doopstr

For those that have been in a relationship for a long time, how do you feel about men from your wife/gf past reaching out to them on facebook and start sending them instant messages. Maybe they banged your wife 20 years ago, maybe they didn't. How do you handle? Do you care?

This has happened to my wife twice in the last couple of years. Both times these guys were divorced and I'm pretty sure they were trolling for ass. These were guys she knew from highschool/college.

TLDude876

iTrader: (7)

You can't stop them from trying. If your wife handles each situation appropriately then you should have nothing to worry about.

thoiboi

The balls in her court (pun intended). You don't want to be that controlling husband that says who she can or can't talk to. Please do talk to HER about this and how it's bothering you though. Open communication is by far the strongest tool in any relationship .

oo7spy

Yep. All you really need to know is how she feels about it, and the best thing you can do is let her know how you feel about it (usually after you know how she feels).

RL09

The kind of bond one has with the wife will prevail. When she informs her husband, it's a great start, apprehension about it becomes lower. How she informed matters too. To laugh it off or to send a message, can make a difference. So either ignoring or probing would be in order. So how to handle it depends on the bond nature and what kind of people you are well into this long term relationship. Some are live and let live, others are joined by the waist.

It really depends on what kind of a man you are. Is there fear of the woman loving someone else, is there ego saying 'hey that's my territory', is there a bond where this is perceived as betrayal? all different scenarios.

We have changed a lot with no fault states and disregard for what we ascribe to 'religious rules'. But many young families once with children face transitional difficulties, and given that women are more emotional and tend to do stupid mistakes, those that break the 'do not covet thy neighbor's wife' qualify as premium quality scumbags for the disregard they have for the dire consequences they cause on the kids' psyche when such problems arise.

An aspect of a 'nation of laws' ruled by 'we the ignorant people' that leaves quite a bit to be desired.

tonio

Reinforcing what everyone else has said. Happened with my ex wife and she hid it until I found out on my own while in Iraq. In hindsight and now being with a woman I have no concerns over that with.. it's all about how she responds and nothing to do with the guys that reach out.

Mr. Maker

iTrader: (4)

Sorry about that..

1Louder

More or less agree with all that's been said. I had a friend drop off FB all together because he was being harasses by ex GFs and he just wanted nothing to do with it. He was very happily married and just didn't want to deal with it.

I think if you're wife is being open about it that's a good sign. You can always send a friend request to these guys just to let them know you are there. If it got excessive, I'd probably message them directly and just remind them she has a husband and is happily married. :wink: With my wife's concurrence of course. Best not to intervene unless asked.

doopstr

Looks like the latest one gave up. He tried multiple times to communicate with my wife after 9PM and she wouldn't respond that late. He has a live in girlfriend. My best guess is that she goes to sleep at 9PM and then he is looking for extracurricular fun.

Thanks for the advice.

1killercls

I have multiple ex's that I have banged on my facebook. But they are all just friends now. I made it very clear I was happily married when they friend requested me.













Kind of wondering why I did that...

Doom878

Price of a relationship. Dudes will reach out no matter what. I joke with my gf that they want to get with her. If you trust her and treat her good, you have nothing to worry about. I joke enough to let her know I'm cognizant of it but not a jealous prick. I even was fortunate enough to meet one of the dudes she went to elementary school with. After a firm handshake and him getting a close up of me and how me and my gf are close, I don't expect him to try anything stupid

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

This is tough, I am friends with a number of my ex's and we keep in casual contact just as friends. I'm upfront and honest about it with whoever I date, so I can't be too judging if a dude from the past is around. However, if they're texting late at night like Doopstr's guy, then I'd definitely have a problem with it. Glad to hear that he gave up.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

Rapture

As long as she understands that exes are exes for a reason, then it's all good

However in situations like these, is it moreso how your wife reacts that gets to you, not really so much a trust issue? Like if she doesn't tell them off and instead just ignores them? Just curious.

aomechmarine

she better be blocking them... FUCK THAT... can't stop that from happening, CAN stop it from continuing... typical woman tho, she loves the attention and didn't shut it down right away... SMH... not shit you can really do tho... Common place thing nowadays...