mr_luv

Been engaged since Xmas, we have been together for 7 years off and on. I gave up my townhouse moved in to be closer and complete the happy family the 3 of us and its so awesome to have my 5 year old boy around up my butt everyday we have lived together 2 months now, and everything has gone to crap!!! We dont talk we sleep with our backs to each other and when we do talk its one words and the air is so thick you can cut it with a Hotori Hanzo Blade I hate coming home from work. And find reasons not to be here... I thinks its time to say when and bounce call it all off and recoup what we can on the wedding things we have bought.

1StGenCL

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this. It seems like you know it is over so it is better to do it now then to wait until it is ten times harder. Best of luck to you and your family

Edit - God, looking back at my post I wish I had more to say or at least some words of encouragement. I assume this is your kid mutually?

sasha

As soon as you realize you can't spend the rest of your life just like that!

But wait... how did you guys end up barely speaking with one another? What issues have surfaced? Do you think they can be resolved soon?

mr_luv

Would love for it to be resolved, its allot of dwelling of the past and frankly I agree with our families we just don't know each other. She shares alot of our biz with her GF's and that isnt helping anything at all. I am just tired of the crap.

mr_luv

Yea hes ours.

Whiskers

Counseling?

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

I'm gonna go with when you decide you need to post a thread on the internet about wondering when you should call it off.

csmeance

Best thing for your son and possibly her and you -> Try to talk to her, get external help (counselor) if needed and get things working the way they used to be. What's in the past is in the past, why hold on to them. Forgive and forget, keep on moving!

If you feel you can't get together after trying, then your best bet is to end it. Growing up in a house where your parents constantly fight or hate each other is horrible. Do what's right for you kid.

EL19

iTrader: (4)

Dam man sorry to hear that. Hits kinda close to home literally. My sister and bro in law had the same issues. They went to a counselor and now everything is gravy. They couldnt be happier and seems like they have fallen back in love. Take note that my sister had divorce papers drawn up & was staying in a hotel instead of their awesome 800K house. So try out the counselor. You are supposed to get pre marraige counseling during the engagement anyways. Supposed to refrain from sex until marraige also to make sure you guys can get along without sex but if you are sleeping w/ backs towards each other than its obvious that aint goin down.

amisconception

Before you have any children.

Oh wait...

Street Spirit

The 'on again-off again' scenario is a huge sign that there are unresolved issues, or that you're just not a good match but keep trying to push it anyway. If you don't have any feelings for her at all, and cannot imagine spending your life with her, then I would get out now. If you even have an ounce of feelings and think that there are overall areas that can be worked out which you think (if they weren't issues) would resolve a lot of your stress, I would consider working it out. Regardless of your decision, planning a wedding right now does not seem healthy. Working together to resolve whatever issues you two face takes time, effort, and desire, and until you know the outcome of that, I wouldn't be thinking of wedding bells....it can always happen later.

civicdrivr

iTrader: (9)

Whenever dealing with breakups, I always say do whats best for the kid. My brother is in the same position right now. Hes been married for 5 years, but has been with her for 12 I think. He says he no longer has a wife, just a room mate. They have a 1yr old and I tell him time and time again, dont stay with her if he is really unhappy. Hes just going to end up hurting the kid in the longrun.

He also toyed with the idea of getting caught cheating, so he can end the marriage right away, but I told him not to because now his wife will refer to him as a cheater and his daughter will be brainwashed into thinking that. Plus his wife can be a spiteful bitch.

I grew up in a house without my father. I know how there a two vastly different sides to each story. Sometimes it sucks, but luckily for me my father left before I was old enough to get hurt. My other siblings didnt fare so well though.

In the end, do whats right for the kid otherwise they will end up thinking they are the reason mommy and daddy hate each other.

invisiblewar

yea I know this feeling

civicdrivr

iTrader: (9)

Im sorry, but I just noticed this. Dont take this the wrong way at all.

I find it ironic that your screen name is Mr Luv.

1Louder

There's obviously a lot of background here leading up to this situation we don't know about. You had a kid 5 years ago, (assuming) you had good reasons for not getting married during those 5 years, then something changed (which was....what?) and you did decide to get married, you move in and things degrade, and you and your families both agree you don't know eachother. My , if you haven't figured all that out by now it's not going to get figured out between now and a wedding.

But before you do anything too drastic:

First, I think you need to get it straight in your mind if she's the one, and worth fighting for. If not, start figuring out the plan that's best for you son.
If you do, sit her down and ask her the same about you. If she does not, again plan for your child.
If she says yes, and you two are in agreement you have something worth fighting for, you need to start dealing with whatever is hiding there that caused the "on again off again", and is also causing your current behavior toward each other. It sounds to me like you both have a lot of work to do together.

Keep in mind marriage and children do not make relationships better - they strain them. Maybe you both had the idea that you could live together and keep your old lives and things would be fine. Absolutely could not be further from the truth. Living with someone day to day is a totally different mindset than being a couple but living apart. Children alone put a huge strain on even the strongest relationships. If you and her are not tight and on the same page, you can't be effective parents. If there is any division between you, a child will strain it.

Regardless, postpone the wedding and get it off the table until you two can talk this over. I think after 7 years you fish or cut bait. Best of luck to you -

mr_luv

Good points thanks ladies and gents, mainly posted here for unbiased opinion, yea ironic of the name but its my govt. Right about tension around a child it isn't good. We grew up diff my parents still together 30+ years hers never married and still aren't to this day to anyone at all. I am ready to call it a day and salvage a friendship but she is hung up on the sake of being married. Well only time will tell. Thanks again.

Doom878

You guys need to talk and be openly honest. If you don't the tension/strain will continue to build and you'll hate each other and hurt yourselves and most importantly your child. If you don't want to bother talking to her or trying then stop wasting time and break up while you're still somewhat young. Yes, it will be hard to not have your child around all the time, but if deep down you don't want to marry her then stop wasting everyone's time. Breaking up is inevitable.

goose25

Fixed

If you're serious about it then do it sooner rather than later.

juniorbean

iTrader: (5)

Exactly what I was coming in to post.

For the sake of the kid you should keep a cordial relationship with her... but it seems like the relationship itself may be over.

mr_luv

Well its basically off, I am looking for a new place, she is acting shocked and surprised that I am making moves to take myself out of the drama and the tension. Had a long talk with our son over Ice cream now its time to pickup the pieces and get myself back on track financially and find the peace and happiness I loss along the way...

KaMLuNg

iTrader: (5)

best of luck to you...

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

Best of luck.

I think there is a lot unresolved between the two of you. If someone asked if you love her, what will be the answer? Not saying that love is enough, but it is a start. Maybe you need to take some time to reconnect if you are to move forward. Either way, hope you continue to have a relationship with your son. And since you will still be part of her life, I still think it will help for you both to speak to someone. It may help.

Mike 350Z

Just curious, are you or her just "not into" the other one (or both) anymore? Or was there there a definite time period that suddenly made things turn for the worse?

gypsygirl

Very good question from Ravi. What would you say? I think that needs to be answered. Maybe not here, but at least to yourself.

It would be a shame to discard the whole relationship as though you were taking out the trash. Even without the child in consideration, it's always best to end things in as loving a way as possible. You sound as though you are looking for peace. Will you have that peace if you leave this in a hostile manner? Even if it's not for her consideration, but just so you can look at yourself in the mirror, maybe talking this through, together with someone else would be the honorable thing to do.

If you yourself are not a good enough reason to be at peace with you, then do it for your son.

bgsm1th

My parents split before I was old enough to care and before they hated each other and it was BY FAR the best scenario. Granted, I was 3 and the difference between 3 and 5 is pretty significant, but having my parents being able to sit together at my varsity games, my college graduation and my wedding without any animosity is wonderful thing.

Remain a constant fixture in your sons life and things can only turn out for the better.

Rest assured, you're doing the right thing for everyone...

mr_luv

All good points, We were going to Pre/Mar Counseling and the paster said he thinks we should put it on hold. Things were always up and down just went really down when we moved in together I just feel we aren't for each other just nothing in common really. Shes a great girl just not for me i suppose.

EuroRspec

iTrader: (1)

This is when you know when.

Unless you talk out all your problem and your still in love by the end of that.