Ken1997TL

No actually women are biologically driven towards security and commitment.

MEN are the ones trying to spread their seed. That also doesn't excuse any sort of behavior.

Not sure what which show this was on Discovery..

afjock21

1:50 in...

http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/scie...-for-life.html

bgsm1th

You're not seriously 24, are you?

eclipse23

I have and will always have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to this. No matter how much you love someone this is the ultimate form of betrayal.

Move on.

amisconception

Not entirely accurate.

Women also have a conflicting desire to sleep with men who offer "attractive" qualities that have little to do with security and commitment.

There's a whole segment of evolutionary psychology that deals with this very topic and explains things such as cuckoldry and paternity fraud.

txlancer

Can't we agree that there are aspects and traits of both sexes that make some people want to cheat? Regardless, cheating is never ok. Just because you have that urge or impulse, we as humans are supposed to have enough control to not act on them. If you want to mess around with someone then get out of your relationship or marriage. Thats what I just did, I realized that at 22 I want to be banging chicks left and right and I have a few girls down to fuck right now. So instead of cheating on my gf, I just broke up with her and now I can go bang these girls guilt free.

smsTL

iTrader: (1)

I wonder where the OP is...he hasn't responded since 24th.

AkuraCLS

jail?

anyways, gotta add the always dirty part into this thread:

sixsixfour

+1

subinf

It is business between him and his wife. His wife went looking for someone else's dick to play with. I don't see what the OP would say to the guy when it is his wife that needs to be dealt with. He already has enough shit on his plate to involve the other wife - that will just turn into a shit show.

Maybe if he irons everything out with his wife (whether he leaves her or for some reason stays with her) he can go chase around the other party, but I don't see that as really accomplishing anything with respect to his own situation.

GIBSON6594

OK, so you call his wife and tell her what he did. She freaks out and leaves him, ending his marriage and happiness. You feel all great about getting him back. Then a couple days later you realize your wife still cheated on you, you're still sad and your life is still all fucked up. Except now you have even more interaction with the guy who fucked your wife, maybe he finds you and shoots you for what you did, maybe he takes a bat to your car.

I'm not saying thats what will happen, my point is to not involve yourself with this guy any more than you already have.

Whiskers

Well, my best friend can now relate to this thread

sasha

Because if I were the other man's wife, I would like to know that my husband is cheating on me.

I don't really see enlightening a person with the truth as revenge.

subinf

Fair enough. I think it is best for the OP to deal with his shit first. I see telling the husband as an avoidance of his own problems. I wouldn't even think about that distraction until I dealt with my own problems.

amisconception

He's how handling it?

Whiskers

Not so well...

Fireguy0826

Thanks for the replys guys, i'm not going to get into details. Right now were seperated and we'll see how i feel in a few months.. Honestly i hav'nt came back and read this thread because it just pisses me off even more. I'm just takin some time to my self and re grouping. thanks

Ken1997TL

Best of luck, come back here for a distraction

miner

It took both parties for this to happen - not just the 'wife'. Let John's wife know - he made your life miserable, now, return the favor and let him get a taste of the results. He did not need to allow this to happen. Sorry this has happened to you; nice you ade the decision to separate. Let her stew in her misfortunes.

teranfon

That's probably a good idea, taking some time apart and see what you both want. If you do decide to give it a shot being together, the lines of communication will be open that much more.

Good luck, I hope it works out.


Terry

afjock21

Damn women and their slutty ways... THIS is why it's much better to just live free and and be a dude. Y'know, a sex fiend like David Duchovny, and just sleep with different women all the time. This way, you never let a woman hurt you in such a way that it makes you question yourself as a man and everything you have done. No chicks making me soft!... Not until I get off anyway!!

Mike 350Z

I think I know what program you're talking about. It was 2 hrs long right? If you read the book Sperm Wars it says pretty much the same stuff.

WdnUlik2no

yeah they always use the friend excuse. Leave the slut; you'll probably never trust her again, and there is no reason you should.

BubbaMarkTL

do not cave in!!! for the love of all things holy!!!

by the tone of your post it seems quite clear you are leaning toward staying with her. HUGE MISTAKE. she cheated, time may dull that pain but you will remain resentful for the rest of your life. you will have a living nightmare on your hands you can never escape. GET OUT NOW!!! you are still young, and have no kids, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE!!! You have obviously let her start to convince you that she is sorry, she made mistakes, and perhaps you are even beleiving the line of bullshit that she didnt actually fuck the guy. (makes it easier for you to consider getting over this if you can convince yourself she wasnt massaging her tonsils with another cock, doesnt it?) well dont buy the bullshit and save yourself a lifetime of pain

afjock21

Yup . Fascinating program it was.. I think I learned a few things that'll help improve my game even more, so it was worth watching for sure..

gypsygirl

Although "good looking" does mean something to me as part of the attraction/procreation process, it really doesn't make me cheat. I think I have a little more brains than that. I think most of us women do. Maybe you've oversimplified just a bit, afjock21. Ken mentioned security. That, I do think we're driven towards, and it can be delivered in quite a few different ways, not just financial for all you guys that wanna jump on that bandwagon. It means physical, emotional, sexual,spiritual and maybe financial. We do want someone that can move the fridge, change the oil and chase a bad guy out of the house. We also look for someone that will hold our secrets as sacred and protect our dignity. None of that has much to do with looks or cheating.

To the OP, I'm so sorry to hear about your trouble. I do know how painful that is to be betrayed. I guess sometimes, with therapy and such, trust can return. I hear that anyway. I'm not so sure myself. I have divorced more than once. It really sucks no matter how you slice it, but if that's the way you decide to be true to yourself, I promise you that the pain WILL become less. You WILL love again. Take some time to heal.

My personal opinion on tatteling is exactly what I would tell my kids. Don't. That man will ruin his own marriage without your help. If I were his wife, I would claim ignorance to be bliss until I found out myself. There is never an emergency in my life until I find out about it. I don't want to know the really bad shit until it is MY TIME to find out. Not YOUR TIME to hit me with it. It would be a short lived victory for you to act off of revenge. Think of his wife and allow her, her own path. Not the path you want to cut for her.

Anhedonia

I know this is probably gonna sound ridiculous to you from a 19 year old.. but sometimes girls need another close guy friend other than there significant other.. its happened to me before and as much as i thought she was cheating, she never was. in my situation it turned out the guy was a closet gay.

this seems to have gone too far though. the out of state thing is what irks me about it. has she accused you of risky business at all? the number one sign of a cheater is a guilty conscious. I've been on both ends of things ( the other guy [she was fucking hot], and been cheated on, but never cheated) and everyones got a different reason for it. mainly insecurity and re-assurance. in the end, its not because of anything that you did, but because of those insecurities. by cheating, most people subconsciously re-assure themselves that they are worth something to more then just that one person.

Its a shame that some people need that, but its life, and it happens. my last girlfriend of a year started seeing someone local to her while i was working the summer back in connecticut. I found out by MEETING HER BOYFRIEND ACCIDENTALY THROUGH XBOX LIVE.

moral of the story, anythings possible. either way, im sorry man, a wife is much more serious then a girlfriend, but love is love.

afjock21

F bitches get $

EL19

iTrader: (4)

Im sorry but in today's world cheating isn't just about being faithful or breaking someones trust. Its about life. This guy knows his wife doesn't know so he may still be out there having affairs with other women, possibly unprotected. That leads to the possibility of him contracting some type of disease. Whether it be Herpes, genital warts, or even HIV. He would then bring that back to his wife. For me, telling that guy's wife wouldn't be about getting revenge but it would be about possibly saving that person from having their sexual and normal life ruined from a dishonest husband looking for a quick pump. If you want to find out on YOUR TIME, you may also find out its YOUR TIME to die from HIV instead of MY TIME where MY TIME may save your life.

Just a different perspective on the thing seperate from the revenge factor.

poisx7

iTrader: (1)

u are smthing else.

FreedomEagle50

sr4dt

Enjoy your break and figure out what you wantto do. IMO unless you feel an absolute compulsion to be with her again then break clean. Do not let compassion for her or guilt of breaking away from a marriage stop you from making this decision.

Someone once said to me, matter of Heart are like a mirror, no matter how well you fix it the crack always shows. And only you can make the decision to whether live with it or not.

BubbaMarkTL

wheres the update??? i hope to god for the sake of the OP and for all men in general that he is not going back to the cheating whore!!!!!!!!!!

afjock21

He's takin "a few months".... And you guys piss him off even more..

swift22

well hopefully he gets time to view the scenery so he can clear his head ;

BubbaMarkTL

something tells me the lack of response from the OP means hes back with her....sad sad sad.

Fireguy0826

No. I just don't feel the need to check this post everyday of my life. Honestly i've checked it about 3 times since i first posted. Like i said we are takin a break right now, and i'll see where it goes from there. Thanks for the replys, but for now i'm just going to deal with whats going on, and i'll see what happens....I did not want to do anything rash, i'm just seeing what options i have with divorce, lawyers so on and so fourth and just making sure if i go down that route, its absolutly what i want to do.

RMATIC09

For someone whos only checked it three times, you sure responded quick.

Dude, whatever you do, DO NOT , stay with her.

Your marriage is over. Move on.

BennyUnitas

if u do stay with her...just expect some bad news at some point in the near future.

smsTL

iTrader: (1)

Unless she is really really HOT i would say it worth it.