yohan81718

I guess LD is just getting really difficult for me... I probably won't share the story since it's going to be quite lengthy, but I held her hands so far and I consider it as crossing the line cuz i feel guilty

what are yours cross line for cheating?

i vote for holding hands.. basically any physical contact other than hello/goodbye hug or shaking of hands etc

anarchy[sear]

iTrader: (1)

I think 1 on 1 is considered cheating because you are having that intention of getting to know someone intimately and getting to know them better. Hence the common saying always goes "she is only a friend".

Ken1997TL

Its all about intentions

Cheating starts with the mind :duh:

1StGenCL

yea if you are holding hands you must have some attraction there which IMO makes it cheating. While kissing/sex is def. cheating, dating ppl hold hands and all the stuff. If you drunkenly sleep with someone, it is cheating but for some reason it almost seems better then having feelings for someone while with someone else

Will Y.

If you can't interact in a certain way with another in front of your SO or tell your SO about the interaction, it's cheating.

If you think it might be cheating, it's cheating.

Oh, and I'm not sure what "1 on 1" means either-- I may meet up with a female friend, but my wife knows and the meeting is not for sex or romance.

Anhedonia

its all about intentions...

yohan81718

yea.. i think i'm in a wrong spot right now



so.. if you cross the line, should you not look back?? i mean i've been in a several relationships and once that trust is broken, it's pretty hard to rebuild the trust.. (though i'm not caught.. that's not really the point here)

here is the situation
-girlfriend is in oversea.. dunno when she's coming back to the states
-new girl lives 20 minutes from me, and knows i'm in a relationship, but seems like doesn't mind due to it being LD?

-girlfriend is nice, kind, humorous, i could totally see myself marrying her.. but i'm not 100% committed
-new girl is physically way way more attractive, but also humorous, and i feel that i have much more fun with this girl than my gf (but maybe it's because it hasn't been all that long) but i have hard time seeing myself marrying this kind of girl as of yet


at this point, i broke the line of trust, so i could just go f it and go either direction or neither direction

tinad2004

i feel that if you must ask yourself if its cheating, your cheating...

teranfon

From my perspective, you seem to feel some guilt, but you obviously haven't told yourself it won't happen again. That should tell you the situation right there. As others have mentioned, crossing the line is where you determine it to be. None of us can tell you where that line is.

If you have new feelings for someone else, you have to determine if it's just short-term attraction. If you feel it not to be, then you certainly need to talk to your girlfriend about it. Having feelings for another while professing to tell your girlfriend you are in a committed relationship with her exclusively IS still cheating, regardless if you have been physical or not with the other girl.

Terry

Will Y.

1) Take a look at the new girl's STD test results first before going further;
2) It also sounds like the new girl would just be a fun fling and that she's up for it.
I guess that's OK if you are OK with that, the new girl doesn't get psycho afterwards, and your girlfriend never finds out (otherwise, ).

GL.

Never Summer

I voted kissing, but I'd be pretty infuriated if my (possibly now former) girlfriend went out with another guy, regardless of if it was in a completely innocent manner.

As an aside, I'm guessing I should have ended things with my girlfriend two months ago, when she told me she was going out to Hawaii to visit a friend of hers in the navy. Her excuse was that he was having a very hard time as he was deploying for 6 months, and that nothing had happened between them the last time she went out there (late November), which was before we started dating. Having said that, I found out later that she had slept with him when she was out there previously. That should be a sign and I just didn't take it... But that's ok, if things go poorly I've seen some very attractive German girls so I won't be completely screwed, though in the literal sense that might be ok.

moeronn

+1 If your mind is really elsewhere or your heart is with someone else, then it is cheating.

Of course, fantasies are excluded unless you act on them without your S/O.

v6cord2k5

iTrader: (1)

F) All of the above.

Doom878

You know I saw in your other thread that you were in Germany for a year and didn't want to say anything about keeping a gf in the US. But I think given the situation and more info you provided, you guys should move on. Enjoy European women while you can. When you come back if it works out then cool, if not oh well.

Sorry to hijack.

As for OP, intentions as stated already. The angel on my shoulder says to end things with your gf as you're already on the way out while the devil on my other shoulder says to hold her steady as she goes. :devilgrin

Scottman111

^

OP, don't fuck over your girlfriend. It's just lame.


And I've also seen you post in about 17 other threads about this.

You're 18 and will never have a future with her...end it now and have your fun in Germany without her being in the back of your mind all of the time.

JediMindTricks

i voted for 1 on 1, but it really depends.

as mentioned, it's all about intentions. i have a close friend that is a girl, and i can have dinner with her, and it'll be strictly platonic.

however, if i have coffee with a girl, and i'm interested or attracted to her and open myself to be exposed emotionally and/or physically, then i'd consider that cheating.

alexSU

iTrader: (3)

+1

RMATIC09

She's sleeping with the guy - you actually believed her when she told you she was just visiting him as a friend , even after they slept together - hes deploying for 6 months = no action = def action before leaving -

break up with her and have fun!


to the OP - your cheating

2jiggy4u

Getting caught!!! LOL

Whiskers

what if you are really drunk?

JediMindTricks

redbull and vodka drunk?

Whiskers

Exactly...

dom

I was wondering if I missed his thread.

And I agree, end it now. Stop wasting time with her.

amisconception

Dude... Seriously... Stop.

Dump this girl and let her do whatever the F she wants to do (without you).

She's NOT girlfriend material. You should have just pumped and dumped.

doopstr

Anything more than watching porn is cheating.

yohan81718

I probably won't be going after the new girl at the moment, but I feel that I should let go of my gf. I'm kind of person that cannot hide my emotion and can't pretend like I still love someone when my thoughts and feelings are in another person. I realized once again that long distance is just not for normal people, and no promise of reuniting is just making things worse and worse.

It will be pretty difficult to bring this up to gf

BigLizard

invisiblewar

op-cheating mos def.

I consider one on one cheating, shit if i found out my girl went out with a dude alone, id go ape shit on her

HI OFECR

1Louder

I think when you start becoming more familiar / friendly with someone other than your SO, you start crossing the line. I think cheating starts with intent + anything on that list.

Scottman111

Just curious what the story is with you and your girlfriend. I saw in your other post that she was overseas, and then in this post when you say there is no promise of reuniting got me wondering.

Ken1997TL

Girls don't fly out to Hawaii to meet up with sailors about to do a six month tour just to 'hang out'

Take it from me, I was in the Navy for twelve years.

yohan81718

she's in Korea at the moment (god.. i so hope there is no war) and dunno when she'll come to states.. or IF she comes to the states

tinad2004

can we edit that poll and put " all the above" ... lol

'01White3.2CL

yeah just about all of those would be cheating...c'mon now OP.

gypsygirl

It definitly starts... and continues, in the mind. Intent. You know whether or not you're being intimate. You don't really have to ask us. It doesn't actually have to involve physical touch at all.

Allow your girlfriend to move on, and move on yourself. She is not yours, and you are not hers. You already know that too.

Mike 350Z

:ibtypeskid:

Mike 350Z

99.9% of people would say you are cheating. Although yours is not the gravest of offenses, but it's still crossing the line. (If you don't care that's another thing, but if you don't want to be known as a cheater, then you're too late).

Also, it depends on who you ask. My gf does not think the deplorable act of just going to a strip club is cheating, but getting a lapdance is cheating and grounds for ball removal. So go figure

Mockenrue

Another good benchmark is this: cheating is anything that you couldn't tell your sig other. For example, 1 on 1 or physical contact (such as a backrub) could be cheating or not depending on the situation. I once went to visit a female friend and her husband for a concert. My wife had no interest, but encouraged me to go (and stay at her house). Her husband backed out at the last minute and told the two of us to go to the concert. So, in a way, I ended up on a "date" of sorts, but it wasn't cheating at all because nothing happened and both of our spouses were fine with it (and totally trust us). On the other hand, if I am attracted to a girl at work, I would consider just going out to lunch with her to be cheating. It's all about the why more than the what for all of the borderline stuff.

msmching

wth? who chose 'sex' and 'others'.. @@

the 3 person, i guess, it's okay for your gf to kiss another guy? @@ and also it's okay to let other guys to hold your gf's hand?

hope it's just a joke.. ==