Can a man and woman just be friends?
09-15-2006, 12:42 PM
#42
Senior Moderator
Regional Coordinator
(Mid-Atlantic)
Regional Coordinator
(Mid-Atlantic)
iTrader: (6)
Originally Posted by SaraWI
I think Chris Rock answered this best:
A guys only has female friends he hasn't fucked YET and a guy friend to a girl is like a dick in a glass case: in case of emergency, break glass.
A guys only has female friends he hasn't fucked YET and a guy friend to a girl is like a dick in a glass case: in case of emergency, break glass.
Love that quote, so true
09-15-2006, 05:19 PM
#43
Arriving Somewhere...
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pittsburgh
Age: 53
Posts: 1,061
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I can honestly say, life would be a heck of a lot more boring if "sex" was always a barrior. I've had a lot of female friends over the years. Obviously, this is from a guy's perspective, but to me, there are three kinds:
1. Girl that is not attractive to you. One of my best friends in college was a girl like this. Sometimes it's hard to get this kind of friendship started because people just don't gravitate towards someone that doesn't attract them at all.
2. Girl that you're attracted to (at least a little), but that you don't put above the rest or think about constantly. This is a key category that a lot of married couples miss out on. My wife and I have both had a lot of friends like this, and our lives have been better because of it. The key is to know your boundaries, and know that you'll never cheat. It usually works best with someone else who is married or with someone else. You can establish some really interesting relationships without going "there".
3. Girl that is not "safe" anymore. This only happened to me once in the 12 years that I've been married... and it was an online friend. We really hit it off and were friends for about a year, when suddenly I started to feel differently. My wife always said that she learned a good piece of advice from her parents: if you are starting to get feelings for someone else, tell your wife or husband. That takes the mystery out of it, and makes it less powerful. So that's what I did. I told my wife and also discussed it with the online girl. She said she knew exactly what I meant, and that her bf was starting to get jealous. We did stay friends for a few years after that, but it was never quite the same (which is exactly the way it was supposed to work). And by the way, my wife was totally cool with it. If anything, it proved that I wouldn't cheat if it got dangerous.
I guess it wouldn't work if either person is overly jealous or if either person may cheat if given the opportunity. They way I look at it though, if you're only allowed to be friends with guys and your wife, you're a lot more likely to cheat anyway (or at the very least, build up a resentment for all the fun people you're missing out on).
1. Girl that is not attractive to you. One of my best friends in college was a girl like this. Sometimes it's hard to get this kind of friendship started because people just don't gravitate towards someone that doesn't attract them at all.
2. Girl that you're attracted to (at least a little), but that you don't put above the rest or think about constantly. This is a key category that a lot of married couples miss out on. My wife and I have both had a lot of friends like this, and our lives have been better because of it. The key is to know your boundaries, and know that you'll never cheat. It usually works best with someone else who is married or with someone else. You can establish some really interesting relationships without going "there".
3. Girl that is not "safe" anymore. This only happened to me once in the 12 years that I've been married... and it was an online friend. We really hit it off and were friends for about a year, when suddenly I started to feel differently. My wife always said that she learned a good piece of advice from her parents: if you are starting to get feelings for someone else, tell your wife or husband. That takes the mystery out of it, and makes it less powerful. So that's what I did. I told my wife and also discussed it with the online girl. She said she knew exactly what I meant, and that her bf was starting to get jealous. We did stay friends for a few years after that, but it was never quite the same (which is exactly the way it was supposed to work). And by the way, my wife was totally cool with it. If anything, it proved that I wouldn't cheat if it got dangerous.
I guess it wouldn't work if either person is overly jealous or if either person may cheat if given the opportunity. They way I look at it though, if you're only allowed to be friends with guys and your wife, you're a lot more likely to cheat anyway (or at the very least, build up a resentment for all the fun people you're missing out on).
09-17-2006, 07:08 PM
#46
Go Giants
Originally Posted by Michiraces2much
Definitely. I have many male friends with whom nothing sexual or romantic has happened nor will it ever happen
09-17-2006, 07:11 PM
#47
Crabcakes and Football!!!
Originally Posted by Whiskers
I bet only you think that....
jk At least not with my male friends on my end. If I wanted to have any type of romantic interest or sex, it would have happened by now.
09-17-2006, 07:26 PM
#48
Go Giants
Originally Posted by Michiraces2much
We're friends and i only let you PIITB, no strings attached jk At least not with my male friends on my end. If I wanted to have any type of romantic interest or sex, it would have happened by now.
jk At least not with my male friends on my end. If I wanted to have any type of romantic interest or sex, it would have happened by now.
09-19-2006, 09:35 PM
#50
"L-I-V-I-N"
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Houston
Age: 40
Posts: 2,351
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
One of my best friends is a chick. She's attractive too, in pretty much anyone's opinion. She's currently in a relationship and I'm single though over the course of our friendship there were times we have both been single and also times I've had a girlfriend and she hasn't had a boyfriend. Never has it been awkward or have we been in a situation where either one of us liked the other 'that way' it's pretty much just understood that neither of us would date the other one. Actually, its real fuckin nice having an attractive female you aren't trying to lay who you can bounce questions off of, get advice from, just chill with, ect. Not everyone can do it and not get feelings / get drunk and end up banging and fucking it all up, some can though.
09-26-2006, 08:27 PM
#52
Originally Posted by NewAgePirate
One of my best friends is a chick. She's attractive too, in pretty much anyone's opinion. She's currently in a relationship and I'm single though over the course of our friendship there were times we have both been single and also times I've had a girlfriend and she hasn't had a boyfriend. Never has it been awkward or have we been in a situation where either one of us liked the other 'that way' it's pretty much just understood that neither of us would date the other one. Actually, its real fuckin nice having an attractive female you aren't trying to lay who you can bounce questions off of, get advice from, just chill with, ect. Not everyone can do it and not get feelings / get drunk and end up banging and fucking it all up, some can though.
09-27-2006, 08:21 PM
#54
Evil Mastermind
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chas. SC
Age: 38
Posts: 445
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by NewAgePirate
One of my best friends is a chick. She's attractive too, in pretty much anyone's opinion. She's currently in a relationship and I'm single though over the course of our friendship there were times we have both been single and also times I've had a girlfriend and she hasn't had a boyfriend. Never has it been awkward or have we been in a situation where either one of us liked the other 'that way' it's pretty much just understood that neither of us would date the other one. Actually, its real fuckin nice having an attractive female you aren't trying to lay who you can bounce questions off of, get advice from, just chill with, ect. Not everyone can do it and not get feelings / get drunk and end up banging and fucking it all up, some can though.
jk
09-29-2006, 02:38 PM
#55
registered pw
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: south central pa
Age: 49
Posts: 38,821
Received 354 Likes
on
252 Posts
Originally Posted by fdl
Not possible, not in the truest sense of friendship. Unless the woman is extremely unattrative, the male in the "friendship" will always think about having sex with her. He may never act on these feeling, but they will ALWAYS be there. Hence why I think in the purest sense, it is not possible.
09-29-2006, 04:37 PM
#56
Registered Abuser of VTEC
You know what?
I don't really know anymore. I thought it was possible, but about 3 weeks ago I experienced a rather horrific incident that skewed my viewpoint.
A good friend of mine that I met in first year (meaning I've known her for over 4 years) who I hung out with alot had a group of us over at her house. We were all drinking and I had an 8AM class that day, so I fell asleep on the bed in her sister's room.
Some unknown time later, I woke up to a cold feeling near my legs. My shorts were off and her and her friends were looking at my tool. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore.
I don't really know anymore. I thought it was possible, but about 3 weeks ago I experienced a rather horrific incident that skewed my viewpoint.
A good friend of mine that I met in first year (meaning I've known her for over 4 years) who I hung out with alot had a group of us over at her house. We were all drinking and I had an 8AM class that day, so I fell asleep on the bed in her sister's room.
Some unknown time later, I woke up to a cold feeling near my legs. My shorts were off and her and her friends were looking at my tool. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore.
09-29-2006, 05:49 PM
#57
is learning to moonwalk i
Originally Posted by youngTL
You know what?
I don't really know anymore. I thought it was possible, but about 3 weeks ago I experienced a rather horrific incident that skewed my viewpoint.
A good friend of mine that I met in first year (meaning I've known her for over 4 years) who I hung out with alot had a group of us over at her house. We were all drinking and I had an 8AM class that day, so I fell asleep on the bed in her sister's room.
Some unknown time later, I woke up to a cold feeling near my legs. My shorts were off and her and her friends were looking at my tool. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore.
I don't really know anymore. I thought it was possible, but about 3 weeks ago I experienced a rather horrific incident that skewed my viewpoint.
A good friend of mine that I met in first year (meaning I've known her for over 4 years) who I hung out with alot had a group of us over at her house. We were all drinking and I had an 8AM class that day, so I fell asleep on the bed in her sister's room.
Some unknown time later, I woke up to a cold feeling near my legs. My shorts were off and her and her friends were looking at my tool. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore.
And yes, I know what my previous post says
10-04-2006, 03:34 PM
#58
98EXL, v2.0.1.33
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Maryland
Age: 42
Posts: 113
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
this should clear things up...for the most part, like in chemistry class, there are always exceptions to the rules:
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/
It basically talks about ladder theory. Men have one ladder, and they place women on the ladder, top being who they would fuck, bottom isn't getting any ass. Women have two ladders. Once for friends, and one for fucking. Men seldom 'ladder jump' from the friends ladder "the friends zone" to the relationship/sex ladder. Which explains a lot of things.
The site is a good read while you are at work and bored, but it does make sense. You learn terms like intellectual whores and intellectual pimps, etc.
Bottom Line (taken from the site mentioned above):
Back to the Beginning: Yes Virginia, They All Want to Bang You.
You'll note that a man has one ladder while a female has two. The man is lacking a "friends ladder." The man's ladder reflects the conventional wisdom that a man generally only wants one thing. That's because the conventional wisdom is correct. This leads us back to the conclusion that many women I have explained this to find so distasteful:
IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/
It basically talks about ladder theory. Men have one ladder, and they place women on the ladder, top being who they would fuck, bottom isn't getting any ass. Women have two ladders. Once for friends, and one for fucking. Men seldom 'ladder jump' from the friends ladder "the friends zone" to the relationship/sex ladder. Which explains a lot of things.
The site is a good read while you are at work and bored, but it does make sense. You learn terms like intellectual whores and intellectual pimps, etc.
Bottom Line (taken from the site mentioned above):
Back to the Beginning: Yes Virginia, They All Want to Bang You.
You'll note that a man has one ladder while a female has two. The man is lacking a "friends ladder." The man's ladder reflects the conventional wisdom that a man generally only wants one thing. That's because the conventional wisdom is correct. This leads us back to the conclusion that many women I have explained this to find so distasteful:
IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS
10-04-2006, 04:15 PM
#59
The sizzle in the Steak
10-12-2006, 07:09 PM
#60
"L-I-V-I-N"
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Houston
Age: 40
Posts: 2,351
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You sure it's not just because your too ugly for her to mess with?
In all honesty though in terms of friendships with women it just matters how you both conceive of it. Some members of the opposite sex make fantastic friends but you know before you even get into it that they would be terrible significant others. That is this girl. So why not just bang? It depends on how you value the friendship because sex changes things. Also, it depends on what benifits you have from remaining friends vs. become fuck buddies. You have to do the calculation. See, I've hooked up with her friends and even slept with her roomate. She's dated a buddy of mine. We get eachother ass and laugh about it and share advice. If we slept together, it'd be fun, but the friendship would change and eventually complications would arise that would end it. Then no more benifits associated with the friendship at all. I'm happy with life right now, and get enough ass to not worry about having to canabalize a friendship just to get even more. Flame away.
10-13-2006, 09:02 AM
#61
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: मुंबई, भारत
Posts: 5,746
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by WILLDOGS
PS, her boyfriend has no idea of what is going on since he is very jealous and doesn't agree with her having guy friends. She said if he wasn't so against it that she would gladly tell him.
You can argue about whether a man and woman can be friends or even the merits of him being jealous over a male friend, however, that's irrelevant. Fact is...her SO doesn't go for that sort of thing and she can either:
A. Respect that and not chat dudes up
B. Be a triflin' whore
C. Leave him
She is choosing B.
is 
10-17-2006, 12:03 PM
#65
Burning Brakes
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Age: 42
Posts: 995
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
yes, men and women can be friends...as long as both parties have enough respect for each other to not cross the boundaries...
referring to serious/closer friends, no flirting. absolutely none. it will ruin your friendship.
referring to serious/closer friends, no flirting. absolutely none. it will ruin your friendship.
10-22-2006, 11:01 PM
#67
Registered Abuser of VTEC
Originally Posted by moeronn
Not to down play that incident, it sounds pretty shitty, but I don't know that this question is really valid for you.
And yes, I know what my previous post says
And yes, I know what my previous post says
It does apply. I could have been unavailable in other ways if it wasn't that (like if a man is married).
I don't think men and women can be friends without some sort of tension. Even societally it's difficult. If you hang around the same woman too often if you're a man, people will think something is going on between you, even if there is not. Some friends may even try to push for something to happen.
10-23-2006, 10:37 AM
#68
Senior Moderator
Regions Leader
Regions Leader
Originally Posted by fdl
Not possible, not in the truest sense of friendship. Unless the woman is extremely unattrative, the male in the "friendship" will always think about having sex with her. He may never act on these feeling, but they will ALWAYS be there. Hence why I think in the purest sense, it is not possible.
I was going to read this entire thread but got here and stopped.
I give this post a big
My wife has some guy friends and Im sure they all want to have sex with her..
10-23-2006, 10:39 AM
#69
Senior Moderator
Regions Leader
Regions Leader
Originally Posted by AcuraDriver2006
I have plenty of women friends. As long as you're happily married, in love or content with who you are with, it shouldn't be a problem.
oh my god Jack thats a good one...so you've never looked at another female and thought anything sexual???
Im not saying you cant be friends, but the thought always appears now and again...
10-23-2006, 12:05 PM
#70
ITS ALL ABOUT THE GLOW
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: SOON TO BE BACK IN SHREVEPORT LA
Age: 41
Posts: 8,916
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by trancemission
I was going to read this entire thread but got here and stopped.
I give this post a big
My wife has some guy friends and Im sure they all want to have sex with her..
I give this post a big
My wife has some guy friends and Im sure they all want to have sex with her..
I totally AGREE WITH BOTH OF U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10-23-2006, 02:22 PM
#71
Senior Moderator
Regions Leader
Regions Leader
Originally Posted by AcuraDriver2006
I have plenty of women friends. As long as you're happily married, in love or content with who you are with, it shouldn't be a problem.
is that right?
Originally Posted by AcuraDriver2006
mmmmmmmmm young high school girls mmmmmmmmmmmm
did I do that out loud........ 
10-24-2006, 11:50 AM
#75
Fuct in the hed!
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Chicagoland-ish
Age: 45
Posts: 14,057
Likes: 0
Received 4 Likes
on
2 Posts
NOPE...
If you're a guy...and you have a girl thats a friend...YOU KNOW, in a drunken mess, you'd bang her. I don't have one girl thats a friend the I wouldn't lay the pipe in!
If you're a guy...and you have a girl thats a friend...YOU KNOW, in a drunken mess, you'd bang her. I don't have one girl thats a friend the I wouldn't lay the pipe in!
10-24-2006, 02:02 PM
#76
98EXL, v2.0.1.33
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Maryland
Age: 42
Posts: 113
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Nicky Pass
NOPE...
If you're a guy...and you have a girl thats a friend...YOU KNOW, in a drunken mess, you'd bang her. I don't have one girl thats a friend the I wouldn't lay the pipe in!
If you're a guy...and you have a girl thats a friend...YOU KNOW, in a drunken mess, you'd bang her. I don't have one girl thats a friend the I wouldn't lay the pipe in!
even the BBW's I'd lay some pipe into
10-24-2006, 04:30 PM
#78
Burning Brakes
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: leave of absence
Age: 42
Posts: 1,018
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by AcuraDriver2006
I have plenty of women friends. As long as you're happily married, in love or content with who you are with, it shouldn't be a problem.
is that right?
Originally Posted by AcuraDriver2006
mmmmmmmmm young high school girls mmmmmmmmmmmm
did I do that out loud........ lol !! Totally owned!! lol !!
So which one is it Jack?
10-24-2006, 04:51 PM
#80
dɐɹɔ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ
I have 5 close female friends I wouldn't ever sleep with, for a number of reasons. Two, while awesome individuals to hang out with, are filthy sluts who fuck and suck any guy around, they know I'm not interested in them like that and we are good friends and that's it. One has a real hunger for life and while I like her as a friend she does nothing for me physically and I couldn't see myself with someone with her mentality. The other two are attractive woman, one is, as the cliche line would go, like my sister, she has been dating my best friend for over 2 years and never once have things got weird between us or he questioned me. Its not out entirely of respect for either of them, its because there is no chemistry between us, yes she's attractive, yes we have things in common, but she does some things that piss me off to no end and I do the same to her and we tell each other to fuck off and in a day or two are good friends again, laughing about what upset us. The other attractive one is fairly new to my circle of friends, first of all she is too young for me, but her head and heart are in the right spot, and I think she is a caring individual just not for me.
And the rest of my female friends... given the opportunity, I would be all over in a heart beat
And the rest of my female friends... given the opportunity, I would be all over in a heart beat