The Official Spiders Thread (AKA The Scare stogie1020 w/ Scary Spiders Thread) - AcuraZine - Acura Enthusiast Community



The Official Spiders Thread (AKA The Scare stogie1020 w/ Scary Spiders Thread)

Reply
 
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-28-2010, 10:01 PM   #1
Needs more Lemon Pledge
Thread Starter
 
stogie1020's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Age: 44
Posts: 49,828
Thanked 1,525 Times in 924 Posts
The Official Spiders Thread (AKA The Scare stogie1020 w/ Scary Spiders Thread)

I may need to move soon.

I don't have any pets, so I was understandably surprised to come home and find this in the garage :




Spread out, it's about the size of the bottom of a can of soda.

I nearly crapped my pants. No joke. Clenching was involved.

I went for the plastic container visible in the pic to cover it while I gulped down a few heart seizure pills, and then slid a sheet of cardboard under the upside down container.

Once in place, I slid the whole shebang with a looooooooong stick to the edge of the garage, all the while thinking "Why the HELL have I put off drafting a living will?" and once to the edge of the garage, I mustered up some courage and, blocking a return to the garage with the sheet of cardboard, uncovered the heathen beast.



It immediately tried to start crawling back into the garage. What can I say, it's a nice garage.

Knowing that the relationship was over, I decided to use the cardboard to fling the spider to the end of the driveway in the hopes it would get the message. This has worked for several girls I dated, so I figured I would give it a shot.

The end result was that the cardboard gave me much more leverage than I anticipated (the girls were, apparently, heavier than a large spider) and the spider reached a fairly impressive max apogee. Upon descent, however I could see it reaching for the ripcord that I knew it would not find. It was only a matter of time before physics took over and terminal velocity turned this into a very "un-Terry-like" experience for the dangerous beast.

The aftermath:




It should be noted, none of the girls had this exact reaction... Not exactly. Also, animals WERE harmed during the creation of this thread. I felt bad for him/her, so I finished him/her off with a trowel and then sent him airborne again into the street.

I am completely creepy crawly'd out right now.
stogie1020 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:06 PM   #2
all work and no play
 
MWalsh9152's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Wakefield, Ma
Age: 41
Posts: 14,009
Thanked 134 Times in 97 Posts
I cant wait for the thread where his family seeks retribution
MWalsh9152 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:18 PM   #3
The Third Ball
 
Sarlacc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Age: 37
Posts: 44,215
Thanked 2,839 Times in 1,477 Posts


At least you tried to save it....I would have just vacuum cleanered his ass.
Sarlacc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:19 PM   #4
F-SPORT
iTrader: (9)
 
LTxArucAx60's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Middle of nowhere, KS.
Posts: 2,115
Thanked 64 Times in 59 Posts
that freaks me out just lookin at the pics! WOW
LTxArucAx60 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:24 PM   #5
Registered Member
 
TS_eXpeed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 23,503
Thanked 54 Times in 27 Posts
:shivers:
TS_eXpeed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:32 PM   #6
Moderator Alumnus
 
FiftyFive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SW Connecticut
Age: 31
Posts: 17,796
Thanked 51 Times in 35 Posts
What if it already laid eggs in your garage?
FiftyFive is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:33 PM   #7
Registered Member
 
TS_eXpeed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 23,503
Thanked 54 Times in 27 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by FiftyFive View Post
What if it already laid eggs in your garage?



:spiderrungif:
TS_eXpeed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:34 PM   #8
Registered Member
 
Dr. Colorado's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: The 808
Posts: 6,770
Thanked 113 Times in 78 Posts
You should have killed him with fire like our boy did with the hornet

Weak sauce
Dr. Colorado is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:42 PM   #9
'12 & '13 AL West Champs!
 
Gfaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Modesto, CA
Age: 37
Posts: 12,915
Thanked 50 Times in 39 Posts
You sir, are no Terry.

His family and friends will be back for revenge. REVENGE!!
Gfaze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:42 PM   #10
Moderator
 
Mizouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Age: 32
Posts: 52,425
Thanked 1,098 Times in 754 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarlacc View Post


At least you tried to save it....i would have just vacuum cleanered his ass.
+1
Mizouse is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:43 PM   #11
Registered Member
 
wackjum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Houston, Texas
Age: 34
Posts: 3,955
Thanked 247 Times in 135 Posts
I thought you guys had open carry in AZ... Weapons free man.


I kid I kid. You shouldn't shoot pests like bugs.... more than once.
wackjum is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:47 PM   #12
Needs more Lemon Pledge
Thread Starter
 
stogie1020's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Age: 44
Posts: 49,828
Thanked 1,525 Times in 924 Posts
It was pretty close to the new motorcycle, so no fire and no gunshots...

Eggs. :suicide:
stogie1020 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:50 PM   #13
'12 & '13 AL West Champs!
 
Gfaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Modesto, CA
Age: 37
Posts: 12,915
Thanked 50 Times in 39 Posts
Gfaze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:54 PM   #14
Senior Moderator
iTrader: (1)
 
ggesq's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 12,133
Thanked 1,952 Times in 1,106 Posts
ggesq is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 10:57 PM   #15
Senior Moderator
 
Yumcha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 134,631
Thanked 12,693 Times in 7,844 Posts
10 robots says Jefford got Portland to do the killing for him because he was squealing like TS_eXpeedy with a scantron machine.
Yumcha is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:01 PM   #16
'12 & '13 AL West Champs!
 
Gfaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Modesto, CA
Age: 37
Posts: 12,915
Thanked 50 Times in 39 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yumcha View Post
10 robots says Jefford got Portland to do the killing for him because he was squealing like TS_eXpeedy with a scantron machine.
Not unlike this one?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gqipy2XYUqU
Gfaze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:03 PM   #17
Needs more Lemon Pledge
Thread Starter
 
stogie1020's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Age: 44
Posts: 49,828
Thanked 1,525 Times in 924 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yumcha View Post
10 robots says Jefford got Portland to do the killing for him because he was squealing like TS_eXpeedy with a scantron machine.
You are alive???!!!

One of the five sheets of paper I squished you with must have blown off...
stogie1020 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:10 PM   #18
I disagree with unanimity
iTrader: (2)
 
sho_nuff1997's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: WI
Age: 39
Posts: 14,178
Thanked 27 Times in 20 Posts
sho_nuff1997 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:15 PM   #19
I've got spurs...
 
Lightus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Gainesville, FL
Age: 26
Posts: 1,499
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
I react to pests about the same way these guys do:

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/p7IsnS7csSQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/p7IsnS7csSQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

On another note, I'm moving to an apartment that has been unoccupied in 2 years. In some of the corners there are little spider eggs. I sprayed about 2 cans of raid on them with the hopes of killing them before they are born. Not sure how it will work out.
Lightus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:18 PM   #20
Moderator
 
Mizouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Age: 32
Posts: 52,425
Thanked 1,098 Times in 754 Posts


at the title change...
Mizouse is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:21 PM   #21
Big Block go VROOOM!
 
Billiam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Chicago Burbs
Age: 45
Posts: 8,580
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Meh, I've held a tarantula in my hand.

Well...OK...my buddy put his pet tarantula in my hand for 10 seconds before I said "That's enough. Get it off."
Billiam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:22 PM   #22
Senior Moderator
 
Ken1997TL's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Portlandia, Oregon
Posts: 44,368
Thanked 1,899 Times in 1,111 Posts


Double barreled 10 gauge FTW aka Elmer Fudd
Ken1997TL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:23 PM   #23
Needs more Lemon Pledge
Thread Starter
 
stogie1020's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Age: 44
Posts: 49,828
Thanked 1,525 Times in 924 Posts
Whatever mod changed the thread title, Yumchah, I am happy to retrieve the carcass from the road and mail it to you... I will cover the Canadian duties for importing dead wildlife.
stogie1020 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:25 PM   #24
Needs more Lemon Pledge
Thread Starter
 
stogie1020's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Age: 44
Posts: 49,828
Thanked 1,525 Times in 924 Posts
There are now 6 others across the street tapping baseball bats against the sidewalk looking at my house...




EDIT: One of them just poured out a little beer from his 40 onto the ground...
stogie1020 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:26 PM   #25
Senior Moderator
 
Ken1997TL's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Portlandia, Oregon
Posts: 44,368
Thanked 1,899 Times in 1,111 Posts
Rule #2: Don't forget to double-tap
Ken1997TL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:26 PM   #26
Administrator
iTrader: (1)
 
Sly Raskal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Fontana, California
Age: 40
Posts: 31,047
Thanked 580 Times in 344 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarlacc View Post


At least you tried to save it....I would have just vacuum cleanered his ass.
Raid does wonders for nearly every insect I've come across. But I also approve of and have performed the vaccuum cleanered approach.
Sly Raskal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:27 PM   #27
Needs more Lemon Pledge
Thread Starter
 
stogie1020's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Age: 44
Posts: 49,828
Thanked 1,525 Times in 924 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken1997TL View Post
Rule #2: Don't forget to double-tap
I DID!!!

I hit it twice in rapid succession with the gardening trowel.
stogie1020 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:27 PM   #28
Administrator
iTrader: (1)
 
Sly Raskal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Fontana, California
Age: 40
Posts: 31,047
Thanked 580 Times in 344 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gfaze View Post
I'm waiting for pic of jefford to be photoshopped into that smiley.
Sly Raskal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:28 PM   #29
Senior Moderator
 
Yumcha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 134,631
Thanked 12,693 Times in 7,844 Posts
Yumcha is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:29 PM   #30
Moderator
 
Mizouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Age: 32
Posts: 52,425
Thanked 1,098 Times in 754 Posts
reminds me of those orkin commercials.


<object width="1280" height="745"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9pWypJuR3WE&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&hd=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9pWypJuR3WE&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="1280" height="745"></embed></object>

Last edited by Mizouse; 06-28-2010 at 11:38 PM. Reason: :dunno:
Mizouse is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:31 PM   #31
Administrator
iTrader: (1)
 
Sly Raskal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Fontana, California
Age: 40
Posts: 31,047
Thanked 580 Times in 344 Posts
Holy Fucking Shit that's a big YouTube Video.
Sly Raskal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:33 PM   #32
Senior Moderator
 
fsttyms1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Appleton WI
Age: 41
Posts: 79,075
Thanked 2,894 Times in 2,009 Posts
If i didnt have to go take care of a crying baby right now his head would so be on that
fsttyms1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:33 PM   #33
Registered Member
 
wackjum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Houston, Texas
Age: 34
Posts: 3,955
Thanked 247 Times in 135 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sly Raskal View Post
Holy Fucking Shit that's a big YouTube Video.
I LOL'd.
wackjum is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:33 PM   #34
Senior Moderator
 
fsttyms1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Appleton WI
Age: 41
Posts: 79,075
Thanked 2,894 Times in 2,009 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sly Raskal View Post
Holy Fucking Shit that's a big YouTube Video.
WTF
fsttyms1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:34 PM   #35
Quarterlife Crisis....
iTrader: (5)
 
gr8ness97's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Age: 31
Posts: 3,253
Thanked 105 Times in 82 Posts
This thread has potential...
gr8ness97 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:34 PM   #36
Moderator
 
Mizouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Age: 32
Posts: 52,425
Thanked 1,098 Times in 754 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sly Raskal View Post
Holy Fucking Shit that's a big YouTube Video.
i thought everyone had large monitors these days..
Mizouse is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:35 PM   #37
Needs more Lemon Pledge
Thread Starter
 
stogie1020's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Age: 44
Posts: 49,828
Thanked 1,525 Times in 924 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by fsttyms1 View Post
If i didnt have to go take care of a crying baby right now his head would so be on that
Babies come first...


I should call Orkin.
stogie1020 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:36 PM   #38
Administrator
iTrader: (1)
 
Sly Raskal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Fontana, California
Age: 40
Posts: 31,047
Thanked 580 Times in 344 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizouse View Post
i thought everyone had large monitors these days..
I think you missed what I was making fun of.
Sly Raskal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:39 PM   #39
I disagree with unanimity
iTrader: (2)
 
sho_nuff1997's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: WI
Age: 39
Posts: 14,178
Thanked 27 Times in 20 Posts
title change

This isn't the first animal that has given Jefford heart palpitations.
sho_nuff1997 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2010, 11:45 PM   #40
I've got spurs...
 
Lightus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Gainesville, FL
Age: 26
Posts: 1,499
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sly Raskal View Post
Holy Fucking Shit that's a big YouTube Video.
I was thinking that. I didn't even know you could embed full sized videos.
Lightus is offline   Reply With Quote
 
 
Reply

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Possible oil leak ? Photos inside. Avenger411 Second Generation TSX Discussion (2009-2014) 54 10-11-2015 04:53 PM
Mystery Noise At Low Speeds xsilverhawkx 2G TL Problems & Fixes 4 10-05-2015 12:00 PM
Some details and info about KW V1 Damper kits MrHeeltoe 1G TSX Tires, Wheels, & Suspension 2 09-30-2015 03:06 AM
KW Suspension Pics and Product Feature MrHeeltoe 2G TSX Tires, Wheels & Suspension 3 09-29-2015 11:43 PM
Product Highlight: KW Variant 1 Dampers MrHeeltoe 3G TL Tires, Wheels & Suspension 0 09-28-2015 06:43 PM


Tags
arachnophobia, bug, eek, eight legged freaks, jefford 0, jeffords manhood, m night shamalamadingdong, needs to grow a pair, pwned by bugs, scream like a girl, shelob > jefford, spider 1, spideysenses, spricket, tarantulowned

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:03 PM.