Rules: The Driving Version (funny)
Thread Starter
Advanced
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 66
Likes: 0
From: Atlanta-ish
Rules: The Driving Version (funny)
If any of this is offensive to you, please let me know, preferrably in person
so you can see my facial expression. Laughing that hard might required
EMS.
1. Minivans don't belong in the left lane. I don't care if your van
has a Hemi - it still doesn't matter. In fact, if you choose/have to
drive a minivan, just watch out. Everyone sucks at driving them, even
me. There, I said it.
2. The Left lane is for *passing* (except for the Handi-man diamond
lane on I-85 in Atlanta) - Get out of the left lane IF YOU'RE NOT PASSING. It's not
called the "over-the-speed-limit lane"… it's called the "PASSING"
lane. I don't care if you think it's your God-given right to occupy
that piece of Earth - you're in my way.
3. Turn signals - At this point, I really don't care if you use them.
If you do, TURN THEM OFF when you're done. Why people think they can
turn left into a barrier while going 80 on GA 400 is beyond me.
4. Traffic lights with no power - Treat it like a 4 way stop. I know
no one knows how to make a decision, so normally these are
cluster-f@#&s anyway.
5. Entrance ramps - GO FAST. Seriously. At the end, you should be
going full speed. And by the way, those people approaching you on the
highway have THE RIGHT OF WAY, so get out of their way and learn how
to merge. If I'm coming up on an entrance ramp and I'm in the right
lane on the highway, don't expect me to move. Gun it or slow down, I
don't care, just pick one.
6. Exiting a highway from the far left lane - If you're good at it, do
it. I can't be a hypocrite. If you suck, or have a Suburban or
Minivan, you shouldn't even be there. See rule #1.
7. Turning right from the left hand lane (and vice versa) - Acura makes Navis for a reason. They work. If you don't know where you're going, you
might want to fork over some money and FIGURE IT OUT. A map is also
$10 at Walmart. Your lack of skill in reading maps is no excuse. Find
a friend. I can't stand people who don't know where they're going.
8. Automatic 2 door convertibles just piss me off. I don't care how
much traffic you sit in. You just suck.
9. Pulling out in front of me - If I'm in my TL, and you're in anything
slower and you pull out in front of me, I'm going to have to slow
down. I hate slowing down. I know you see me, and you do
it anyway. You are singularly responsible for road rage.
10. Headlights - High beams are not replacements for burnt out low
beams. Guess what? Walmart has headlights, and they're open 24x7. I
don't care if they're crappy; spend the money and don't be a douche.
11. HIDs - STOP FLASHING ME! I have HIDs. If you flash me, it's because your lights suck and you don't get it. Have fun with the bright half of my HIDs.
12. I honestly don't feel sorry for you if you can't do any of the following…
(a) Drive a stick
(b) Find a jack
(c) Open a hood
(d) Change a tire
13. Merging - Zipper theory was invented just for this. You go, then I
go, etc. Works just like a 4-way stop, which no one can figure out
anyway. It has nothing to do with the size of your gear. If you want
to zip to the end of the line before the lane ends, be my guest. I do
it too, and I don't care who I piss off. I still subscribe to the
zipper theory, and letting me in won't end your life.
14. Driving in the break-down lane in traffic - I would open my
passenger door and make you have a very bad day, but I like my car
better than I like you. I hope you get a flat tire.
15. Cops directing traffic - You suck. Stop it. The lights do a better
job. Go get a donut and spend my taxpayer dollars keeping Krispy Kreme
in business. Oh, and pull people over for going SLOW in the FAST lane, not speeding. I don't care if your boss can't budget. My speed is not an excuse for you to empty my wallet.
16. Trailers in the left lane - How the hell do you think your F1950
with a house behind it is going to pass Grandpa Larry in his 87
Roadmaster? Just not gonna happen, especially uphill. Suck it up and
get there later.
17. Tailgaters - If someone is behind you flashing their lights and
honking their horn, it's probably me. Either speed up (hell, I'll even
take right at the speed limit) or pull over and let me pass. If you
choose to slow down, I'll write down your license plate and make sure
the cops understand just how much cocaine you have stuffed inside the
spare tire.
18. U-Haul - Not really a driving rant, but I hate anything to do with
that company. I'm sure many of you have more to add.
19. Passing - Don't speed up when I pull out to pass you. Not only
does this make me go faster, but it exponentially increases the
chances that I'll not only cut you off but slam on my brakes
afterwords. USE CRUISE CONTROL. What a concept….
20. Pontiac Ass-teks - You can't possibly tell me, with a straight
face, that you couldn't find ANY OTHER VEHICLE that was better than an
Ass-tek? Seriously…. I had one as a rental, and a the end of those 4
days I wanted to roll it just to see if it would look any better
afterwords. On top of that, the thing accelerates like a Hummer with a
lawnmower engine in it, and words don't describe the quality of the
handling.
21. Buick Rendezvous - HAHA - you got duped - it's an ASSTEK - HAHAHAHAHA!!!
22. If you take this seriously, I pity you. And if you have an Asstek
to boot, give me a call and I'll help you get rid of it as fast as
possible.
so you can see my facial expression. Laughing that hard might required
EMS.
1. Minivans don't belong in the left lane. I don't care if your van
has a Hemi - it still doesn't matter. In fact, if you choose/have to
drive a minivan, just watch out. Everyone sucks at driving them, even
me. There, I said it.
2. The Left lane is for *passing* (except for the Handi-man diamond
lane on I-85 in Atlanta) - Get out of the left lane IF YOU'RE NOT PASSING. It's not
called the "over-the-speed-limit lane"… it's called the "PASSING"
lane. I don't care if you think it's your God-given right to occupy
that piece of Earth - you're in my way.
3. Turn signals - At this point, I really don't care if you use them.
If you do, TURN THEM OFF when you're done. Why people think they can
turn left into a barrier while going 80 on GA 400 is beyond me.
4. Traffic lights with no power - Treat it like a 4 way stop. I know
no one knows how to make a decision, so normally these are
cluster-f@#&s anyway.
5. Entrance ramps - GO FAST. Seriously. At the end, you should be
going full speed. And by the way, those people approaching you on the
highway have THE RIGHT OF WAY, so get out of their way and learn how
to merge. If I'm coming up on an entrance ramp and I'm in the right
lane on the highway, don't expect me to move. Gun it or slow down, I
don't care, just pick one.
6. Exiting a highway from the far left lane - If you're good at it, do
it. I can't be a hypocrite. If you suck, or have a Suburban or
Minivan, you shouldn't even be there. See rule #1.
7. Turning right from the left hand lane (and vice versa) - Acura makes Navis for a reason. They work. If you don't know where you're going, you
might want to fork over some money and FIGURE IT OUT. A map is also
$10 at Walmart. Your lack of skill in reading maps is no excuse. Find
a friend. I can't stand people who don't know where they're going.
8. Automatic 2 door convertibles just piss me off. I don't care how
much traffic you sit in. You just suck.
9. Pulling out in front of me - If I'm in my TL, and you're in anything
slower and you pull out in front of me, I'm going to have to slow
down. I hate slowing down. I know you see me, and you do
it anyway. You are singularly responsible for road rage.
10. Headlights - High beams are not replacements for burnt out low
beams. Guess what? Walmart has headlights, and they're open 24x7. I
don't care if they're crappy; spend the money and don't be a douche.
11. HIDs - STOP FLASHING ME! I have HIDs. If you flash me, it's because your lights suck and you don't get it. Have fun with the bright half of my HIDs.
12. I honestly don't feel sorry for you if you can't do any of the following…
(a) Drive a stick
(b) Find a jack
(c) Open a hood
(d) Change a tire
13. Merging - Zipper theory was invented just for this. You go, then I
go, etc. Works just like a 4-way stop, which no one can figure out
anyway. It has nothing to do with the size of your gear. If you want
to zip to the end of the line before the lane ends, be my guest. I do
it too, and I don't care who I piss off. I still subscribe to the
zipper theory, and letting me in won't end your life.
14. Driving in the break-down lane in traffic - I would open my
passenger door and make you have a very bad day, but I like my car
better than I like you. I hope you get a flat tire.
15. Cops directing traffic - You suck. Stop it. The lights do a better
job. Go get a donut and spend my taxpayer dollars keeping Krispy Kreme
in business. Oh, and pull people over for going SLOW in the FAST lane, not speeding. I don't care if your boss can't budget. My speed is not an excuse for you to empty my wallet.
16. Trailers in the left lane - How the hell do you think your F1950
with a house behind it is going to pass Grandpa Larry in his 87
Roadmaster? Just not gonna happen, especially uphill. Suck it up and
get there later.
17. Tailgaters - If someone is behind you flashing their lights and
honking their horn, it's probably me. Either speed up (hell, I'll even
take right at the speed limit) or pull over and let me pass. If you
choose to slow down, I'll write down your license plate and make sure
the cops understand just how much cocaine you have stuffed inside the
spare tire.
18. U-Haul - Not really a driving rant, but I hate anything to do with
that company. I'm sure many of you have more to add.
19. Passing - Don't speed up when I pull out to pass you. Not only
does this make me go faster, but it exponentially increases the
chances that I'll not only cut you off but slam on my brakes
afterwords. USE CRUISE CONTROL. What a concept….
20. Pontiac Ass-teks - You can't possibly tell me, with a straight
face, that you couldn't find ANY OTHER VEHICLE that was better than an
Ass-tek? Seriously…. I had one as a rental, and a the end of those 4
days I wanted to roll it just to see if it would look any better
afterwords. On top of that, the thing accelerates like a Hummer with a
lawnmower engine in it, and words don't describe the quality of the
handling.
21. Buick Rendezvous - HAHA - you got duped - it's an ASSTEK - HAHAHAHAHA!!!
22. If you take this seriously, I pity you. And if you have an Asstek
to boot, give me a call and I'll help you get rid of it as fast as
possible.
Thread Starter
Advanced
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 66
Likes: 0
From: Atlanta-ish
I found a mistake. I meant to say "2 seat" convertibles, not "2 door" convertibles. Those Volvos and Mustangs and crap with 4 seats - okay fine. I get it. But a Z4 or a Vette or a Boxster or a...
AcurAdmirer
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,004
Likes: 352
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Well, I have a problem with #6 - Taking an exit from the far left lane. Do it in front of me and I'll do my best to T-bone your ass just for the fun of it.
And #13 - Jump the line and try to squeeze in in front of all the other people and you'll die a slow and agonizing death waiting if I have anything to say about it. You're NOT better than the rest of us, no matter what you think.
And you missed some of the best ones -
23. Don't stop at an intersection and leave a carlength and a half between you and the other car. If two of you do this, you block the left turn lane and make me miss the freakin' turn light. That makes me cranky.
24. Don't go 40 in a 45mph zone. In fact, add 3 or 4 mph to the posted limit - they won't stop you for that, and traffic will move better. If your sorryass car won't go that fast, put it up on blocks like your neighbor's cars.
25. USE your turn indicators. It takes just one finger. I'm probably going to be going faster than you (since I usually add 4 or 5mph to the posted limit), and if you drift over into my lane with no warning, I'm going to T-bone your ass just for the fun of it.
26. When the light turns green, GO! And get up to the speed limt (or better yet, add 3 or 4mph to it) as fast as you can. There are other people behind you that don't have all day with nothing to do. If you're not up to that, see #24 above.
27. If you lack the coordination to drive and do other stuff (cellphone, eating, talking, breathing, etc.), either give up the other stuff or stop by the DMV and surrender your license ... you aren't fit to share the road with the rest of us.
There are more, but it makes my head hurt to think about it.
.
.
And #13 - Jump the line and try to squeeze in in front of all the other people and you'll die a slow and agonizing death waiting if I have anything to say about it. You're NOT better than the rest of us, no matter what you think.
And you missed some of the best ones -
23. Don't stop at an intersection and leave a carlength and a half between you and the other car. If two of you do this, you block the left turn lane and make me miss the freakin' turn light. That makes me cranky.
24. Don't go 40 in a 45mph zone. In fact, add 3 or 4 mph to the posted limit - they won't stop you for that, and traffic will move better. If your sorryass car won't go that fast, put it up on blocks like your neighbor's cars.
25. USE your turn indicators. It takes just one finger. I'm probably going to be going faster than you (since I usually add 4 or 5mph to the posted limit), and if you drift over into my lane with no warning, I'm going to T-bone your ass just for the fun of it.
26. When the light turns green, GO! And get up to the speed limt (or better yet, add 3 or 4mph to it) as fast as you can. There are other people behind you that don't have all day with nothing to do. If you're not up to that, see #24 above.
27. If you lack the coordination to drive and do other stuff (cellphone, eating, talking, breathing, etc.), either give up the other stuff or stop by the DMV and surrender your license ... you aren't fit to share the road with the rest of us.
There are more, but it makes my head hurt to think about it.
.
.
Trending Topics
Registered but harmless
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 14,888
Likes: 1,164
From: Los Angeles, CA
Originally Posted by 2002Dawg
If any of this is offensive to you, please let me know...
This thread and the posts here should be required reading in every traffic school and every license test. Reading this thread and realizing how many drivers do not follow these rules makes me really cranky, though.
Why, it makes me want to pull my minivan out of the left lane, get off the phone and pull out my LA-freeway mandated 9mm SIG and ... oh, never mind... my meds are kicking in now...
Unfortunately, lots of the points here actually are in the licensing tests, but are ignored on the road.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
rockyboy
2G RDX (2013-2018)
171
Aug 4, 2024 10:35 AM
CaliAtenza
5G TLX Photograph Gallery
11
Sep 9, 2015 06:48 PM
