spidey07

no, they don't work like that. Much easier to just string you along until she finds somebody she wants. In fact if there is any chance of you getting back together at all (highly unlikely, once its called off its off) then completely ignoring her and doing you own thing is the best course of action.

As long as she knows you'll be a complete pussy whipped tool it ain't gonna happen. Nobody likes or let alone loves somebody who kisses their ass all the time and won't stand up for themselves.

JimmyCarter

Switch it around.

If you wanted to see what else was out there, would you tell her that and risk being alone in a few months while she's moved on to someone new?

Or would you say "I need a break but I think we'll get back together" so that she'd hang on just long enough for you to play the field a bit and see if the grass really is greener without risking any loss on your part.

The quickest way to find out what she's really thinking is to show up with a new girl in your life and see how she reacts. She can't fault you for it either, since she's the one who wanted the break up.

spidey07

didn't edit fast enough..

-edit- and for all of us telling you this its because everybody has been through it. "I need some space" or "we need to take a break" = I want to screw around and still have you as an emotional backup without any commitment. So you'll no the next time a woman gives you this BS you can just calmly say "I understand. There can be no breaks or space, either we are together or we are not. I find that you even considering this has completely undermined my respect for you and our relationship. Have a nice life. CYA. Please don't ever contact me again as I deserve somebody who knows what they want in a mate."

Amoeba

This is all making sense and im seriously considering that this may be the truth in this situation.

Also look at it this way and tell me if I'm crazy,

We've had an amazing four years together. Last year we were seperated because of high school/college and managed just fine. In october of last year I told her about a mistake I made two years kissing a girl for a sec while i was drunk. I have made mistakes in the past but i've grown up quite a bit. Since the beginning of the summer when she came up to take classes at UF with me until now there has been constant paranoia from both sides and conflict.

Now is it possible that she is taking this break to stop the fighting and unhappiness hoping that the break off will make us both cool down and more appreciative of each other when we get back together (hypothetically). At this point that is what I'm not sure about.

JimmyCarter

My only thought towards this is similar to what spidey said: if someone is really interested in making things work out they wouldn't "break-up" to do it.

The only time you "break-up" is so you don't feel guilty about moving on. This way she can say "well, we weren't dating at the time" if she finds someone new.

Amoeba

i also agree with that, but she said she did the break up because thats the only way she could get me to try and change the things that ive been doing wrong since i would realize i may never get her back

spidey07

Whoah there. Save your self the heartache and let this one go. So she is causing you pain to change you?

For all that is holy...

MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn man...seriously. She's dead to you now. Just don't ever talk to her again.

-edit- and for the really hard thing that you really need to hear....

If you're really willing to put up with this kind of manipulation and pain then you deserve every ounce of abuse she is going to dish out to you.

Doc Holiday

Honestly, after reading all of this, if she was the one for you, and she felt that you were the ONE for her, she wouldn't be rude to you and such. Also, she wouldn't need to break up to work things out with you. Just let it go, if she comes back, then you know she is the one, if not, time to put it behind you and move on. 4 years is a long time, people change, and she probably thinks she is ready to move on, and so should you...

Amoeba

none of you think its worth waiting a few weeks and see what she decides, because thats what im gonna do.

JimmyCarter

And if nothing's changed in a few weeks will you wait a few more? And a few more after that? Every day you wait secures you in her mind as the "fallback" guy who'll always be willing to give her another shot. No girl should make you feel that way.

As soon as you get a new girl on your side the ball is immediately in her court and she'll be forced to give you an actual answer instead of bullshitting around.

Amoeba

yea but another girl would mean that she would be over with me, because i didnt have the patience to wait a little. the whole situation sucks and its hard

Mike 350Z

I understand what you're going thru is very hard, ive been there about 50 times. But the best thing you can do for yourself is just ignore her for a while, and pretend she doesn't exist. You don't have to go find a new girl asap, just hang with your boys or do whatever to take your mind off of her. If, by ignoring her, she realizes you've finally manned up, she'll probably stop trying to use you as an emotional fallback. Or she'll go apeshit and try to get you back. Either way she's an emotional wreck who needs a TON of attention because she can't be happy otherise.

Bottom line: man up, forget about her and move on. Don't let some girl turn you into a female yourself.

Amoeba

you know all of this has made me think a lot, and if she really was tihnking about getting back together in a month or so she probably wouldnt limit talking to once a day for a second on the phone and then just in classes. It is all starting to add up

Amoeba

Heres the thing on why this hurts so so much:

For more than a year now I've always thought that she would be the one. We were great together have the same interests always got along etc. We spoke about the future and how we both wanted to get married etc, because everything felt so right Ever since I told her about the stupid kissing thing which is so dumb things have never been the same. I still see her as the one i want to be in my future and knowing that this relationship may very well be over is killing me.

CrockPot

you're 19, you don't even know what "the one" actually entails yet. don't mean to sound cruel, but most of us have been there at your age, and gone through similar tales of woe. just try and trust us on this. put it behind you and move on. there will be plenty of other women in your life that will treat you with respect...no more grovelling.

Amoeba

You dated someone for 4 years by the time you were 19?

JJ4Short

Listen to Jimmy and listen to this

Don't go try to find love, just someone to fuck and get your self esteem up
hit the gym
Work on whatever is making you a jealous prick, if you are unconfident about your body make it better, your school...study harder, money...get a better job

Until you figure it out you will keep repeating this cycle with every girl you date after this

You need to get to the point where you feel this bitch is lucky to have me

Amoeba

I'm not even that jealous, i had reasons to be mad because other guys took to agressive of an approach. Im not unconfident, i think im a good looking kid but i just never get many looks from girls because i guess im just shy. my body is fine its just that im 5 8 which sucks. i got a 3.95 gpa and got plenty of money, none of that is an issue. I just dont want to let go of her yet.

CrockPot

age doesn't have to be exact, but the point is that many have had a first love/infatuation at a young age, only to have to contend with the eventual demise of that relationship.

Amoeba

Yea if I don't start a convo with her she wont speak with me, i am beginning to see where this is heading, just never expected it, and especially not at the time she did.

Amoeba

i just got a long voicemail from her being all happy and telling me about her swim test and how the pool on campus is so nice and we should do laps and stuff and to call her back. This whole thing is very confusing

thatguy

visit me at ASU and i'll show you some hot bitches. you should move on.

Titand19

She can't talk because she doing to town on some new cock. Think about this from a business point of view.

You are wasting time and money.
This will only fuck with your mind and interfere with your life.
If I had money I would buy you a quality escort to show you what Gf's are really good for.

Move you NEW POON TIME

Doc Holiday

Just like how JC and others have said, the reason why we say not to wait around, is cause we have been there before. And it all resulted in the same way, one less peice of ass you'll be hittin. So grow some balls and move on, cause she has.

Mike 350Z

You should have put that in bold instead of white.

Bareback

I did and the same shit happened to me - well sort of - I thought like you she is the love of my life. And probably was for the time we were together - she decided she wanted something different and went for it. Man we were only 20, at the time felt like we were 30, you know thinking about marriage and all that. But the truth is the timing was all wrong - feelings were there for the wrong reasons - insecurity and the need to be a part of something more. Maybe you don't want to play the field cause you had a good thing - but that thing is gone. You'll probably get a call saying she was wrong and she wants you back - but it won't last. You'll end up getting screwed again and this time you'll be bitter and act like an ass (rightly so). I went on a vacation after we broke up with some buddies got laid (15 times (7 different girls) in 2 weeks BEST time of my life) I was indifferent towards getting back together with her - I know I can get better - hell I did. She even wanted pick me up at the airport and I told it's over, don't you know I don't need you. The big picture is to get on your own feet and move on - find someone else - find things to keep you busy.

Just to give you an idea i met up with this ex of mine about 15 years later and she now feels bad the way she ended it and treated me, and said she has been thinking of me over the years. Even thoughts of getting back together. (I thought about a one night more with her (for a second)- but it wasn't worth it) - time healed my wounds and I got off my ass and did things for myself - got my Masters' and got a great job and wife and now have a kid. Seriously you need to get over this and keep yourself busy. Good Luck.

Amoeba

I don't want to move on because each situation is unique and don't really know how she feels. Each day there is less and less conversation between us so I think she is slowly phasing me out. It sucks but theres not much that can be done at this point except to try and stop thinking about her.

Bareback

Man you really need to move on, you said it yourself she is phasing you out... Get out of it before you do something stupid - like buying her things and stocking her...

Bareback

Yes every situation is "unique" that's the beauty of it - you will find someone else that you can further grow with and believe it or not you'll get a lot more with each relationship.

JJ4Short

Keep making excuses for her
Wait for her to do what she needs to do (suck some dick, fuck some guys)
Then when she is sad and lonely you 2 can make up
That is until she gets happy again then back to sucking other guys dick
But she won't have to worry she has you as insurance

Amoeba

if she hooks up with anyone during this even though we arent technically going out and then she finds out that i meant more to her than she thought, i dont think i would be able to take her back, maybe way into the future but not now.

JJ4Short

OMG stop being a bitch and go fuck someone else

rise

in 2 years you'll be giving the same advice to soopa's lil bro or something. don't worry about it. go download some porn, and go do some things that you didnt really get to do while you were with her.

Amoeba

i hate to admit it but i think you guys are right i called her earlier and she didnt pick up and then never called me back, shes been online for a while and hasnt said a word. If she really wanted to be with me in the future she wouldnt be totally ignoring me.

Amoeba

Alright well she just told me tomorrow after the football game that we need to meet just me and her, so we will see how this turns out.

Bareback

Don't get your hopes up - you will be setting yourself up!

moeronn

One of the truest piece of relationship advice from a movie

CrockPot

take the initiative, and break up with her.

rise

yeah, tell her you are fucking someone else, see how she reacts.

Bareback

Watch SWINGERS