Beemed back to the wild days of youth (BMW 135i)
#1
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Beemed back to the wild days of youth (BMW 135i)
By Jeremy Clarkson
![](http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00259/Motoring-STM30CLARK_259778a.jpg)
http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/tol...cle3103294.ece
![](http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00259/Motoring-STM30CLARK_259778a.jpg)
When I was growing up, and it wasn’t that long ago, we had electricity for only three days a week, we drove cars that wouldn’t start, we used rats to take away rubbish, and dead bodies, and a cup of tea was considered a luxury good.
And now we spool forward 30 years to find that round where I live there are women with crisp shirts and nice hair who make a living by decorating other people’s Christmas trees.
Don’t you find that amazing? That someone has persuaded a bank manager that there is a demand for such a thing, let alone such a volume of demand that it would overcome the extremely seasonal nature of the business? I can only presume that they charge £25,000 per tree.
Mind you, £25,000 these days is nothing. I know someone who paid that for a pair of binoculars. And £25,000 for a gun is considered good value. In just 30 years, then, Britain has been transformed from the Old Kent Road into Mayfair, the Community Chest and the entire bank.
And I was there when it all began. The year was 1982 and the place was Fulham. Specifically, Parsons Green, and, even more specifically, my local. The White Horse.
When I started drinking there, it was a painter and decorator’s pub and everyone drank stout. If you’d have strolled in and asked for a vodka, your head would have been kicked in before they’d got the rust off the optics. But then along came the privatisation of British Telecom and all of a sudden everyone had £200.
It was the start. The White Horse was given wooden blinds and leather sofas, and friends of mine started dropping in after a day at work with enough money in their pockets to buy a house. One, a chap called Johnny who had an earring and a Ford Capri, suddenly remembered he was the Earl of Dumfries.
I think in my youth a City bonus was a chicken drumstick or some luxury crackers from Boots. But as Mrs Thatcher ran around privatising the water and the gas and the air, all of a sudden people starting getting enough each Christmas to buy an estate in Scotland. Or a small country in the Caribbean.
They were great times. Exciting times. Times when you felt anything was possible and that all you needed to become a billionaire was an idea. Any idea would do. I started writing about cars for local newspapers. Another mate came up with wheelie-bin cosies. Others bought and sold houses. And as all these businesses flew, it had a profound effect on the cars we all drove.
In the early days of the change, you couldn’t really go to the White Horse unless you had a Golf GTI. Preferably in Lhasa green with a splash of Val d’Isère mud up the side. There is no modern-day equivalent to this phenomenon. You lived in Fulham back then. You had one. It was that simple.
But then, as the bonuses got bigger, people started upgrading to the BMW 323i.
God, it was a good car. With its dainty pillars and uncomplicated styling, it was in many ways indistinguishable from a Ford Cortina. But unlike any Ford of the period, it started, it cost a bloody fortune and it went like stink.
And because it was rear-wheel drive, something with which the GTI brigade was unfamiliar, it was ever so easy to crash. This not only gave you something exciting to talk about in what had now become known as the Sloaney Pony, but it also gave you the opportunity to replace it with a 325i, which was even better.
This cost even more, but the amount of stuff it didn’t come with was astonishing. No, really. There was no radio and you had to wind the windows down by hand. It was just a light body and a big engine. And we all loved it more than we loved our genitals.
Sadly, since then, the 3-series has grown into middle age. It’s become fatter and bigger and slower. Deep down, a modern 3-series is still balanced and wondrous, but the excitement, the fizz, the thrill of those early cars is gone. Buried under a ton and a half of technology and kit.
Of course, because the 3-series became so enormous, BMW was able to launch the 1-series beneath it in the lineup. And that would have been fine but unfortunately it was styled by the same chap who did Corporal Jones’s butcher’s van in Dad’s Army. Even Queen Victoria would call it old-fashioned, with its sit-up-and-beg stance, its almost vertical windscreen and those idiotic swoops on the flanks.
All of this would have been only mildly annoying if it was thrilling to drive and more spacious inside than an art gallery. But it isn’t. The boot is microscopic, the rear legroom is suitable only for people who haven’t been born yet and the big-selling diesel is about as much fun as herpes. If this car were a person, it would be Piers Morgan.
Now, though, BMW has given its baby hatchback a boot to create what it calls the coupé, and frankly that looks like a recipe for even more calamity and disaster. Booted hatchbacks never work. You need only look at what happened when VW turned the Golf into the Jetta to know I’m right.
And then you have only to look at the 1-series coupé to know I’m wrong. It is by no stretch of the imagination a pretty car. But neither is it offensive. Which means it has exactly the same non-styling-driven appeal of the early 1980s 323i.
What’s more, the version I tested came with a big 3 litre twin-turbo six under the bonnet. That’s 306bhp, and that’s good too.
Step inside and it gets better.
You get the bare minimum of kit. Just a big, fat, chunky wheel, a snickety-snick six-speed manual box and, er, a rear-view mirror. I had hope in my heart as I set off; hope that, after 25 years, BMW was back in business making small, fast, simple sports saloons.
It is. Initially the brakes feel too sharp, but after a mile or so you adapt your driving style to suit and then you can sit back and revel in the joy of it all. The ride is perfectly judged; firm but not so taut that it pops your eyes out on every cat’s-eye. And on a motorway it settles down to be nicely on the right side of comfortable. The seats are bang-on, as is the driving position.
But it’s the engine that impresses most of all. It has one small turbo to spin up the instant you apply the power, and then a bigger one that trundles into life later to keep the power coming . . . in bigger and bigger lumps. This, and there’s no other way of saying it, is a great engine. A masterpiece. It doesn’t zing like the BMW straight-sixes of old but there’s so much muscle you don’t notice.
Then you leave the motorway and the road gets twisty and it’s like settling into your favourite armchair. The steering, the feel, the way you can adjust your line through the bend with the throttle. There is no other car made today in this sector of the market that gets even close. If you love driving, this is up there in a class of one.
Of course, a Mitsubishi Evo or a Subaru Impreza will grip more and slingshot you from bend to bend with more urgency, but if you prefer a more flowing style - less grip and more handling – then you would be better off with the little Beemer.
Faults. Well, the rear legroom is a squeeze, and it’s not what you’d call cheap. With no extras at all it squeaks in at under £30,000, but add one or two bits and it’ll shoot up to £34,000. That’s a lot.
Except, of course, it isn’t – not these days when people are spending that, and more, on family holidays and kitchens.
The fact of the matter is this. The 135 coupé is the best car BMW makes. I have no hesitation at all, then, in giving this long-awaited return to form the rare accolade of five stars.
Vital statistics
Model BMW 135i
Engine 2979cc, six cylinders
Power 306bhp @ 5800rpm
Torque 295 lb ft @ 1300rpm
Transmission Six-speed manual
Fuel 30.7mpg (combined cycle)
CO2 220g/km
Acceleration 0-62mph: 5.3sec
Top speed 155mph
Price £29,745
Verdict BMW’s finest
And now we spool forward 30 years to find that round where I live there are women with crisp shirts and nice hair who make a living by decorating other people’s Christmas trees.
Don’t you find that amazing? That someone has persuaded a bank manager that there is a demand for such a thing, let alone such a volume of demand that it would overcome the extremely seasonal nature of the business? I can only presume that they charge £25,000 per tree.
Mind you, £25,000 these days is nothing. I know someone who paid that for a pair of binoculars. And £25,000 for a gun is considered good value. In just 30 years, then, Britain has been transformed from the Old Kent Road into Mayfair, the Community Chest and the entire bank.
And I was there when it all began. The year was 1982 and the place was Fulham. Specifically, Parsons Green, and, even more specifically, my local. The White Horse.
When I started drinking there, it was a painter and decorator’s pub and everyone drank stout. If you’d have strolled in and asked for a vodka, your head would have been kicked in before they’d got the rust off the optics. But then along came the privatisation of British Telecom and all of a sudden everyone had £200.
It was the start. The White Horse was given wooden blinds and leather sofas, and friends of mine started dropping in after a day at work with enough money in their pockets to buy a house. One, a chap called Johnny who had an earring and a Ford Capri, suddenly remembered he was the Earl of Dumfries.
I think in my youth a City bonus was a chicken drumstick or some luxury crackers from Boots. But as Mrs Thatcher ran around privatising the water and the gas and the air, all of a sudden people starting getting enough each Christmas to buy an estate in Scotland. Or a small country in the Caribbean.
They were great times. Exciting times. Times when you felt anything was possible and that all you needed to become a billionaire was an idea. Any idea would do. I started writing about cars for local newspapers. Another mate came up with wheelie-bin cosies. Others bought and sold houses. And as all these businesses flew, it had a profound effect on the cars we all drove.
In the early days of the change, you couldn’t really go to the White Horse unless you had a Golf GTI. Preferably in Lhasa green with a splash of Val d’Isère mud up the side. There is no modern-day equivalent to this phenomenon. You lived in Fulham back then. You had one. It was that simple.
But then, as the bonuses got bigger, people started upgrading to the BMW 323i.
God, it was a good car. With its dainty pillars and uncomplicated styling, it was in many ways indistinguishable from a Ford Cortina. But unlike any Ford of the period, it started, it cost a bloody fortune and it went like stink.
And because it was rear-wheel drive, something with which the GTI brigade was unfamiliar, it was ever so easy to crash. This not only gave you something exciting to talk about in what had now become known as the Sloaney Pony, but it also gave you the opportunity to replace it with a 325i, which was even better.
This cost even more, but the amount of stuff it didn’t come with was astonishing. No, really. There was no radio and you had to wind the windows down by hand. It was just a light body and a big engine. And we all loved it more than we loved our genitals.
Sadly, since then, the 3-series has grown into middle age. It’s become fatter and bigger and slower. Deep down, a modern 3-series is still balanced and wondrous, but the excitement, the fizz, the thrill of those early cars is gone. Buried under a ton and a half of technology and kit.
Of course, because the 3-series became so enormous, BMW was able to launch the 1-series beneath it in the lineup. And that would have been fine but unfortunately it was styled by the same chap who did Corporal Jones’s butcher’s van in Dad’s Army. Even Queen Victoria would call it old-fashioned, with its sit-up-and-beg stance, its almost vertical windscreen and those idiotic swoops on the flanks.
All of this would have been only mildly annoying if it was thrilling to drive and more spacious inside than an art gallery. But it isn’t. The boot is microscopic, the rear legroom is suitable only for people who haven’t been born yet and the big-selling diesel is about as much fun as herpes. If this car were a person, it would be Piers Morgan.
Now, though, BMW has given its baby hatchback a boot to create what it calls the coupé, and frankly that looks like a recipe for even more calamity and disaster. Booted hatchbacks never work. You need only look at what happened when VW turned the Golf into the Jetta to know I’m right.
And then you have only to look at the 1-series coupé to know I’m wrong. It is by no stretch of the imagination a pretty car. But neither is it offensive. Which means it has exactly the same non-styling-driven appeal of the early 1980s 323i.
What’s more, the version I tested came with a big 3 litre twin-turbo six under the bonnet. That’s 306bhp, and that’s good too.
Step inside and it gets better.
You get the bare minimum of kit. Just a big, fat, chunky wheel, a snickety-snick six-speed manual box and, er, a rear-view mirror. I had hope in my heart as I set off; hope that, after 25 years, BMW was back in business making small, fast, simple sports saloons.
It is. Initially the brakes feel too sharp, but after a mile or so you adapt your driving style to suit and then you can sit back and revel in the joy of it all. The ride is perfectly judged; firm but not so taut that it pops your eyes out on every cat’s-eye. And on a motorway it settles down to be nicely on the right side of comfortable. The seats are bang-on, as is the driving position.
But it’s the engine that impresses most of all. It has one small turbo to spin up the instant you apply the power, and then a bigger one that trundles into life later to keep the power coming . . . in bigger and bigger lumps. This, and there’s no other way of saying it, is a great engine. A masterpiece. It doesn’t zing like the BMW straight-sixes of old but there’s so much muscle you don’t notice.
Then you leave the motorway and the road gets twisty and it’s like settling into your favourite armchair. The steering, the feel, the way you can adjust your line through the bend with the throttle. There is no other car made today in this sector of the market that gets even close. If you love driving, this is up there in a class of one.
Of course, a Mitsubishi Evo or a Subaru Impreza will grip more and slingshot you from bend to bend with more urgency, but if you prefer a more flowing style - less grip and more handling – then you would be better off with the little Beemer.
Faults. Well, the rear legroom is a squeeze, and it’s not what you’d call cheap. With no extras at all it squeaks in at under £30,000, but add one or two bits and it’ll shoot up to £34,000. That’s a lot.
Except, of course, it isn’t – not these days when people are spending that, and more, on family holidays and kitchens.
The fact of the matter is this. The 135 coupé is the best car BMW makes. I have no hesitation at all, then, in giving this long-awaited return to form the rare accolade of five stars.
Vital statistics
Model BMW 135i
Engine 2979cc, six cylinders
Power 306bhp @ 5800rpm
Torque 295 lb ft @ 1300rpm
Transmission Six-speed manual
Fuel 30.7mpg (combined cycle)
CO2 220g/km
Acceleration 0-62mph: 5.3sec
Top speed 155mph
Price £29,745
Verdict BMW’s finest
![](http://www.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00136/rating_stars_5_136527a.gif)
![Too Cool](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/toocool.gif)
Last edited by Crazy Bimmer; 01-15-2008 at 11:22 PM.
#2
In the Mid-South meow
iTrader: (2)
Niiiiiiiiice!
#4
styling on you
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Los Angeles, California
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Originally Posted by JJaber06
Amazing specs...too bad its so f*ckin ugly....inside and out.
![rofl](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rofl.gif)
No doubt this car will perform like a dream and make many enthusiasts very happy, it's just not very attractive at all.
As for the interior, I think it's decent, not great, but not terrible either.
#5
In the Mid-South meow
iTrader: (2)
Originally Posted by JJaber06
Amazing specs...too bad its so f*ckin ugly....inside and out.
![Roll Eyes](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
![](http://www.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00259/bee1_259682a.jpg)
#7
Anyone else read that whole article with Clarkson's goofy voice in their head?
I actually like the way this car looks. The performance is pretty incredible itself. I will be torn between one of these and a used 335i
I actually like the way this car looks. The performance is pretty incredible itself. I will be torn between one of these and a used 335i
Trending Topics
#10
The sizzle in the Steak
I likes
![Too Cool](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/toocool.gif)
#12
Originally Posted by SeCsTaC
Holy shit I was just about to say that ![rofl](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rofl.gif)
No doubt this car will perform like a dream and make many enthusiasts very happy, it's just not very attractive at all.
As for the interior, I think it's decent, not great, but not terrible either.
![rofl](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rofl.gif)
No doubt this car will perform like a dream and make many enthusiasts very happy, it's just not very attractive at all.
As for the interior, I think it's decent, not great, but not terrible either.
![Werd](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/werd.gif)
#14
Senior Moderator
But unlike any Ford of the period, it started
![Spit](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/spit.gif)
#16
Originally Posted by chill_dog
The 1 Series is arguably the ugliest vehicle they make, which is a shame as the concept (little car, big engine) is great. Thank you Chris Bangle.
It's just like any other car...if you don't like it exactly how it is, try some body mods. I would much rather be happy with the power/suspension and have to do a little work to make the body look the way I want than the other way around.
#18
Originally Posted by nicholbr
Keep arguing. Have you seen the X3?
It's just like any other car...if you don't like it exactly how it is, try some body mods. I would much rather be happy with the power/suspension and have to do a little work to make the body look the way I want than the other way around.
It's just like any other car...if you don't like it exactly how it is, try some body mods. I would much rather be happy with the power/suspension and have to do a little work to make the body look the way I want than the other way around.
![Yuck](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/yuck.gif)
Also, for the X3 comment, yes its an ugly duck, but have you seen one hooked up?! It looks even worse. Theres one at my school with 20" rims, tint, and some wierd bodykit (maybe its factory) and man, looks like a turd on dubs.
#19
Senior Moderator
The X3 and current 5-series are way uglier than the 1-series.
Personally, I think the 1 looks pretty good.
Personally, I think the 1 looks pretty good.
![Nod](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/nod.gif)
#20
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
People calling a new BMW design ugly?
Nothing new there.....happens with every model that BMW releases. Once its out for a bit then people like their design.
Granted i still dont like the 7series.
Nothing new there.....happens with every model that BMW releases. Once its out for a bit then people like their design.
Granted i still dont like the 7series.
#21
Oderint dum metuant.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Wylie
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A little body work would not change the shape of the headlights and get rid of the curves/swooping lines/ridiculous beltline...that's all new sheet metal and a retrofit of some kind of lights. The 3 Series coupe is nice looking...a baby version of that would've been perfect...instead, they felt the need to distinguish it and added much more dramatic lines which, in my opinion, have no place on a car that small. Some people, including our dear friend Mr. Bangle, think BMW's recent stylings are "avant garde", and while that may be true by definition, it's not something I personally like...to each his own. I'd rather a car look good and do a few simple power and suspension mods...I can do those myself and it's fun.
#22
Senior Moderator
i could look it up but im lazy sooo.. how much does it cost with navi and premium and sport?
#23
Senior Moderator
^ As much as that Aston Martin for 40K I reported for, I believe...
![:O](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/embarrassment.gif)
#24
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by Yumchah
^ As much as that Aston Martin for 40K I reported for, I believe... ![:O](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/embarrassment.gif)
![:O](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/embarrassment.gif)
![Wish](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/wish.gif)
#26
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by srika
what????????? where???????? ![Wish](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/wish.gif)
![Wish](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/wish.gif)
![Chuckle](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/chuckle.gif)
#27
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by Crazy Sellout
#28
Suzuka Master
Amazing car but I'm still not completely sold on teh design...maybe it'll grow on me. I used to say the same thing about the X6 and now I like it.
![Tomato](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/tomato.gif)
#29
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by Crazy Sellout
People calling a new BMW design ugly?
Nothing new there.....happens with every model that BMW releases. Once its out for a bit then people like their design.
Nothing new there.....happens with every model that BMW releases. Once its out for a bit then people like their design.
If you had this kind of design on a Kia, Dodge, or Pontiac...let's see how much hoopla it would get.
Sure, Bangle is not all misses. I think the 3-coupe is done decently; M-coupe is lovely; and the 6-series is nice...But, wow, he also sure makes some nasties.
![ugh](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/ugh.gif)
#30
Senior Moderator
when the 5-series came out I really despised it. Now, I think it's one of the nicest sedan designs ever. And, it has absolutely zero to do with "the badge".
![Roll Eyes](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
#31
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by srika
when the 5-series came out I really despised it. Now, I think it's one of the nicest sedan designs ever. And, it has absolutely zero to do with "the badge". ![Roll Eyes](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
![Roll Eyes](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
![Dunno](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/dunno.gif)
...but, don't take me to be a car beauty-expert, I find the RL very nice-looking.
![Big Grin](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
#32
Senior Moderator
oh don't worry, I know you are not a car beauty-expert... the majority of your posts dictate such.
![Big Grin](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
#33
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by srika
oh don't worry, I know you are not a car beauty-expert... the majority of your posts dictate such. ![Big Grin](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
![Big Grin](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
![:O](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/embarrassment.gif)
#35
Senior Moderator
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Yumchah
Not sure if it was you I had this thread-convo with...but, I seriously maintain that people convince themselves to find a new BMW design attractive because of the badge.
If you had this kind of design on a Kia, Dodge, or Pontiac...let's see how much hoopla it would get.
Sure, Bangle is not all misses. I think the 3-coupe is done decently; M-coupe is lovely; and the 6-series is nice...But, wow, he also sure makes some nasties.![ugh](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/ugh.gif)
If you had this kind of design on a Kia, Dodge, or Pontiac...let's see how much hoopla it would get.
Sure, Bangle is not all misses. I think the 3-coupe is done decently; M-coupe is lovely; and the 6-series is nice...But, wow, he also sure makes some nasties.
![ugh](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/ugh.gif)
You havent even seen the affordable Aston Martain and you are already giddy over it. How is that not being a badge whore?
But really, how does BMW maintain their "badge status" if their cars are so ugly to the public? They must being doing something right to be able to keep you thinking they are on some pedestal.
![Too Cool](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/toocool.gif)
Anywho, that topic has been beaten to death and we both know how we feel about it so no point in debating.
#37
Senior Moderator
Originally Posted by Crazy Sellout
You havent even seen the affordable Aston Martain and you are already giddy over it. How is that not being a badge whore?
But really, how does BMW maintain their "badge status" if their cars are so ugly to the public? They must being doing something right to be able to keep you thinking they are on some pedestal.
Anywho, that topic has been beaten to death and we both know how we feel about it so no point in debating.
But really, how does BMW maintain their "badge status" if their cars are so ugly to the public? They must being doing something right to be able to keep you thinking they are on some pedestal.
![Too Cool](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/toocool.gif)
Anywho, that topic has been beaten to death and we both know how we feel about it so no point in debating.
![rofl](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/rofl.gif)
![Doh](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/doh.gif)
But, yes...agree on the beaten-to-death point of BMW designs.
#39
Suzuka Master
^I'm guessing a lot. As far as engine tuning,there will be a lot of chips since it's the same engine in the 3 series. As far as body work and other mods, this is a small car with good power and will likely be extremely popular
![Shrug](https://acurazine.com/forums/images/smilies/shrug.gif)