anokha786

Hi guys,

Ill try to keep this short. Need some advice / counseling here.
Ok been together for a year now and were set to be engaged by end of this month. One thing to note, she always had the hardest time dealing with my past. Meaning, she was a virgin when she met me and over time, when we got intimate she had the hardest time accepting that i have slept with 2 other gyrls before.

I mean she always knew, jus started giving me a guilt trip bout it and over the course of the past 5 months, fought and broke up with me atleast 2 times because she claimed she cant deal wit my past.

I agree, i have dated gyrls before her (normal nothing man-whorish), but after her, i totally changed myself, i made myself more reserve with other gyrls out of respect for my gyrl. I did NOTHIN to bring up my past (never talked to ne of my exes), she just kept thinkin bout it and jus never stopped.

I mean my past is my past, i was honest and told her. Here is the advice part :

I feel cheated and hurt, she slept wit me, lead me on, and now she abruptly ended it... Her REASON: It hurts to be wit U cuz i keep thinkin bout ur past and the fact u had sex with soemone else before Me....

I need justice of some sort, How can one jus get up and leave and tell me if becuz of ur past when SHE KNEW FROM DAY ONE exactly my past.

Also gyrl members on the board: Is wut my gyrl is sayin as a reason, do u guys agree with her ?

Ash.

phipark

How old are you? How old is she? Sounds like you guys are too young to get married.

anokha786

Good Question.... im 24 she is 21. We wanted to get engaged and then parhaps get married by end of next summer.

spidey07

doesn't sound like marriage material to me, sounds like a selfish little girl.

LiLRacerGirl

If you did not sleep with anyone while you were with her then she's wrong to think about your past. You did not know her. But if you did cheat on her,which it sounds like you didn't, it would be a different story.

einsatz

Gyrl? wut?
hmm...

Personally, if you break up and get together multiple times, chances are the engagement was probably a bad idea.

GeishaGirl

damn, thats hard. I don't think your past, especially since its not a really bad one, should be an issue. Its what you do now for her that matters. Doesn't sound like shes anywhere near being ready for marriage anyway.

Gpump

1) Too much of a drama queen - not worth it.
2) You slept with TWO other girls, not twenty. See #1
3) Marriage is kinda permanent - you can get divorced but even that follows you forever - I wouldn't waste it on this girl.

CLPowersWife

So she's slept with you now but she's concerned about your past... if she breaks up with you then her next guy (who I'm assuming she will expect to be a virgin) will be disappointed by HER past now... if she's that concerned about "pasts", she's about to be in for a rude awakening.

ChrisKelly5

You're 24 and have only slept with 2 other girls?

Shoofin

^^ Why is that so hard to believe?

I got involved with my wife with her knowing that I was not a virgin (and she was). It had been 2 yrs or so since I had sex before I met and married her as well. She was totally accepting about it too...I didn't have sex with her until we got married though.

michimonster

You said it best yourself. The past is in the past. She just needs to accept that or hit the road.

spidey07

After second thought...

drama queens you screw and mess with their minds, giving them the drama they so desparately crave.

but for god's sake you don't marry them.

anokha786

Well put. This argument has come up many time before.. and according to her she says, "I wont find a virgin, ill find someone with a similar background so we can share the pain of being hurt". Life isnt bout picking and choosing pple, Love happens, meetings happen !

When I heard that, I was .... But one more thing to note, there was a 2 year gap before i met her and had sex wit her.. so its not like it was sudden one gyrl after another. I Jus dont understand her.

She has pictures of my Ex on her laptop that she got from Friendster. Keep in mind i havent even seen my ex in almost 4 years. WTF does she have her pictures for ???

I want to move on, but im soo emotionally stuck, my heart doesnt want to let go no matter how bad she treats me. I guess somewhere deep down inside, i know she is the One, but i also know that The One would never hurt me this much as much as she has.

I was never like this, i guess i lost myself in the midst of creating a life with her.

anokha786

Even 2 is gettin me in trouble rite now. And they were serious and semi-serious relationships.

Honestly, i do feel bad that i had sex before her and couldnt wait... but Humans make mistakes and i do regret and i have told her that. That i wish i could change and could wait for u... but i didnt know u were comin .... Had I the mental understanding I have now, i would have prolly never done that .... and she knows all this yet still contines to fight and wanting to leave .... And me like a dumbass always jus tryin to convince and stop her from leavin ! Im pathetic !!!!

Not to sound cocky, but i never had a hard time meeting good looking gals, but just with this one i had and still have this amazing mental and physical connection that i always hungered for...... and i see it in her !!!!

Aahhh ...

Hojo061782

Would it freak you out if I said I haven't had sex yet and I'm not planning to until I'm married?

FunkeeTown

leaving her is the best thing that happened to you. i would understand if u were a man whore and slept with like 20 women and she had a problem accepting that. but two...jeeez, i slept with two in high school...let's not mention college. sounds like she had no regards for your feelings. if she really loved you then she wouldn't hurt u like that...simple as that. sorry, i know it's hard but now u gotta find a girl that will be okay with u sleeping with 3 girls before her. good luck

anokha786

****** UPDATE *******

She jus emailed me (1:10AM my time) explaining her actions of leaving. She said all of the above plus she added the following:

1)You were head over heels for ur ex and i cant stand the thought of that
2)You have 2 compare me to, and I have none to compare to u
3)I have come to a realization that just cuz I had sex with you, doesnt mean I have to stay with U cuz apparently sex isnt a big deal these days. I was tryin to make it Right but i cant jus stay cuz i had sex wit U.

She ended by sayin, If its meant to be, it ll happen on its own.
The End

I didnt respond to her email or her text. No point.
FYI: This gyrl has written me WORST emails before asking mde to stay away and never call her. And within a week called me to make things up and all normal.

Im not sayin she will patch things up this time, either way I dont care, she was a mental torture for me, I mean we were ON and Off then On then Off.
I cant take that shit nemore.
I put my heart and soul into this, and treated her way better than i should have. All i know is i did nothin to deserve this.

-Ash.

FunkeeTown

dude, i've gone through a mental anguish of a relationship. it all ended in october. then we tried to make up again over christmas and it got even worse. i say spend time with people that really care about u. it's gonna hurt and you're gonna think about it a lot. find another girl that is worth your time a.s.a.p. and forget her. i'm surprised that she would even write such dumbass things in an e-mail. that should convince you even further that u don't want to be with a girl that says things like that.

Water-S

okay you gotta ask yourself how happy you are in the relationship. Don't look at it just one night because chicks just like guys mess up. my chick has screwed up and if it's big i bring it to her attention. but if it's small usually i let it go.

Now about breaking off the engagement: I've been in your positon. I was with a girl a year then we got engaged. I treated her awesome took her on a cruise, bought her within reason whatever she wanted. took her out to eat basically anywhere she wanted. Now where it went wrong was she was EXTREMELY opinionated. to the point if you didn't agree with her she'd do her damnest to change you or your thoughts. For example I got a Honda Accord. I liked it. runs great to this day. she said once it dies I gotta get a Chevy.I don't like Chevy. (she has a 01 Chevy 1/2 ton 4x4 silverado extended cab loaded) the other thing she did she hated her job(which is understandable) but she'd take her anger out on me when she'd get home. then she never went to college so i'd bring her information home from various colleges in the area that way she could maybe get out of there. she never went after any of them.
She wanted my hair cut a certain way if i didn't do it that way she'd bitch about that. (yet i didn't tell her how to cut her how)
She told me how to drive. (I didn't know how to drive according to her even though she spun out on ice almost every year) and She DUIed all the time(never got busted but she did it all the damn time).
She wouldn't let me renew my SCCA membership. she wouldn't let me go to Solo2 events(because they were "retarded") but I had to sit home and watch THE Damn ANIMAL PLANET CHANNEL on TV. For example I love Speedvison i'd be watching WRC racing she'd come in take the remote and flip the channel and i'd say "what the hell are you doing?" she'd say " i'm watching animal planet what does it look like i'm doing?" GOD WOULD I BE PISSED!

Then she wouldn't believe me on car issues even though I know cars/trucks inside and out. She swore up and down she'd get 26 mpg with a Chevy 1/2 ton with a 5.3 liter v-8 4x4 if she put a K and N intake and dual exhaust on it. I said there's no way in hell you'll get 26 mpg. She swore up and down she'd get 26 mpg with that truck with those minor mods because her retarded brothers told her that.

CLpower

esp. when she gets out and tries to find a guy that is a Virgin or a guy that's slept w/ only 2 people.



You sure this is the reason and it's not something else?

CLpower

no, it'd just let us know you couldn't get laid

NYZGREATST

one question. indian girl!? if so, dont respond to the email. the bitch is crazy.

"3)I have come to a realization that just cuz I had sex with you, doesnt mean I have to stay with U cuz apparently sex isnt a big deal these days. I was tryin to make it Right but i cant jus stay cuz i had sex wit U. "

so basically, just cus you had sex with those other grls should mean shit cus sex ISNT A BIG DEAL THESE DAYS. she said it herself! she def broke up with you b.c of something else man. you dont need her.

anokha786

Yea she is Hydro aka Indian.
Im more than sure that there is nothin else. I know she nobody to move on to jus yet, i know who she hangs out with, the extent of her freindship with the few guy freinds she has.
I mean overall, she was and is a very good gyrl in that sense, so i know its not another guy.

But, i also think, her mom is very manipulative and it could be very well her. I mean, she goes home one weekend after 3 weeekends at college, and she jus blows up and acts up after returning to school on monday. Her mom never met me, but for some reason was alawys against us hangin out ... Who knows

I jus need to move on and its hard cuz im a grad student at her school so i will run into her, but ill be the biggest bitch and act as if Nothing is wrong. I Hope i can do it!

BTW. Thanks for all the Replies i am gettin, i appreciate the love.

Infamous425

if a week later she calls and tries to make things ok again you should ignore her

JerZDevil

iTrader: (1)

Geez.. could it be possible we know the same girl? j/k. I'm in the same friggin situation. I feel for you bro.

ric

You've slept with two women in moderatly serious relationships over a period of a few years, hardly a casanova or someone addicted to one night stands. Her even wanting to acquire pictures of your ex girlfriend is a little obsessional, and more than passingly disturbing, imho. Why on earth would she want to fixate on YOUR ex?

Sounds like she is incredibly insecure, and expects you to compare her to the other women in your life, even though you have apparently offered real protestations to the contrary.

at the age of 24, I can assure you that you have plenty of time to find another true love, one who will not try to bathe you in guilt for having had love affairs before her. And yes, it is painful to walk away when so much works, but the part that doesn't work is a major piece called "trust". She doesn't trust you, and that lack of trust is not based on you, but on something that she is projecting. She needs a therapist, not a boyfriend, at this point in her life.

I'd run, not walk, to the nearest exit and be glad that, despite the physical and emotional connection, you have avoided a relationship that would only grow in the application of guilt. She has a real, real issue and a screw or two loose for her to be running around keeping images of your ex girlfriend. It will not get better until she focuses on why she is so upset about your "past" which is frankly far less promiscuous than most folks your age....................... and I doubt that a revolving door love affair will help her get some pragmatic understanding of her obsession with your past.

FunkeeTown

hey water-s...u and i should have a beer because sounds like u dated the same person i did. holy shiat!

synth19

I hate these kinds of indian girls.... totally sheltered and clueless. Sounds like the type.... lack of "real world" experience with ridiculous expectations of how people should be, relationships, etc... . She is WAY too young as well... with the background and age its obvious she's too immature and not even close to being ready to be married. It's obvious she has insecurity issues, major pet peeve for me personally. Alot of 21 year olds typically cant handle this kind of shit.. and the way she is treating you, I would not tolerate that. There is obviously nothing wrong with you, she needs alot of growing up to do. I guaruntee she will not be like this in a few years. MOVE ON In fact, run.


edit: and the "meant to be shit" omg.. so lame.... how can something be "meant" if she doenst put any effort. .. so retarded. I want to slap this girl (and if you're back together with her, sorry about that comment).

anokha786

Ur kind words and wise advice is honestly appreciated.

I really feel i need to do this for myself, leave and rediscover myself. In the midst of all I lost myself, and all i am now is HER Boyfreind /Fiancee.
That is NOT Kool !
A lesson well learned....

Ash.

anokha786

Soo true bro. When u love someone u look past their mistakes and faults especially if u see them changing. And dont worry, I am Not plannin on gettin back wit her netime soon. Gotta stay strong

synth19

^ good shit. Dont get married until you're at least 28-32... and make sure the girl is in her mid-20's.. or know what the fcks going on.... Your ex kind reminds me of this chic .. a few weeks ago at this club I was chillin with my fiance... anyways, we both are pretty outgoing and started talking to some people near us... this one guy was talking about his girlfriend and how she was late to the the club...etc..etc... Anyways, I turned the corner to buy some drinks... by the time I returned my fiance was getting into a yelling match with that guys girl.. she just showed up and was like "How do you know my man?!" blah..blah.. I mean seriously.. typical insecure chic...stay away! I hate girls with no confidence and paranoia.

spidey07

Drama queens man, they're everywhere. If my chic started getting in the face of a girl I knew/friends etc I tell her to leave. Homey don't put up with the drama.

Hojo061782

Ouch...that may have been true at one point...

It's not true now, but it really doesn't matter at all anyways. After all, I wasn't planning on getting laid until I got married anyways. As I think about it...ignorance is bliss. I can't know what I'm missing if I don't test everything out.

DarkSithGirl

I am in the same situation you are in right now. The pain of knowing that your soul mate is gone and the thought that you will never find someone that understands you or loves you the way that person did, is torture! Just stay busy and every time that person enters your mind, just pray it out. It really works! Good luck.

anokha786

Thanks man. I appreciate ur advice and hope it works out for u as well.

SilviaGTO

what happened?!

CL Platano

Yeah this chick definately is not worth a ring. How can she expect a 24 yr old man to be a virgin. Are you talking to any of these ex lovers? Why is she flipping out, there has to be something else??

DarkSithGirl

dark and I are no longer together. Not really sure why, his call.

jlukja

She was a drama queen. Stay away. She was NOT your soul mate. Soul mates see eye to eye and she's laying a major quilt trip on you.