Waddy

Say you had a homie that banged a chick years ago, like 5 or 5 years ago. You knew he did her a few times but was nothing serious. Then years later you run into the chick and you start hitting it.

There is obvious chemistry and if it weren't for the fact that she banged your boy, she might even get girlfriend consideration, but she is squarely on the "No Girlfriend" list. Also she doesn't know that I know that my boy used to hit it, since they worked together they were supposed to keep it on the DL but she was so fine that my boy couldn't keep his mouth shut.

You already told her the deal about not wanting a relationship, but she is doing the typical chick thing and angling her way into position for consideration even after being told that you are not accepting applications.

How do you handle it?

1. Keep hitting it till she brings up the inevitable "Where are we going" conversation and then tell her the reason why we can't go there?

2. Be upfront with her that you know your boy hit it and because of that there is not even a prayer of it going beyond what it is?

3. Break it off now, save her some heartache and drama and don't tell her it's because you know your boy used to hit it?

GoDucksCLSPride

Get over yourself and get with her. Girls worth making a girlfriend are hard to find these days. If shes worth it on all counts, thats definitly worth overcomming.

Hell, ive smashed a couple of my boys wives before they got together

doopstr

Why is someone your friend banged years ago off limits? He have an STD?

GoDucksCLSPride

my solution isnt an option

Waddy

Ducks is right it is an ego thing.

Just can't see going out on the town with my girl and my boy, and I know for fact that they used to fuck.

CrockPot

from how you're describing it...she wasn't really anything to your boy. tell your friend about it, if couldn't give 2 shits, and you want to explore a relationship with this girl...then what's the problem? it's not like you're fooling around with your friend's ex and feelings come into play.

Waddy

I don't give a shit about my boys feelings. I know he won't care.

I just can't overcome the knowledge always in the back of my head that my boy used to fuck my girlfriend, my ego won't allow me to accept it.

cM3go

Is she worth having as a gf? If so... hook up... if not, hit it till you can't hit it anymore.

doopstr

If you can't handle that then move along. Tell her to step.

GoDucksCLSPride

It is a truth though that someone somewhere has fucked your girl. Sometimes, much dirtier than you ever will. That knowledge alone allows me to be comfortable with the fact that she fucked one of my boys.

There is a 2-3 year window of non-opportunity though. I cant smash on a girl that was with one of my boys inside of 2-3 years. But after that, its new pussy to all parties

btsilver

stop being a pussy about it and tell her whats up.

iTimmy

Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do being 27 years old.

Seeing as you can't get over yourself, then solution #1 seems to be the course I would take.

mamboking

Never new the statue of limitations on this. Thanks.....

fdl

Maybe his friend is hung with a 12 inch prick.

Waddy

Explain that one to me.

Because I am conscious of the fact that I could not be in a relationship with a woman that I know has had sex with one of good friends, I am need to grow up?

I guess to you growing up means that you take on defeatist attitude towards life, and settle for things just because you are scared you can't do better. If that is what growing up means, then I will stay not-grown up.

dom

Knowing a freind (my boy) banged her in the past would bother the hell out of me as well.

doopstr

Does your boy know you are hitting it?

95gt

I think he just meant the fact that you have an issue with the fact that someone you knew was with your girl.

Odds of you finding a girl that no one has been with = zilch. If it works with the girl than it works. Don't let your pride and ego get in the way of a good thing (hence the grow up statement).


plus he can probably give you some tips on how to smack it up, flip and rub it down

Waddy

Thank you dom, these dudes are acting like I am on some high school shit.

I am 27, the next girl I choose as my girlfriend will probably also be my wife. No way I could be standing on the alter with another man I KNOW FOR SURE fucked my wife to be.

Waddy

Nah, me and that boy are still cool but we hardly see each other anymore and I am not one to be like guess who I am fucking.

dom

But the odds are pretty good he can a girl that a good freind didn't hit.

He makes a good point about being up on the altar. Imagine saying I do as the best man remembers back to his cawk in the brides mouth

95gt

Hey not saying it isn't something to think about but not a valid reason (IMO) to not consider the girl long term. Don't let your pride stear you wrong

Plus he just said he hardly talks to the dude anymore.

Waddy

Well he is assuming a hell of lot to come at me with that statement.

There is a difference between knowing someone who used to hit your girl, and a knowing a dude that will probably be two or three dudes off your shoulder at your wedding hitting your girl.

Who knows if it will be a good thing or not, if she was blowing me away on all fronts, then I would have a real dilemma on my hands whether or not to proceed. But that is not the question I am asking, I am asking when/if I let her know the major reason why we cannot proceed further than what we are.

It is already a given that I will be proceeding past FWB status. It's just that it may be hard for her to understand why I would be so adamant without further explanation.

GoDucksCLSPride

If you dont share my philosophy than that's all you need to know

But I dont need to

Waddy

We don't talk as much anymore, as in we used to hang every other day playing Madden and watching football and hit bars every weekend.

But now because of work schedules, his kids, his promotion and because he moved to a different part of the city, we don't hang that tight anymore but still.

Doc.Booty

95gt

back on topic.

Option 1 for the playa

Option 3 for the nice guy

Depends on which road you want to take. Which of course depends on how hot she is and how good she is in bed.

doopstr

You could always one up your boy by

PillsburyChoboy

Go with #1. You know how gals always say, "I want you to tell me everything ... the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" ... they don't mean it. There are some issues and/or truths they never want to hear. And telling a chick that you won't pursue a long-term relationship because she used to get boned by your buddy ... well that's better left unsaid. I mean, most of the "honest reasons" guys give gals for breaking up are bogus anyways.

But yeah, I kinda know what you're going thru here. It's definitely an ego preservation thing but it's not without merit. My work buddy's ex-girlfriend recently got married and she invited him to the wedding. And obviously, the groom gave him the polite but cold shoulder during the festivities. Think about it ... you're getting married to a sweet gal who used to get drilled like a Gulf of Mexico oil rig by some dude ... and the dude's gonna be at your wedding? I get visuals and none of them are nice.

iTimmy

The fact you are taking what I said so serious means to me that you think its true and don't want to admit it. You said your next gf is probably the woman you are going to marry, then why are you wasting time posting something like this about someone who you wouldn't marry? Do you really need us to tell you what to do?? I doubt it. If you still feel you need to sew your oats, that's fine, it also means your not ready for marriage, which is also fine. Just don't act like your ready for marriage and this girl is what's holding you up, you are the one who is holding yourself up.

Its so hard to find someone you click with in this day and age, as long as she hasn't been with a stupid number of guys(under a dozen), is disease free and you make each other happy then fuck all the little things. If this is someone you are really happy with, the type of person you can see being the mother to your children, the type of person you want to grow old with then don't let your ego stop it. But seeing how your ego flamed up just by me questioning your maturity level, I don't think you are actually ready for marriage. My

I do have more experience surrounding relationships then most, I am alumni from the Sterling Institute of Relationships, which has case studies on literally thousands if not hundreds of thousands of couples. The facts aren't hard to nail down, what's hard is to get people to believe them.

mamboking

All I am saying is that you're west coast and here is in the southeast is more like 1-2 years...

iTimmy

1killercls

For a guy who supposedly gets so much ass you sure don't sound like you have a clue about it.

doopstr

If my wife wanted to invite an ex to our wedding I wouldn't have gotten married. I know a girl that just did this at her wedding. She said, "Oh we are still friends" . If a girl invites an ex to a wedding that means she is either still hitting it or wants to hit it. And when the ex gets the invite, he knows he is going to hit it.

I also think the invite says "I wanted to marry you, but settled for this"

Mike 350Z

I would say be honest and straightforward first of all, no matter what you want. Also, it depends on how you view your friend. Some of my friends are good, upstanding people who are selective in who they hook up with and I wouldn't have a problem in dating someone they've had in the past (done it before). But yeah, i wouldn't do it unless there was a cooling off period, and 5 yrs def. seems long enough.

But some of my friends are repulsive and disgusting and i would never touch someone they touched.

iTimmy

That's an odd situation, I would have a problem with that as well, but if it was just a fling between the two of them... it happens. I don't know I guess I am a little more laid back about sex then a lot of guys out there

Waddy

Getting ass and dealing with girls feelings are two different things.

Getting ass is not hard.

When you have been banging a girl for a while and things start to get to that sticky stage, it gets a bit more complicated.

I guess the problem here is two-fold.

1. You are all not reading the question. I AM NOT EVEN CONSIDERING A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE GIRL.

The question was basically, "Do I reveal the fact that I know you used to bang my boy and that is the major reason why we will be nothing more than FWB? Or do I ride out the fun and keep her in the dark about my knowledge?"

2. Some of you seem to be in a hurry to psychoanalyze me and throw words seeing if they will stick.

It was a topic for discussion to see what you guys thought, not a cry for advice, the question was what would you do with my own 3 options, not "Guys some advice here please?".

So some of you get off the high horse, back off my nuts, put down pyschoanalysis for dummies and take a chill pill.

Waddy

Dude where did I say I was ready for marriage? I said that the next woman I take as my girlfriend will probably end up being my wife. That could be next month, next year, or next decade. But I am done with having girlfriends for the sake of having a girlfriend, too much hassle and too much ass out there to tie myself down unnecessarily.

I don't know if I am ready for marriage, but I know I am done with making a girl my girlfriend because she has a few qualities I like, while putting up witha bunch i don't like, just for steady sex and movie partner.

It is a post for a discussion, chillax yo, it's not like I am not over her getting nauseous at the though of breaking the news to the girl or anything geez.

Waddy

That might be it.

Do you have a brother that your are close to?

If he fucked a girl, and you ended up dating here and she was cool chick, but nothing earth shattering. You are telling me that the fact that she slept with your brother wouldn't be a deal breaker for you?

btsilver

go ahead and tell her