Scottman111

^


I'm with you guys. Another question is why would he stick around with a girl that doesn't put out? BJ's would have to get old after a while.

csmeance

Well got an update, kinda good and bad ending, but mostly shitty:
He popped the cherry about during thanksgiving, all I could get out of her was "I don't know what happened. Later on when she was calm she said "but he only lasted 10 minutes, it was nasty, blood was on the sheets...." They broke up yesterday and she has been kinda depressed since. She feels used and abused by her BF. I told her that it was good that you got rid of him, but she still feels the pain that the dude that "popped the cherry" and was her first did this. All I could say to her today was, if you want to get back at him for using you, tell him your pregnant in 2 weeks, saying your period is way overdue.... That should scare him shitless, she started laughing but kinda went back to her depressed mood.

darksom1

Csmeance...First, I agree 100% with the him being a jerk part and will never be good for her or to her. However...

Bro, you have to stop doing what women call the "guy" thing. Stop trying to fix it. It's not your problem to fix. The main thing about this situation, as is commonplace in most situations like this, is that she genuinely loves him, for whatever reason. That is why we can't ever "fix" our friend's perception of things, because we don't share them. You can't identify with why she loves him, because you will never see what she sees in him because you are blinded by your contempt for him. That is exactly what she thinks. But it's also true. If you really want to help, tap into that and try to understand that. That way you can be a better friend when she needs to talk to you about him because then you will know the dichotomy: the giver and the taker. Right now, you can only focus on the taker, and are fueled by your resentment in this guy. Find out who he is to her, because you can best believe that she is going back to him, unless HE doesn't want her to.
Finally, probably because I am aloof from the situation, it seems that you are too emotionally charged about her relationship with this guy. Granted, we don't like to see our friends used and abused. But you are over-reacting to a lot of things that take place in her life. As much as you would like to be, you are not her saviour, nor does she identify with you as being such. And while you may value her opinion in your affairs, it will take someone else to convince her of the "wrong" in this situation because she isn't willing to accept it from you. Talk about it with you? Yes. But make changes because of you? No. All of our friends don't have the same role in our life. Maybe she thinks you have an ulterior motive, I don't know. Or maybe she thinks you won't understand because you don't like him and will just say things to make her leave the guy because you don't like him. Either way, your adverse reaction is not helping. So, try to sheathe your scorn around her, and maybe she will become more receptive to your advice.

Being a friend means being a friend. Not judge, not jury, not over-seer. But a friend. If you are a true friend, then just stock up on the Kleenex. Butdon't introduce her to other guys, or talk bad about this guy. Just talk, but above all...listen. That's invaluable. Because this is not over...

Oh yeah, one other thing...if you are truly incapable of separating yourself from the relationship of your friend and her troublesome boyfriend, then you have some feelings for her. Or you have issues of your own. They may be recessive, they may be taken for granted, they may not be fully realized - but yes, they are there. Time will make this known to you better than we can here. This doesn't mean that you are driven to help her for this reason. But it may explain why you can't sit "idly by" and watch it take place. Who knows right? Sometimes the last person is us. You know, in that way where everyone can see it but you kind of thing...like your girlfriend.

Good luck!

Mike 350Z

I wish I could partake in that line of thinking


Only lasted 10 min? If he did indeed pop her cherry, what does she know about how long a guy is supposed to last?

csmeance

I was a bit confused with that, I'll ask her about that.... Anyway, I want to help her because we are really close. Leaving the matter alone shows her that I don't give two shits about her. Well its really over in-between them and she wants nothing to do with him.. Thanks for the input members, I appreciate it. Also No, I did not introduce her to new guys or anything of the sort. All I did was give advice and help her through all of this.

GoDucksCLSPride

most all that has been said is spot on but this is the definitely the harsh truth.

You can tell some people the stove is hot, while others will only learn by getting burned. Those used to victimization are just short of needing one dropped on their head. It isnt likely that any amount of friendly counseling will coax her out of this. That is not the way a perpetual victims mind works.

All you can do is practice a hell of a lot of patience and tolerance or a hell of a lot of tough love by making her choose to loose you if she continues to disgrace herself with this loser. In similar situations in my life, all other alternatives proved futile.