Just got out of a mentally abusive relationship. Now what?
07-15-2010, 03:46 PM
#41
Your Friendly Canadian
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From what I've seen, it helps.
Hooking up and getting laid soon after a relationship is never a good thing. You're not thinking rationally, and once you do, you feel less confident in yourself. Avoiding it gives you time to take a step back and "recover", if you will.
Different strokes for different folks, this is just my
Hooking up and getting laid soon after a relationship is never a good thing. You're not thinking rationally, and once you do, you feel less confident in yourself. Avoiding it gives you time to take a step back and "recover", if you will.
Different strokes for different folks, this is just my
07-15-2010, 03:49 PM
#42
so you're saying you get less confident when you talk to a new girl and bang her???
your confidence level should soar.
its just like sales.
once you close a deal.
you gain more confidence.
might even get cocky.
your confidence level should soar.
its just like sales.
once you close a deal.
you gain more confidence.
might even get cocky.
Last edited by justnspace; 07-15-2010 at 03:51 PM.
07-15-2010, 05:01 PM
#43
Your Friendly Canadian
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Imagine if cjTL was a girl and we were giving him this advice.
Your goal is to eventually get into a meaningful relationship. Not resort to hooking up whenever.
07-16-2010, 03:21 PM
#45
07-16-2010, 03:41 PM
#46
Oh Hullow
look at this like quitting a bad habit, such as smoking. for the first few days it gets harder and harder going through that withdrawl. then one day it just starts to get easier day by day. but if you talk to the ex again (or in this analogy smoke a cigarette) you ruin all progress you have made and have to start from scratch again. stay away. your emotions will thank you for it later on when dealing with it gets easier.
07-17-2010, 01:56 AM
#47
Damn bro she sounds like a crazy bitch. I'm guessing the reason you put up with her was cause of the sex? Cause I don't see any other reason why you would have. And about her not caring about your car or mods. Every freaking girl I've talked to since getting the TL hasn't even pretended to care about the TL 
. My TLs passanger seat gets more vaj then me though. :angryfire
Good luck on the recovery and start talking to other hotties ASAP
.
. My TLs passanger seat gets more vaj then me though. :angryfireGood luck on the recovery and start talking to other hotties ASAP
.
07-18-2010, 11:28 AM
#49
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
Noodz Bro!
07-22-2010, 09:50 PM
#50
Moderator
iTrader: (3)
CJ I'm glad you took my advice and made a thread 
First of all I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. It sounds like it's taken a toll on your mentally and I know that's rough. It sounds like she just wanted you there for her to hear that she's "beautiful", when apparently she already knew that. Selfish trick.
A part of me wants to tell you what the other fellas have been telling you, to go out and poke a few girls. Another part of me wants to tell you to just chill with your boys for a bit and steer clear of the spatchels. I lost a lot of friends when I got in my current relationship almost 2 years ago. Everyone was happy for me but a lot of them stopped returning calls and such. Even though I'm extremely happy in my relationship, it hurts losing friends no matter the circumstance.
Of course you need to do what's best for you man! If that means laying around crying and masturbating, then you do it. We all deal with shitty situations differently.
First of all I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. It sounds like it's taken a toll on your mentally and I know that's rough. It sounds like she just wanted you there for her to hear that she's "beautiful", when apparently she already knew that. Selfish trick.
A part of me wants to tell you what the other fellas have been telling you, to go out and poke a few girls. Another part of me wants to tell you to just chill with your boys for a bit and steer clear of the spatchels. I lost a lot of friends when I got in my current relationship almost 2 years ago. Everyone was happy for me but a lot of them stopped returning calls and such. Even though I'm extremely happy in my relationship, it hurts losing friends no matter the circumstance.
Of course you need to do what's best for you man! If that means laying around crying and masturbating, then you do it. We all deal with shitty situations differently.
07-23-2010, 12:36 AM
#51
I'm Craig
Thread Starter
iTrader: (2)
I haven't checked this thread in a while. It's just been best for me to keep my mind off it at this point. It's getting a lot easier by now though.
Yup. You guess correctly. Damn was that dumb..
She was/is something else. I really just don't even have that much desire to go out and find someone else to be with or even to just mess around with right now. My mind is in a different place- a good place. Starting to get easier day by day. I've stopped ignoring her and we're on alright terms but I don't care to talk to her more than I have to. I've been hanging out with other friends and working on/cleaning my car obsessively. I just like being independent for once and not waking up, knowing I have to talk to some evil B who makes me feel like shit.
Thanks man. It really is greatly appreciated.
CJ I'm glad you took my advice and made a thread
First of all I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. It sounds like it's taken a toll on your mentally and I know that's rough. It sounds like she just wanted you there for her to hear that she's "beautiful", when apparently she already knew that. Selfish trick.
A part of me wants to tell you what the other fellas have been telling you, to go out and poke a few girls. Another part of me wants to tell you to just chill with your boys for a bit and steer clear of the spatchels. I lost a lot of friends when I got in my current relationship almost 2 years ago. Everyone was happy for me but a lot of them stopped returning calls and such. Even though I'm extremely happy in my relationship, it hurts losing friends no matter the circumstance.
Of course you need to do what's best for you man! If that means laying around crying and masturbating, then you do it. We all deal with shitty situations differently.
First of all I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. It sounds like it's taken a toll on your mentally and I know that's rough. It sounds like she just wanted you there for her to hear that she's "beautiful", when apparently she already knew that. Selfish trick.
A part of me wants to tell you what the other fellas have been telling you, to go out and poke a few girls. Another part of me wants to tell you to just chill with your boys for a bit and steer clear of the spatchels. I lost a lot of friends when I got in my current relationship almost 2 years ago. Everyone was happy for me but a lot of them stopped returning calls and such. Even though I'm extremely happy in my relationship, it hurts losing friends no matter the circumstance.
Of course you need to do what's best for you man! If that means laying around crying and masturbating, then you do it. We all deal with shitty situations differently.
Thanks man. It really is greatly appreciated.
07-23-2010, 10:07 PM
#52
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
OP: Some thoughts from an old guy. 
When you've been hurt like this, it's just going to hurt until it doesn't. No magic pill, no shortcuts. But it will get better, know that. But situations like yours can teach you a lot. It's not a waste if you take something from it.
First lesson is that you teach people how to treat you. The minute she was bitchy to you and you took it, you taught her it's OK. If you run into the type that is inclined to be manipulative, being passive to bad bahavior towards you guarantees more of the same. Now everyone has bad moments, but patterns of bad behavior need to be addressed. She stops, or you move on.
Relationships are two way streets. You give to her, she gives to you. The perfect arrangement is when you put her interests ahead of yours, but then she does the same for you. When it happens in balance like that, that's when you have something. So lesson number two here is to recognize when that is not in balance. Sounds like you put her ahead of you, but she did not return it. Huge red flag.
Third - you can't be in a healthy relationship with someone else if you don't have a healthy view of yourself. You need to like you first, before you're in a place to have someone else share that. Don't even worry about women until you get a positive self image back. If you bring low self esteem into a relationship, you're just setting yourself up for more of the same. You've already been there, done that with this girl.
Fourth, don't ever, ever, ever, be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself (man or woman). Life is to short to waste time with people who bring you down. But people are funny - they hang on to these relationships out of loyalty or whatever, but they are wasting time investing in these people if there is nothing coming back to them. Be with people who build you up and rid yourself of people who don't.
Last point. Always see women for who they are, not who you want them to be in your head. Don't fall into this trap of always thinking she'll get better or some day be different. Always evaluate what's in front of you - what you observe. Look at actions, not words. Words are cheap. Actions require thought and investment.
Don't let her define who you are - you decide that. Don't spend another day beating yourself up over what happend. Every time you let a memory of her hold you back, she's abusing you all over again. She's done enough of that. She's had her turn. Your turn now. Go enjoy being 17.
Best of luck!
When you've been hurt like this, it's just going to hurt until it doesn't. No magic pill, no shortcuts. But it will get better, know that. But situations like yours can teach you a lot. It's not a waste if you take something from it.
First lesson is that you teach people how to treat you. The minute she was bitchy to you and you took it, you taught her it's OK. If you run into the type that is inclined to be manipulative, being passive to bad bahavior towards you guarantees more of the same. Now everyone has bad moments, but patterns of bad behavior need to be addressed. She stops, or you move on.
Relationships are two way streets. You give to her, she gives to you. The perfect arrangement is when you put her interests ahead of yours, but then she does the same for you. When it happens in balance like that, that's when you have something. So lesson number two here is to recognize when that is not in balance. Sounds like you put her ahead of you, but she did not return it. Huge red flag.
Third - you can't be in a healthy relationship with someone else if you don't have a healthy view of yourself. You need to like you first, before you're in a place to have someone else share that. Don't even worry about women until you get a positive self image back. If you bring low self esteem into a relationship, you're just setting yourself up for more of the same. You've already been there, done that with this girl.
Fourth, don't ever, ever, ever, be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself (man or woman). Life is to short to waste time with people who bring you down. But people are funny - they hang on to these relationships out of loyalty or whatever, but they are wasting time investing in these people if there is nothing coming back to them. Be with people who build you up and rid yourself of people who don't.
Last point. Always see women for who they are, not who you want them to be in your head. Don't fall into this trap of always thinking she'll get better or some day be different. Always evaluate what's in front of you - what you observe. Look at actions, not words. Words are cheap. Actions require thought and investment.
Don't let her define who you are - you decide that. Don't spend another day beating yourself up over what happend. Every time you let a memory of her hold you back, she's abusing you all over again. She's done enough of that. She's had her turn. Your turn now. Go enjoy being 17.
Best of luck!
Last edited by 1Louder; 07-23-2010 at 10:13 PM.
07-23-2010, 11:19 PM
#53
Moderator
iTrader: (3)
She was/is something else. I really just don't even have that much desire to go out and find someone else to be with or even to just mess around with right now. My mind is in a different place- a good place. Starting to get easier day by day. I've stopped ignoring her and we're on alright terms but I don't care to talk to her more than I have to. I've been hanging out with other friends and working on/cleaning my car obsessively. I just like being independent for once and not waking up, knowing I have to talk to some evil B who makes me feel like shit.
Thanks man. It really is greatly appreciated.
Thanks man. It really is greatly appreciated.
And you know I got you man! Hit me up anytime. My girlfriend read your post and she agrees with everything you have said. She thought it was pretty messed up what your ex was doing. Now you have two people supporting you. Hollllaaaaaaaaa
Edit: 1Louder that was an absolutely amazing post. I really enjoyed reading that. Even though I'm in a very healthy relationship, it's good to hear things like that. It makes me appreciate what I have
07-24-2010, 12:44 AM
#54
Currently Post-Acura
). Maybe while you're cleaning obsessively, keep a rag that you just used to clean your wheels with handy in case she she drops by and "has something on her face that you'll get for her"
07-24-2010, 11:14 PM
#55
I'm Craig
Thread Starter
iTrader: (2)
OP: Some thoughts from an old guy.
When you've been hurt like this, it's just going to hurt until it doesn't. No magic pill, no shortcuts. But it will get better, know that. But situations like yours can teach you a lot. It's not a waste if you take something from it.
First lesson is that you teach people how to treat you. The minute she was bitchy to you and you took it, you taught her it's OK. If you run into the type that is inclined to be manipulative, being passive to bad bahavior towards you guarantees more of the same. Now everyone has bad moments, but patterns of bad behavior need to be addressed. She stops, or you move on.
Relationships are two way streets. You give to her, she gives to you. The perfect arrangement is when you put her interests ahead of yours, but then she does the same for you. When it happens in balance like that, that's when you have something. So lesson number two here is to recognize when that is not in balance. Sounds like you put her ahead of you, but she did not return it. Huge red flag.
Third - you can't be in a healthy relationship with someone else if you don't have a healthy view of yourself. You need to like you first, before you're in a place to have someone else share that. Don't even worry about women until you get a positive self image back. If you bring low self esteem into a relationship, you're just setting yourself up for more of the same. You've already been there, done that with this girl.
Fourth, don't ever, ever, ever, be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself (man or woman). Life is to short to waste time with people who bring you down. But people are funny - they hang on to these relationships out of loyalty or whatever, but they are wasting time investing in these people if there is nothing coming back to them. Be with people who build you up and rid yourself of people who don't.
Last point. Always see women for who they are, not who you want them to be in your head. Don't fall into this trap of always thinking she'll get better or some day be different. Always evaluate what's in front of you - what you observe. Look at actions, not words. Words are cheap. Actions require thought and investment.
Don't let her define who you are - you decide that. Don't spend another day beating yourself up over what happend. Every time you let a memory of her hold you back, she's abusing you all over again. She's done enough of that. She's had her turn. Your turn now. Go enjoy being 17.
Best of luck!
When you've been hurt like this, it's just going to hurt until it doesn't. No magic pill, no shortcuts. But it will get better, know that. But situations like yours can teach you a lot. It's not a waste if you take something from it.
First lesson is that you teach people how to treat you. The minute she was bitchy to you and you took it, you taught her it's OK. If you run into the type that is inclined to be manipulative, being passive to bad bahavior towards you guarantees more of the same. Now everyone has bad moments, but patterns of bad behavior need to be addressed. She stops, or you move on.
Relationships are two way streets. You give to her, she gives to you. The perfect arrangement is when you put her interests ahead of yours, but then she does the same for you. When it happens in balance like that, that's when you have something. So lesson number two here is to recognize when that is not in balance. Sounds like you put her ahead of you, but she did not return it. Huge red flag.
Third - you can't be in a healthy relationship with someone else if you don't have a healthy view of yourself. You need to like you first, before you're in a place to have someone else share that. Don't even worry about women until you get a positive self image back. If you bring low self esteem into a relationship, you're just setting yourself up for more of the same. You've already been there, done that with this girl.
Fourth, don't ever, ever, ever, be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself (man or woman). Life is to short to waste time with people who bring you down. But people are funny - they hang on to these relationships out of loyalty or whatever, but they are wasting time investing in these people if there is nothing coming back to them. Be with people who build you up and rid yourself of people who don't.
Last point. Always see women for who they are, not who you want them to be in your head. Don't fall into this trap of always thinking she'll get better or some day be different. Always evaluate what's in front of you - what you observe. Look at actions, not words. Words are cheap. Actions require thought and investment.
Don't let her define who you are - you decide that. Don't spend another day beating yourself up over what happend. Every time you let a memory of her hold you back, she's abusing you all over again. She's done enough of that. She's had her turn. Your turn now. Go enjoy being 17.
Best of luck!
But people are funny - they hang on to these relationships out of loyalty or whatever, but they are wasting time investing in these people if there is nothing coming back to them. Be with people who build you up and rid yourself of people who don't.
I think that's exactly what you need to do man. Do some shit that you enjoy and gets your mind away from the drama that this bitch hangs over your head. I think no matter if you are in a relationship or not, that every once in a while you need some time to yourself. Even though my girlfriend and I are glued at the hip to each other, I'll get in a bad mood and just need a night to myself. After that, I'm much better. I think you permanently need a break from this girl and hopefully you start moving in the right direction.
And you know I got you man! Hit me up anytime. My girlfriend read your post and she agrees with everything you have said. She thought it was pretty messed up what your ex was doing. Now you have two people supporting you. Hollllaaaaaaaaa
Edit: 1Louder that was an absolutely amazing post. I really enjoyed reading that. Even though I'm in a very healthy relationship, it's good to hear things like that. It makes me appreciate what I have
And you know I got you man! Hit me up anytime. My girlfriend read your post and she agrees with everything you have said. She thought it was pretty messed up what your ex was doing. Now you have two people supporting you. Hollllaaaaaaaaa
Edit: 1Louder that was an absolutely amazing post. I really enjoyed reading that. Even though I'm in a very healthy relationship, it's good to hear things like that. It makes me appreciate what I have
I think it's awesome that you and your girlfriend can sit on Acurazine together. Takes a special girl to support your hobbies like that. Keep her around dude!
How long have you been together? That is what I would have suggested. Or get your mind off of that fiasco by getting something new for the car that keeps your attention, or go and just spend some money on yourself at the mall (well, that's what I'd do ). Maybe while you're cleaning obsessively, keep a rag that you just used to clean your wheels with handy in case she she drops by and "has something on her face that you'll get for her"
). Maybe while you're cleaning obsessively, keep a rag that you just used to clean your wheels with handy in case she she drops by and "has something on her face that you'll get for her" 
to the last part. I wish sometimes. Just trying to stay on somewhat decent terms. The last thing I want is to hate someone forever and always.
07-24-2010, 11:42 PM
#56
Your Friendly Canadian
Join Date: Dec 2007
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You don't have to hate her. Just realize that she isn't worth your time, which you seem to have
07-25-2010, 06:37 AM
#57
Moderator
iTrader: (3)
Thanks man. That's exactly what I've been doing- staying busy. I can't even begin to list everything I've done in the past week and all the people I've hung out with. Freedom.
I think it's awesome that you and your girlfriend can sit on Acurazine together. Takes a special girl to support your hobbies like that. Keep her around dude! How long have you been together?
I think it's awesome that you and your girlfriend can sit on Acurazine together. Takes a special girl to support your hobbies like that. Keep her around dude!
How long have you been together?She comes to all of my Acurazine meets with me, even when I drive up to Maryland and such. She plans on going to Import Alliance with me next year and it's an 8-hour drive west into TN. I can truly say that I'm in love with her and I can't picture myself with anyone else. No I don't love her just because of the car meets she attends, she does plenty more, but that's just one of the things. We both make sacrifices to keep each other happy and I think that's all part of a relationship.
It took me 19 years and plenty of fucked relationships to find her, but I finally did. That's the kind of attitude you need to have man. You'll find her, it just takes some longer than others. Until then, enjoy yourself and have fun
07-26-2010, 12:04 AM
#58
I'm Craig
Thread Starter
iTrader: (2)
It will be 2 years in November
She comes to all of my Acurazine meets with me, even when I drive up to Maryland and such. She plans on going to Import Alliance with me next year and it's an 8-hour drive west into TN. I can truly say that I'm in love with her and I can't picture myself with anyone else. No I don't love her just because of the car meets she attends, she does plenty more, but that's just one of the things. We both make sacrifices to keep each other happy and I think that's all part of a relationship.
It took me 19 years and plenty of fucked relationships to find her, but I finally did. That's the kind of attitude you need to have man. You'll find her, it just takes some longer than others. Until then, enjoy yourself and have fun
She comes to all of my Acurazine meets with me, even when I drive up to Maryland and such. She plans on going to Import Alliance with me next year and it's an 8-hour drive west into TN. I can truly say that I'm in love with her and I can't picture myself with anyone else. No I don't love her just because of the car meets she attends, she does plenty more, but that's just one of the things. We both make sacrifices to keep each other happy and I think that's all part of a relationship.
It took me 19 years and plenty of fucked relationships to find her, but I finally did. That's the kind of attitude you need to have man. You'll find her, it just takes some longer than others. Until then, enjoy yourself and have fun
I think I'm going to Import Alliance next year.
About five hours from Indianapolis here. Whether I'll be going alone or not? Only time can tell. 
I heard it's pretty awesome though.
07-26-2010, 07:13 AM
#59
Moderator
iTrader: (3)
That's so cool dude. She really sounds supportive of you and that's something a lot of girls don't get about guys- that they like it when interest is shown in their hobbies. Its also great when a girl understands how a guy's mind works. That they need their own space and time sometimes also. Something my ex didn't get at all.
I think I'm going to Import Alliance next year. About five hours from Indianapolis here. Whether I'll be going alone or not? Only time can tell.
I heard it's pretty awesome though.
I think I'm going to Import Alliance next year.
About five hours from Indianapolis here. Whether I'll be going alone or not? Only time can tell. I heard it's pretty awesome though.
I'm not trying to get your thread off topic and shit but I'll be going to IA next year. I should have gone this year but my finances weren't going to allow it. That would be awesome if you made the drive.
07-28-2010, 04:36 PM
#61
From what I've seen, it helps.
Hooking up and getting laid soon after a relationship is never a good thing. You're not thinking rationally, and once you do, you feel less confident in yourself. Avoiding it gives you time to take a step back and "recover", if you will.
Different strokes for different folks, this is just my
Hooking up and getting laid soon after a relationship is never a good thing. You're not thinking rationally, and once you do, you feel less confident in yourself. Avoiding it gives you time to take a step back and "recover", if you will.
Different strokes for different folks, this is just my
07-29-2010, 04:06 PM
#67
Moderator
iTrader: (3)
Nothing wrong with that man. Sometimes I need "me time" as well.
07-30-2010, 03:51 PM
#68
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
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