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Old 06-07-2009, 08:32 PM   #41
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Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and


K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But ,

A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing
will take you..

A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, itís the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
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Old 06-07-2009, 09:03 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by csmeance View Post
Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and


K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But ,

A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing
will take you..

A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, itís the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
Haha, I liked this.
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Old 09-18-2009, 10:30 AM   #43
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His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the Door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, `Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me is . . . You're NOT my Flight Instructor?
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Old 09-18-2009, 10:30 AM   #44
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His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the Door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, `Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me is . . . You're NOT my Flight Instructor?
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Old 09-18-2009, 10:36 AM   #45
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A guy from Ohio, a guy from Florida and a guy from Tennessee are drinking in a bar.

The guy from Ohio says, "There is a bar in Ohio that gives you a free beer for each beer that you buy.

The guy from Florida says, "That's nothing; in Florida, there is a bar that gives you 2 free beers for every one that you buy.

The guy from Tennessee says, :"That's nothing, in Tennessee, there is a bar that gives you 3 free beers for every one that you buy, and not only that; but when you finish your beers, they take you in the back and you get to have sex for 4 hours.

The Ohio and the Floridia look at each other and then at the Tennessee guy in amazement and ask...."Did that really happen to you????

The guy from Tennessee says......"no"..........but it happened to my sister.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:08 AM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RJANACONDA View Post
why do dogs lick thier balls?







because they dont have thumbs...
Because they can.
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Old 09-28-2011, 01:31 PM   #47
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Bored....Anymore Funnies

Someone sent me a joke I haven't heard before.....

Quote:
A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.

The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28"

Lady asks "well, anything else?"

"We have an equestrian Barbie, and she's $28".

Lady asks "anything else?"

"Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"

The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive. The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?"

The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff."
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Old 09-28-2011, 01:37 PM   #48
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Should have bumped the Wednesday joke thread.
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Old 09-28-2011, 01:44 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by svtmike View Post
Should have bumped the Wednesday joke thread.
Didn't know there was one. I knew of this one.

Maybe they should merge them.
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Old 09-28-2011, 01:57 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RaviNJCLs View Post
Didn't know there was one. I knew of this one.

Maybe they should merge them.
I do not want a 48hour wen-fri-day
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Old 09-28-2011, 02:43 PM   #51
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RaviNJCLs View Post
Didn't know there was one. I knew of this one.

Maybe they should merge them.


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Old 09-28-2011, 03:20 PM   #52
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Quote:
Originally Posted by svtmike View Post


If only there were a clear, more defined way to do a search....then I would not make this mistake.

You also know now I will fine another joke to post on Friday.
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Old 09-28-2011, 04:05 PM   #53
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So, we're only allowed to post jokes in here on Friday?
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Old 09-28-2011, 04:08 PM   #54
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shalooby View Post
So, we're only allowed to post jokes in here on Friday?
I guess you may also post jokes ABOUT Fridays. See, I fixed my last joke.

Quote:
One FRIDAY A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.

The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28"

Lady asks "well, anything else?"

"We have an equestrian Barbie, and she's $28".

Lady asks "anything else?"

"Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"

The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive. The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?"

The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff."
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Old 09-29-2011, 01:22 AM   #55
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My wife and I were making love last Friday, when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies." So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over, and came all over her face and hair.

Apparently we don't watch the same movies.
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Old 09-29-2011, 12:12 PM   #56
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^^I think there is something missing from this joke....like the punch line.

Quote:
Originally Posted by A SiQ TL View Post
My wife and I were making love last Friday, when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies." So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over, and came all over her face and hair. She then looked at me and said, "That's it? Where were the other 6 guys?"

Apparently we don't watch the same movies.

Last edited by cmschmie; 09-29-2011 at 12:16 PM.
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Old 09-29-2011, 12:28 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RaviNJCLs View Post
Someone sent me a joke I haven't heard before.....
It's not friday yet.
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Old 09-29-2011, 03:53 PM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dallison View Post
It's not friday yet.
Unfortunately....you are correct.
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Old 10-07-2011, 11:53 AM   #59
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Friday....

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Old 10-07-2011, 02:16 PM   #60
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A baby seal walks into a club......
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Old 05-13-2016, 09:09 AM   #61
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What do you call a sloppy Joe on a hoagie?

A sloppy ho....
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