My girlfriend is a "bleeding heart, animals are better than humans-but I'm not a vegetarian" person. Today she told me if I go hunting this year, she's not coming here anymore (she lives in Germany).

We have been together for 3 years, and this is the first year she has given me an ultimatum. We came up with a comprise a couple years ago, which is similar to the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I have been hunting since long before I met her.

Me being the "asshole" that I am, I told her, "this is not the kind of relationship I want to be in." I think it's totally unfair of her to tell me to stop doing something I enjoy or she will break up with me. Even if it is something I don't agree with, I would never tell her to stop something she enjoys for me.

I tried to look at from her side, and I cannot imagine why she is acting like this. She eats meat. I know I am crazy, but this takes the cake. She tries to tell me because I don't do this "one little thing for her", that I don't love her.
Is this her trying to get out of the relationship?

Thoughts? Am I wrong for telling her to fuck off with the ultimatum?

 

I think there are plenty of local girls that would let you hunt.

Send her a peta video that shows her where her chicken sandwich comes from. Hopefully she will see that you taking a pop at a deer is more humane than what she's been eating.

 

tell her ok you'll stop but continue hunting once she goes back to germany

 

dont tell her youre hunting

 

Why bother with an ultimatum?

Try dating women that leave near you and couldn't care less about your hunting.

 

I didn't tell her. I told her I was going up north and she put 2 & 2 together.

 

I thought about that too. I do love her. Even though she claims my hunting means I don't love her.

I know she would never follow through with her ultimatum, but it still pissed me off.

 

Don't tell her you're going up north

 

I know. I wish I wouldn't have.

 

i kinda meant tell her you won't go anymore

 

^thats betraying her trust.. it could blow up which he doesnt want if he loves her. tell her that you dont like her ultimatums and try to come to a midway point, where both of you compromise.

 

I shouldn't have to lie to her. She knows I do this, why should I tell her I don't?

 

You shouldn't have to hide anything. Don't give up something you enjoy doing for another person. If she can't handle your hobby, then end it. It's not like your hunting people.

 

looks like u just gotta bite the bullet...

or mayb just pull the trigger

 

 

Hunt in the south?

 

That's right on target.

 

I can't think of a time where anything good comes from ultimatums. It's particularly unreasonable if she's not a vegetarian.

 

Just go hunting... You said it yourself you've been doing this long before you knew her. If she really loved you she would accept you for the man you are and with that comes the things you enjoy doing.

 

We talked today and she apologized. I think this was a failed attempt to control me. That's why she freaked out. She said it was "hurting" her, but it isn't. Hence the guilt trip.

 

Wow. Imagine....she is in Germany and is this much of a want-to-be- controller. Think of what she is going to be like when she moves here.

IMO, if this is something you really enjoy doing, then she either needs to accept it. It doesn't mean she should enjoy it, and maybe occationally ask you to cut back. But to tell you to stop is BS.

My sister's husband is a hunter. He has a 2 month old now and is still out every day. She would like for him to be home more, but she knows that this is part of him. And wisely she decided this was not a battle she would easily win.

 

She is very understanding/accepting of everything else. It is just this one thing. That's why it's so hard for me to grasp.

You're probably right, though. Maybe it is a taste of things to come.

 

What is her main problem with it? Did you explain to her that it's a hobby and not bloodlust?


But yeah, don't give in to this ultimatum crap...that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard

 

Ya. I explained to her that the main reason I go is to hang out with friends. Getting a dear is a bonus. I don't know what her main problem with it is. I asked, but this is what I get: "It makes me sad."

 

If this was her just saying this I wouldn't be concerned, but the fact that she said she wouldn't come here anymore because of this is a huge red flag and should worry the hell out of you.

Something else has to be wrong, and it most likely has nothing to do with you hunting and everything to do with her coming here.

You need to figure out what the real issue is.

 

Don't taper off your favorite things to do that she doesn't approve of. Hanging with the boys, hunting, strip clubs, whatever. If you let her control that then she already has an advantage over you. Then you'll be like half the married stiffs out there that wish they had a life.

 

I made that mistake with my ex-wife. Not happening again. That is probably the biggest problem with our relationship. I act as though she is the same person as my ex. She is nothing like my ex, but I think I make her feel that way more often than not.

 

Hey at least she isn't a vegetarian!

 

She's prolly feeling insecure about the whole transatlantic, long-distance dating and this is a measure for her to exercise control over you and placate her insecurity. Life is way too short to give up something you love for the sake of another. Especially when it's something as petty as allowing you to hunt. I could understand if she was a non-smoker and was getting you to quit smoking or something like that but hunting isn't doing any harm to her or you.

I'd say dump her and find a woman who not only will come and hunt with you, but help you skin the deer and make some delicious venison out of it

 

It was a failed attempt to change you. I've never understood why people try to do that to each other. Change comes from within, not because someone else wants you to change. If someone can't accept you the way you are, that's their problem, not yours.

 

Both my fiancee and I agree.. tell her to fuck off

When I hunt, i go after animals that I plan on eating. I also shoot to kill, one shot no more. No pain.

Anyone that doesn't like it is not playing with a full deck. Its natural, they're in denial. No possible argument there.

 

I blame the "change" impulse upon a twisted maternal instinct. As women are now getting older and older before having children (if ever) they instead focus their impulses on those surrounding them. Thats why so many women in their late 20's and 30's are perceived as crazy and controlling. They'd otherwise be in charge of children and guiding them. Instead they become nagging bitches towards their loved ones and friends. Just my

 

I don't like ultimatums. She asks you to make the choice, instead of her making the choice. This begs the question of why is she wanting you to do something that she cannot. There might be something deeper here than just her aversion to your hunting. If you really love this girl, then you need to have a sit down and find out if this is really the reason for this or is there someting else she isn't telling you.

Either way...good luck.

 

I agree with most of you. Just do your thing. My ex used to give me ultimatums all the time and I just did what I wanted. If she really loved you, then she would be ok with what you do.
Like you said, she's not a vegetarian so what's the problem? Hormone enhanced animals or natural stuff?
After I left my ex, she's all like "oh you can do what you want, I won't stop you. I just want us both to be happy" now I'm happier than ever not having someone nagging about little shit

 

I'll try not to read that as extreme as it may have sounded - however successful relationships are not contests or being all about what you want at the expense of the other. Saying, "screw you I'll do what I want" is a good way of being like half the single stiffs out there wondering why they can't stay together with someone.

However her demand the OP not hunt was unreasonable. Had she not apologized, I would have definitely looked at whether you saw being with her (like a marriage) or not. Someone who pulls that stuff is not someone who understands the compromise involved in staying together.

Pick your battles. If you have things about you that are part of who you are that you can't see giving up, then don't be with someone who is not cool with them. But there should be a list of lower-priority stuff up for negotiation in the name of getting along. But that has to be balanced and apply to both, not just one.

 

^^^



No way a successful relationship occurs without give and take.

Give up hunting....Not a good compremise. Give up hunting EVERYDAY....OK, deal with it.

Give up hanging with the boys 3 days a week....Not a good compremise. Maybe make it a couple days here and there.

Give up strip clubs....that one is actually a good plan.

Definitely pick your battles. And think about what you would do if the tables were turned. I'm sure most of us would be a bit pissed if our wife / gf decided that she had to go party with the girls every weekend while we stayed at home with the kids.

 

 

ultimatum = see ya.

 

Correct. I didn't feel like typing out that you put. Compromise is the key word in a successful relationship.

 

just don't go with her.. it's more fun going alone hunting than with ur girl