ANything else is just a Pinto
01-05-2004, 10:12 PM
#1
'06 750Li Sapphire/Creme
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ANything else is just a Pinto
Acura has done it again for the 2004 model year. The newest product in the TL lineup, the elegant 2004 TL, outshines previous models in every aspect. Essentially, the '04TL makes any other Acura model about as worthless as a '77 Ford Pinto.
The Acura TL offers nearly every option as standard equipment. This standard equipment includes leather upholstery, Carbon-fiber and aluminum trim, heated seats, Bi-Xenon high intensity discharge headlamps, roof-mounted disposable martini glass dispensers, a Swedish-made high-speed vibrating seat cushion, and 6 inch thick glass floorboards. Unlike the '77 Ford Pinto, the '04TL does not shake violently at speeds over 68 MPH (well some do at 50MPH but that's just the minority).
MORE FEATURES:
The '04TL also features a powerful 3.2 liter V6 boasting 270 horsepower and 245 lb.-ft. of torque. It is coupled to an electronically controlled 5-speed automatic transmission. All '04TL's are equipped with Traction control and the Electronic Stability Program. Side impact air bags are also standard as well as a mint-flavored aromatherapy interior venilation system. Faux-wood side-panels are available to customers that would like their '04TL to look more like a '77 Ford Pinto... but why on Earth would anyone in their right mind want that?
Options:
Options on all models include Body airodynamic components and the Navigational System, as well as ultra-low-frequency sound weaponry and an in-dash sterilizing autoclave.
Outstanding features found on no other automobile:
Other standard features found on this exciting new TL are headlights, windshield wipers, armrests, door locks, brakes, digital clock, cup holders, floor mats, odometer, and tailpipe. These would appear to be standard features found on practically any car, but the difference with the TL features is that each of these were woven by Japanese silk-worms fed on a diet of pure platinum shavings.
The Acura company wants to put you in a 2004 model!
Acura wants you to know what an embarrassment your old TL is to both you and the Acura name!
If you own one of the older TL models, you may bring it back to your local Acura dealer. You will not be given any trade-in credit, but the dealer will offer to repaint your car "diaper-pudding" orange so that it may more resemble a '77 Ford Pinto. The dealers will also provide you with a "PINTO" hood ornament to replace the Acura' "inverted italicised H" and a bumper sticker that says "Hit Me and We Blow Up Together.'"
Acura is so proud of its new '04TL that it doesn't even feel that older TL models should be held in the same class. It is only through total conversion of 2003 and older TL models to '77 Pintos that Acura' aims of providing its clients with an elite driving experience will be achieved. Acura urges all drivers of outdated TL models to have their cars Pinto-ized at once before buying their new 2004 models.
(original text was applicatable to a 2001 Mercedes. Only the names were changed to show the similarities in the cars)
The Acura TL offers nearly every option as standard equipment. This standard equipment includes leather upholstery, Carbon-fiber and aluminum trim, heated seats, Bi-Xenon high intensity discharge headlamps, roof-mounted disposable martini glass dispensers, a Swedish-made high-speed vibrating seat cushion, and 6 inch thick glass floorboards. Unlike the '77 Ford Pinto, the '04TL does not shake violently at speeds over 68 MPH (well some do at 50MPH but that's just the minority).
MORE FEATURES:
The '04TL also features a powerful 3.2 liter V6 boasting 270 horsepower and 245 lb.-ft. of torque. It is coupled to an electronically controlled 5-speed automatic transmission. All '04TL's are equipped with Traction control and the Electronic Stability Program. Side impact air bags are also standard as well as a mint-flavored aromatherapy interior venilation system. Faux-wood side-panels are available to customers that would like their '04TL to look more like a '77 Ford Pinto... but why on Earth would anyone in their right mind want that?
Options:
Options on all models include Body airodynamic components and the Navigational System, as well as ultra-low-frequency sound weaponry and an in-dash sterilizing autoclave.
Outstanding features found on no other automobile:
Other standard features found on this exciting new TL are headlights, windshield wipers, armrests, door locks, brakes, digital clock, cup holders, floor mats, odometer, and tailpipe. These would appear to be standard features found on practically any car, but the difference with the TL features is that each of these were woven by Japanese silk-worms fed on a diet of pure platinum shavings.
The Acura company wants to put you in a 2004 model!
Acura wants you to know what an embarrassment your old TL is to both you and the Acura name!
If you own one of the older TL models, you may bring it back to your local Acura dealer. You will not be given any trade-in credit, but the dealer will offer to repaint your car "diaper-pudding" orange so that it may more resemble a '77 Ford Pinto. The dealers will also provide you with a "PINTO" hood ornament to replace the Acura' "inverted italicised H" and a bumper sticker that says "Hit Me and We Blow Up Together.'"
Acura is so proud of its new '04TL that it doesn't even feel that older TL models should be held in the same class. It is only through total conversion of 2003 and older TL models to '77 Pintos that Acura' aims of providing its clients with an elite driving experience will be achieved. Acura urges all drivers of outdated TL models to have their cars Pinto-ized at once before buying their new 2004 models.
(original text was applicatable to a 2001 Mercedes. Only the names were changed to show the similarities in the cars)
01-06-2004, 08:20 AM
#2
I was so embarrassed of my 2002 TL type S I replaced by the first 6 speed that showed up in WI, WHEWWW. The dealer immediately put the gas tank under the rear bumper of my trade to pintofy it. I barely escaped the fireball.
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