CL-S too fast and reports exagerated....
05-05-2001, 05:40 AM
#1
Suzuka Master
Thread Starter
CL-S too fast and reports exagerated....
<font size+2>CLS Inquisition kit</font>
So you don’t like the times that one of your members posted, no problem, there is now the CLS Inquisition kit. – and it’s Ayatollah approved for your use! Our kit allows you to either force a confession out of a CLS member; destroy and tear down their car; eliminate and destroy all testing aids; and finally a special offer to remove and eliminate worthy competitors.
The kit comes with Internet reverse lookup, human hunting tools, thumbscrews, electric cattle prod, and dungeon approved torture gear, and approved engine tear down tools (batteries not included).
Have some wise guy report a 14.3 quarter mile time – no need to believe them with the new “Millennium CLS Inquisition kit”, you can force any recantation you like out of your helpless participant. That posted 14.3 will become a 15.5 after a few rounds with the cattle prods and thumbscrews.
Perhaps you are worried about leaving marks – no problem. With the “Agnonizer” you can inflict terrible pain without visible marks. That lousy jerk who says his GTECH is ok and posts a sub 6 second time will be claiming an overwhelming loss to a 1970 VW Bug. Just a few shorts burst of brain numbing power will have your victim begging for mercy. Now, just watch as they repost 11 second 0..60 GTECH times.
Found someone who was a good driver at the track. Just use our reverse-lookup and hunt down feature to find your poor victim. You will be at their door in no time. There’s a new time posting vigilante in town and the CLS Inquisition kit will make you into a CLS Charles Bronson. Your targets will be begging to retract their numbers and comply with the crowd.
Here is a comment from one of our satisfied customers. “I saw this jerk say he beat my M3, and it made me want to puke. How dare someone say they could beat my street shark. I found that mother, and with your detective kit and reverse lookup, I was hauling him out the door for a session in no time. After a few jolts with the cattle prods and a few slams upside the head with the metric phone books, I had this wimp admitting that he couldn’t even beat a 318i. I made him retract that post that right away. Boy, your kit has turned me into a real man. No more BS for me, I’m packing the CLS Inquisition kit now.
<font size=+1>
Here are the details on the kit:
</font>
For engine teardowns you will receive:
Functioning blowtorch and cutting rig. Get down to the nitty-gritty fast and swift. See if any non-Ayatollah approved modifications are in the car.
For removing all GTECHs from the planet (can be used for crushing religious icons of choice too [our Taliban users love them]):
GTECH masher – a fold out hammer designed to crush that miserable GTECH in seconds.
For recantations and forced confessions:
“Cattle Prod”
“The Agonizer”
“Thumb screws”
“Precision Weighted Metric Phone Books”
Call 1-800-HATE-CLS and get a special offer. A free day in a rogue tow-truck. Find all of the fastest and best CL-S vehicles out there and drag ‘em off to the junkyard. You will get to operate the crusher yourself.
Finally, order in the next 15-minutes and get a free subscription to "The Doubters Digest"
[This message has been edited by EricL (edited 05-05-2001).]
So you don’t like the times that one of your members posted, no problem, there is now the CLS Inquisition kit. – and it’s Ayatollah approved for your use! Our kit allows you to either force a confession out of a CLS member; destroy and tear down their car; eliminate and destroy all testing aids; and finally a special offer to remove and eliminate worthy competitors.
The kit comes with Internet reverse lookup, human hunting tools, thumbscrews, electric cattle prod, and dungeon approved torture gear, and approved engine tear down tools (batteries not included).
Have some wise guy report a 14.3 quarter mile time – no need to believe them with the new “Millennium CLS Inquisition kit”, you can force any recantation you like out of your helpless participant. That posted 14.3 will become a 15.5 after a few rounds with the cattle prods and thumbscrews.
Perhaps you are worried about leaving marks – no problem. With the “Agnonizer” you can inflict terrible pain without visible marks. That lousy jerk who says his GTECH is ok and posts a sub 6 second time will be claiming an overwhelming loss to a 1970 VW Bug. Just a few shorts burst of brain numbing power will have your victim begging for mercy. Now, just watch as they repost 11 second 0..60 GTECH times.
Found someone who was a good driver at the track. Just use our reverse-lookup and hunt down feature to find your poor victim. You will be at their door in no time. There’s a new time posting vigilante in town and the CLS Inquisition kit will make you into a CLS Charles Bronson. Your targets will be begging to retract their numbers and comply with the crowd.
Here is a comment from one of our satisfied customers. “I saw this jerk say he beat my M3, and it made me want to puke. How dare someone say they could beat my street shark. I found that mother, and with your detective kit and reverse lookup, I was hauling him out the door for a session in no time. After a few jolts with the cattle prods and a few slams upside the head with the metric phone books, I had this wimp admitting that he couldn’t even beat a 318i. I made him retract that post that right away. Boy, your kit has turned me into a real man. No more BS for me, I’m packing the CLS Inquisition kit now.
<font size=+1>
Here are the details on the kit:
</font>
For engine teardowns you will receive:
Functioning blowtorch and cutting rig. Get down to the nitty-gritty fast and swift. See if any non-Ayatollah approved modifications are in the car.
For removing all GTECHs from the planet (can be used for crushing religious icons of choice too [our Taliban users love them]):
GTECH masher – a fold out hammer designed to crush that miserable GTECH in seconds.
For recantations and forced confessions:
“Cattle Prod”
“The Agonizer”
“Thumb screws”
“Precision Weighted Metric Phone Books”
Call 1-800-HATE-CLS and get a special offer. A free day in a rogue tow-truck. Find all of the fastest and best CL-S vehicles out there and drag ‘em off to the junkyard. You will get to operate the crusher yourself.
Finally, order in the next 15-minutes and get a free subscription to "The Doubters Digest"
[This message has been edited by EricL (edited 05-05-2001).]
05-05-2001, 05:42 AM
#2
Burning Brakes
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Illinois, USA
Posts: 1,014
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Throw in a Popiel Pasta Maker, and I'm sold!!
------------------
2002 Acura TL-S
White Diamond Pearl/Parchment
Bone Stock
<A HREF="http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumIndex?u=1629963&a=12459969&f=0
" TARGET=_blank>Click Here for Pics!
</A>
------------------
2002 Acura TL-S
White Diamond Pearl/Parchment
Bone Stock
<A HREF="http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumIndex?u=1629963&a=12459969&f=0
" TARGET=_blank>Click Here for Pics!
</A>
05-05-2001, 05:59 AM
#3
Happy CL-S Pilot
Eric,
I volunteer as Master Coach and Trainer for this kit... ha ha ha ha ... ROFLMAO.....
------------------
Black, Ebony, 3.2 CL Type-S, NAV.
- 3M clear bra, by Stonguard (full front bumper, and side mirrors, and partial hood)
- Acura Spoiler, Moonroof visor
- Splash guards, Winter mats, Trunk liner
- Valentine V1 Radar Locator
- HELMS Service Manual
- PIAA 19169 road lamps
- 03/19/01: Injen Polished CAI
- 04/13/01: 235/40/18 NITTO 555 on 18x7.5, +45 offset, Koing Imagine in Silver with wheels locks
I volunteer as Master Coach and Trainer for this kit... ha ha ha ha ... ROFLMAO.....
------------------
Black, Ebony, 3.2 CL Type-S, NAV.
- 3M clear bra, by Stonguard (full front bumper, and side mirrors, and partial hood)
- Acura Spoiler, Moonroof visor
- Splash guards, Winter mats, Trunk liner
- Valentine V1 Radar Locator
- HELMS Service Manual
- PIAA 19169 road lamps
- 03/19/01: Injen Polished CAI
- 04/13/01: 235/40/18 NITTO 555 on 18x7.5, +45 offset, Koing Imagine in Silver with wheels locks
05-05-2001, 02:23 PM
#6
The Creator
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by TL_Type_S:
Throw in a Popiel Pasta Maker, and I'm sold!!
</font>
Throw in a Popiel Pasta Maker, and I'm sold!!
</font>
------------------
2001 Acura 3.2 CL Type-S
San Marino Red (Navigation)
PIAA 19173 Ion Yellow Fogs • Valentine 1 • Xephyr CAI
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." -Albert Einstein
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