ThermonMermon

hey guys. this is a bit unconventional, plus im not quite sure how many of those are in development, but i would appreciate some feedback for my letter of intent.

the last paragraph seems a bit abrupt and could use some work. any advice is good advice. here it is:

Late evening on a winter’s Sunday, Syracuse is hidden beneath two feet of fresh snowfall. The city is dark and desolate with a thick haze, sliced by rays of light emanating from snow plows. As the workers prepare the roads for the morning commute, they circulate around the only life left in the city, the sole beacon of light radiating from the Syracuse School of Architecture. Students work feverishly until daybreak to discover their masterpiece thesis projects. As breakdowns are imminent, I remain unruffled and calm. I retrace a mental image of my first thesis at Cornell’s Architecture Summer program, and a self-awareness is grasped; I do have the composure to accomplish this feat once again.

As I reminisce on the hardships of thesis, I have concluded that the prevalent task at hand, academically and professionally, is the ability to balance technical solutions with creative ideas. This concept is a process of analytical thinking, contention, method, and management.

After numerous years of prior internships, I was well prepared to enter my career after graduation. Ambitious, motivated, and open-minded, I was able to promptly accomplish a general technical understanding of construction and management. After tackling smaller corporate projects, I was one of the youngest in my firm to be promoted to Project Architect at the age of twenty-three. Considering the stature and size of the firm, this provided me with the opportunity of full exposure and interaction with clients and consultants within larger scale projects.

The determining factors for a project’s cost, value, and performance are critical, but are not architectural responsibilities. An architect typically bases the performance of a building on the interaction between the space and its users. However, the final product should also be a reflection of the goals set forth by initial financial and demographical analysis. As an aspiring developer, real estate strategies will allow me to further my understanding of the drivers behind the project.

As a LEED Accredited architect, I am cognizant of the demand for sustainable construction. In a time of recession, lack of secured loans, and a liquidity crunch, this demand is even more apparent when major construction corporations project this sector’s worth to double in five years. This is not a trend, but a revolution. The ongoing concern for automotive efficiency speaks volumes; however, energy production and consumption for buildings are rarely exposed to the general public. Stationary energy usage accounts for two thirds of the electricity and one third of the energy consumed in the U.S. The value of building maintenance, efficiency, and government incentives will drive sustainable construction. This is a strong opportunity to expand my involvement in this booming development segment.

My goals are to further evolve my architectural sense of design as well as my experience in construction administration. Columbia’s multifaceted development curriculum efficiently integrates design and planning, ultimately complementing my architectural understandings, as well as broadening my spectrum of skills. Continuing education in real estate development would undoubtedly allow me to advance as a competent developer.

ThermonMermon

this is a letter to one school, obviously. as many readers on this board may not be associated to a industry like this, my question is: does this seem like an inexperienced letter? i am currently 24 and i am applying to programs that generally have an enrollment of those quite a few years older than myself. the letter is a bit orientated towards the perspective of a student, and im not sure if that problematic, considering the programs are professionally related.