MattT516

Well, I've been in love with one of my friends for about a year now. We're both from Brooklyn and I'm still here going to school at NYU while she's away at Emory. I've alluded to me having feelings for her for quite some time, and I think I told her once in like December when we were both drinking and she said, ''well we're absolutely great friends for now, but in the future there's no telling what could happen''. Well since I've known her (weird way that we met too) we've become absolutely great friends. We talk almost everyday on the internet, we see each other when she comes home, we started some sort of stupid ''penpal'' thing about two months ago where we write nonsensical letters, and we hung out twice during Spring Break, once on St. Patrick's Day in the Village and another just in her house watching ''Ocean's Eleven.'' Needless to say, we're pretty close.

As for our relationships, we give each other advice with other people and it seems that neither one of us is going anywhere with anyone. Everyone we've met for the past 4-5 months have just been total duds. We meet these idiots at school and we both try to help each other but everyone just does something shitty to screw over both of us. We're incredibly alike, we both want a relationship from another person, and we just have a way of being extremely similar in our ways and feelings about the opposite sex.

I think she's so awesome (and she thinks I'm awesome too, but I'm not sure in what way) and she's starting to be on my mind a whole lot. I want to be with her when she comes back but I have to make an effort to let her know how I really feel because I'm totally in love with her. It could be she is hiding feelings for me too by trying to meet others and letting me know about it, as to say that ''this is your time, everyone else stinks''. I was thinking of writing her a nice, long letter to her school (since I was planning on writing her back anyway) letting her know how I feel and how I think it would be a good idea for us to be together. I just hope that this wouldn't jeopardize our friendship because that would really be terrible. What do you guys think? Do I make the move? How should I do it? Thanks in advance.

Fibonacci

Well, to quote Cheech - "You CAN do it!"

Ken1997TL

Go for it, i only date friends and they are THE best relationships.

Whiskers

Where is the Love Doctor when you need him????



oh yeah.

ericajackhannahjamie?

Write an email or a letter? Be up front about it and just tell her how you feel. Ask her out .. as simple as it may sound, it works best.

I know I would want to be upfront about it..... instead of some lame letter.

spidey07

what's wrong with asking her out on a date? make your intentions known.

that or completely torture yourself everyday wondering "what if". Men act, pussies sit there and think about it.

reference my previous thread about how if you sit there and stew about it she won't be single for long and you will have missed your chance as she tells you about this great new guy she met and is in love with him...and so you will continue to torture yourself until you actually DO SOMETHING.

Ken1997TL

Yeah, I was upfront about it in my case when I went over for a movie and its resulted in the best friendship/love so far. (end mushy description)

Crazy Bimmer

You are always friends with her, the hardest part is done. IMO

Ken1997TL

If you can be yourself around her and she likes you still.. you've got it made.

MattT516

She actually thinks I'm hilarious, and we could act like total dorks around each other and just laugh for hours. It's really a great friendship, I'm just hoping that I didn't enter the dreaded ''friend territory'', with giving each other advice and being there for each other all the time and all. My mind is just telling me to let everything be known, and she won't think I'm some sappy weirdo because she's the same way I am.

Ken1997TL

Sounds like you're exactly where you should be for a GREAT future relationship

Give it a chance, you have nothing to lose if you're that good friends.

supermegaglossy

if you were friends before, and i mean GOOD friends (as you've made clear), then no matter what happens, i think it's safe to say you'll always have that, even if it doesn't work out relationship-wise. i speak from experience.

the only thing is that you guys would be long distance, and i'm against that sort of thing. if you are going to make a move, do it in person. wait til you have a break together. i wouldn't do that sort of thing over phone or email or AIM.

timing may be off for you guys right now... and if it doesn't work now, and you still have feelings for each other, then you will both find a way to be together in the future.

joerockt

A date?? If their friends, im sure they have been out together many times by now, either alone or with other friends. Asking a long time friend out on a "date" would be lame.

Next step isnt a date, just do something you guys would normally do and tell her how you feel. If she feels the same way, great...If not, well thats another issue.

I hate to say it but your chances dont seem very good. You guys became "just friends" for some reason. So unless she's the virgin mary, there was some reason why you guys didnt get together sooner...

JT Money

Go for it man. I made the similar leap a couple of months ago.

MattT516

I actually just finished writing her a letter. It's like 4 pages long and it only took me like 20 minutes and I honestly didn't have to cross one word out the whole time, so I'm guessing that this was just natural for me. This is just something I've been feeling for a long time and I feel like this girl was meant to be my girlfriend, not only my friend. We'll see what happens, hopefully she'll express some sort of affection too. There's no turning back now, I'm gonna mail it tomorrow morning...

Gilgamesh

^ keep us all posted.

Scottman111

In all honesty i think your brave and a little bit crazy to tell her with a letter because when she reads it you'll have no way to know how her original reaction was... and if it's a positive reaction, the she'll wait and think about every possible aspect of it and blahblahblah...... but if you do it in person then she can act on whatever she feels and you'll get an honest answer.

TheMainEvent basically said the same exact thing before and girls know best on this subject so if i were you i'd listen to her

MisterMehoff

doing it in person is way better than in a letter. I totally agree with supermegaglossy.

Doing it in person gives you a better at her saying yes.

Doc.Booty

I'm going to put $10 on her saying "You're like a brother to me... i don't want to ruin this..." and you still staying a friend, but not a friend.

I suggest reading the ladder theory - www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html. Good luck.

MattT516

I do know that, but the bottom line is that she's in Georgia right now, and I'm in New York. She'll be home in the beginning of May, and my plan is for her to be mine when she comes back. If I waited until May, she could've struck up something with someone at school (a lot of guys there like her, from what I know) and I'll feel like it's a lost opportunity. That's the only reason why I'm writing a letter, based on the fact we write letters to each other already and that I really can't be face-to-face to her like I'd want for a whole month. At least the reception of letter - reaction to letter - response to letter will take at least 2 weeks.

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

Almost every girl I ever dated was a friend of mine before we dated. I think it's the best way to build a relationship. I'm in the same boat as you are right now.

Good luck.

Oh yeh...

virtualbong

If a girl I was interested in said that to me, I would take it as if she really didn't want to be in a romantic relationship and just wanted the friendship.

IMO, you should know it the girl wants something more. I can't really explain it, but you know. The way she touches you, hugs you, looks at you, etc...

I suggest to start consciously looking for the "signs" if she likes you or not. You'll know.

You could just bluntly ask her if she'd want to start dating, but it depends on if the girl is cool enough to shrug it off if she doesn't want to and continue with the close friendship.

ericajackhannahjamie?

Then buy a plane ticket and fly down there and meet her, tell her how you feel. If some guy send me a letter professing his love towards me.. I would honest think he's a coward. By flying down here with a dozen of roses and express the love for me, I would be so flattered and touched.

If you want to do it, DO IT RIGHT..

virtualbong

This could end up being AWESOME or it could end up being a DISASTER. Like I said before, if you have any hint that she feels the same way, then I would take TheMainEvEnt's advice and do it right. But if the relationship is really platonic, then abort, abort. It'll be a waste of money and you'll feel like shit.

joerockt

Yeah, but at least he will know the truth pretty quickly and if it didnt work out he could move on.

TME is right, dont send that letter man. Arrange it so you can do it in person.

Scottman111

So? did you mail it or what???????? Whatever happens good luck....

jdimaria

Yes I definitely agree with TheMainEvEnt. Georgia is not that far from NY. 1.5 hours by plane. This weekend get on that plane and fly there. Bring 2 dozen roses and do the romantic thing. Tell her how you feel in person. This way you'll really know what she is feeling. You'll be there to witness it. Don't wait till May. Tell her in person. Now!

ric

take the risk, you will always regret it if you don't (was she the one that got away?)

I did have a wonderful friend who I wanted to get romantic with, but she very gently declined, felt the authority of our matched neuroses would overpower intimacy. We stayed friends. Didn't resent the failed risk.

I did have another wonderful friend that, over time (about a year, to be precise) we both recognized that there was more than just a friendship. So, we started dating. Got married after her divorce from her first (idiot) husband was final (she was separated, and I was not instrumental in their breakup, believe me.....). Now married 18 years. Our courtship was four years, and took place across the country, but we hung in there. Never regretted it.

MisterMehoff

He probably already mailed the letter. Hope it works out. If not, he will definitely learn from this experience. I hope the friendship can continue if she doesn't feel the same way.

IMO, I would definitely call her and tell her I'm flyin down to see her.

MattT516

I mailed the letter on Thursday morning. I'm guessing it should make its way to Georgia on Tuesday. Then it's only a matter of time until she gets back to me, we talk pretty much everyday anyway.

She's not exactly the one that got away, but I'm just tired of her trying to be with these losers and the same for me. She wants a relationship and I could tell she's trying hard to find someone, and I just find that I could take care of her the way she wants to be treated. She is real and upfront about everything so I'm guessing everything should be resolved if she doesn't feel the same.

I told all my friends about the letter and they agreed it was a good idea because they know how I feel about her. They could also sense something when we went out on St. Patrick's Day. Hopefully they're right.

mawaru

so... what the hell happened.... ??? any updates???

Minch00

I'm about to face this situation tomorrow. I'm just going to be like "Look, I've liked you the past few years, and I've tried to show you, and I need to know how you feel about me". Hopefully things work out.

Titand19

Best of luck bro

95gt

updates all around fawkers

Lister00169

Hehe, you beat me to it. This is a good read and will destroy any hopes you have .

Python2121

dating friends has pretty much ruined all of my best friendships with girls

but then again, i realized that the entire friendship usually had an underlying goal which was some intense attraction that i just couldn't ignore because then i wasn't being honest with the friendship.

as ken said, friend>>gf is usually yields pretty rewarding relationships

that is, if the girl doesn't go back to her fucking bf after 2 weeks of being with you...which happened to me...yeah i dont talk to that bitch nemore (though there was some post relationship drama and the realization that she was a bitch all along)

ooooo this was a loaded post

Doc.Booty

My point wasn't to destroy his hopes, there's always a possibility - however it is slim. In there he says that your only hope of getting off the friends ladder is to just go for it, which is what has been done. I would suggest against the letter, but there's really no way for him to do it face to face, and waiting is an even worse idea. What was done is by far the best course of action - you'll know right away how she feels, so you can either forget about her and move on or start banging her in the back seat of your car.

Minch00

We're just friends............

MattT516

The mail has to get through the Emory University mail system before she could receive it in her dorm room, so I'm guessing it should've arrived today since it's been 6 days. I also get a good feeling that she got it because she's always online this time of night and she's nowhere to be found tonight. I'd have to guess she's thinking about something, or maybe she's writing me back or something.

Sorry to hear about your story Minch, but I just got a feeling this girl is different. She told me ''I need you'' and ''I love you Matt'' the other night when she was signing off. This isn't really a friendship with a crush, it's more like being there for each other until we realize it's time for something more advanced. Ahh, we'll see.

Doc.Booty

Well, good luck. Try not to overanalyze it, she could be offline because she's studying for finals, or watching a movie.

If this all goes south, at least be glad that you went ahead and told her how you felt. Most guys don't have the balls to do that, and thus stay on the friends list forever.