PsychoInDenial

Ok so here's the deal. I go on a blind date with a guy about 2 weeks ago. Before meeting we got along great on the phone. When I meet him in person, he's a nice guy but I don't find him attractive at all. I try to blow him off nicely by not calling him. Today he IM's me being all drama asking why it seemed like I wasn't interested in him when we met in person and how I didn't seem to like him as much as he liked me.

Mind you I did not have any sexual relations with this guy, I simply just hung out with him for a few hours and watched a movie. What's the best way to blow this guy off with out getting him too butthurt?

Would it be nicer to say I'm trying to work things out with my ex? Right now my excuse is that I'm busy with other aspects of my life. I hate to lie to the guy, but somehow I don't think its right to say I think he's ugly to his face, especially when he didn't do anything wrong...

M TYPE X

Inform him you're a "PsychoInDenial"

JimmyCarter

Tell him you've actually used the phrase "case catchin mofos." He'll get over you pretty quick

PsychoInDenial

well I didn't want to put case catching motherfuckers in my title thread... lol so hence mofo's.. I don't think he'll bite on me being psycho... he seems to be willing to tolerate psycho bullshit...

mfkitson

How about "I'm sorry, I just don't think you and I would be a good match"

JimmyCarter

Tell him you've got an animal fetish
Or tell him you just found out you got herpes

PsychoInDenial

Wouldn't that conclude that I thought he was ugly? I mean we got along on the phone great...

PsychoInDenial

Ok maybe I should rephrase this, what's the nicest way you guys have ever gotten blown off?

JimmyCarter

Never happened to me before

JimmyCarter

Just be honest.

iTimmy

I met girl not long ago roughly the same way. I was just like the guy you are talking about, I was into her more then she was into me. She just flat out told me the way she felt, and believe it or not I was cool with it. I really can't expect every person I meet to fall in love with me, I've come to grips with this a long time ago. She thought I was going to be really upset or hurt and I was fine, no sleep was lost over this one. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and some people just don't get along as couples do, its not a crime, it doesn't mean anything is wrong with him or you, just the two of you together. You never real had a relationship, so nothing is or was lost, you may have even learned something new about yourself through this.

At the point I am at in my life now, if I can take something positive out of any situation, then its all good in the hood. Life's to short to be bitter and angry with other's. Point this out to him and maybe he'll get something postive out of it too. Just because it won't work between the two of you, doesn't mean you guys have to get angry at each other. I am also not saying you have to remain friends(I am not talking to the girl this happened to now or in the future) but karma is a powerful thing.

To sum all of this up: Don't lie to yourself or him, but do the right thing and everything will be fine.

Good luck!

youngTL

I blew someone off by telling him that I was still in love with my ex and that it wouldn't be fair to anyone if I dated so soon.

PsychoInDenial

Lies!

Should I just avoid him at all costs? I can just not pick up his calls and block him from my buddy list. He doesn't know where I live so that's a plus. I just didn't want to be mean, because it is fucked up that the main reason I'm not interested in him is because he's ugly, well that and his mannerisms also annoyed me, but I was also hung over that day so that might have been a contributing factor to my irritability.

Also I'm a busy girl right now, believe it or not I have no time to play to cocks or dildos. I have a whole bunch of other stuff that's more of a priority for me. I just don't want to hurt the poor guy's feelings.

PsychoInDenial

I'm thinking about going that route because in some ways it is true. However I know if I found somebody I was attracted to, that ex bullshit would be out the window with a quickness. I think I'm just going to have to play up the factor that I'm still tripping over the ex.

The only thing is I think he wants to be friends, how can I blow off that? The only thing I can think of is to start avoiding his calls, but I know some of you guys hate that shit and it sometimes makes you want to call even more.

JimmyCarter

Be direct. Nothing worse than giving him some answer like "I don't have time" because then he'll expect things to change when you do have time.

Don't spare feelings, because it just leaves way too much room for misinterpretation. I had a girl following me around for two years in college because of that. Not a fun time.

Always Dirty

There was this one girl in school who used to do this thing with her tongue that sent me up the wall!

PsychoInDenial

Well the good part about all this is that he's all the way in southern california, and I'm up here in northern cali. I didn't want to be direct, but I think you are right tireguy & JimmyCarter, if he straight up asks me again I'll just tell him the truth.

I just don't want it to make it seem like a direct attack on him, I mean I do realize its fucked up on my part to not be interested in him, but bottomline is I just didn't vibe with him. I just don't understand how somebody can catch a case so quickly considering I only met him once and talked to him on the phone only a few times before we met. He's also a few years older than me and stuff, but I guess that doesn't really matter.

I guess I'll just have to stop being chickenshit and just tell him I'm not interested.

jlukja

If he's really sensitive then no matter what you say will be taken as a personal attack. I he's not then he'll by cool with it just like Tireguy said. Just be direct. You can't be responsible for the self esteem of everyone you meet. Be nice, but be firm.

iTimmy

No offense but woman are HORRIBLE at this sort of thing, they would rather be upset and dodge someone then deal with 5 minutes of confrontation. I guess its how our brains function differently, but trust me as a guy just tell him your not into him. If he's a few years older then you, he should be WELL used to it by now, if he's not then he's ready to "get used to it". If the tumblers of fate had thrown you two together at a different time in a different way maybe things would be different, but they didn't, so take the high road out on this one and be curt, once that's done, you'll never have to deal with him again. At which point if he continues to call then you can block his IM and ignore his calls with a clear head on your shoulders.

Its a shame being in a relationship isn't easier

rise

"i'm just not that into you"

PsychoInDenial

I'm one to readily admit that I suck at telling people to go away. But as I said I do feel sorry for the sap. Even before I met him he was saying stuff like, "You're way to pretty for me, blah, blah blah"

I mean I don't want to come off as a self rightous bitch and be like, remember when you told me I was too pretty for you? Well you are right. Right now he thinks I'm going down to south cali to visit him in july, but honestly I'd rather go to south cali for an acurazine meet then see him ever again.

What I think I'm going to tell him is that I'm not interested right now in taking things further, and that I have a lot going on in my life (which is true, I have to find a new job, I'm going to apply for law school and I just broke it off with my ex) and I don't have much time for anyone and I need to just focus on myself and I don't think I can handle any new relationships of any sorts. Its not a lie, but it sure beats telling the poor guy he's ugly and he needs to go away.

Before I posted he confronted me online about this. He told me he'd try to call me later to talk about this so I guess I'll be breaking the news to him later on...

BTW this is my 500th post and its only been about 2 months.. I guess I am a PW

joerockt

Meh...I've seen better whorin'

PsychoInDenial

I guess I'm not a true slut then since I actually refrained from going on AZ during most of my vacation last week and I also do try to get some sleep at night.

GIBSON6594

"It's not you, it's me"

eve

You have to be honest with him. I would rather hear the truth than some lame excuse about being busy, not having time, etc.

Actually, the last guy I dated told me straight out that he had no feelings for me. Yes, it hurts but at least I know it's over, there is no future for us and I don't have to try to make it work. I did not lose any respect for him, we still talk and will probably see each other again.

And I HATE "It's not you, it's me" BS

Minch00

If he's ugly he's probably not good with women, so you doing anything that involves blowing him off (no matter how nice) will be a huge blow to his confidence and self esteem especially since you guys got along great over the phone, and he'll be too hard on himself and never want to try his hand at love again and therefore end up lonley and undersexed for the rest of his life.

But it's your call.

rise

"I am HIV positive...I'm afraid people won't love me"

moeronn

Just ask him if he's ever watched "Beauty and the Geek".

Edit: BTW, did you go to SoCal specifically to meet him or was it just a side trip?

txathlete

How about: "it's not me, it's you...."

nosaJ

If you won't be interested ever, don't tell him "not interested right now." Don't lie to the guy about the possibility that one day you might be interested, because that's how he could see it. He's ugly. You're "too pretty." He's lonely. He is USED to waiting. Don't be giving him the idea that he can wait you out.

Honesty is key. Maybe you can learn something from all this too, like being honest rather than trying not to hurt someones feelings. Being able to say what you feel is important.

Doc Holiday

I think everyone has used this at one piont in time, or another. I know I've had it done to me, and I've used it on someone else.

If not, just EMAIL him, whats he gonna do, stalk you? If he doesn't get the message after this, then thats his problem, not yours. But dont beat around the bush, and just let him thinking that your attracted to him, just let him know that your not interested in him, period.

Xenogen

Look...Just tell him hes not marriage material...Chicks tell me that all the time.

sleeper

just don't say you're gay. i tried that once and it backfired when she said "prove it." of course, you can use that one, if you're willing to prove it.

agranado

right move from the beginning.

iTimmy

Just email him a link to this thread

mfkitson

No, if you said "I think your ugly" that would make him think he's ugly. If you say you don't think you're a good match then he can use his ego to tell himself that it just didn't work out.

ric

Ah, just tell him straight up. Tell him that you enjoyed talking with him a great deal, but when you met, there was no "chemestry" there, and you don't see a romantic relationship emerging in the absence of that certain chemestry. You can tell him that, objectively, he's a great-looking guy, he just doesn't get your pheromes ignited....... In truth, the "chemestry" thing is real, and we all know folks who attract each other in ways that are inexplicable...... and men and women who are attractive who just aren't appealing to selected others, despite their "objective" handsomeness or beauty. THere IS a certain chemestry, and if you and someone share that intuitive sexual spark, there is a basis for something. If that spark ain't there, then all the niceguy stuff in the world is worth nada. (I fell in love with my wife the first time I saw her walk down the corridor to her office............................can't put it in words, but it was stirring.........)

If he's a stand-up guy (Tireguy) he'll suck it up and deal, and the two of you will go on your separate ways, no harm, no foul. If he's a stand-up guy and you and he enjoy social conversation, there may be room for a friendship. You may be able to link him up with someone else, and he may be able to introduce you to someone, or at hte least, you have a friend in SoCal.

If he's neurotic, he will try to argue with you, persist in bugging you, harass you and show up on your doorstep at 3:00 AM, begging to be let in to "talk". BUt - if he's neurotic, he will take anything you say and twist it to suit his own dark leanings, at which point, if you've been honest with him, you can own your own part of the dialogue

The real question is what you can live with with yourself. I'd just rip the bandaid off quickly and be done.

PsychoInDenial

I didn't go to SoCal to meet him, he came up here for a friend's grad party in stockton. I live in the bay area and we met up in Tracy when I was getting my clearbra put on. (PM me if you want the name of the guy he did an awesome job), but I pretty much just hung out with him to kill time while the guy worked on my car.

So part of the reason I hung out with him was because there wasn't anything to do in Tracy and he was nearby. So I guess he took it the wrong way. When I talked to him on the phone I mentioned to him that I was going to SoCal to visit my other friends down there and I guess he figured he was on the guest list too.

I mainly want to go to San Diego for their carne asada fries

But yeah anyways back on topic, he hasn't called me yet. So no real updates. I'm more than prepared to tell him the truth at this point, I appreciated everyone's viewpoint, I'm going to try to be nice but still firm on the truth, of course without tellin him he's ugly.

dom

Just tell him your shallow.

Sometimes the truth works.

PsychoInDenial

Its not that I'm completely shallow, its also because bottomline, I'm not attracted to him. Everyone has their own opinion of what ugly is. Even if I did say I was shallow, that would still imply that I thought he was ugly.

Sometimes its easier to be a little vague when blowing someone off, because as I said, I'm trying not to hurt his ego.