Fireguy0826

Well after big debate about 1 month ago with an aziner here darksom1....

it happened to me. I caught my wife fuckin around on me...after i told him i picked the right now so on and so forth.....fucking feel like a idiot......heres the story

Last night i was looking over my cell phone bill. I noticed that the past few months i've been paying more than usual. So i'm scrolling down and i see this number under my wifes phone about a million times.....hmmmmm don't really think to much of it at the time...But it still struck me as really odd..

Today: i'm uploading pics to my computer and when i open my picture app, 5 pictures pop up with the others. I noticed its my wife, NUDE!?? Well i know what my wife's fetures look like and i'm not a fucking retard...so i put 2 and 2 together and what do i get? a guy named john...i call the number and ask who the fuck are you? i'm john....ok thanks...

So i call my wife and tell her what i've found out...after denying it for a little bit she says...hes just a friend...BS...then why are you calling him xxxxxxxxx times a day and texting xxxxxxxxx times a day...what about the pics....ok yes i took em but never sent em...dos'nt fucking matter anymore, because you took them for him not me...ya dig?

So i have no idea what to fucking do....i'm so pissed i just want to break someones fucking jaw...she told me he's married as well...see has not admitted to having sex with him, but i'm going to get it out of her tonight...He's married as well, and knows that my wife is married...fucked up..

My wife works at a hotel, and hes a reg. customer. He lives in CT...Hes here alot..It don't know what to do guys...i'm so tore up right now with all kinds of different emotions...i want to kill him, at the same time its her fault..but its his fault too right? All i know is that his wife WILLL be getting a call from me if i feel like doing so...i guess its better to know now then 10 years from nbow...i guess she just saved me 10 years of my life.....i think johns wife is owed the same respect.....sorry for the long post i could keep going on but i'm just going to stop it here....thanks for listening.

teranfon

Thats rough. Sorry to hear.

Let me ask you a couple questions, and you need to be completely honest: Do you still love your wife? Do you still want to be with her? If the answer is yes on both counts, and you're absolutely sure she wants to salvage the relationship with you, then don't throw away the relationship just yet. You and your wife definitely need counseling, and perhaps some time apart, but perhaps you can still salvage something. It won't be easy, no goddamn way, but if you both feel strongly about each other you need to at least try.

It sounds to me you both need to determine why your wife was attracted to this guy in the first place. Was it at first a harmless flirtation? Boredom? Or perhaps she just a slut (sorry). Whatever the reason, you need to know.

Personally I wouldn't contact John's wife. I would DEFINITELY contact him however, and let him know you are going to extend the courtesy to him that he never gave to you. That being of course you aren't prepared to destroy his marriage. Use this against him, threatening you will indeed tell his wife if he EVER comes into your or your wife's life again.

I suppose the last resort is for the both of you to go your separate ways if you think there is nothing worth salvaging. If you do this, break cleanly and permanently.

I wish you the best of luck.

Terry

sho_nuff1997

iTrader: (2)

Sucks man. I know exactly how you feel, but it's better this happened now than 20 years down the road. Believe me, it's for the better. Give yourself time to think about it, and move on. Do you have any kids?

Fireguy0826

yes i still love my wife...its not as easy as 123 to say no i don't love you anymore...but i just don't know...man its so hard...is it my fault? was i a bad husband? Shes not a slut, i've known her for years. We have been going through some rough times...but no one said it would be all roses or everyone would be married ya know...I'm going to talk to her cool and calm because right now i'm hot..but its just like...damn...I guess where just going to talk..i told her that she needs to be 100% honest. If i think shes lieing..thats it...Oh don't worry i will give him a buzz...i'm going to put it as simple as is can....come around my wife again, call text email what ever, and i WILL tell your wife and if you happen to be in my town...ya better run...Dude i don't know if i can control my self if i were to see him, i just not that stable. Thanks guys....honestly and this is really fucked up....ive only lived out here for about a year or so, and i really don't have many people to turn to...besides AZINE...thanks alot guys.....anybody that lives in Danbury, CT let me know just incase...thats where john lives...fucking ass hole!

Fireguy0826

No kids..

amisconception

I would not be interested in staying with someone who has lost my confidence.

Personally, I don't need verifiable evidence as to whether or not a woman cheated on me for me to walk. My boundaries are firm, and inconsistent behavior with other men is all it takes.

You may feel differently, and you may need forensic evidence to feel comfortable leaving her, or you'll reduce yourself to her bitch-boy and stay with her after another man's cock was in her mouth hours after making you breakfast.

amisconception

Good. Leave her with your dignity intact.

Forget John, he's not worth your mental anguish. He's a random person your wife chose. It could have been any other Tom, Dick, or Harry.

RMATIC09

everything amis said in a nut-shell.

CG2PROJECT

fook it, ditch her.

invisiblewar

sorry to hear man. Youre still pretty young bro and dont need that insecurity of leaving your wife alone. I know its much easier said than done but youll realize over time it was definately the right thing to do. I know I couldnt stay with a woman once she was with another man

nbennettksu

iTrader: (2)

o1s

that's a deal breaker for me. one of those things that i could never forgive a girl for.

teranfon

Then this is where you need communication between you and your wife. Most likely this will need to come through a third party (therapist). You seem to want to be reassured that it isn't your fault. I honestly don't know to what capacity, if any, you can be blamed for your wife's behaviour. You, however, were NOT the one who initiated the affair. And you probably wouldn't have know how far it would have progressed if you didn't find the messages and pics.

This is why communication at this point is so crucial. You've caught her doing something she shouldn't have, and if there is still isn't honesty and openness, then nothing will ever be resolved. You're right to not discuss it with her now as you're obviously upset about it (and rightly so). Wait until you are both rational to have any sort of open conversation.

Terry

Fireguy0826

thanks for the respones guys...besides the one who wanted pics....fucking wrong time bro....anyways i'll keep yall posted...she says she never slept with him..but how the fuck am i going to belevie her now? ya know...............i just wish this never happened....

Eoanou

I'm in CT let me know if you want me to find this John guy for you.

On a serious note, amisconception hit the nail on the head with his two posts, there is no sense in even attempting to get back with her, just leave it be. When a women commits an infidelity there is no sense in trying, she might just do it again.

Eoanou

I have friends down there, one of them is a Police officer.

Fireguy0826

sounds good bro...i'll keep you posted...i've been talking to her tonite....i'm so confused...shes like blah blah i never slept with him so on and so forth...but im just so confused..i would love to come up there and get some azners and beat his fucking ass in...but i don;t want to go to jail...sorry for the typing....half a bottle of vodka...

combat mediC

iTrader: (1)

Sorry my brother, imo; if you think about cheating, that alone is disrespecting your significant other. I'd be upset as well. Your AZ brethren be here for ya.

paz840

iTrader: (2)

Wow man, sorry to hear about your marriage issues but like you said, better to find out now than 10 years down the line

If you still love and trust her and you both sincerely think your marriage can still work, get professional help like Terry said.

In the meantime...Don't do anything stupid and get arrested!

Nersh7

I think the question you need to ask is not do you love her but will you ever be able to trust her again, if not it simply wont work. Also I think that this other dudes wife needs to know. Because even if he fucks off from your wife whos to say he doesn't just find another and then that 10 years of your life that could have been wasted will be her 10 years or how ever many he can get away with and not only her but any kids they have to, and for them thats seriously fucked up. I would give a call to her and let her know the whole situation, your opinions, what your wife said, and make sure your sober haha

best of luck dude

txlancer

I would personally call the guys wife and let her know of the situation. Since technically no one has admitted to cheating just let her know the facts, and let her make the obvious conclusion herself. Obviously this guy had no respect for your marriage, why should you have respect for his? Plus his wife deserves to know that her husband is cheating on her.

godfather2

sorry to hear about this ... i've been cheated on by someone whom i thought i loved me too. at least you found out now, you're only 25 so you've got plenty of time to recover and move on. take as much time as you need

Whiskers

No kids + being 25 = leave her and find someone new.

doopstr

sorry she screwed around on you but,

Much less drama in your future if you just make a clean break.

GIBSON6594

If you honestly think she didn't sleep with this guy you are living in a place called fantasy land

savage

sorry to hear man, but if someone were to break my trust like that I would just try to cut them out of my life. Especially at 25 with no kids, you have an opportunity for a clean break and fresh start...

Also collect the evidence and consider talking with a lawyer...

Mike 350Z

I wouldn't worry about the details, she went far enough as far as I'm concerned. Just like with the whole A-Rod/steroids issue, if she's been lying to you this long, what makes you think she's actually telling the truth when she "comes clean?" I wouldn't tell his wife, rather use it as leverage over him, if you decide to stay with your wife....But I wouldn't stay because any love and trust I had would be out the window and I'd be completely numb to her.

doopstr

I would think that nude pics came after sex.

SG81

iTrader: (1)

sorry to hear. definitely inform the guy's wife

ludachrisvt

iTrader: (2)

SHE is responsible for your relationship. So SHE needs to be the one to pay. Don't beat her ass or anything but you know what I mean. This guy was looking for a quick nut - that's it. He already has a relationship/wife to worry about. Even if she didn't fuck him, its a guy she was talking to out of turn. You can't trust this bitch or any other woman that is 25 or younger.

Young women are stupid, indecisive and in general problematic!

ludachrisvt

iTrader: (2)

I disagree. It is their business and their relationship. If you were to do that you'd be just as bad as the jackasses who cheated. PERIOD.

SG81

iTrader: (1)

how the hell do you figure that?

doopstr

He busted up the OP's home, the OP might as well bust his up.

JediMindTricks

first of all,

with most of the posts here.

there's only so much advice we can give you since you know yourself and your marriage the best.

that said, i think it's normal and natural the way you're feeling right now. even if you lover and can fathom the idea of keeping the marriage, where does she stand? where does she stand to send nude pics of herself to another man and lie about it?

like Mike350Z said, even without knowing the full details, you know it was shady and what she did was distrustful.

sorry again. that really sucks.

JediMindTricks

whether or not to tell the other dude's wife is debatable.

but i don't get the notion that doing so would make the OP just as bad as the other dude. it's not like he's going to get it on with the other wife.

Whiskers

If I was able to make a clean break, I would not tell the other wife...Meh, just let it go. The other wife will probably find out anyways,

hdcolumbus

Sorry to hear about this FG. This may be a bit out there; but, perhaps she wanted to get caught? She certainly wasn't being too stealthy about it, i.e., using the cell phone that you pay the bill on, keeping nude photos on the home PC that you have access to.

You mentioned that you guys were going through a bit of a rough patch and maybe she wanted to do something to get your attention. Not the best way to go about it, but the subconscious mind can do some pretty nasty things.

I look at relationships like emotional bank accounts. The parties involved are constantly making withdrawals from the other; however, deposits are made too to keep things "balanced." If one member withdrawals too much, it may take several deposits from the other before things are balanced again.

And sometimes, it can never be balanced again. In your case, your wife cleaned out your emotional bank account and is going to have a hard time getting things balanced again, if at all--of course, this depends on how you two cope with the situation.

I know you have all kinds of emotions going on right now--probably anger, distrust and sadness being at the top. Anger and sadness will probably be the first to subside; but, distrust will take a LOT of time to recover.

Playing the devil's advocate, I would be inclined to believe that she did not sleep with him--provided the way she sloppily hid the situation. Did she think about it/talk about it with the guy? Probably. Wrong? Absolutely.

As others have mentioned, you are young (assuming she is too), and if you know in your heart that you still want to be with her, I would suggest some time apart to collect your thoughts and deal with your emotions. Next, I would seek marriage counseling. Counseling could provide you both with the underlying issues that may have led to the indiscretion in the first place--allowing you both to find resolution.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. Keep your chin up man!

GIBSON6594

Do'nt tell the other guys wife. Why would want to involve yourself with him anymore than you already have. Telling his wife isn't going to erase the fact that your wife cheated.

TonyBui

I agree, I can't even stand if my gf cheats on me, but this is talking about husband and wife. Being 25 and no kids, I would leave that bitch and give myself some dignity

juruki

iTrader: (2)

Im sorry bout what happened to you but "IMO" Once a cheater, always a cheater. You are early in your marriage and shes already cheating on you. FUC#ED UP!