iSeeYouTwo

That must be a great feeling. You're definitely better off without either of them in your life. Go find yourself someone worth your time!

FiftyFive

Thanks! It did feel pretty good, problem is I'm gonna see this guy in the gym because we've been lifting partners as well for about 8 years. Oh well, I'll just ignore.

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

Hey, if you started out the relationship unsure of whether or not it was worth the trouble of dealing with a kid, and you figured out that she wasn't the girl for you in a 3 month span, you've got great luck!

Honestly, when the right girl comes around, you won't even think to start a thread like this (not that there's anything wrong with it, but you wouldn't even give it enough thought to make it)...even if she has 3 kids, isn't a good cook and is missing a leg. You'll love her and things will just work.

1st year of ANY relationship are tough, but as you're judging what you'll tolerate or mesh will, so are they with you. If you're still on the same page after that, as long as there's respect and communication, it "SHOULD" be smooth sailing as long as the foundation was friendship and not fucking. You eventually get tired of fucking everyone, you shouldn't ever get tired of being anyone's friend (unless THEY'RE fucking your girl... ). As time wears on with the right one though, all the bs "rules" you make for yourself kinda fade away and you allow yourself to actually care for the person.

Bah...my own babble about my own experiences.

FiftyFive

Not a babble at all, very well put. My first relationship was somewhat like that whole friendship to love thing and that lasted about 6 years and ended earlier this year. But I was ok with that cause I cared about her so much that I just wanted to see her happy.

This situation is something else, and I should have never really let her force the relationship thing on me because I'm the one that caught feelings and got hurt. What my ex-friend did was just downright dirty. But I have no problem losing people like that cause no one should have to put up with that shit.

Thanks again.

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

Anytime, man.

Well, honestly, I missed the thread originally and was going to add something about kids. I'm 33 now, but from 19 to 25 I played stepdad to 2 kids that thought I was their father (they're 15 and 17 now)...and prior to her I dated like 3 different girls with kids.

After the ex, I kinda got "suckered" into giving it a shot with a girl with a young kid again...and it fell apart very quickly, she was a nice girl, but the wounds ran deep over losing out on the kids from my ex and I vowed to not be a Dad again until I had my own. Anyway, thanks for listening, I didn't want to come across as preachy. I've found, the most passive you handle things and aim to be the good guy, the higher on your podium you can sit.

Let the gym spotter and this girl be the ones that have to feel uncomfortable, tuck their head in shame, and wonder how they could do that to such a cool headed and put together guy. And of course, not like anyone likes to hear it, but find solace in the fact that you're now free to find someone that'll likely love you for you. I did most of my mental/emotional growth from probably 25 to 30. Looks like that's exactly where you're at now.

FiftyFive

It's astonishing to me how true this is, like I didn't really think about it until now, wow. And yea, I'll keep my head held high and not worry about how they feel. Thanks for the words again.

And the sense of freedom knowing I got out of something that could of turned out very bad pretty earlier is gratifying.

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

Indeed, and if you tell someone younger that, they'll tell you you're full of shit. Ironic, but the older I get, the more I realize how little I've known in the past. I sometimes think about how I handled situations and think it must have been a different person and not me.

Like I've told myself and others...I'd rather have the excitement of the unknown (think about the day someone walks into a book store and strikes up a convo that leads to a relationship with Jessica Alba or Mila Kunis...) than guaranteed unhappiness.

Happy is a choice, and happy should be easy. First alone, then with someone else. Hone your hobbies! Gym it up, take up archery or mountain biking (CT biking is probably a lot better than South Florida) or gunslinging.

Have a great nice, man.

J.

Scottman111

Dang Fifty, that's rough. You've had some bad luck (I remember some of your old threads).

Good luck with everything, you'll be fine.

FiftyFive

Yea just gotta keep moving forward.

Dr. Colorado

+1. Bros before hos.

Definitely. The emotional investment after 6 months to 1 year would have made the breakup way more difficult. Better that you nipped it in the bud. Shit, be thankful she didn't give you herpes or genital warts. What kind of slut bangs your boy out 2 days after breaking up with you?

LMAO, sloppy seconds. Hate to say this but she was prolly already banging him out or at least sucking his dick before you two ended it. Chicks like that are always trying to climb the ladder and look for the next best thing.

FiftyFive

Well we were dating for about 6 months so there was some emotional investment, at least on my part. It does feel good to let this slut go but a part of me still hurts just a little, just like how the hell could she do this to me.

I wouldn't be surprised if they were doing something in the weeks before we split, but sluts gonna slut. And it's funny I don't normally toot my own horn but this guy really has nothing on me, oh well. Pretty soon I'm sure she'll be on to the next and he will realize how fucked up he was.

Dr. Colorado

Yeah man, I hear you. I haven't experienced a situation like yours (that I'm aware of) but as bad as it is go through a painful breakup, to have your workout boy of 8 years fuck you over as well is brutal. It takes 2 to tango so I look at both parties being equally culpable. Just be happy it was 6 months and not 6 years. She should have been extra nice to you with how open-minded and cooperative you were being with her kid. Kick your boy to the curb and don't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging one of his texts or calls. Next time you run into him at the gym, look through him like he's invisible. Ignoring him and moving on with your life is for the best. It's hard to trust people when events like this happen involving those who are close to you.

FiftyFive

Yea back in March I went through a 6 year breakup lol, totally over that when I got into this though. Yea, she should've been but she has issues. And yea my boy has texted me a few times but I haven't replied and don't plan to. I will look straight through him if I see him in the gym tomorrow. Both sides hurt me, and i hold both responsible, so both are out of my life for good.

sixsixfour

Bros before hos.

I'd never screw over a bro over a girl. Im the kind of person who has no problem ex-communicating anyone who screws me over, I only have so much time and I wont waste it on people who dont give me the respect I deserve.

Im glad you found this all out this early on. let them dwell on the consequences of their mistakes. Wish you the best man. You'll find the right one for you.

FiftyFive

Thanks for the words, really thanks everyone. All these replies definitely help.

Dr. Colorado

+1, that's Man Code 101 pretty much. I banged out this flight attendant and knew from before that she had briefly dated a friend of a friend. Some dude I didn't even know his last name or what he did for a living but had seen him at the club once in awhile. I ran into him at a Sunday afternoon pool party on the hill and asked him straight up if it was cool. He seriously looked shocked that I had taken the initiative to check with him first, since we weren't close at all. Gave me his blessing and it was all good. Sure enough, that chick came and went, but when I still run into him there's no drama.

Another time, ran into this Japanese chick with huge bolt ons at the White Party. My boys and I ended up going to some karaoke bar and I had my hand down this chick's panties palming her ass. I was all set to take her back to my crib when she told me she had been divorced a few years back. Turns out she was the ex-wife of one of my acquaintances, again just some dude I knew from the club. Since she was single, she had gotten the bolt ons and was all dolled up so I didn't even recognize her LOL. Dropping her off at her condo gave me the worst case of blue balls ever but I honestly felt super bad for the dude. She had a TRO against him, there was some gnarly custody battle over the kid. Monday morning I called him up first thing and told him it was my bad and I didn't recognize his ex-wife. He was surprised to get the call, thanked me for manning up, and invited me out for drinks the next weekend.

Karma is a bitch, this slut and your Benedict Arnold boy will get what's coming to them.

All good, getting some fresh poon will speed your recovery. Doctor's orders LOL.

FiftyFive

You sound like a good person for doing all that for just acquaintances, this was one of my closest friends and he was trying to hide it from me, shameful. I'm actually starting to talk to another chick again I was talking to before I got into all this mess.

Dr. Colorado

Props for keeping your chin up and moving forward in life. Keep us updated on your progress

FiftyFive

So went to the gym tonight, actually walked right passed my ex as she was leaving, didn't even look in her direction. When I got in I saw my ex-friend and didn't pay any attention and just did what I had to do. He texted my other lifting partner who is a friend from high school that I am very very close with, they are friends as well. He said he wanted to sit down and talk with me tonight and that I should throw him a bone.

He said that we are all he had and that he can't lose me as a friend, I just told my friend that he should've thought of that before.

I come home and there is a bottle of vodka and a bottle of bacardi on my doorstep that I know he left. I put them in a bag and threw them in the closet. This guy is really bumming hard, too bad.. shouldn't have fucked me over.

Scottman111

So is your ex normally at the gym, or was she there with him?

FiftyFive

Normally there

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

Nice that he guy is remorseful, too bad he didn't think more before he acted

sixsixfour

dont give in man. he should have thought about the consequences about screwing your bro over a broad.

FiftyFive

Oh I'm not. I'm done with that friendship.

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

I dated a friend of mine's ex once...but we talked about it beforehand and he ended up giving me a thumbs up on it. He said he knew I wasn't a dog and was ok with it. When it didn't work out with her...I felt like a total tool about it. I shouldn't have even put him in that position. I'm sure it was awkward for him. Lucky for me we're both progressive thinkers and not the jealous types because we were able to keep the friendship.

Still, dumb move on my part.

J.

FiftyFive

Yea, it just isn't worth it. This kid didn't even have the courtesy to tell me. I had to literally push it out of him a week later after I had a stupid gut feeling, which are usually right btw.

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

Courtesy is everything, my friend.

FiftyFive

So the guy texted me today and said he respects the fact that I want space from the whole situation but that he wanted to talk..

I replied with: "I appreciate the effort but honestly there is nothing to talk about. Sorry."

He replied: "That's from him"

I'm assuming he made a mistake and meant to send that to my ex but he sent it to me instead.

Then he said: "I understand there isn't anything to talk about..but a good friendship was ruined over a senseless act which I will take full responsibility for but wasn't the driver for"

I know they have been seeing each other a lot since this whole thing happened.

I haven't replied anything yet but just wanted to say something like "it takes two to tango" or "I'm not naive" or whatever. However, I have never been in this situation before (and never thought I would be, to be honest) and wanted some external input before saying anything.

sixsixfour

"it takes two to tango" is all there is to say. they both knew full well what they did. its too simple that you dont really need to overthink it.

the guy broke the "bros before hos" code and she stabbed you in the back. in my world there is a special place in hell for those people.

FiftyFive

Yea, I think I'm over-thinking it when in reality, I don't want to waste any time thinking about it. Sent. Thanks.

TLDude876

iTrader: (7)

Just don't reply

FiftyFive

Yea, was thinking that too but felt I should say something in regards to his actions because knowing my ex she is just telling him to blame it all on her which is what he is trying to do. I'm not dumb and I don't want him to think for a minute that I am actually contemplating doing that, he fucked me over more than she did, he was my boy, she was a slut. You live and you learn!

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

Tell him to go fuck himself.

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

What did he end up replying with "it takes 2"? Honestly, that is kinda fkn hilarious that he texted you his forward to her by accident.

You should have replied to THAT text with "and this is from 'him' too" and attached a photo of your cock. See where it goes from there...

FiftyFive

Haha, yea I got a little of a chuckle out of that. He didn't reply yet, and honestly I hope he doesn't cause I'm not replying anymore, waste of time.

That would be hilarious..

rockstar143

iTrader: (6)

or if you'd rather not send your friend your actual one, send a huge black one you find on the internet. Why is being childish and vengeful so much fun and always feel like the right thing to do until later when you realize it's never the right thing to do.



Hey, at least I made you chuckle! It is the holidays season, after all!

FiftyFive

Lol, very true.

I replied, "It takes two to tango, just leave it."

He replied simply with my name.

Not responding.

TLDude876

iTrader: (7)

^ good call

1StGenCL

Wow, sorry to hear about this update. I know we all (including myself) joked about it but I know break ups suck and really hurt. On the plus side like someone else mentioned, I also really grew up a lot from 25 to 28 in terms of relationships and learned not to be so nice.

Sure, I am nice to the current girl and do anything for her but a few years of getting back to me and banging a few girls at a time, really taught me a lot. Now, break ups don't seem so bad and I could easily break it off with this girl if I saw all the warning signs that I would have chosen to ignore in the past.

Whole point of that little story, this seems to have made you stronger and while some of our advise was a bit harsh and over the top, there was some truth to some of it and hopefully it will help you in the next relationship.

Good luck and just ignore both of them, nothing hurts more.

FiftyFive

Yea, I am definitely realizing a maturation of my "love" life in the last couple of years. I'm able to deal with things with a better perspective and while it stung for a little, I can say that I'm over it. Thanks for the words!