Ruby

Hello Azine. Me and my girlfriend have been together now for almost 2 1/2 years and lived together for pretty much all of it. I'll start out with the good before I get into the bad. We have a lot in common. We both are car enthusiasts and we both enjoy the same kind of activities. My family seems to like her. She has a good sense of humor. When things are going good we really have a good time.

Now the bad. She is very insecure. Part of the reason for this is I was caught in a lie early on in the relationship. I told her that I had no past with a female friend of mine (who happened to be my dental hygienist) and she went through my old deleted emails and discovered sexual emails and found out that we used to fool around. But after that I have not done anything else or lied to her in ANY way. Another thing is she doesn't do enough around the house. (cooking or cleaning). I work fulltime plus overtime and she works part time and is in school for medical assisting. I don't expect miracles, but it is very evident she just doesn't care about upkeep much. For example my Mom gave her a nice plant and even when I remind her to water it, she lets it die. I even got her fertilizer for the damn thing. She is also very insecure and doesn't take criticism AT ALL. For a while now it has been getting really rough. Always arguing about every little thing. It doesn't take much to set her off. I took her out to our favorite place yesterday hoping that she would be loving towards me but she didn't really to hold my hand or hug me. Intimacy has been on the decline lately as well. (Something that has very much tapered off compared to in the past.) I'm 29 years old now and she is 26. I'm getting to the point in my life where I'd like to start a family sometime soon. But I sure as heck am not going to do it if this is how it is gonna be. Also, I used to have a best friend who is female. Due to her jealousy and accusations I thought it was best to stop talking to my best friend...It has been about a year since I have talked to her and most likely lost her as a friend. I feel like I am at a crossroads here. I told her how I felt and she acknowledges that we have been pretty rough lately. it is also worth noting that we have have come close to breaking up before. She told me to think about it and she will too and we will come to a decision. I thought she was the perfect girl for me and that we could over come and obstacle, but we keep trying and failing. I feel like we may not be compatible for each other. Thats pretty much the gist of it. What do you guys think?

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

is she overweight?

does she take medication for depression or anxiety?

sounds like she is pretty set in her ways and isn't open to change.

also need pics before we go any further here.

Ken1997TL

Leave.

She's insecure, something she needs to fix and it shouldn't be on your time. It could very well be who she is as a person for the rest of her life.

Find someone else more compatible.

oo7spy

It seems as though everything needs to be put on the table, everything. Both of you need to sit down and explain to each other how you view the situation, what is hurting each of you most, and agree on how you are going to move forward. It is important that both of you are heard completely, and this can be the tricky part given that y'all are prone to arguments at the moment. One way to get around that is to each write down on your own paper everything you want to say. Then each of you gets a chance to read EVERYTHING written before either of you discuss the material or any counterpoints. Usually, situations like this can get hung up on insignificant details before the big picture can be realized. If you can do this, come up with reasonable solutions, and follow through, then I think there is a chance. If this can't be done, forget about marriage. You have to walk before you waste more time without the family you deserve.

Ruby

Yes, she is overweight. She has gained some weight since we've met but she is trying to lose it. I think also she is stressed about that and school and work issues also.

007, that's something that we have done. We are good about communication and she knows exactly what would make me happy but she just doesn't see it my way no matter how often we talk about it. Like I said, we have gone through this before and she said she will work on it but here we go again. No change...

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

if she isnt right for you, she isnt right...

hope you come to a sound decision

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

Move on

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

people fear change. most do not willingly change. change is a scary thing for a lot of us, especially ones that are already insecure and very stuck in their ways.

sounds like it's not like she doesn't want to change, it's just that she doesn't know how to.

i'd pack up and move on, but then again none of us really know your situation like the both of you do.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

I lived with a girl that was very similar to your girl, I gave her the boot 3 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did

oo7spy

It sounds to me like she is dealing with depression. If she means enough to you to stick it through AND SHE'S WILLING, you could try getting her counseling. However, if she doesn't want to change deep down, it's futile.

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

^that's why i asked about medication

Undying Dreams

iTrader: (3)

Fuck, everywhere I look, relationship problems. I feel your pain, OP.

I wish you luck but it sounds like things are coming to an end.

I should know, I'm the insecure one in the relationship I did have.



Being insecure sucks, you're constantly worry about your significant other and in doing so it ruins your relationship.

Who knows if I can ever get over it. It is horrible feeling and unfair to your partner (in this case, you).

Like I said, good luck to the both of you.

oo7spy

I understand this likely won't help you, but ^there's your problem. Reality is what you make of it. There are positives and negatives in every single thing that happens. Choosing to focus on one over the other will determine your outlook. If you choose to see them, there are just as many positive relationships in the same places you are already looking.

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

^yerp.

you only see what you want to see. if you're feeling bad about losing someone, you're gonna end up seeing bad shit at every turn. (or happy couples that make you feel like a turd bc you're alone)

put some spin on it and try and see the bright side of life.

Ruby

Guys thanks for all the wise words I really appreciate it. I still have a glimmer of hope. We saw each other today and she said she loves me more than anything and cried and said we can lay it all out and talk about our issues and try to over come them. (again) I feel like i'm on a merry go round here...I really don't want to end it, its just that for some reasons we can't overcome the problems we have. I still think there is some life left in this relationship though..Gonna have a deep talk tonight. Thanks again guys..

Undying Dreams

iTrader: (3)

I wish you the best of luck. I wish I had that option.

Sometimes you have to really think about whether they are worth it or not. Don't skip anything, cover everything.

YeuEmMaiMai

Obvoiusly you thought it was worth it to shack up with her so why not deal with the problems that you helped create by lieing to her in the first place? (I am sure there is more to this than what we are getting)

When you cheat or hide stuff from a girl in a relationship, they will do what it take to it well and they will not trust you for a long time.

TheChamp531

iTrader: (3)

Just be straight up with her and with how you feel. Basically tell her the same thing you told us. If she doesn't like it, tell her you can't continue with this relationship anymore. If she is willing to listen, stay with her and try to support her. If she tries to improve, but still ends up doing things that agonizes you then dump her.

I will NEVER lose one of my best friends (that's a chick) for a girlfriend. If she can't understand that then its over.

Acura_Dude

This stuck out to me big time. My ex used to say that all the time (high school sweetheart). I stuck it out and we had a kid (while im in college). Long story short I had to fight for my daughter (im the custodial parent) and to this day I can't stand my ex, don't like gettin texts, vm, or phone calls from her, and they're all about my child. I don't even like talking to her when I have my child, but we tolerate each other because of our child. She always said I'll change, I'll work on it, blah blah, etc and then she left me when she was pregnant an used the child against. My daughter will be 2 in Oct and i missed the 1st yr of her life. The ex's family was in on it as well. My situation is different than yours, but the reason I brought this up is ppl can do a 180 on, but if you're like me an you see the red flags, it could be a lot worse, especially if you two have kids. I would've never thought I'd be a single dad dealing with a crazy ex (and i mean crazy) and my child would have to grow up in 2 different homes. When the ex became physical when we got into arguments over our child that's when things started get real serious and we haven't been together in over 2 yrs.

BTW I have quite a few bestfriends, males and females. I make it clear with each r'ship the female bestfriends aint going ANYWHERE (some are literally childhood friends from elementary school). They where there before and will be there after the next gf. And if my next gf has a BFF who's a guy, I'm ok with that. He was there before me and he'll more than likely be there after me. Gotta have trust.

Just think it through talk about it, and if there's no hope, let her go.

TLDude876

iTrader: (7)

I used to be in a similar situation, went on for over a year and I finally walked a few weeks ago. I can tell you this much, the insecurity will never end.

1Louder

Being "compatible" starts a relationship, it does not sustain it over time. So if you're staying just because of that, it's really not the right reason. You'll be compatible with lots of other women.

What a relationship needs to survive is a willingness on both parties to act unselfishly toward each other. Very simple to say, hard to do. Because it's not our nature to be unselfish. It takes effort.

Her unwillingness to trust you is selfish - she's looking out for herself by keeping a barrier up. The fact she won't talk it out like an adult is also selfish - she wants the drama to be about her so she can hold the cards. So is her unwillingness to chip in around the house. By the way, in all fairness you withholding the truth back then was also selfish. So there are some patterns here.

The reason your relationship isn't healing is because you are likely repairing short-term behaviors and not fixing the underlying problem, which is the attitude you may be taking toward each other. Is it two people out for themselves living under one roof, or two people out for each other building a life together? It's really not about plants and chores. It's about whether you can put her best interests ahead of yours, and she do the same for you. IMHO, from what you wrote she doesn't seem up to the task. After two plus years if she's not past that stuff, then some real changes have to be made or you'll be riding the roller coaster for two and half more. And it will end how you think it will.

Best of luck -

Undying Dreams

iTrader: (3)

David, that sounds so rough I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm glad things are looking better for you.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

thats because she was crazy.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

This

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

Acura_Dude

Ruby hope you get it all figured out ASAP.

Thanks bro.

Justn you're cray cray.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

oo7spy

Dat bish cray.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

What she order fish fillet?

Mr Marco

gluck

Majofo

In all honesty OP, I'm going to have to see nudes first to give my sound advice.

oo7spy

Fixed.

Majofo

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

i'm gonna wager a guess and say she isn't FAT FAT, just probably could stand to lose a good 30 lbs or so.

Majofo

Sexercise..

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

^yeah but they're not having sex right now.

Majofo

It was a suggestion.. 2 birds, 1 nut

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

1StGenCL

Didn't read all the responses but RUN! Like everyone else said, the insecurities will not go away. As long as you are there to comfort her and tell her she isn't fat and you aren't cheating, she will continue to be insecure. I have def. been there and by far the best choice I have ever made was too leave but damn it was hard at the time.

Good Luck

a good 30 lbs to loose is F A T

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

^not really. that just sounds ignorant.

when i think FAT. i think FAT, not just a little overweight.