OP... this girl is not to be trusted. I am in the situation she has been put it except worse. I had an ex of 3 yrs we broke up in may, ive been with my new gf (was once a friend but we fell in love.. long, romantic story for another time ) since september. my ex actively tries to talk to me ,call email, text, ANYTHING to get a response out of me. she even hangs out with old friends of mine (who really arent friends since they hang out with my ex and only know her bc of me) i responded once back in october (and told my current gf about it let her read the text n everything) to tell her to leave me alone.

since then she hasnt stopped trying. ive cut out the kids i used to be friends with who chill with her from my life, ive blocked her on aim, facebook, myspace, pay about 5.99 a month on my cell phone to have up to 20 numbers blocked and have blocked every number she could possibly call from but still somehow finds a way to call from a friends phone or whatever... oh yeah and i live in wake forest, NC with my gf which is 7 hours from New Jersey where i used to live.

now you cant tell me that this girl has to go see this kid who is supposed to be in her past not present. my ex gave me every story in the book abt why she is pathetic and needs my help in some way and i just ignore it. why? because she truly is in the past and i love and respect my new gf enough to not give another female (especially one with history) attention. also, i know she would never do that to me

common respect for each others feelings is what is lacking, and the fact shes hiding her actions says something. cheating doesnt have to just be physical dude. she is giving her emotions and energy to not only comforting/hanging out with/supporting emotionally her ex, but also making sure you didnt know about it.

this guy is definitely a scum bag, (going to jail, cant be too classy, how about actively pursuing a girl in a relationship?) and yet she wants to "help" him? in my opinion it isnt solely his fault, she is responsible for lying to you and hurting your trust. dont put all the accountability on this guy, because she was born with free will just like we all were. she CHOSE to hang out with him, and CHOSE to not tell you.

i dont believe too strongly in second chances when trust is betrayed... hope you make a decision that is best for your feelings though, because its time you thought about yourself, she certainly has been for who knows how long by lying...

 

Percy, I don't like any secrets or things done behind my back, so that right there would be the breaking point for me as well. However I also am very forgiving and would listen to her explanation before completely disowning her. However, like others said if trust is gone, your relationship is gone. She didnt' tell you because she knew you would be upset, but she did it anyway, that' right there is a HUGE betrayal of your trust in her. Personally I'd be done with her, but I've been lied to more by my current gf and haven't booted her yet, however I know that if I said goodbye I wouldn't still be hittin it, I'd be done with it.

Remember this, THEY'RE EX's FOR A REASON!

 

After a long talk this weekend I found out that they never even hung out, but he never went to jail either. She volunterally said ONCE she'd stop hanging out but I can't believe that. It was said in like a spur of the moment, heated conversation. It might be due to the whole situation and me "mind fucking" myself again. Everything she has said/say's now is in question and suspect. I feel uncomfortable whenever I'm not with her.If she goes out I'm pissed and I was NEVER like that. I'm hoping time will heal. We had a great weekend together and I def wanna keep her close but just not have a relationship. She truely is a good person and looks out for me. I can tell her just about anything and beside's this BULL she makes very happy.......

 

You cannot be close and not have a relationship. You will get crazy once you find out she is doing things.

You either need to A.
Completely forgive and forget, meaning, never speak of it again, and trust her

B.
move on- in every way possible. Once time heals the wound, you can attempt to pursue a relationship, which at that point, wont probably happen.

 

:surrender you guy's are right, I've been chilling/hooking up with her for a couple weeks now since all this and even though we're technically not together she keep's telling me she loves me,misses me,etc: I cannot help but think that she's doing shit or chilling with him when she's out. She has alot of friend's and is alway's going/wanting to go out. I was cool before all this BS but now even the few friend's that she has that I actually like, I can't even stand her hanging out with. I really don't want her outta my life but I thought by now these feelings would subside at least alittle. If anything they're getting worse. She honestly seems like regret's what happened but........

 

Stay the course percy

 

I can see and understand her point of view as just being friends with said ex. i was with a girl for a while last year and fell head over heals for her. the first girl id loved since my ex before her who was having an affair for the last 1/4 of our relationship. shit ended between us this past january and it took some time to sort it out, but where friends now. i still love her and care more then anything, but shes got a new boy, and im fucking her roomate.

i believe its possible for ex's to be friends, but it should have been out in the open if they were.. her keeping it behind your back was probably her way of trying not to hurt you. but was blatently dishonest at the same time.

 

I dont know if anybody's mentioned this but I was too lazy to read through some of the novels written. But as a guy goin to jail, what's the # 1 thing you would want to do before you are surrounded by all dudes for months at a time. And your girl went to see him the night before. Hmmmm.... Sounds like a congical visit to me.

 

u will be OK.
4 what itz worth I will say ur reaction to the situation is almost the normal thing to do.
However, I think u need to really search ur heart to see if it is in u to give her another chance.
Again, Trust betrayal is a biggie and will take itz toll in a relationship.

But if u also LUV her like u say u do, u wud not be hitin it and takin her along for the ride, knowing u DO NOT want any real relationship.
It seems u really luv her, though, so do the right thing.

Let her go or let her back in, just let her know where u stand and how u feel when she goes out with friends, since the incident and if she truly LUVs u , she will try to fix or at least make sacrifices to make it work............

when u hv beign in relationships and have met all kinds of people and characters, u will find out that real true people that care are only a handful.
Shit Happens and life goes ON
Its just up to you to figure out which road you want to take on the journey, still ahead.

 

agreed!

 

dont take her back. once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

Not to bring this back up but I can't help but to comment. Derk's is absolutely right! She went to see him before he gets locked!? You don't have to be rocket scientist to figure this one out! She's no good!

 

That's like the story where the gf went to see her guy friend before he went on a navy tour.