This is probably not supposed to go in this forum, but technically speaking, I am having a problem and do need a fix. What I need is advice on convincing my father-in-law ("FIL") that he needs to stop trusting the yokels at the local Firestone--and any other guy he happens to come across who has grease on his shirt, be it an AutoZone employee or whatever.

<--- In case you miss the reference under my name/info, I am a woman. I only call this to your attn. because it factors into my issue. Let me be brief so I don't bore the living poop out of everyone.

About me: I'm not super mech. inclined, but in '08, our two Acuras (mine & fiancee's) needed maintenance, and stealership and an ind. shop managed to royally mess up on both cars. And I had no $$. So, I came here. I paid for access to Helms for a few days. I read, learned, and practiced. To date, I have performed these repairs on one or both Acuras: Cabin filters // Air filters // EGR port clean // V6 & 4-cyl. spark plug replace // 3x drain & fill ATF // P.S. Feed Hose replace (before the recall) // Shift gate, Seat heater, High brake lamp, and HID bulbs // Rear wheel hub replace // Oil changes // Battery replace // Reset ECU // Adjust throttle cable // Clean TB // Seafoam thru vac ports // Replaced auto tensioner for Serpentine belt // Serp. & drive belts. Bottom line: I know what I'm doing. And I've been doing it on our nice Acuras. (Sounds kinky. LOL.)

About FIL: He is timid, ex-military, has a touch of inferiority complex. He's lived alone for 20 years, in late 60s, didn't attend high school and has comprehension issues (not age-related). Here are two things that are most significant:
1) He is an honest-to-god hoarder, just like on TV.
2) He is addicted to spending (on the cheapest, crappiest, used, broken, useless stuff... His house is FULL of this stuff) but hates spending more than $10 at a time and takes horrible car of cars.

Fiancee is now managing his bills for him, after two bankruptcies. I mean, the man cannot help to spend $--except on things like taxes and car repairs. Six months ago, his car failed inspection again. The state offered him a $3k voucher toward a new(er) car. Fiancee and I agreed to help him buy a Honda (he is paying the note), specifically so I could maintain it and save him $. (Side note: when FIL doesn't pay his bills, guess who he asks to "borrow" from? Fiancee. So this was fairly self-preserving, too.) Oh, and he is on a low, fixed income.

In short: He's getting older, is fiscally irresponsible, for some reason not completely entrusting his car to me, and very susceptible to auto shops that might maliciously or otherwise try to take advantage of him.

Fiancee and I shopped and haggled the price of a used Honda Fit (he pays the note). We told him why we wanted him to get a Honda (might as well have others benefit from mall the time, $, and energy I've invested in learning about them); he knows all the stuff I've been doing on the Acuras; and we told him we'd do all the maintenance. All was cool till he decided that despite everything I'd told him and all he'd read about the maintenance intervals (and the Maint. Due light his car has), etc., he decided he MUST have the oil changed NOW, even though the oil life indicator had not come on at all. He went to Firestone and paid $35 for an oil change. Problem is, they used synthetic blend (he thinks it's fully synthetic, though: comprehension issues), when we'd told him we were gonna use full synthetic on his car, since we had extra. They also used some crap-ass filter (white, generic), whereas I use extended life filters, AND they did not change the crush washer. In addition, as he explained to me with an air of authority, the guy at Firestone said he HAD to change his oil every 3,000 miles/3 months, which is a total lie. FIL also said he just "felt better" changing it 3,000 miles, since "by the time the light [Maint. Due Indicator] comes on, the oil's already old and it's too late." (What the...?) That is what he actually believes, despite having read his manual and having me and his daughter reassure him that it's more like 5-7,500 miles. (He drives in normal to moderate conditions.) Now, I don't know if he conjured this belief up on his own or if the people whose job it is to sell him oil changes told him that, but he Has Decided It Is True.

Anyway, the oil change isn't a big deal in the grand scheme, but I don't want him to have mindless strangers manhandling the car--or worse, have them sell him some blinker fluid or an engine flush. And it'll happen, cuz it's happened to both of us on multiple occasions. The average lube shop will mess up at some point. Who has to pay for that? Well not him, he's poor. And good luck proving the shop did it. So that leaves: us.

In your opinions...
1) Why does he accept blindly the advice of strangers over me? (And I've been diplomatic about it and had Fiancee do most of the convincing, etc., so it's not cuz I'm mean, crazy, rude, etc.).

2) Why would anyone (esp. someone just above the poverty line) choose to pay when they could have work on their car done for free by someone who has worked on more expensive Hondas than his own, with great success? (He's got a poor track record of previous car maintenance, so it's not him being obsessed about taking care of it. In fact, the interior is usually trashed.)

I am not trying to emasculate the man, but my fear is he thinks so. How can I get him to trust that I will take MUCH better care of his Honda and ensure its longevity than would the average quick-lube place--especially when those places can't tell a Honda from a Hyundai?

Please help and thanks for reading. I kindly request no flaming or meanness. I am looking for sincere input. Thanks guys. Peace.

 

You actually answered your own questions with your description of your FIL. The guy is mentally ill and you're trying to apply reason to a situation where it's not an option. My suggestions would not be welcome ones, so I can only say good luck.

 

Yep, I have to agree with this statement.

 

+1, you can only help people who want to help themselves.

 

Gotta say, play the game...the reality is that the quick change shops will do an acceptable job of oil changes...or they'll go out of business...and do carry insurance.

I'd suggest letting the guy get his way by agreeing that he can change the oil at Firestone or where-ever every 3,000 miles. BUT, he is to use their regular oil (explain how synthetic needs to run more miles to work properly between changes, or some such crap) and change the oil filter every time. Then go to the shop and explain to the manager that if they fail to replace the crush washer and the oil drains out, their shop's insurance will be buying a new engine and very unhappy, so why doesn't he make sure it gets done.

Then he (F-I-L) can bask in the glory of being right and you and fiancee can take care of the rest. Called reverse psychology, and the quick lube oiland filter WILL be fine for 3,000 miles or 6 months...so save your ammo for the important stuff.

BTW, I read the list of work done and don't undersell your aptitude! Nice work!

 

I've heard too many horror stories of quick lube shops to ever trust one again. There might be plenty of reputable ones trying to make an honest living, but I won't bet my car on it.

OP sounds like there isn't much you can do. if I were in your position, I'd tell the FIL that you're no longer there if something goes bad with the car because of his own maintenance schedule.

Sounds like a new car isn't really ideal for him. Hopefully he'll learn his lesson.

On a side note: What happens to the warranty if the car's mostly maintained at a quick lube shop?

 

It could be their uniform (considering he is ex-military). In his mind, someone in a uniform is an authority and is an expert in his profession (as opposed to a DIY person).

Since he is getting a "newer" car, he probably wants to take good care of it this time around. Taking it to a shop would provide him a guarantee that it is done right (or they will make it right).

It seems that either he doesn't want to bother you, or he doesn't think that you can do it. You should have him nearby when you do your next oil change so you can show him that you are able to do it. He should be able to believe his own eyes.

Since the shop put on a crap filter, and possibly crappy oil, you might as well take the opportunity to change the oil for him and explain why it needs to be done while you change it (crappy filter won't keep his oil as clean, and the oil might be the wrong viscosity, or cheap conventional oil even though they billed him for synthetic).

 

+2 from another female-

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrOtocinclus
+1, you can only help people who want to help themselves.

I agree, except that we'll be the ones who wind up helping him, I'm sure. (Fiancee has a very hard time letting him suffer what would be very bad consequences of his actions (e.g., losing his house). I've had enough therapy to be able to say, "You're on your own" (did it with my own mom, in fact), but Fiancee isn't quite able to.

I appreciate the feedback and hope it keeps coming. I was sorta thinking something along the lines of insight (like the poster who mentioned the uniform = authority) and/or some ideas, like offering to send the oil for analysis at the next oil change to see what the science says we should do. So I welcome more suggestions about interesting ways to approach this OR theories on ways i can appear as an authority on the subject, short of getting ASE certified.

 

@SoCaliTrojan: Decent idea about the oil change observation. I actually hate it when people look over my shoulder while I do any kind of work,, and I'm sure the first time I change his oil will be awkward, with that tiny little crankcase and undercarriage and all (so cute!), so I'm afraid I'd mess up a little. But a very interesting idea. Thanks.

 

how many miles does your FIL drive-my mom does not drive much so following the maintenance minder on her 08 accord is not feasible. She gets the oil/filter changed every 6 months. I give you lots of credit that you do your own maintenance. I personally have no desire to do it. I have lots of other things I enjoy doing. I take my tsx to a acura dealer I trust, does an excellent job, does not try to sell me unneeded service and does not overcharge. I do know how to change a flat tire, check the tire pressure and oil. I also hand wash and vacuum it. I love to drive-average 25,000+miles a year. My car has 120,000+miles.

 

http://www.blackstone-labs.com/

$25 for an oil analysis, cheap at the price. I'm doing one on mine every 15k to keep an eye out for trends. They send you a mailer container with all the stuff needed to make it legal to mail back to them. Open the inner container and fill with oil directly from the oil pan, close it, bag it, wrap it, then bung it plus a form and your check into the mailer, post office here you come.

The USPS has a little heartburn now and then about hearing what it is, but you explain it to them and/or print the letter off their site and then they e-mail the results (if they can) as a PDF...neat-o!

 

1. can't help ya there
2. can't help ya there

People are willing to pay others becuase their time & effort is worth more than X amount of dollars to do something. Most of us on these forums tends to be enthusiest, we find enjoyment working on our car. the average citizen could care less.

Like a few have said .. you can only help those who wants to be helped.

side note: those white filter at firestone are actually pretty good. They're made by champion labs. quality wise better than fram but not good as wix, K&N, Mobil 1. Wix kicks ass for the price ($6 bucks each).

And props to ya for taking the initiative on taking care of your own car.

 

Is there someone like your fiancee that your FIL trusts and will listen to? If yes, then maybe your fiancee should do the oil changes while you "assist"?