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Does your city need a new superhero? Because we don't want ours...

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Does your city need a new superhero? Because we don't want ours...

 
Old 04-29-2009, 02:23 PM
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Does your city need a new superhero? Because we don't want ours...

I had the pleasure of watching this abortion on the news the other night...watch the video and look at the guy in the green spandex

I can't wait to see them walking down the street


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Many of us here at CNET harbor dreams of leading secret lives as masked superheros, protecting the public from evildoers. A nagging feeling some would call "common sense" prevents us from living the dream. Luckily, we can all rest easy knowing that our streets are now protected by a motley crew of pseudo-heroes known as The Allegiance.

The team owes its Internet notoriety to a short profile that a Cincinnati local news station aired on one of its members, intimidatingly named Shadow Hare--check out his MySpace page. A 21-year-old man (I'll believe it when I see it) from Milford, Ohio, Shadow Hare claims his Allegiance of Heroes reaches all across the country, with masked vigilantes each protecting their respective cities. There's Aclyptico in Pennsylvania, Wall Creeper in Colorado, Master Legend in Florida, and Mr. Extreme in California.

Let's just pause for a second to marinate and comment on what's going on here. The first thing that these guys need, judging from the video, is a super gym membership with a super personal trainer on the side. Plenty of comic book characters don't actually have super powers, Batman being the most popular, but the difference here is that he makes up for it with intense physical and psychological training and gadgets unobtainable by the public--therein lies the mystique, that not just anyone can be a superhero.

These guys, on the other hand, just look gross. Come on, guys! Your Spandex uniforms are loose in all the wrong places, you've reduced your handy gadgets down to Tasers and handcuffs, and dude, Shadow Hare: you don't even have a car? Good luck briskly strolling down the street, trying to look tough waiting for the bus. And I heard that you got bopped in the shoulder while trying to stop a guy from beating up a woman? Something tells me the commissioner of the Cincinnati Police Department ain't rushing to Home Depot to build a Hare Signal. And what's the with the name, guy? Out all of the menacing animals out there, you choose a cuddly bunny made famous for his arrogance in that fabled race...bummer that The Deadly Meerkat and The Flying Lemur were already taken by other heroes, huh?

Seriously, though, you have a lot of work to do before people take you seriously, Allegiance of Heroes. I respect your noble attempts at vigilant justice, but if you're gonna do, do it right. Start by getting a police scanner, hit the free weights and pound some steroids, then develop skills (nunchaku skills, bow-hunting skills, computer-hacking skills). Definitely fashion new outfits, and don't forget: extra padding is your best sidekick.

Until all of that happens, maybe just stick with being super funemployed.
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10230158-1.html




He has a myspace if anyone is interested in joining his superhero team

www.myspace.com/shadow_hare
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:28 PM
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only in ohio






edit: and

FL
PENN
CALI
COL
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:30 PM
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Wow. He must miss being abused, cause that outfit is begging for it.

The yellow stripey one looks like a bumble bee.
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:36 PM
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:ibyummy'srobotmanfromcanadaisaddedtothelist:
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:36 PM
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Fuck - there goes my cover.
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:37 PM
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Check our his myspace, people are praising him.
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:40 PM
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Idiots

One of these guys is gonna get killed trying to intervene during a crime.
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:49 PM
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:50 PM
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Well guy has balls, downtown cincinasty isn't exactly the safest place.


You know your city is bad when its streets start showing up in rap music lol
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:54 PM
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I read about Master Legend before. Pretty interesting stuff, the superhero life.
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Old 04-29-2009, 03:16 PM
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this is kinda cool.
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Old 04-29-2009, 03:30 PM
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It's like south park came alive.
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Old 04-29-2009, 03:34 PM
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This motherfucker has seen watchmen too many times.
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Old 04-29-2009, 03:38 PM
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Our city's budget can't really afford a new superhero. Do you have any used ones?
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Old 04-29-2009, 03:57 PM
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This is weird on so many levels. I haven't seen any superheroes in my area yet. I did, however, see a dog wearing a cape downtown yesterday.
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Old 04-29-2009, 04:09 PM
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I'm a superhero...


but only in the eyes of my 4-year old...
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Old 04-29-2009, 04:09 PM
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As someone who formally lived in Cincinnati, I can tell you that city needs something. It is a cesspool that has had a war raging on the streets since the riots.

My wife worked at the Children's hospital, which is in a bad neighborhood. There were about two or three new bullet holes in her lab's windows every month. It's that bad.

I would live in a tent any where else, rather than take a job in Cincinnati.
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Old 04-29-2009, 06:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Mr. Incredible View Post
I'm a superhero...


but only in the eyes of my 4-year old...

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Old 04-29-2009, 06:08 PM
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Bwhahahahahaha, Nice...





Originally Posted by 2001AudiS4 View Post

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Old 04-29-2009, 06:09 PM
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I'd give him a 15 minute's being a "superhero" and fighting crime in NJ Newark/Irvington area.....
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Old 04-29-2009, 07:46 PM
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somehow i missed the mentioning of their immunity to guns...
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Old 04-29-2009, 07:53 PM
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wow....priceless
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Old 04-30-2009, 08:04 AM
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Is he registered?

http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.co...ry_gallery.htm

Edit: He is actually registered
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Old 04-30-2009, 08:18 AM
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oh god...

new york has a super hero too!!


http://www.myspace.com/darkguardianhero
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Old 04-30-2009, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by remikinz View Post
oh god...

new york has a super hero too!!


http://www.myspace.com/darkguardianhero
This guy should change his name to Summer's Eve.
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Old 04-30-2009, 08:32 AM
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I thought NY already had daredevil as a superhero?

==
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Old 04-30-2009, 08:10 PM
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Why don't these people just become policemen?
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Old 04-30-2009, 08:58 PM
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rofl.
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