So I have seen a bunch of people have this issue. I've probably seen at least 10 threads with no concrete answer. I am feeling inspired so I'm going to do everything I can to figure it out and will report back with results. If I fail... sorry guys lol

Starter works totally fine. Strong, normal speed crank. Battery voltage OK, terminals are not corroded, and battery is <1yr old. Once the car does turn over, it sputters (as if it is not getting enough fuel or only getting what was already in the lines before pump starts). Usually it will only do this for a second or two and then it comes to life, but just recently the car actually sputtered and then died.

This only happens when the car has been sitting for at least an hour or two. If I turn it off right after it happens and then start again, everything works normally.

If I turn the key to the point before it meets resistance (ACC?) and wait for the fuel gauge to move (I think this is the fuel pump priming) the issue doesn't occur.

Tried replacing the fuel pump relay 39794-SDA-004 to no avail.
I junk yarded an OEM fuel pump for $40 and replaced mine (08 type S 150k miles). This seemed to fix the issue but after a couple months it was back.

I've attached a video of the issue, but it's not the most clear example and it's a bit worse now but you can see it happen right before the car jumps to 1k rpm. Will try to get a better video soon.

I think my next move will be to either get an OEM fuel pump or a rock auto fuel pump and see what happens, since the junk yard fuel pump probably wasn't much better than my old one. Unless anyone has a better idea. Any help would be greatly appreciated.