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Oh no I wasn't volunteering my services. I was well aware of the distance and I wouldn't do that in an open forum. Kind of tacky . I was just confused why they couldn't list the rental.
Oh no I wasn't volunteering my services. I was well aware of the distance and I wouldn't do that in an open forum. Kind of tacky . I was just confused why they couldn't list the rental.
Honestly, they were not very good agents, and I don't think they have ANY capacity to manage the property. Otherwise, it would have been a no brianer, I agree.</p><p>@Doom878, I was wondering if you knew any real estate attorneys in FL that might be able to (paid, of course) give me an hour or so of his/her time to answer some questions? Possibly draw up a limited power of attorney/LLC papers?</p><p>If not, no worries, just thought maybe you knew someone in the biz.</p>
FIL is panicking because he didn't do some legwork we asked be done. No appointments to have Goodwill pick up furniture, he just assumed he could call and they would drive right over... Weeks ago we asked for him to make calls to find out what the lead time is on pickups/appointments for Goodwill home pickup. Now it will probably be $450 to get a dumpster out there and throw all the old worn furniture in the landfill instead of a free pickup and someone else getting to use the stuff.
Same thing with UPS to ship his boxes... Didn't make the calls he needed to make, just showed up. At the wrong location.
FIL is panicking because he didn't do some legwork we asked be done. No appointments to have Goodwill pick up furniture, he just assumed he could call and they would drive right over... Weeks ago we asked for him to make calls to find out what the lead time is on pickups/appointments for Goodwill home pickup. Now it will probably be $450 to get a dumpster out there and throw all the old worn furniture in the landfill instead of a free pickup and someone else getting to use the stuff.
Same thing with UPS to ship his boxes... Didn't make the calls he needed to make, just showed up. At the wrong location.
For better or for worse, my options are either (a) become a full time life coach for the guy and spend the time working with him to get him relatively stable or (b) let him continue to make terrible decisions and simply financially support him for the rest of his life.
I chose A. I am sure it will be tough, and failures will occur, but in the long haul, it's the right thing to do. I have high expectations of people, but he is someone who has not had any expectations for himself (nor had anyone to have expectations of him) for a very long time.
While challenging, I am approaching it VERY delicately and am sensitive to the dynamics that I am aware of. OTOH, the times I have been directly involved in issues, good and bad, he has seemed to be VERY receptive. It's almost as though he has been wanting to find someone to have some expectations of him for a long time, but no one has...
For better or for worse, my options are either (a) become a full time life coach for the guy and spend the time working with him to get him relatively stable or (b) let him continue to make terrible decisions and simply financially support him for the rest of his life.
I chose A. I am sure it will be tough, and failures will occur, but in the long haul, it's the right thing to do. I have high expectations of people, but he is someone who has not had any expectations for himself (nor had anyone to have expectations of him) for a very long time.
While challenging, I am approaching it VERY delicately and am sensitive to the dynamics that I am aware of. OTOH, the times I have been directly involved in issues, good and bad, he has seemed to be VERY receptive. It's almost as though he has been wanting to find someone to have some expectations of him for a long time, but no one has...
Time to try to teach an old dog some new tricks.
Definitely the tougher road, but I have all the respect in the world for you trying to help him and coach him
Sorry about that. The Miami way of doing business not returning calls. Even realtor to realtor calls don't get returned
No worries at all, I appreciate the name and number!
I currently have two management companies looking at the house giving me quotes on what needs to be done to get it rent-able. Should have answers in the next few days and have the repairs started soon. The goal is to only have to make one monthly payment without tenants. If the management companies were a little faster with their contractors and quotes, we might not even have the one month gap, but as you said, the Miami way appears to extend to Clearwater...
T+2
I realize this is as much a "journal" for me to vent/reflect/codify thoughts, as a legit AZINE post, but it helps, so if it's TLDR, just ignore...
My wife's brother was in town visiting wife/MIL at the same time FIL arrived, so they had a nice time together, although BIL is a terrible influence on FIL (supports all his bad habits, has no good habits to impart). Glad for the visit but also glad BIL has gone home and the real, long term work can begin with FIL.
Wife is out with FIL right now looking for a inexpensive lease for a car. He has habitually bought a $1900 used car and then dumped lots of money into it at inopportune times or not had a usable car, so reliable transportation is priority number one. Since he is staying with us, he has some extra money for the next few months to have the car without a job, so he can go job hunting without borrowing my or the wife's car. He also seems totally open to the idea of working, which I thought might have been a hurdle. Phew. Now, getting him used to the idea that his first job may not be his dream job is going to be a challenge, but overcome-able, I think. His room (our guest bedroom) is nice, but sparse and has no TV in it. He will want out of the house in a few months which will require a job, and that's good.
What is truly amazing, though, is that while he really does not have any idea how to effectively approach problem solving, given a little input, he is agreeable to assuming a given approach and trying it. I thought I would get a lot more resistance. I am astounded by the lack of thought he has put into things, but somehow he has managed to keep himself alive, so I gotta give him credit. His initial approach to looking for a car was going to be to go to the dealerships and asking the salesmen which car was best for him. He left the house with his own handwritten research, MSRP, Edmunds invoice pricing, models/current lease deals/incentives, etc. after I "encouraged" him to do these things...
Last edited by stogie1020; 09-07-2015 at 12:54 PM.
What is truly amazing, though, is that while he really does not have any idea how to effectively approach problem solving, given a little input, he is agreeable to assuming a given approach and trying it. I thought I would get a lot more resistance. I am astounded by the lack of thought he has put into things, but somehow he has managed to keep himself alive, so I gotta give him credit.
Somehow, he managed to help raise your wife and her brother, right?
Your FIL sounds like my dad, who just paid the asking/sticker price for cars back in the day. My dad also was not a very good problem solver either, but did listen to suggestions and advice.
Sounds more promising than when you first started.
Just prove yourself to be an expert in the matter, but don't be obstinate, and lend your advice.. Just be reasonable and respectful while doing so and it should work itself out.
In the end, he'll either create a method of doing things to get his own matters sorted out.. or he'll depend on you, but the end goal should be the same.
I've met many who are hard workers and great at certain tasks, but not great at managing the rest of their life. Guidance is definitely needed.
Somehow, he managed to help raise your wife and her brother, right?
Your FIL sounds like my dad, who just paid the asking/sticker price for cars back in the day. My dad also was not a very good problem solver either, but did listen to suggestions and advice.
Sounds more promising than when you first started.
Agreed, but there is a reason he and my MIL are divorced... I don't think he did much "raising", just a lot of kvetching (yiddish for complaining). They split when wifey was 13ish. My wife as a kid did not get a lot of the parental guidance and especially encouragement that a lot of people get. Too much "you are SO special, it's AWESOME you got a job as a waitress at Tony Romas!"... instead of being taught to think more highly of herself and aspire to greater objectives. That is a work in progress, too.
Originally Posted by Majofo
Just prove yourself to be an expert in the matter, but don't be obstinate, and lend your advice.. Just be reasonable and respectful while doing so and it should work itself out.
In the end, he'll either create a method of doing things to get his own matters sorted out.. or he'll depend on you, but the end goal should be the same.
I've met many who are hard workers and great at certain tasks, but not great at managing the rest of their life. Guidance is definitely needed.
You are totally on track, and I know he will eventually, organically find his homeostasis in the new environment. As long as it is closer to reality and farther from his current mindset, we will be OK. I wish he was a hard worker, but unfortunately he has a gargantuan sense of entitlement. Like, "I may be unemployed, but that prospective job is 'beneath' me..." This, I think, will be the greatest challenge. I am already planting seeds of "first job may not be dream job, just keep it for a year to get employment history." I will be amazed if he secures and keeps a job for 12 months. THAT will be my happy dance moment. The good booze will come out on that day...
I can understand the entitlement trip, I think this was common during the heyday of American manufacturing. You make a certain amount of money, and you consider that your value you offer, not the value you're worth at that particular time and opportunity. Common with old school managers as well. It's also tied to their dignity so tread lightly and acknowledge his past.
The 70's show portrayed Red in this light, it was integral to his character. Even though he might feel entitled, hopefully he works with a certain pride to do the job right. If he gets stuck on pay and position, it might not work out, similarly to an acquaintance of mine. HR figured he'd never be happy there so they let him go.. He made a mountain over a mole hill too.
I can understand the entitlement trip, I think this was common during the heyday of American manufacturing. You make a certain amount of money, and you consider that your value you offer, not the value you're worth at that particular time and opportunity. Common with old school managers as well. It's also tied to their dignity so tread lightly and acknowledge his past.
The 70's show portrayed Red in this light, it was integral to his character. Even though he might feel entitled, hopefully he works with a certain pride to do the job right. If he gets stuck on pay and position, it might not work out, similarly to an acquaintance of mine. HR figured he'd never be happy there so they let him go.. He made a mountain over a mole hill too.
Hope it all works out.
Very close to an accurate description of him, although a different field. The challenge is separating reality from desired reality.
FIL is living with us (as expected) for now until he has a job. It's not as tough as I would have imagined, although it certainly has it's moments. He likes to wear some kind of cologne that I do not care for and he puts it on pretty heavy in the AM when he gets up :yuk:. Wifey has asked him to limit it so we don't all have watery eyes at the breakfast table!
Within one week, and with significant guidance to the process, we got a (co-signed) lease for a Hyundai Elantra with TTL and no down for $199/mo for him. Despite his arguments, we got him to do an auto-pay from his bank account with a CC of the "paid" confirmation email to us since out credit it on the line as well.
We are now working on his resume. It is truly amazing what positive re-enforcement, truly constructive criticism and gentle suggestions can accomplish with him. I feel like he went SO long without any useful guidance (OK, he also didn't seek it out) that he just assumed his way was the right way even though the world was crumbling around him. He had no other "way" or suggestions to try, so he didn't know why things were failing for him. His direct family got tired of telling him he was wrong instead of gently encouraging him and offering alternate suggestions (in truth he can be pretty stubborn, you just have to let it pass) and gave up.
Anyway, seems to be a good number of entry level positions in his field, so hopefully we can get him to be hire-able at one and then stay there for a year or more.
God bless daughters. They will do things no one else in the world will/could do. (Not a stab at your heart, but I can only imagine your wife pushing for this success.) I would know. My wife has set aside some significant pain to keep her mother in her life and bring her father back in, things I would straight up call out and cut off my father because of.
If I am reading this right, keep it up stogie. Win or "lose", it will only pay off in the end.
<p>Jesus, Stog...you're an angel. </p><p>I read through the entire thread...I'm all for family first but it's really hard to guide or help people that won't help themselves. I was frustrated on your behalf in numerous of your posts. I'm genuinely afraid for you putting your name on car title...and got pissed that he made assumptions and didn't handle shipping some boxes and getting his stuff donated.</p><p>Hopefully your business savvy will triumph and you won't get the short end of the stick with the housing rental you're handling...</p><p>every man has his limits...a tiger doesn't change it's stripes and unfortunately if everyone else in his life has gotten fed up with him that presumably loves him and is family...it's probably not for no good reason. </p><p>Anyway, I admire your tenacity and will love to watch this unfold and read your updates/venting. </p><p>Good luck, man...more people should be like you. Seriously.</p>
Fun fact: A tiger's stripes originate from the skin pigment, not the hair pigment. If you were to shave a tiger's hair off, it would still have stripes. As such, any damage to the skin, like a scar, can affect the stripe originating from the damaged area.
FIL, who left Florida and was happy to never have to think about alligators anymore, was sitting in my kitchen looking out the window the other day while wifey and i were out and called us frantically saying "there are two bobcats on the sidewalk in front of your house, one just laid down and the other has some dead animal in it's mouth!"
Of course, he was too panicked to take a picture, but man I would have loved to see the look on his face (and the animals!).
Holy shiet Stog...
I was working a ticket up in Clewiston and actually found a rather large cat (that you pictured) dead on the road. Sad as fuck...gorgeous animal. I threw a glove on so the body could decompose in relative peace without onlookers...thing probably weighed 60 pounds.
This is a blurry shot I took in the neighborhood a few years back...
My brother in law was eating lunch at the park outside of his work in Corsicana on Friday when two bobcats started to approach him. Not sure if they left on their own or if he had to yell at them. This was one of them.
FIL has the intelligence level of about an 11 year old. No shit.
This job search is going to be tough. He has been applying online to retail places (Target, Kohls, etc.) who all have "now hiring" signs at their stores. The application online asks things like "describe what your duties were at your previous job?" He was simply putting the the job name right off of the resume we helped him make, e.g. "Medical Assistant" and that's it. Sometimes he would bullet point it.
He also gets VERY defensive when we try to help him do it better. I think the defensiveness is mainly embarrassment, but the wifey and I are about the least judgmental and least condescending people he is EVER going to meet and have help him. All we talk about is wanting to give him tools to succeed, ways to be more efficient so things aren't as hard for him, teamwork, etc. Many of the online applications he fills out ask the same basic questions, and he insists on re-writing the same answers over and over rather than keeping a Word doc with his answers to copy and paste (and tweak to the situation). Thus, it takes him an hour to fill out a basic application.
He avoids problems rather than dealing with them, and often they grow into much larger problems than if he simply addressed them at their onset. This makes it really tough to try to show him that his "old ways" didn't work and he needs to try "new ways" of doing things, as he gets mad and storms off rather than confront a failure as a learning experience to grow from.
My wife said something to me two days ago that made me feel terrible for her. She said "do you have any idea what it feels like to actually realize that your own father is an idiot? As in just not smart and not able to deal with life on his own?"
I told her "No, and I can't imagine what that feels like." I told her I couldn't even begin to imagine it, and then bought her flowers yesterday because she needed some cheering up.
08-19-2015, 02:24 PM
. I was just confused why they couldn't list the rental.
Weeks ago we asked for him to make calls to find out what the lead time is on pickups/appointments for Goodwill home pickup. Now it will probably be $450 to get a dumpster out there and throw all the old worn furniture in the landfill instead of a free pickup and someone else getting to use the stuff. 
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