arghh....

finally taking my own advice (and the advice of numerous others) and finally ending my 3 year relationship...
It's horrible... We fight constantly, it's gotten violent, we can't have an arguement and resolve an issue....everytime, it completely snowballs into screaming and door slamming...

This is just a thread for me to whine....

i'm just so mad and hurt and depressed all at the same time....how can things start so good (i thought i was going to end up marrying this guy) and end so bad?
Of course, I'm second guessing myself, looking back and blaming myself for situations i should have handled differently..
but we just cannot talk about anything that bothered us or issues...If i brought up ANYTHING he would get defensive and try to blame it on me or make it my fault (and i tried every way under the sun to bring things up so he wouldn't feel attacked or anything)

The biggest problem is we can't forgive each other for anything...I'm still mad about 2 year old issues and he is too...we just can't discuss them..

we moved in together WAYYY too early and that's where the trouble began ...
(we were kinda thrown together, he had went to new york, decided he wanted to be with me and gave it all up, came back, then he had no place anymore...so he kinda "stayed" with me and never left...)

If i could do it all over again.....

sorry, just wanted to put this in writing...



feel like this all at the same time...

feel like i wanna move to the middle of the wilderness...and never go through this agaiin..

 

do you both still have feelings for each other?

maybe some couples therapy can help you two get over teh communication barrier?

 

Yah we talked about therapy before....i do still have feelings...i think he does too but sometimes i can't believe how anyone could do the things he's done and said and possibly love someone...he says he loves me...i think i need intense therapy to move past my issues...

 

I feel you. Me and my girl fight all the time over stupid shit that is my fault.

 

there's a whole myriad of issues...they just seem insurmountable to me right now..
He's resented me ever since he gave up new york for me....I told him to stay, i could see this coming a mile away....

 

I know exactly where you're coming from. Was in the exact same situation some time ago. We were together for about 4yrs and same shit, always fighting, arguing....just miserable. I was younger and alot more stubborn and that didnt help at all. Maybe you guys need to take a break from each other. Sometimes thats what it takes to realize what you have or what you're missing. The whole dont know what you got till its gone thing....pretty damn true speaking from experience.

 

Maybe what you guys need to do is take some time apart from each other and work things out. I can understand the fighting. Everyone has those. But if it's too often then there are issues than need to be addressed.

If you plan on staying with the guy, then some serious counciling will be a good idea.

Either way....feel free to vent as much as you need too.

 

It's not always that you don't know what you've got until it's gone, sometimes it's just that being apart makes you more willing to overlook the bad things in favor of the good things.

Move on, there are better relationships out there no matter how much you think you love this one

 

so you available now ?

 

I'm just way too oversensitive....the bad things just stay with me and i can't forget them sometimes....like i'll be working or cooking and allof a sudden, it's like flashback to something nasty he said or did...

yah ...what we're doing obviously isn't working....something has to change...

does anyone know the song "don't get your back up" by sarah harmer? (good tune BTW)

that's how i feel everytime...everytime we fight, i slide closer and closer to total apathy...then i just explode in rage once i've gotten to the point where i think i'm ready to throw in the towel and leave him after that last fight....
then i get like this...
then we simply don't discuss what happened at all..
until next fight (appx. 1 1/2 to 2 weeks later)

 

I just really honestly don't know if it's possible for this to be salvaged (let alone if i even want to)

 

ibsomeoneasksforpics

 

Thats not too healthy....you guys both keep everything inside, so ofcoarse its just gonna continue building up and get worse.....You definately need that time apart or you're just continue being miserable. Might hurt at first but it will get better. The longer you stay in this from the sounds of things the worse it will get

 

the more you're getting out here, i think that you should definitely take some time apart. You suggest there are past issues that are still affecting you on a regular basis, taht needs to be dealt with. I'm not sure it can be handled in counselling with him, so perhaps you should consider finding someone professional to speak with...Maybe having someone facilitate, by asking pointed questions and offering their advice will help you to get over the emotional hump you seem to be stuck on at the moment

you sound like a strong woman to have dealt with it for so long, now i suggest being strong for your own sake, and staying away. at least until you have a more clear picture of your own hang-ups etc.

Good luck, we're all here for you anytime you need

 

I just broke up with g/f of 3 years 4 days ago and yes, it was not going well but I am surprised at how devastated I am over it all. I picked up my stuff from her house last Sun and we talked more. What she said basically closed the door on our relationship. Funny, when it happens it sure does slap you up side the head.

And once again, I find myself alone and I just can't imagine seeing anyone else again. The sex thing is the hardest with someone new.

 

Come give me a hug....

 

Judging from your posts its been over for sometime now.

Best of luck!

 

You're 23, still young. I am sure you will find someone better
Wish you the best!

 

^

 

 

:ibxenogenasksforsympathyhump:

 

why do you retards gotta shit on every thread?

Jatt you started it, wtf is with the pointless comments in an otherwise good thread?

grow up.

 

 

She's obviously going through some shit. Even I think you guys are being immature, and I'm the king of immaturity.

 

you need to find some guy and rock his world for a night. Just mindless, hot bumpity bump. Maybe you even pay for the creams, tools, and room. but get him to wear a diaper and bark like a dog. Get out all of your frustrations, then dump the guy. You will have gotten your physical needs fulfilled, and your psychological needs will be satisfied because you are now the dumper and not the dumpee. The guy you used will be happy because you fulfilled many of his fantasies. Win, win, win.

 

Just be strong. This will test every ounce of your soul to get through, but you WILL get through it and will be better off one day!! Good luck!! Everyday will get better and better, just don't go backward when you finally start making progress. Keep us posted.

 

I agree. Andrea25, PM me. I'm free from 10 pm - 11 pm tonight. I'll do the diaper and barking thing but I draw the line at anal plugs.

 

I broke up with this girl I was with for 3 years (coincidently her name was Andrea too) and I thought I was gonna marry her too before we started arguing and doing all that shit that you're going through right now.

Well, we are back together after 6 months and the break has fixed a lot of things. Maybe you need one too. Sometimes you need to be apart to realize what you have.

 

Stay strong Andrea. It's hard at the beginning but it will get better.

I've been through it myself not too long ago. After being with someone for 3 years and living together, I called it quits. It's not easy but you have to ask yourself if you're willing to put up with constant fighting and other BS. I decided not to; I moved on, kept myself occupied, been seeing other people, bought a condo and him? - he's moving in with his parents

You're young, you have the whole life ahead of you. Stay positive. Good luck!

 

OK, what's up with the 3 year mark? It seems like couples either make it or break it after dating for 3 years.

 

i dunno eve, but mine came to a final close last week, just shy of the 3 year anniv. too.

 

This is bull crap. You sheltered him when he had cold feet to New York, and you are taking the blame for his decision? You told him to stay at New York didn't you?

 

Its the rule of 3s.

3rd date, 3 months, 3 years.

 

my girl left me after all of the stuff i did, it just didnt work out, 2 years later last month we started talking again, i ended that last week because it was going to e more of the same shit, its hard

 

Okay this is just really bizarre cuz I just ended a 3 yr thing a couple weeks ago as well. I think to some degree we are all sadists.

Arguing almost every week - breaking up and getting back together so many times now I can't even count the times. I am not just saying this cuz I am embittered or jaded from this, but I really think it had to do with his immaturity and my insecurities.

We went through the 6 month break- and got back together. 6 months after getting back together - it was great!- in the beginning. It was like the honeymoon stage all over again. And we both were hopeful of it continuing to marriage, kids, etc. But of course later on the same issues and problems came up. This time it ended in an extremely painful way.

I guess my is this: If it hasn't changed in 3 years - it will never change. And if you decide to continue on and torture yourselves - (difficult to imagine) but it will be even worse.

 

4 days ago, we were at the 3.5 yr mark and it ended. She grew out of the relationship. Sucks...

 

i highly advise NOT to do this

but anways....it used to be like this with me and my girl...this summer we got into the most serious, depressing, and violent argument/breakup i could have ever imagined.....after days of talking after the whole mess we got back together and now every single thing that we could possibly argue abuot seems miniscule...the past months with her have been the best ever i havent loved her this much and shes been so easy to deal with too

althogh it has been 3 years for you....some of what the other guys are talking abuot is somewhat true...you can learn alot from breaking up and being apart from somebody...like whether it was a good desicion or a bad one

in the end.....dont ever get back with him unless you honestly feel its right....dont just decide to throw yourself back into the pool just because its there...make sure its the right thing

 

don't worry the TRR cocktail always works. for the girls you go find a couple of hot guys (sametime or not know ones judging do what you do) and just have sex with them. while at the sametime trying to find someone of intrest and by the 2nd month apart from him you've had great sex and you have someone who's intersted in you and aprecaites you.

or you could waller in pitty and anger until you stumble onto something. My way is just fun and lets you do what you want and lets you build selfconfadence.

 

Wow everybody thanks...

You all made me feel a lot better... It's nice to know there are other people out there that understand this.. (all of my friends are perfect and married and the most serious obstacle they've ever had w/ their partners is arguing over what brand of laundry detergent LOL)

I'm feeling much better today...
I think it's defintely a good idea to be apart for awhile...however, financially, it would be difficult for the two of us, but, if it needs to be done I'll have to find a way.... I am going out of town for a week in a couple of days..so that will at least give me some time to think about it...

Once again,

Thanks everybody...

 

I bet you that no matter how "perfect" you think their marriages are- behind the curtains they're arguing over crazy (or worse) sh**.