sigh......

oh well. movin on

 

under what circumstances would you "NEED" to get married to a person?

 

The term soul mate has a very interesting history. From what I understand, the concept may originate from Greek mythology. In Greek mythology, Zeus cut humans in half because the gods feared that they were becoming too powerful. By doing this, he forced humans to wander in search of their other half. The whole idea about a person completing themselves with another has its roots in this.

There was a study done on university students who either believed in soulmates (one person destined to be with you) vs. students who believed in "work it out" theory (where there is nobody destined for you, but you need to work on the relationship to make it work).

I'm pulling this from memory, so the numbers aren't exact, but they found that about 50% of the students believed in soulmates. These students tended to have both the highest satisfaction with their relationships - and the lowest. When the relationship was working they're belief in finding a soulmate was strengthened, but when the relationship was not they were very disillusioned.

The much smaller group that believed in work it out theory tended to not experience great peaks of valleys in their relationships. They tended to be near the middle.

I'm definitely a "work it out"er, but I have recently felt that I've found the right woman. We still need time to make sure we're right for each other - but it's very promising.

Oh - HERE'S A LINK (not the one I remember - the the info is mid-way down the page)

Link to info

Personally, I think it's complete garbage to think that there is another person who "completes" you. If you look at the requirements of people who truly believe in soulmates (in the link above) you realize that these requirements are basically unfillable.

 

Hollywood is the perfect example of how "relationship won't work." Having alot of money doesn't mean you can give two shits about relationships.........
most (not all) of hollywood folks marry, cheat, hookup for that moment and often don't think about the future. Some of them thinks money is everything, while majority of them thinks their career is everything. In fact, Hollywood is the worse example of relationships, needless to say finding a "soul mate"


Growing up, I never thought about finding my soulmate.... as a matter of fact....... while growing up... all I thought about was how many girls I could sleep with... especially in high school.
I dated quite a few girls before the right girl for me came into my life. My current wifey is definitely the best girl among the ones I dated...
my definition of a soul mate is quite different... she's not someone who shares the same interest(I love standup comedy, she loves broadway musical), not someone who have the same hobby(I love modified cars, she loves arts and craft), not someone who loves the same kinda food (I love spicy asian food, she loves Italian and swedish dish) or someone within the same culture.
Yet, she's someone who is more than that... she's willing to try and be there for me when I'm enjoying things I like... and I do the same. to me, that's a soulmate...

Opposites attract

 

I think believing in soulmates is kind of like believing in Santa and the tooth fairy....

 

I agree. I always thought "soulmate" was a female fabrication used to romanticize relationships into something more metaphysical and "deep."

 

Not too sure if I believe in soulmates. But I married a great woman.

 

I got married because I had a child. Felt at that point in time that it was the "right" thing to do. We do for the most part make a good team. I don't think that soulmate would be the right word. More like high school sweethearts. Plus we dated for 8 years off and on before we got married. So now its more like I don't know what I would do if she was not in my life. Hard to explain.

Did I know who my soulmate really is, yes... Can I do anything about it at this point in time, no.

 

Same with "faithful: Dumb women....

 

A slap in the face for the "hopeless romantics"

 

But do you regret the way your life turned out?

 

I wouldn't say I married my soul-mate. I did married a kind, caring wonderful woman, who gave me what I was looking for, a family and a child (son). She wasn't the first woman that came around when I gave up on the bullshit of dating in the bar scene. But she's the one that wouldn't let go when I thought we where going to be going are separate ways. 14 years later, pretty damn good (10.5 married).

I say I'm pretty lucky she puts up with my quirks ( and I her's, more me), know when to leave me alone and hasn't tried to change me. Though she has shown me how to be better, which doesn't always stick.

 

Does one need to believe that he or she has a soul before having a "soulmate?"

 

That's deep.

 

im divorced because i married because i felt i had to. (the whole kids thing happened) then i lost the only person i would ever say was my soulmate.(not the exhusband) He made me a better person and i would have done anything for him. i dont feel the need to look for anything else because i dont feel ill ever find that degree of love and compatability, and friendship with anyone else. im happy i experienced that joy and happiness in my life. if the possibility was there, i would have married him, and this was after i was totally against marriage due to the previous experience. even after the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship was over, it was more than anything i had ever dreamed of.

 

Same here

 

so how many girls before Hanna?