Tension with the wife
 

I alluded to this in another thread, but it's actually turning into somewhat of a dilemma.

I'm in pretty good shape. I'm 5' 11", 161 lbs, work out at the gym 3 days a week, run 6 miles every weekday morning, I often go for a long run on the weekend if the weather is nice (like this weekend), and I play in an adult ice hockey league.

I'd like the lose a tiny bit more body fat, because....well, just because. I don't have enough time or desire to increase the length/frequency of my workouts, so I decided to eliminate eating stuff like cookies, ice cream, etc., which I really only do in very small quantites on the weekends anyway.

Well, the wifey, who also works out fairly regularly, isn't as crazed about it as I am. She's starting to get pissed that I won't eat ice cream with her, I won't eat the cookies she makes, I don't ever give in and eat a really-bad-for-you meal, etc.

She doesn't give a crap if I have 10% body fat or 7% body fat. She thinks that I look fine the way I am, and that I'm just vain if I really care that much about it.

Part of me really wants to keep trying to lose the body fat, but part of me thinks she's right and I should just be less obsessive.

Opinions?

.....Where to start????

First of all, I am in the exact same situation. My wife thinks I am getting too skinny and doesn't understand why I am going to the gym so much or why I eat the kinds of foods I do. The difference with my situation is that my wife is overweight (she is loosing weight with me, but has a long road ahead). In my case, I am guessing that she is possibly jealous that I lost all my weight and she still needs to struggle.

I get the same comments that you get (Im vain, I'm obsessive, etc.) and she says that Im not the same person she married. I just feel that I am more confident then before.

As far as your question, my personal feeling is that you (we) need to be somewhat obsessive about our goals, otherwise we may let ourself go (in my case, again).

I'm trying to be more "normal" at home when it comes to food and exercise. I go to the gym during my lunch hour, and eat mostly protein shakes at work. At home, I try to follow a more normal routine, so my wife doesn't get too nuts with me, maybe that would work for you too?

I'm sure there is more to cover.

Both of you could just be dealing with women who are jealous of your svelte figures and your relative ease of achieving them. My guess is that that is absolutely the case with Whiskers; you're both on the same road, but she is a lot farther from her destination. But WS, I would wonder if you might be standing on the edges of an obsessional eating issue, something that I've tangled with from time to time......

My wife is tall, medium-boned and has historically weighed about the same as I do. I am taller, fine-boned and skinny as hell, struggle to GAIN weight, when my 6'-2" frame starts carrying less than 155 (I'm at 160, a number my GP is happy with, given my body frame). Now, given the fact that she has stopped smoking, and has had yoyo dieting over the years, she is irreducably heavier than me and is pissed about it. She can eat three lettuce leaves and a carrot stick and gain weight, while I can inhale rich food and not have it impact me. Over the years, (twenty, to be exact) we've just had to come to terms with the fact that our body metabolisms are wildly different, and that she and I will struggle with weight from different sides of the equation. To boot, both of us have played with food as emotional nourishment/punishment, both coming from wildly dysfunctional families. By now, we've worked through that crap, but it presented fairly strongly when we got married.

In order for each of us to maintain our effective metabolisms, we have learned to eat radically differently - no longer do we prepare meals together, as a routine. She has cottage cheese and berries for breakfast while I chow down on a ham and cheese omlette, sausage and muffins. She dines before 7:00 PM; I rarely get home by then, and then usually just have cheese and crackers.

We both work out, work with the same trainer, and are both religious and meticulous about maintaining our regimen. In additioin, my wife, who cannot drive as a result of the side-effects of her ruptured brain aneurysm, walks all over the city, and probably clocks two miles on a quiet day......

Our resolution is just to accept thtat we have radically different dining habits driven by radically different body metabolisms, and we've learned to accept it. I learned, at least a decade ago, that I had zippo by way of credibility on dietary issues with my wife or my stepson (6-5" and 260, a big kid, but some is flab), and they have also recognized that hassling me about my rigid adherance to a sugar free diet (I am an insulin-dependant diabetic, my pancreas having thrown in the towel a few years ago). Accepting each other the way we are is just part of the deal.

Keeping in mind i'm a mysoginistic asshole... I'm going to go with jealousy and insecurity.

Wanting to look better does not make you vain. Fatties use the vanity line so they don't feel so guilty about the whole box of oreos they ate today. Unless you have a serious body image problem, she'll just have to learn to deal with it.

not an expert or anything but eating ice cream with her or cookies that she makes once in a while (3-4times a month??) shouldn't hurt. Based on your workout schedule it seems that you are burning alot of calories anyway... i'm no expert :wstevens: and this is just my opinion.

also, could it be that she wants more attention from you?

With Whiskers I just think it is fear of being lonely on your wifes part

With WS, seeing pictures of your wife on vacation no offense but she is pretty hot and probably more worried she has an obsessive husband. Seriously it kinda sounds like you have an eating disorder because where does it stop? Based on your pictures your a pretty slim guy...but then again you may be one of those people with a problem area that just never looks right. Like with me I always have love handles no matter how slim I get so like right now I have veins coming out of my shoulders and arms....and then a squishy stomach.

I dunno for the health of the relationships I say appease the wife. If it is not doing anything drastic then just do it. Whiskers that doesn't mean getting back to being fat it's just showing her some extra attention here and there just because. For WS, eat the damn cake (every once and a while) :) You are nuts running 6 miles a day...man I wish I had that dedication but is it worth a bad relationship? Plus it is probably her female motherly instinct kicking in worried her man is hurting himself by being so obsessive and just wants you to eat. If it is something small that isn't really gonna affect you in the long run do it. In Whiskers case just show her some skinny man loving.

I can easily see myself becoming a lot more with wstevens. I basically discovered by body's secrets after 34 years. I could probably loose another 10-20 lbs if I wanted to. So in my case, I feel that if I stop now, I will unlearn what I have learned in the past 7 months.

In Wstevens case, things would be a lot different if his wife was the same way with food and exercise. Abreece's comments, while harsh, do hold true in the fact that why should I (or Wstevens) change our health because of our wives (providing we are getting healthier).

Happiness? I mean I know I am a younging and not married but I would rather eat a piece of cake 3 times a month and have a happy marriage then grow old alone. As in your case, I think it is just your wife being scared and although we would all like to think "Man up" it is not that easy. Think how you would feel if she got hot and skinny and you were still chubby and she acted differently then she used to.

Personally to me people are too obsessed with living longer and being richer and looking better, I am guilty of this as well. It would be a hell of a lot easier and happier if we could live life healthy but not in an obsessive way and take our loved ones feelings into consideration and not just be cold about it and just say they are being jealous...thats a really quick way to end up alone or end up with someone superficial and sad. Not saying either of you do this just saying in general.

WS isn't going to die or get fatter if he eats a piece of cake with all of that working out he does :2cents:

My wife isn't jealous. She's got a good body (high metabolism) and she works out too. She just thinks I over-do it. She doesn't like eating ice cream/cookies/pasta by herself.

But what is the line. Pretend my wife smokes (she doesn't) and I don't. She hates to smoke alone (maybe I used to smoke) so she gets upset that I don't smoke with her (for whatever the reason may be). Should I start smoking for a happy marriage?

But she may be jealous of your willpower.....

:werd: Misery loves company
Shit I am jealous of your will power, WS I wanna be like you when I grow up.

Hmmm...I dont think so. I dont think she thinks she needs the will power. She wants to eat the ice cream, cookies, etc. She doens't feel guilty about doing it. I think she just likes to enjoy "indulgences" with me.

We both like to eat - we enjoy going to restaurants, trying new things, etc. If I'm constantly worried about my "figure", I think it sucks some of the fun out of it.

I think it more pertains to WS's situation. I would think it was a small thing like eating cake once or twice a month which is not going to hurt him in the long run seeing as much as he takes care of himself. I believe she just feels sucky about not having the will power he does and would like him to join her and even though its silly I would just do it to make her happy. Especially if she is worth it

Your situation is a bit different. I must say being overweight woman must be one of the hardest things, unless she is a black woman then she could just be "sassy" :rofl:

You have to do you and I was actually yelling at my friend because he stopped lifting weights and so did I when we got in relationships and I ate the junk my skinny girlfriend ate and at the end of the day she was still skinny and I was a blob. So I wouldn't say for you to stop working out I would just say to reassure her and help her on her way to looking better herself just to make her feel good. Now if she is being unrealistic or not working towards getting better then you will have a problem.

I just decided that wstevens and I will dump the wives and marry each other. It's the only real solution.....

LOL, sounds interesting. You guys can work out together while your wives feed each other with ice cream.

Actually, given what you said about how your wife may feel about your new skinny self (perhaps some jealousy), that episode where you were drunk and ended up making out with some chick must have really thrown your wife for a loop.

I can't imagine it helped the situation.

I'm dealing with some internal struggles with myself due to my appearance change. 8 Months ago, drunk girls wouldn't start randomly kissing me at a bar, now apparently they would. I love my wife and don't want to cheat on her, but it's going to be natural for me to be curious of how others react to me. I need to put the brakes on, control my drinking and realize that I am still the same person that I was last year.

um, respectfully, I'd like to suggest that you are not. You've gone through a dynamic process of alterning a set of life patterns, and that has resulted in a physical change of some radical character, and you've turned from a Pillsbury Doughboy to, if I can assess the picture with your kid right, something of an engaging "boy next door" guy. (the other picture of you is actually a bit scary......)

The real issue is to look at the fortitude and determination that you applied to achieve your weight loss, and honor that as a change as significant as your weight loss. THe weight loss, in my opinion, is the side product.... of your real, core change.

That said, you can take a look at your new self objectively, be deeply flattered that it has resulted in a body that causes some women's tits to get erect, and enjoy that reality. Question is to how to enjoy that without upsetting your wife, who is, as I understand it, still plugging, but not with the drama of weight loss that you have sustained.

You can tell her you did it all for her, which is not entirely the case, but flattering enough

You can tell her you know you're much more universally appealing, and that this is news to you, and you will work to not let it "go to your head"

You can run off with the cosmetics samples girl at Lord and Taylor......

I don't want to hijack wstevens thread too much more and I think our situations, while simular, are different. Bunnyman, I think you can "cheat" here and there if you want to have a cookie or some ice cream, but personally I wouldn't do it because of your wife....

Maybe we need group therapy with Ric.....

Oh and the cosmetic girl at Lord and Taylor < cosmetic girl at Macy's

Meh. You're not hijacking. The title of the thread opens this baby up to any stories/comments. In fact, the situation with your wife is more interesting that my situation.

In my situation, I have to remember that I've been the same weight/body fat % for almost 10 years. My body is at a nice equilibrium. If I want to reduce my body fat %, even slightly, I'll have to essentially put myself on a diet that I'll never be able to sustain.

I should probably forget about it...I like going out for ice cream with the wife. It makes me happy. If I have Brad Pitt abs, will that make me happier?

Brad Pitt = Overated
Non-Fat Frozen Yogurt / Sugar Free Ice Cream = Underated

From what I've seen, if you are married to a woman and they suddenly start to work out, look better, get hot, they are either banging someone else, or about to bang someone else.

Maybe your wives think that is going on with you guys?

Do you work out with your wives? If it was an activity that you shared I think they would feel better about it.

If you want a happy relationship, eat what the wife puts on your plate. :2cents:

This is why married men get fat, bald and ugly.

Yeah whiskers it is going to be hard as hell to stay faithful and even though I don't think you have bad character or anything I can see a unfaithful post sometime in your future. It's like you are finally free man. I don't know if when you were younger or in your 20's if you were the shit but now you are and its gonna be hard as hell to not want to relive that or see whats better out there. In a sense we all settle somewhat. You think most of us would be with our significant other if we were 100 million richer or change for the better as drastically as you did?

This is why married men get fat, bald and ugly.

I can't live without my son.......That thought will keep me fathful...

If thats all that will keep you faithful then your in trouble :2cents:

:werd:
Get your wife in shape ASAP or do something to make her less insecure. I have seen this a million times man. A girl i used to work with used to be an ugly muggle and her and her boyfriend were both fat. She got in shape, he stayed fat. Yeah she left him after a 7 yr relationship...had sex with an NFL player...Is now married to a Fighter Pilot.

The Truest quote ever:
"Cherish your partners flaws because without them they would have found someone better then you" :2cents:

^^^ No, it's not all that would keep my faithful. It's a major reason, but I love my wife and even without my son, I have remained faithful for almost 10 years. My son just puts the fear in god in me.

Fixed....

Dealing with my wifes weight loss is tough for me. She is stubborn and has tried to loose weight in the past. She doesn't want to admit that she needs help, so if I try to push her, she gets upset. I am offering any assistance to help. She is doing it, she has lost more weight then ever before (almost 65 lbs). It will take her longer then it took me, but she is getting there. I just need to help her in tactful ways.

well, duh.

Your a good man. :thumbsup:

65 and still more to go :bigeek:

When I married my wife, I looked at all the qualities a good wife would possess. She passed in all categories, except she is overweight. Being that I was overweight, that didn't really bother me. It still doesn't, because she is attractive and I sort of like my women big....

fixed

:rofl:

Thats what I would have said too, wsklar is far too nice.

:spit:

I dish it out, so I have to take it I guess......