CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 17, we are 3 years and 5 months apart. We have known each other for about 10 years; bowled at the same bowling alley and in the same league, worked at the same place for 3 years, and have been together for about 10 and a half months.

We are always hearing about our age difference and how it's "drastic". A few of my family members say I'm "robbing the cradle" and wondering why I can't get anybody my own age. We are extremely happy together, no matter the age difference and what others say.

Does the age difference between seem "bad" because I'm 20 and she's seven-TEEN? I have a feeling because her age still has "teen" at the end, that everybody flips out. I just wanted to get everybody's opinion on my situation and yalls opinion on age in a relationship.


Here's a picture of us

1Louder

I think when you are younger (like you are), age can be a bigger issue than later. Could be a huge issue depending on the laws of your state So yes, I think folks will react differently to you being 20 and 17, but when you are say 25 and 22 no one will bat an eye.

But you can't give a one-size-fits-all answer to age. Some 17 year olds are more mature than some 30 year olds I know. The risk - as I see it - is I remember there being a quantum leap in my maturity level every year from age 15-20. After that, those same "quantum leaps" were more spread out - every 3 years, every 5, and so on. So you are toward the top end of an age range where you might be changing every year and she's smack in the middle of it.

So I would offer you this to think about (assuming of course you are after a long-term relationship with her):
- Are you comparable in present maturity?
- Are you growing together?
- Do you want similar things out of life?

If you are all those things, tell everyone else to pound sand. If she's a mature 17 and you can ride it out a while, 21 and 18 isn't so strange and by the time you are 23 and 20, it's a non issue. You two look like a nice couple - you both look about the same age actually. I think you'll find that once she's a little older, people will get over it.

moeronn

In the grand scheme of things, three years is nothing. But, as 1Louder mentioned, it can be at your age(s). And it's not just the 3 years. It's the fact that you are college-aged and she's high school-aged that makes it a little bit odd.

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

She's very very mature for her age. She was babysitting in her neighborhood when she was 12 for an example.

As for those questions you asked:
-Yes we are. We have a great time together and are very open about everything in our lives going on right now. We are very sarcastic to each other; always picking on each other, but in a fun way, not a mean way resulting in hurt feelings. We help each other out with chores around the house, homework, and other tasks at hand. We spoil each other as well.
-We are. We have been through quite a bit. She rolled her car in the beginning of our relationship, I quit my job and have been struggling getting bills paid, and situations with school life and home life haven't been ideal for both of us.
-We both want to be happy. We both agree that we need to focus on everything going on now and get it out of the way so we can move on in life and have the things we want. Having each other really helps relieve stress when we just need somebody to talk or just get out of the house.

I'm just sick of people, especially family members, saying how shes TOO young for me, when in reality it isn't that big of a gap, to me at least. My next door neighbors, the husband is 48 and the wife is 35. Nobody says anything because they are happy together and are pretty well off. I just can't understand why people make 3 years sound terrible but don't give two shits about 13 years
Very true. People ask about my girlfriend and where she goes to school and I respond "she goes to _____ HIGH school"; they usually get an odd look on their face and are like "ohhh". It doesn't bug me too bad, but it tends to get a bit repetitive over time. If it helps, she takes one class at NC State for an AP credit haha

Street Spirit

I think some people handle themselves in different ways for their ages...it all depends. However, I would agree that at certain stages in life, a gap in age can be more pronounced. Think about how much things change between middle school, high school, college, and post-college. Although some of those gaps are only a few years apart, people grow and change in very big ways during those times. Once you've both had some similar experiences or gone through some of the same life changes, people don't seem to care about age as much. For example, once she starts college, you'll just be "two college kids" who are together. And certainly once you become 'older' adults, much larger differences in age don't seem to be a big deal at all...very common. I agree that your age difference sounds kind of odd....but it's the two of you who are involved in the relationship...so who cares.

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

Yup she's graduating in June and hoping to go to UNC

I understand what you are saying totally and I appreciate your view on it. I guess it's just frustrating getting the same reactions from everyone saying it's "wrong" or "weird" when I know of couples with a bigger age difference.

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

The only thing that I would worry about is her going through changes and feeling held back.

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

Care to explain your reasoning for saying that? I'm interested

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

I'm somewhat going through it right now, she is 17 turning 18 this month and I'm 19 going on 20 this month.

And it's just fairly common, if a girl (especially a young one) hasn't dated many people and the only thing she knows is this one serious relationship (like the one you seem to have now) She can get nervous out of the blue and feel trapped, like she needs to experience more in life before being tied down in something so intense.

It doesn't ALWAYS happen, I mean, we've all seen/heard of high school sweethearts.

I hope that doesn't happen and I don't mean to stir up doubt in your mind, but just be aware of that. I wish you luck!

BoBByLiGhT83

iTrader: (1)

Shit Tyler 3 years is nothing... The girl I dated for 4 yrs was 15 when we started dating.. I was 20. I turned 21 before she was 16. Her family was totally cool with it because I'm not a retard. But when she got into college she went through the whole "Miss Independent" thing. So 4 years down the drain because she wanted feel like she could do what or who she wanted when she wanted to.. With the exception of her always getting you "Sick" when we have car meets. Your girl is cool as shit. None of my girls whould come to car shows/meets with me. Just get that leash a little looser and you'll be fine.. LoL.. I kid, I kid

Babnik

You nailed it. When you're 23 and she's 20 no one will give it a second thought.

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

Thanks for your explanation! Honestly I don't think my girlfriend has those feelings, but then again I'm no psychic. We talk to each other a lot about things that may be bugging us, so I think if she had an even slight doubt in her mind about this relationship, she would tell me.

I try my best not to be over protective either. She doesn't need my permission to go out to lunch or dinner with some friends or something else. As long as she's safe, I don't mind. I would hate for her to feel tied down and have to obey me or some crazy shit like that. Her and I are bums, we just lay around and chill pretty much all day, so we don't worry about each other going out and getting drunk and all of that. We don't try to impress anybody either.

We both have high hopes for our relationship and it's going great so far. Her parents have been together since they were 16 and they are almost 3 years apart.

Thanks for your input

Dude what the fuck? You give me such a hard time about Mitzi being so young but yet you dated a 15 year old? Bastard

I try to give Mitzi her space when she needs it and I don't mind. I'm sure you don't think I do because she's always with me when you and I hang out haha, but I do. We both have other shit going on in our lives besides each other.

And I'm still sick by the way. I didn't go to class today. My alarm went off at 6:30 and I said hell no and rolled back over. I have class 9-5 tomorrow though. Bowling after

Thanks for backing me up

BoBByLiGhT83

iTrader: (1)

HaHa, I just give you shit cause I can.

It's good that y'all have your own things. Trust me. Spending all your time together is NOT the way to go. It always fucks shit up in the end. And like I said, It's cool that she goes with you to car stuff. Most chicks aren't down with that. She just needs to stop getting you sick all the time.

BTW.. I think there might be another VA meet going down in OCT. Only thing is, it's looking like it might be the same day as the thing in Raleigh. Don't know what I'm gonna do yet, but your ass better be there either way

doopstr

The biggest problem you are going to have is her going to college and finding someone else. If you can get through that then you are golden. 20-17 is otherwise workable IMO.

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

I'm sorry but a 20yr old dating a 15 year old is pathetic. No matter what angle you view it from.

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

Don't get me wrong, we are with each other ALOT, but it's nowhere near 24/7. Us both living at home kind of keeps it that way as well
She keeps getting me sick because all of the dumb fucks she goes to school with comes to class sick because they want to be exempt for exams. So dumb. And yea I love how she comes everywhere with me. She even came with me to the Charlotte meet back in March. She likes getting out of the house and away from Cary for a while. She's finally starting to realize why guys love cars so much; she's got a list of cars she wants

And I'm down with either one. Sounds like the one here is pretty baller with as many cars as you told me came last time. Also driving 30 minutes one-way compared to 3 hours is always a plus. I'll go where ever you decide to go (no homo )

That's what I'm scared of, especially because UNC Chapel Hill is about 45 minutes away. If she goes away to school, it doesn't guarantee that she will find somebody else, but it doesn't rule it out. I truly don't see that happening. We are extremely happy with each other as of right now

Thanks for your input.

BoBByLiGhT83

iTrader: (1)

And that's your opinion. No one seemed to have a problem with it when we were dating. Which is funny because I'm seeing a 37 yr old and I'm only 26 and I get more grief from my friends about that then I did when I dated the other girl

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

Sorry that came off as a personal attack. I don't know I just don't think its something I could do, the age difference and mentality difference is ridiculous.

BoBByLiGhT83

iTrader: (1)

I thought so too when we first started seeing each other. I never thought it was gonna work. But we dated for almost 4 yrs. It wasn't until she went to college that her mentality changed to slut.

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

But like what compelled you to even bother giving a 15 yr old the time of day? Did she have a 20yr old body or something?

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

Wtf since when? You need to bring her along next time so Mitzi has somebody to talk to

BoBByLiGhT83

iTrader: (1)

That was on her 16th b-day.. I owned a Landscape company when I was in HS/College. Her mother hired me to redo their landscaping that summer. Her mom is actually the one that tried to set us up. I think I would have been a fool not to atleast give it a shot. Turned out to be one of the best times of my life.

Haha.. She lives in VA beach. She works at one of my stops.. Total cougar. I'm gonna try and get her to come down here to visit me soon.

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

^AYYYEEE YOOOO GURRRLLLLLL

And yea wtf bring her down here. Mitzi gets bored playing Bubblebreaker on her phone when we are taking pictures of the cars and such.

I may be doing something with my car soon btw

teranfon

I agree with most who have posted. Age, for the most part is just a number. It would be a different story if she was any younger, and the two of you seem to be pretty level headed and sincere in your relationship. I wouldn't be bothered by what your family claims to be "robbing the cradle", as this evidently isn't the case. Would I be upset if I had a seventeen year old daughter and she were dating a twenty year old? If both were mature, respectful, and committed, then absolutely not.

I have the feeling when she turns eighteen, people will make less of an issue over it.

Good luck,

Terry

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

Terry thanks for your input

Just incase anybody was wondering how our parents feel, they approve of our relationship 100%. Her parents absolutely love me. They ask me to stay for dinner every night I'm over there, they invited me to go to their lake house for 5 days, invited me to a 5 day vacation in TN, and her dad lets me borrow his digital camera whenever I want. They don't like me just because I'm nice, but because I respect their daughter (spoil the shit out of her too). Yes we tease the shit out of each other, but it's in a fun way that ends with both of us laughing and in high spirits.

BoBByLiGhT83

iTrader: (1)

I'm trying to get her to come down for the fair.. Even though she is 20 yrs older than Mitzi, I'm sure they could find something to talk about .. HaHa.

It better include a drop or something... no more 4x4

RMATIC09

Gnate's right - not trying to be Mr.Negative over here - but girls are crazy creatures - one day - she just might wake up - resent the fact that shes a "bum" like you describe (no partying, etc etc, and blame it on the relationship) and want to bail...

that's the problem when your dating younger girls - and are young yourself - it' always seems to be "love to the very end" - but usually you need to get a few relationships out of your system before you settle down ... it's just a part of the maturation process...

but hey, that's not always the case. just saying.

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

Haha of course. Hair, drama, shoes, something girly. I don't know what girls talk about, I'm just guessing. Mitzi is making me go to the fair this year, so I'm sure we all could roll up there. We could always go bowling

And....uh. Quite the contrary. I'm not sure if its going down but we shall seemight be selling the car and getting a car I can pay cash for so no more payments

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

I appreciate you giving me your opinion man! I'm not going to talk shit because you may or may not agree with my relationship.

I've seen quite a few girls go from a good girl in high school to a crazy drunken slut bitch in college, but if I know my girlfriend well enough, I can pretty much put money on it that she won't turn out like that. She's dedicated to school like crazy.

I've had a few "relationships" before, if that's what you want to call them. All 3 of them ended before 2 weeks and ended with me getting cheated on. Trial and error I guess. My girlfriend had a boyfriend about a year and a half ago who treated her like shit. Bossed her around, talked shit, and also lived two hours away. They never saw each other and barely talked, so I'm not sure if that's a relationship either. We have had our fair share of relationship bullshit.

greco9885

iTrader: (1)

it all depends on the girl, some like older guys, some like younger guys. theres nothing wrong with the age difference as long as its not more than 8 years IMO

im "involved" with a 26 year old and im 21

CLtotheTL32

iTrader: (3)

^But that doesn't sound weird to me whatsoever

It must be because my girl is still a "teen", therefore people tend to freak out a little more.

RMATIC09

That's all it is. It's the "teen" tag.

Once shes 18 , it wont bother you so much.

And really...who cares what people say? So long as your happy.....

SG81

iTrader: (1)

since she's a minor, is it legal in NC? if it is legal, then who cares.

i'm 28 and my gf is 24, so ya

invisiblewar

you look like a creeper

sho_nuff1997

iTrader: (2)

Like other's have said, it's the "teen" stigma that makes it seem weird. Once you get older it doesn't matter. I'm almost 32, and my g/f just turned 26. If we were dating when I was 20, that would not have been cool.

Scottman111

Pervert!

sixsixfour

pics of the cougar?

SG81

iTrader: (1)

and i was going to give you seconds

subinf

Teenage years, and the years in college are hard to get through. For the most part age when you are younger isn't a big deal, but no one wants to be tied down.

Scottman111

What's the point? After 8 babies at once it's not like I would feel anything