G

Ok, so here is some background info on this girl.

We met when we went to high school together in 10th grade. We were friends cause we had to be (i had nine people in my graduating class including myself!! ) and there wasn't much else. After 11th grade, she left to live in England.
About a year after graduation, I saw her at a friend's party and we talked forever. We decided that it would be cool to go away for the weekend to Galveston cause I had never been there. So, I rented a prowler and she and I went down for the weekend. Nothing happened on the trip, but something started.
After the trip, we were pretty much inseperable. We never actually dated or did anything, but we were always hangin out. Every weekend I would stay at her place and the weekdays, she would drive an hour to my house to watch a movie at 1 am and drive back to her house when the movie was over. Our relationship was awesome, but I always wanted more-to actually date her!! So, after a few months, I moved away for the summer and never heard from her the entire summer.
When I got back, things were never the same (are they ever?? ). So, i decided to drop it-much to my dismay.
I went to school for a year and came back the beginning of this year. At first, we never hung out-talked once in a while, but never did anything. Then, we started to hang out again.

Now to the present-
It is almost like we are back to the old relationship, not so completley inseperable, but hang out a lot. She is always there when I just want hang out and will go on a roadtrip to dallas for the hell of it with me. In general, we hang out a lot and have tons of fun together.

Now the the damn problem-
This girl is awesome. I have had a "crush" on her since i first met up with her at the friends party. I really can't type out what I feel for her-she is simply awesome. She loves cars and always goes to car meets with me and is actually studying to be a car designer. She is sweet and fun and has an awesome laugh. She is defin. beautifull (Chopper, Ruf, Mantis, and the guys met her at a meet and can hopefully attest to my views )

So anyways, the problem is that she is not into relationships. Yes she has had boyfriends, but she says that she just can't deal with the complete attention of a guy. She is always afraid that the guy will like her more than she likes him. She says that she has issues with guys cause she lost her dad at an early age. She likes the big macho dumb guys who always get into trouble or have issues with anger (case in point a guy she got out of jail this weekend). She says she just wants to find a nice guy who is dependable, financially and emotionally secure and the regular list. But, she always ends up with these duesche-bags who are completley the opposite of what she "wants".

So, I guess the big question is, am I looking for soemthing that isnever to be?? I would give up years of my life to be with this girl because she is so smart, sexy, and fun. Or do I have any chance of her coming to the realization that everything on her "wish list" describes myself to the tee??

To add to the frustration, she will not talk about our relationship at all. As soon as I bring us up she closes up tighter than a damn clam and generally ruins the entire night. She doesn't tell any of her freinds anything about her feelings or the like-if anything, I am the most knowledgable of her feelings/emotions of all her friends. Crap, even her damn twin sister doesn't know a much as I do about her feelings.

Anyways, sorry for the damn novel, I am just looking for some guidance/source of output.

98AcuraCLpimp

fuck man, ive been in a similar situation...it sucks (and it doesnt)...its hard to gove advice..i mean if you tell her how you feel it might ruin everything or it might be the best thing ever....damn dude...toss a coin..its hard to say...i guess you just need to ask yourself the ? is it worth ruining what i have? wish i could be of more help...but life is just not that easy bro imho

G

Exactly my problem. Part of me says hell, you only live once and will never know what could have been. But then, the other part says if I screw this up, I would be devestated. Damnit, it is times like this when I wish I had a damn crystal ball-see what each option ends up as.

So what was your choice?? Or have you not made one yet??

98AcuraCLpimp

i told her i was in love w/her (ya i sound like a :gheyfight: oh well) and it went to shit...i wish i could tell you otherwise...she was a biatch though (now that i kook back on it), why dont you make a simple move on her (kiss her, not w/tongue) and see how that goes, test the waters?
amores perros (loves a bitch)

G

Well damn, that makes me feel real confident! j/k

I did that once before I moved off for the summer, -kissed her on the forehead after an awesome day of sailing on my boat an generall hanging in the sun. She told me later that she like it a lot and that it made her feel special. But then again, that was over a year ago, or was it two?? Damn, how time flies!!

G

It is soo messed up. I am constantly told that I am prime boyfriend material-yet she always ends up with those losers and I always end up consoling her and making her feel all better (making cakes at odd hours of the night for example)

Chopsie

well Gray, I just don't know where to begin. A Lot of people seek my advice when it come to relationships. This is what I see. Yes Sareenah is very beautiful, and seems to be a lot of fun, very pleseant also.
As you states, she has guy issues. I haev seen many and many a girl like this. I honestly think that the relationship would not work. Simply because of all the friendliness that you two have had together (I know this isn't what you want to hear, simply because us guys never want to hear what we already know in our heads is the answer). What you may want to do, is just come out and ask her, I know it is hard to do, but at least you will have the answer you are looking for (or not looking for). If she truly had an interest you would know it (most likely). But the fact remains, to get the answer your looking for you will have to force her to talk about it. I say force because of how you state she does not like to talk about it. I see you see me typing so tell me what ya think.
A

Chopsie

If you are truly sincere and have known the chick for more than a week, love is possible and it's NOT :gheylaugh: .

I would not recommend for him to make any moves on her because that could destroy everything, especially if she truly is in the "friend" frame of mind.

oneilc

I'll throw another angle into the mix. I'm willing to bet that after some time passes (pehaps even years) she'll grow up. What I mean is that she'll stop dating douchbag retards and realize that she should be going after the decent guys that she's been ignoring for so long. Not what you wanted to hear I suppose .. heh

G

Well damnit Andy, that was what I was afraid of. I mean, I knew it in my mind, but I always like to think that there is a way around things-as there usually is.
Shit, just the other night, we wnet out to one f my favorite restuarants after a long day at work and had blast-I know cause I sa the damn reciept again this morning!-anyways, i guess that I will have to just sit her down and have her talk with me.

Ha, the funny thing was that she was telling me yesterday how none of the guys she hnags out with just want to be friends. Man am I shit out of luck when I have this convo with her!

The more I think about it, the more I want to be with her, but then again, I really do NOT want lose anything that I already have. It is just so damn hard some nights when she isover and we are just having a blast not to kiss her. AGGHHH!!!

Andy, you should set up shop as a relationship advisor!

G

It is funny, I would rarley talk about this with my car buddies here in Austin-maybe their wives, but not them. Yet here I am blabering away to one guy I met once and hung out with for a couple of hours (nice guy I must admit ), and another who I have never met.

Sorry, just was thinking about what technology has brought into this world.

Chopsie

I knew your exact Concerns G, I just didn't say them, but you said them right back to me BUT there is always hope my friend, without it, we would get nowhere

Chopsie

haha, well you definatley have much to offer whomever you date because your, smart, funny, easy going, all around nice guy. If things don't go over well with her, there are tons of others, and I know you may think "It's hard to find one I am so conencted to" and that is true, but I assure you they are out there, just have to see through their bullshit sometimes.

Technology is an amazing thing for sure

G

I think that I will be waiting for a while until I talk to her, hopefully giving enough time for this "all guys who I hangout with want to date me" mind set.

Blagh, too much to think about now, time for sleep. Thanks for the continuing adve there A. Much appreciated.

jtothees

Life is too short..

Tell her how you feel about her and see how she responds, also tell her that you would be content with staying how things are if she really does not want to go that path.

G

Yeah yeah yeah, there are tons of other fishies in the sea. My problem is that I don't want to give this one back, and it is soo hard to find others with the amount of time I spend working and then playing with my car. Oh well, they are all just excuses not to go out there into the big scary sea.

G

Well, that is what one part o me thinks. If only life were that simple.

Chopsie

I know exactly how you feel, and it's shitty I know. Thats life though bud. But I'm a pessimist, so be an optimist and think postively. Don't let this bog you down though, because it surely can.
Good night

Chopsie

That is true, it is not that simple. Once "the talk" happens things may get a bit weird for a while, but being the intelligent person I think she is, I honestly think she will be understanding. Like I said, things may get a little out of the ordinary afterwards, but I don't foresee it staying like that for long. As they say "everyones bound for change sometime or another"

supermegaglossy

well... maybe playing a little hard-to-get isn't such a bad thing. i know most people hate games, but if she is confused about what she wants, give her the best of both worlds. she wants a bit of angst, but she wants the mature guy too. so be both. don't completely toy with her head, but some innocent hard-to-get and some mild flirting should get her thinking.

G

That is what gets me. We flirt all of the time. I mean, nothing big, but silly little things like she will steal my ring or my phone, or randomly hit me (nothing hard, just little "love taps"). I always do the same, and we both instigate it.

Blagh, I hate stupid games like being hard-to-get. If you want me, than freakin come and get me, don't make me play silly games like saying or acting like I want you, than all of a sudden switch gears and don't care about you. It doesn't make any sense to me. Life is too damn short tobe wasted playing games is what I think. But hell, what do I know, I am just a guy!

mc_yanzo

Dawson's Creek, anyone?

G

Ouch, that is a low blow!!

mc_yanzo

Sorry man it was just a joke. Didn't they end up together anyways in the end?

G

Yeah, I know it was a joke! It is all good I never watched it-so I don't know if they did end up together or not.

nujunglist

ATXCLS...I went through a very similar situation at the end of high school. I ended up not being able to deal with watching her constantly date douche bags, so I just severed my ties to her. I told her that I couldn't deal with watching her consistently put herself in poor situations. It was really hard to do, but it was for the best. I ended up talking to her again almost 2 years later and she had grown up a bit and we started hanging out again. Within a week of us hanging out again we were dating, and went out for almost 4 years.

nujunglist

bwahahaha!!! page two be mine bishes.

G

Ha, now i See the real reason you posted!!

Na, really, thanks for the info/advice. I really don't want to cutr that tie, so, we will see what will happn

nujunglist

Best of luck with it man. It is a tough situation to be in.

Chopsie

He is just no that type of personality, which he stated such

^^ mm hmm. Another orginal thought I had(about the hard to get game), but due to the personality conflict, I didn't post it up.

G

Damn andy, your a pretty good for only knowing me from the meet in Dallas. Kinda scary-you been stalking me???

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Chopper again." -Stupid forum!

SilviaGTO

well the way i see it, I would go for it.

Either you can find out how she feels, and either have a great relationship.. or.. whatever happens..

or you can leave the relationship where its at now, and years down the road wonder if you missed out on something great because you were afraid to ask..

G

That is exactly what I don't want. I can just see it know-we drift apart and I find out a couple of years later that she had a big crush on me. Blagh, bad image!!

TheThirdMan

the testing the waters thing sounds like what i would do, do yal hug when she leaves, if so, just give her an innocent kiss on the cheek, if ur as close as you say you are,i don't think it will cause major waves on the relationship waters.... if that seems to forward, sitting her down and talking to her is way more forward

demons rage

iTrader: (1)

atxcls.. do what you feel is right. even though it is a win/lose situation.. you'll feel better knowing that she knows how you feel about her..
i was in the same situation as you.. and hell.. lets just say we dont talk/see eachother anymore
so if you do go through with it, keep in mind that things will NEVER be the same.. no matter how much you want it to be

type-sothea_RENAMED

i had a similar situation about 2 and a half years ago. i liked this girl a lot but she was the type to let the guys do everything. i finally built up enough courage to ask her knowing that if i failed we probably won't even be friends. this was the best choice i've made in my life and we've been together ever since.

so basically i think it's better to tell her how you feel than to live your live not knowing if something could've happened bettween the two of you. it comes down to losing a friend or losing what could be the love of a lifetime.

good luck!

G

That is exactly what I don't want to happen and what keeps from talking with her.

G

See, she is the same way. Makes me wonder . . . . if only life were simpler!!

demons rage

iTrader: (1)

well even if you dont want it to happen, its better living knowing that you tried instead of dealing with all those "what if" thoughts... imo

type-sothea_RENAMED

you should at least try. don't live the rest of your life regretting and reminiscing about what COULD have happened.
best of luck to you