Well, damn. I didn't think it would come down to this. Yesterday and my birthday and today I am single...

Well I met her In highschool. She was just starting out, and I was starting out on my 3rd year. We are both 3 years apart. We started out with not having much in common and as time went on we started to do more things together which opened up my eyes to try new things.

I called her up around 4:00 PM and after our converstation she said "I really need to talk to you" Which is a sign of something bad is going to happen. I am driving home from work having the only sick stomach feeling. Trying to calm myself down I decided to listen to the comedy station.

I get to her house and about an hour later it came down to "We need time apart" I fully understand where she is getting at, she wants to figure things out on her own. She wants me to do the same.If I could stop time and go backwards I would. I would kick myself in the ass for all the times I wasn't open with her, times I didn't do things out of the blue, times I should have enjoyed things around me instead of being up tight. It's been the best 6 years of my life with her. You know, It's true. You don't realize what you have intill it's gone. I fucked up big time. The only person to blame is myself. She's given me countless chances, and boy did I fuck up man.

I have a lot of things to figure for MYSELF and with that I am going to prove to her that she means the world to me and is that person I want to be with forever. So question is... Where do you start after 6 years? What do I do now? I don't think it's 100% over, I would love to get back with her but need to work on myself. Her birthday is next monday and I already bought her an SLR camera which I was going to get us into photography class together.

I need help, I need theorpy and a good place to start is by asking for your support to get me through this and learn from my mistakes. In the end I think we are going to be back together but I do never want her to feel upset or think it was a mistake once again.. So please help me.

Thank you.

 

That sucks dude. Sorry to hear.

That said....you said that it was your fault. You said that YOU fucked up. What did you do?

As for the way you feel right now....time will heal all. You need to take the time to figure stuff out. 6 years is a long time. But you are 23. And she is all you know. You really have no idea what it is like to be "single." Take to time to learn that.

I wish you luck.

 

If its you then definately get help. Things will be fine. You are too young to be worried about one relationship anyway. How old is she? 20? Young women are insecure and all around problematic anyway. If things do not work out and you feel you've given it a good try then be happy with that and move on.

You have a badass car and seem to have a good attitude. You shouldnt have trouble picking up other young ladies.

 

Sorry to hear dude. But there are plenty of fishes in the sea.

Good luck.

Sounds like she wants to explore her surroundings without feeling guilty and by putting the blame on you, it'a an easy out for her.

 

There is no other guy, she shouldn't do that to me. Her last 2 bf's cheated on her so another guy in the picture is out of the question. She wants the person she 1st met. The person I am now isn't always happy. So I have to work on my emotions and ways of saying things. It's mainly my fault and for us guys and takes a lot to admit defeat. Like I said she is all I know, she is my world and it's taken away now. I feel like I woke up in a huge city and have no idea on how to get home. It's something I need to do for myself and that I sit down and look at my negative ways and improve on getting rid of them.

This was a very serious relationship. I let my negative mood kill this. So she wanted time apart. She wants both of us to learn who we are without each other. I spoke to her mother and she said "well give it sometime and let her call you" "6 years isn't something so easy to call quits on"

Ive never ever cheated on her, flirted with other chicks while with her ect ect. I have a good head on my shoulder and never intended to make her feel like shit. It takes a real man to admit his mistakes, but a bigger one to start on the right foot and make things better. I don't know how to take my daily life anymore. I just got to take it a day at a time. A new day brings new hope. We both love each other to death and I think in the end this is best for us because If it's ment to be we will be back together soon and stronger than ever.

 

If I said it once, I said it a thousand times on here: PAY ATTENTION!!

Love is about growing together mentally and spiritually. That requires you to be on the same page. The fact that you are aware of what you did "during" implies that you did not care until "after". Big mistake.

If you want to begin to attempt to correct your situation, then begin by paying attention now. Meaning, she asked for space, so give it to her. If you want, reassure her that you are still interested in the relationship, and you will allow her time to think. Then back off...

FYI: A gift fixes nothing, and in your case, may make it worse because right now she needs you to focus on the inside, where the true problem is, not the superficial. Also, if she takes the camera and dumps your ass shortly thereafter...need I say more? Haha...

Chill and take your ass-whipping like the next man...

 

damn dude. Hope all goes well. I would hate to have to face this. I too have gone through the same thing and have put my girl through alot.

 

Now go find another girl who just broke up with her man who wasn't treating her right and knock her off her feet.

 

Ive made lots of changes in the past 6 years. In the end though I let my emotions run wild and put me into this situation.

 

Next time you talk, tell her exactly what you told us on this thread.

 

First, very sorry for your situation. It stinks, and it's just going to hurt for a while until it doesn't hurt any more. But it won't kill you, it's not the end, and it WILL get better. One way or the other.

I think Dark hit it exactly. Start by respecting what she's after - some time apart. Let her sort this through. Let her miss you a bit. I would save the camera for Christmas (or later if needed). I think giving it (or even corresponding with her a lot) shows insecurity, desperation and is clingy. My 2 cents - get a nice birthday card and hand write a nice message in it. Make it short and simple - to let her know you remembered, but don't get all, "I'm sorry...". Just yet - that can come later when it's the right time. An apology is gold, but only if at the right time. For now just let her know you're there to talk when she's ready.

 

Sorry to hear that.. I know how it feels. I've gone through it. Cheer up.

 

Dude, I'm very sorry. It's been a year since me and my ex broke up our almost 7 year relationship. I know where you are coming from. She lived with me for about 14 months too. It's very hard to deal with.
My advice: There is nothing you can say or do, besides give her the space she asks for. Don't go out of you way for (it will make it seem like you are trying too hard). Just be neutral. If you love someone enough, you can let them go. It took about 7 months for me and my ex to talk again. There might be a thing there, but that's just my high hopes. Oh, if you see her hanging around another guy, don't freak out. (personal experience.) She ended up dating the guy because I pushed her too far. They broke up after I gave up. Ha ha...
Well, I just said what dark and 1louder said. They are VERY right. Remember; space, neutral, chin up, and everything happens for a reason. Good luck bro.

 

These guys pretty much got it covered. Most important thing at the moment: Give her time and respect her wishes. It'll show her you understand and aren't hard-headed or at least learning and trying not to be and also allows you to keep your dignity. Women don't like weak men crawling and begging for forgiveness. Good luck.

 

Thank you guys. Last night getting "some" sleep was pretty rough. Every single dream was of her. All good dreams, made me feel good inside intill I realized that it's quite the opposite. I'm doing my best right now handling this. I'm going to work very late today, thinking about going to the gym working out for a while and then heading off to work. It's going to be tough now after work, I usually go and see her. While what ever friends I have they are in college so I am usually by myself. Happy 23rd birthday. :*(

 

Ha. Move on man. I was married for 25 years and my wife decided she wanted to do things on her own. You are young, time and a new pretty face will fix your ills. Trust me. It hurts now but in short order you won't ever give it much thought. This won't be the last time.

 

Wise words.

 

^ Agreed with the above.. Two months ago I got out of a 3 years ( would've been this Oct 30th ) relationship... I guess she got tired of being in relationship? I was her REAL first relationship but I guess she couldn't picture us in the future. She broke up with me twice, and the third time, I just let her finish whatever was left.. I made my mistakes throughout the relationship but honestly you learn from it. Everyone told me, I deserve better, but it's just the internal feelings you have for her that make you stick with that person.. It was hard in the beginning, but now?! Not even a single thought ( expect for now since Im writing this ) lol. Key thing is, not to let yourself sit and think about her all day which will make you sick stressed/depressed. Keep yourself occupied, and give it time.. Good luck bro!

 

I decided to join back up at the gym today. Work out was good, trying to keep the thoughts of her to a min. Respecting her space and not calling which is killing me. I am going to seek professional help, I am going to a theorpist. Going today.

 

BRO, you dont need help nor a theorpist, remember at one point, you didnt have your girl, and you were happy, im pretty sure with those rims you could get some nice bitches, but seriously go out with your friends, drink, goto a stripp club or something, i myself came out of a 6years relationship...for a young ass dude. Hey bro things happen, dont worry once you know you didnt do anything wrong or neglected her your good, look at it like this, its her loss and not yours.....

 

Wow...it's amazing how many people on here crash and burn or seek therapy sessions after a break-up! I attribute that largely, but not exclusively, to one thing:

Making a person your everything.

Mankind is fallible, and can let you down. The pedestal approach never works. You make a person a part of your life, not your whole life. That way, when they go away for whatever reason, the void is not as massive. But if you make the person your everything, when they leave, some of you are damn near suicidal because of the hole in your life that they leave in their wake!

Think about it - your friends are the same, you go everywhere together, are under each other all the time and do everything together. Sounds romantic, right? Yeah, until you have to learn to live without them. You can be loving "individuals" working together within a loving "union". Nothing wrong with that.

Don't be afraid to have your own friends and your own life. Most partners encourage that. You need two "wholes" to make a relationship work...not two fractions. Get yourself together and be/find who YOU are, before you endeavour to add yourself to another's life or them to your's.

Peace2fingaz!

 

I was in the same situation in college and i gotta say it hurt like hell in the begining but is it sure fun to be single in college. Hooking up with other women make it all better . It was hard for the first year. I tried like hell to find another chick to "date" and people kept saying i was trying to hard and i was being really picky. I stopped looking and met my hot ass wife. I look back and now i am a better person now. I say if you honestly cant live without her to give her, her space but not too much space. I gave my ex too much space and she met somone almost right away. Good luck and you dont need therapy just some good ole fashion loving from a random chick. Thats some good therapy

 

sorry to hear (went thru the same thing after a 3 year relationship)..but time will make everything better..i didnt believe anybody when they told me that, but they were right. Just make sure to keep yourself occupied. Dont be sitting around with nothing to do or you'll end up calling her. Good luck man

 

sorry to hear. i don't think you need professional help either. just get back out and do things w/ friends, meet new girls and keep your mind off her. i've said this b4 b/c i know from 1st hand experience, Time heals all wounds. good luck

 

Therapist...no one have spell checker here?

Dude, you are way young. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It seems tough now I am sure...but you will work it out. Christ, you are only 23.

 

Ending long relationships are tough

I was in a 5 year one spanning thru part of high school and part of college. It took a good year+ to get over her... but even now (2-3 years later), I know I still love her.

Shits rough. Vent to whoever will listen, hang out with whoever you can... eventually you'll figure this out. Whether its to stay together or move on... you'll be happy again.

Chin up bro.

 

Don't make this harder on yourself than it has to be! You're 23 and have your whole life in front of you. Don't over-think this - it's a bump in the road that hasn't concluded yet. Don't "what if" yourself to death and dwell in a bunch of wild scenarios in your head. Your just suffering needlessly. Stay busy, spend time with family and friends, go do something you've always wanted to do. You have absolutely NO control over what happens next, an NO amount of agonizing or therapy sessions is going to change how she feels - this line of thinking only does damage to yourself that has no direct impact on her or your relationship. Think of this time as a gift, not a punishment.

 

Update:

We met up today at starbucks. We talked about everything and in which we wrote on a paper each things we would like to other to work on ect. It was def a wonderful step forward and something that I needed more than ever. We are together but not as close as we were. It was a very good feeling walking around holding hands and saying I love you to each other. It's a small step but one step forward which is all that matters to me. I have a lot of issuses to sort out and in which therapy will help. Ive had a harder child life, there's been a lot of things that's happend to me in which only my g/f and the therapist knows. My parents won't understand me completely so with the limited amount of people I can talk to it's difficult to express myself. I will keep you all updated as time goes on.

For now we are talking, working on things and taking it a step at a time.
We talk everyday, and see each other every 2 other days. It's keeping communication but also giving some space.

 

^^^ Good progress man. Glad that I didn't have to call that there is someone else in the picture. Totally different situation compared to Evader. Take it slowly, I know the both of you are young. Stick with the self improvement, remember that you need to learn to love yourself before you love others.Without your mind being in the right, there will be not heart

 

So are you two still together or not? Because her saying "we need time apart" is usually just a nice way of saying "im breaking up with you." Either way, don't let her string you along.

 

Make up sex!

 

you are alot younger than me (duh!). I truly believe that she has tuned out some time ago and when that happens, it is very very difficult to get it back together. I would also bet the bedroom life slowed way down too...

time to start looking and you'd be surprised. It is amazing how you can meet someone new and the sex will make you a new guy. Remember, when one door closes, another (better) one opens.

any sex with her from now, is just sex.... LOL!

 

LOL.

But glad things are getting better

 

Gus, dude... I'm really sorry to hear this man. I just posted in my thread and now I was looking around and found your post. I really don't even know what to say that could help ease your pain. I'm not really in the position right now to be giving anyone relationship advice. I see where your coming from though in blaming yourself. It's obviously you still love her and she is your world. I know it's easy to tell your friends that but to look the woman you love in they eyes and tell her how you feel sometimes feels impossible.

Just keep talking to her and always tell her how you feel and be as open with her as possible. I really hope the two of you continue you to work things out. I remember when we talked about our girls back when we did the wheel swap we both have been with our girls for years and they are all know. We both seemed so happy. It's sucks how things can change in a blink of the eye, but just keeping talking to her and hopefully things will work out. I really hope things turn out better for you. Good luck man. I'll be thinking about you two

 

I didn't read this whole thread because i'm busy today but bottom-line: find hotter girls to have sex with and she'll be but a distant memory. Trust me on that.

 

^^ I think maybe you should actually read the thread and the comment something constructive.

 

Listen to this man! When I broke up w/ my last gf, i was pretty hurt b/c we did live together for a while. Then, I met my current gf. She's hotter and i have a lot of fun w/ her.

But, since you guys are trying to make it work, best of luck!

 

Like what, meeting up with his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend and buying him lunch?

Edit:

You know what, I willl post something more constructive tonight. You won't agree with it but that won't surprise me one bit.

 

find another woman...

 

sorry you are experiencing this man. i just moved 1200 miles with my gf of 5 years to be dumped 3 months after we got here. talk about a shocker.....only thing that helps is time.